posted
Rumors are high that something amazing will be pulled out of the air to help tip the scales towards a Bush re-election. Columnists are writing about it, websites are betting on it, Democrats are dreading it. What will it be?
Osama bin Laden will be captured
Bush bodily ascends to heaven during campaign speech
A new attack by al Qaeda
A new war front in Iran / Israel / North Korea
Receipt found in Saddam's holdings, proves that Osama was a "Featured Customer" and eligible for terrorist discounts and super savings on discontinued weaponry
A shocking and somehow never-before-mentioned revelation about John Kerry
Osama bin Laden captured while leading troops in Palestine
WMDs found in Iraq
John Edwards revealed to be demon, killed by Buffy on Election Day
Osama bin Laden captured while egging Tony Blair's house
Elections suspended due to emergency situation
Teresa Heinz Kerry permitted to speak in public the night before, with cameras present
"This Way to the Polls" signs posted to point offshore, thousands of Floridians drowned
Osama bin Laden captured during Anti-Bush protest 16 miles away from presidential appearance
All taxes cut, let's see Kerry talk around that!
STAR WARS-offshoot invention allows satellites to focus gentle, holy ray of sunlight on Bush during speaking engagements as subtle reminder of just Who favors whom
Terrorist attempt to delay elections
Voting machines rise up, begin shooting Democrats. Independents and third party voters left alive, as curiosities
Unemployment rates drop to lowest level in 21 years as workforce drops out of unemployment lines to just give up and die
Keeping with a winning strategy, the U.S. invades Iraq again
Kerry finally realizes what he'll be stuck with if he wins, quits race and ruins off screaming into the night
Bush declares "Anyone voting against us is voting for the terrorists" -- terrorists go on to win the popular vote but lose in electoral
Poll workers ordered to begin recounts now, to save time
Osama bin Laden captured while murdering babies in back office of Kerry campaign
Gas prices drop a nickel
What do you think? Place your bets now, we're in the home stretch!
[ October 03, 2004, 08:13 PM: Message edited by: Chris Bridges ]
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
Maybe just a commercial with Bush standing next to Saddam's cell, pointing at it and going, "Huh? Huh? Pretty cool, right?"
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
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VP Dick Cheney speaks out the week before the election on the importance of allowing the states to decide their own stance on gay marriage even as his daughter announces her joyeous conversion, through therapy, Bible study, and methadone, to heterosexuality. Win-win.
[ October 04, 2004, 09:25 AM: Message edited by: Chris Bridges ]
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posted
Mt St Helens will erupt big-time (not these puny puffs) and the Forest Service servers will be overloaded from all the people watching it, and Kerry will win the election because he campaigns for more money for the Forest Service Servers.
posted
Scandal insues after it is revealed the Kerry campaign awarded no-bid contracts to Heinz Ketchup for fundraisers.
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Mt. Saint Helens could only help Bush, as the Hurricanes in Florida have. A president can give aid and stuff; a candidate can only walk around looking solemn. How can Kerry compete?
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quote:John Edwards revealed to be demon, killed by Buffy on Election Day
Edwards does have that Wolfram and Hart quality to him. And we all know that is Angel's territory, not Buffy's.
Posts: 1592 | Registered: May 2000
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posted
Personally, I believe that the best way to settle the election is have a nation-wide game of counter-strike, republicans vs. democrats... Which ever side ends out at the end, has their representative win...
But, I have a question, what if no one voted? absolutely no one. Would it be a tie and both win, causing them both to lead? There couldn't exactly be a re-count.
Out of the choices, I believe gas prices will drop a nickle.
Posts: 1831 | Registered: Jan 2003
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In the still real possibility of a tie, it goes to the house, so no, both wouldn't lead, but it would cause a problem as to who would be able to be elected by the house since there isn't a top anything canidate since they all have no votes and there are more than three canidates that would reach a ballot somewhere.
Posts: 3446 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Following orders from the Vice President's office, and siting evidence that must remain top-secret, John Kerry's appointed Secret Service Gaurd, now part of Homeland Security, arrest Senator Kerry as a "terrorists supporter" and lock him away until the "war on terror" is over.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
A shocking new photo is released (probably by CBS): John Kerry with one arm slung companionably around Saddam Hussein, the other around Osama Bin Ladin, pictured kneeling in front of this happy group are Hitler and Darth Vader.
Posts: 48 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
John Kerry, John Edwards and the Governor of New Jersey all come out of the closet (the third one again I guess) and proclaim their love of each other and invite George and Dick to join in the first all male Polygamous Homosexual White House.
Then they will take turns being President 1 of the 5 days of the week and the others will be the "first men" and on Saturdays and Sundays they'll all dress up as "first ladies".
quote:A shocking new photo is released (probably by CBS): John Kerry with one arm slung companionably around Saddam Hussein, the other around Osama Bin Ladin, pictured kneeling in front of this happy group are Hitler and Darth Vader.
No, that's the Fox News picture. CBS will release a picture of Bush with Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell sitting in the Oval Office with a Bible, a copy of the Constitution, and a gallon of White-Out.
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
It's not a made up name. That's what it's being referred to as, the "October Surprise". That's what the media calls it. The phrase goes back to the Reagan/Carter election of 1980.
Posts: 236 | Registered: Sep 2004
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