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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » The monkey's paw -- a game (Page 5)

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Author Topic: The monkey's paw -- a game
Vadon
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For both of you... Granted, however to get them back, you real cars will be transformed into your old collections.

My wish, jeeze I'm running low... That I could have my own soldering iron.

(I'm tired of stealing my father's)

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Bob_Scopatz
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You have your Hot Wheels collection. Your toddler nearly chokes on one and you spend the night answering questions in the Emergency Room.

Vadon: Because its yours and you don't have to be so careful and paranoid about it, you leave your soldering iron on and burn down your parent's house.

I wish I had the game ball from when Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points in a single game.

[ September 28, 2004, 10:09 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

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Vadon
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Granted, but when you get the ball, it pops.

I wish Bill Gates (Well, all of microsoft) will be found guilty of having a monopoly. ^_^

[ September 29, 2004, 12:00 AM: Message edited by: Vadon ]

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Toretha
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*points* no one ever granted sndrakes. Despite it being very far behind...

quote:
I wish my papers would file themselves, neatly and in a way that makes it easy to find the articles I want when I need them.
Granted! however the genie that grants the wish can only speak arabic, so although the articles come easily to hand you cannot read a word of them.

ok, back to whatever wish was last.

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skillery
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quote:
...will be found guilty of having a monopoly
But now the court dockets are so full of Microsoft appeals that all the other monopolies are getting away with murder.

I wish my wife hadn't volunteered me and my truck to help the white trash people move out of their apartment.

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Kwea
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Your wife leaves you and move in with them, taking your truck with her.

After making you move her in with them.

I wish I was in good shape (fitness wise).

[ September 29, 2004, 12:21 AM: Message edited by: Kwea ]

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T_Smith
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You are buff, you are ripped, you are exactly what women want in a man. You are perfection incarnate. However, your wife knows the old you too well, and could never believe you could look like this. At first she puts out a missing persons report, then a restraint order on you for stalking her, and finally she gives up hope on finding you again and moves in with her mother.

I wish for an exciting job.

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Shigosei
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Congratulations! The nuclear bomb squad is glad to have you aboard!

I wish that I would stop forgetting to put a wish.

[ September 29, 2004, 01:10 AM: Message edited by: Shigosei ]

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T_Smith
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Uh... I wish for an exciting safe job.
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Hobbes
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Your wish, not yours T, is granted, you now add your heartfelt wish onto everything you say, including when you say hello to that guys you've had your eye on. Needless to say your popularity drops about as a fast a fish out a plane. Good luck winning him over now! [Evil Laugh]

Hmm, perhaps I got a little too into that.

I wish for proper perspective.

Hobbes [Smile]

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T_Smith
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Congratulations, Hobbes, you can now draw in 3 dimensions... just not very well.

I wish for some skills.

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Hobbes
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Congratulations Nate, you're now the proud owner of the new skill brand tool set. It's a shame that it literally cost an arm and a leg to purchase them.

I wish for courage.

Hobbes [Smile]

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T_Smith
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Silly Lion, you've had it all this time...

Actually, you get a Courage the cowardly dog stuffed animal.

I wish for a pepsi right now.

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skillery
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quote:
I wish for a pepsi right now
A Pepsi suddenly appears in your hand as you are being interviewed for VP of sales at the CocaCola corporation.

I wish I had season 3 of Lost in Space on DVD.

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T_Smith
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You get it... but there are NO SPECIAL FEATURES!! MUAHAHAHAH! Joking. I pass. Someone else do it.
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Hobbes
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You recieve the DVDs only to discover that they've all been redone by an Italian film maker who thinks 8-1/2 was a crowd-pleaser.

I wish for 8-1/2 on DVD.

Hobbes [Smile]

[ September 29, 2004, 01:43 AM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]

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Sunil
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You get it, but as when you watch it Fellini climbs out of the TV like that girl from The Ring and kills you.

I wish I was murdered by a nun.

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Sunil
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OK, here's my real one:

You watch your DVD with a friend (who's elitist and only watches DVDs). Unbeknownst to you, this friend is a mad scientist. He hates the movie so much that he invents a time machine and kills Fellini's mother (ala Terminator) thereby preventing the movie from ever being made.

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Tatiana
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Skittles! <conspiratorial grin>
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Alucard...
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This needs a slight nudge...

quote:
I wish I was murdered by a nun.
As you drive home wondering why your wish did not come true, you realize that your brakes are not working as you descend this rather tight and twisting downhill country road. Then you recall the rather strange greasemonkey working in the garage where you thought you'd save a few bucks. You then conclude that this was no greasemonkey at all but a rather disenchanted nun who has been down on her luck and took a job as a mechanic in her cousin's shop. After years of dedication to the Church, she had little interest in automobiles, but needed the money since her Diocese had gone bankrupt from all the lawsuits concerning patriarchial abuse. So in her attempt at being a mechanic the first day, she forgets to tighten down the suspending bolt on your rotor that compresses the disc, thereby slowing the vehicle. As you lumber down the road, the bolt continues to loosen and loosen until it falls out. As this horrible turn of events comes to light in the last few brief seconds of your life, your car careens off a guard rail, becomes airborne, and flips over the rail and plummets to the ground hundreds of feet below, erupting into an orange ball of flame.

Hell of a way to be killed by a nun.

I wish I could have said that in a shorter and less descriptive way.

[ September 29, 2004, 08:46 AM: Message edited by: Alucard... ]

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Fyfe
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Granted. Now your post says, "You get killed sort of indirectly by a nun." Bob is so enraged at your failure to do the thing right that he arranges for the long version of the nun death to happen to you.

I wish I could go back in time and talk to Oscar Wilde.

Jen

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Frisco
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Granted. Unfortunately, it's just after he's out of prison and contracted meningitis, and all he does is bitch and moan.



I wish I didn't have ADD.

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Eruve Nandiriel
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Granted. Unfortunately, the Genie gets his letters mixed up, and now you have no DAD, and you are never born.

I wish I had a pencil that never ran out of lead.

[ September 29, 2004, 10:36 AM: Message edited by: Eruve Nandiriel ]

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Frisco
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Granted. Unfortunately, pencils write with graphite, so what you have is a very tiny paperweight.


I wish I was Bruce Campbell.

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katharina
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Granted. Unfortunately, you switched places with a Bruce Campbell imitator years ago and then burned up the paperwork to prove your identity.

I wish I could draw.

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Turgan
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Granted. Unfortunately, all you can draw is 70 year old male genitalia.

I wish i could fly.

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skillery
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quote:
I wish i could fly
...you become airborne every time granny pinches your little tushy.

I wish the neighbor's dog would doodle in its own yard.

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Turgan
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Granted. Unfortunately, the neighbors horse begins to doodle in your yard.

I wish i had about 400 dollars to balance my bank account out and pay for college.

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skillery
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quote:
I wish i had about 400 dollars to balance my bank account out and pay for college.
Your $400 gets you two week's tuition at Ringling Bros. Clown College.

I wish it was Christmas.

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Turgan
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Granted. But, unfortunately, your tree sets aflame and burns your house down. oh yeah, and you forget how to breathe.

I wish I had Fable.

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dabbler
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Granted. Your X-box breaks, all the stores are on back-order, and your friends who have x-boxes are nowhere to be found.

I wish I owned a complete collection of goth-electronica-industrial CDs.

[ September 29, 2004, 12:42 PM: Message edited by: dabbler ]

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Annie
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You get the entire collection of CDs you've always dreamed of... when you marry Marilyn Manson's illegitimate less-handsome son Marv.

I wish I could find my purse!

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peterh
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Your purse is found with everything still there and one new item: diarrhea.

I wish I didn't have to eat to stay alive.

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kaioshin00
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Granted. You are turned into a photosynthesizing leaf.

I wish I could snap my fingers and make chocolate.

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Turgan
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Granted. Unfortunately, your fingers break, never to be healed before you can do this amazing feat.

I wish i didn't have to urinate so badly.

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Turgan
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*bump*
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skillery
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quote:
I wish i didn't have to urinate so badly.
<drip> <drip> Luckily an Amway salesman rings your doorbell and offers you a complementary bottle of carpet shampoo.

I wish the Cub Scouts weren't so rowdy.

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Dan_raven
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Granted, now what do you do with a room full of comatose cub scouts?

I wish I had $10,000,000 in my bank account.

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Little_Doctor
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It is wired to you by a Columbian Drug Lord, and you are caught by the FBI.

I wish my wishes could not go bad.

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Dan_raven
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Your wishes do not go bad, but go very very good. However, since your wishes are for selfish reasons, that means that you are bad, and your wishes do the good thing and inflict heavy irocal lessons upon your person as fitting punnishment.

I wish I had a job where I was respected by my bosses.

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sarcasticmuppet
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Done. You got the "Cleanest Toilet" Award every month for the past year.

I wish I had straight As in all my classes.

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Elizabeth
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Got them.
You will now take classes exclusively with Oakland A's players who are not gay.

My wish:
I want to have a body like Linda hamilton in Terminator 2.

[ September 29, 2004, 04:33 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]

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Sunil
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You get one (in the mail). The police suspect you of murder.

I wish that my wish would not come true.

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skillery
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quote:
I want to have a body like Linda hamilton in Terminator 2
You get that body by doing pullups on an up-ended bed in the psycho ward. You also inherited a droning, monotonous voice...like dashed, yellow highway median lines.

I wish I had a bicycle like Cousin Hobbes'.

[ September 29, 2004, 05:03 PM: Message edited by: skillery ]

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Hobbes
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Done, you now have both the bike, and the unfortunate appearnce of our friend, Cousin Hobbes.

I wish that I didn't skip lunch today.

Hobbes [Smile]

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mr_porteiro_head
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quote:
I wish that my wish would not come true.
*Granted*

I wish that I had a photographic memory.

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skillery
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quote:
the unfortunate appearance of our friend, Cousin Hobbes
That would be an upgrade in my case. Thanks!

quote:
I wish that I didn't skip lunch today.
You're in luck. There's some leftover creamed tuna on toast in the cafeteria.

I wish my wife hadn't assigned me to haul the Halloween decorations down from the attic.

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the master
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granted, too bad you can't stop thinking about a clockwork orange.

granted. you will arrive home to find your wife crushed beneath a pile of decorations. she'll never ask for anything again.

i wish my dissertation was done.

[ September 29, 2004, 05:09 PM: Message edited by: the master ]

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mr_porteiro_head
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I'ts done. It's so bad that you are deomoted to "the bachelor".

I wish I could always see next week's stock prices.

[ September 29, 2004, 05:18 PM: Message edited by: mr_porteiro_head ]

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the master
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granted. however, the trip to the far side of the moon required to view the future allows you to neither return or communicate with earth fast enough to act on this information.

i wish i had a fatter cat.

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