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1. Bring your own towel. Hotel towels suck and there will never be enough for you. Be sure to hang it up when you're done.
2. If you don't have a cell phone, or access to one, then do bring a calling card. You don't want to pay for those hotel charges. Whoo!
3. Don't sit on the comforter. Most hotels only clean them 4-5 times a year, and then only if someone barfs or bleeds on them. So, if you plan on lounging around, pull the bedding off and sit on the sheets. Those were washed and bleached and put down after the last guest left.
4. If you want your sheets changed every day, let the front desk clerk know. He/She will allert the head housekeeper who will, in turn, tell the housekeeper to do it.
5. While we're on sheets. Check them when you get into the room after you check in. You never know if you got a lazy housekeeper.
6. Don't chat with the night auditor. He/She will just be polite and listen to you, but they have a lot of crap to do and don't need to listen to you ramble on about the weather or some other nonsense.
7. Don't leave cash lying around the room. While most housekeepers are honest, you never know. Also, a lot of housekeepers do get tipped, and they may misconstrue your 5 dollar bill next to the ash tray as a gratuity.
8. Don't leave anything behind! Trust me, it's not worth the effort trying to get it back. Also, a lot of housekeepers do pocket stuff and don't tell the boss about it. This causes me many headaches.
9. Cell Phone chargers always get left behind. Don't forget yours. (We have a huge bag full of the at the hotel.)
10. If you do bring some bedding or pillow or something, try to not bring your favourite. If it gets lost, you won't feel as bad.
11. Ninjas are cool
12. Remember to respect other hotel guests. If you're up late and not doing anything that needs to be clandestine (underage drinking or somesuch) go to a Denny's or something and be as loud as you want. The other guests will appreciate it.
13. If you plan on smoking pot in your room, at least put a wet towel under the door. We can smell it.
14. Don't clog up the drive up. If you have to do something that takes time, just park and walk it. You need the exercise, tubby. There are hotel carts for unloading your car. Sheesh.
15. Yes, we can hear you having sex in the next room. Hope you're having fun. Sounds like it.
16. Booze is your friend.
17. Don't shout down the hallways. Most of the sound comes into the room through the door.
18. The fitness center is not a jungle gym. Don't entertain your children there.

Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | 

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1. Don't leave your party trash in the hallway. Seriously, I still don't get why people do this. Talk about no class.
2. If the desk clerk tells you the hotel is sold out... IT IS SOLD THE FRICK OUT! Don't keep asking whether or not there is a room available. THERE ISN'T. Also, if one hotel is sold out, most in the area probably are too, and the desk clerk is far too busy dealing with a full house than to know whether or not there is a hotel with availability nearby. So don't ask about that either. Seriously, just say "thanks" and leave. Don't argue. We're not racist or anything else. We WANT YOUR MONEY, so we have no reason to turn you away unless we can see that you're strapped, fool. So stop with that "man, you racist" bullsheat.
3. If the desk clerk tells you that, in order to do something, he/she needs a deposit, don't freak out. The deposit is refundible. Look up the word in a dictionary. You'd be suprised at its definition, methinks.
4. That stuff that's "free" in the hotel is and isn't. Yes, it's not directly part of the bill, but it does add to the cost of the hotel room, thus driving the minimum rate higher. Also, with all the cool, free stuff, the hotel is in higher demand and, once they've met cost, everything else is profit, so they'll suck every red cent out of you.
5. Dogs are cool and, if you're lucky enough, your hotel might allow you to keep a pet with you (in a non-smoking room even!), but please, PLEASE, don't leave the animal alone in the room all day. Yeah, it's more humane than locking it up in your car, but that doesn't mean it isn't a danger to hotel employees and guests. Also, the dog is lonely and will bark all day which, just like sex, the rest of the guests can hear.
6. Don't take pictures of yourself in the opposite sex's clothing and stick it under the door of high school boys or girls. I might have to hit you with a pipe, and that wouldn't feel so good for you, would it?
7. Yeah, your pimped out ride is sweet, but the rest of us could care less how much noise it can make with either stereo or by the spinning of wheels while in place. So don't.
8. Also, don't drag race in the parking lot. You might hit some old lady and end up in jail. Besides, I'm awake while you're asleep and might just slash those $600 tires, jackhole.
9. The cops in town are my buddies. We chat at night and generally keep things cool around town. Piss me off and I'll have them here in two minutes. I'll let your "recreational drug use" slide unless you try some stupid crap with me.
10. Don't try and rob me. (see above)
11. I will not give you a discount for using the hotel room for an hour to do whatever it is you want to do (be it animal vegetable or mineral). Start dealing with paying full price for messing up my sheets.
12. I can and will give you 17 wakeup calls per night if you are a jerk.
13. Prostitues are ugly and full of VDs. Don't let them touch me!
14. Blah blah blah.
15. I don't care if you're a regular. I treat everyone the same: like they're inferior beings.

Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | 

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From my fast food days--
If you order a cheeseburger, there's no need to specify that you want cheese on it. Similarly, if you order a "plain hamburger", there's no need to add "with nothing on it".

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Posts: 1114 | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | 

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Somewhere, this turned from honest tips for KamaCon visitors to ranting about the stupidity of most hotel guests.

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Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000  |  IP: Logged | 

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10) Ninjas are cool
11) Remember to respect other hotel guests.

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Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | 

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You wound me

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Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | 

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We're not racist or anything else. We WANT YOUR MONEY, so we have no reason to turn you away unless we can see that you're strapped, fool. So stop with that "man, you racist" bullsheat.

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Posts: 2804 | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | 

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Sometimes minorities will even pull the race card. As we all know, there's no way of winning that argument. You can spend all day getting defensive and telling them about your black and asian friends and your Filipino adopted kid or your donation to the UNCF, but it will never be enough to convince them. All it does is take the conversation away from needing their ID, which is all part of their cunning plan.

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Posts: 3293 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged |