posted
I have never understood people who have these long messages on their machines...first they say their name, then their number, then tell people that they are not able to answer the phone (duh...otherwise you would not be talking to the answering machine) and then say that they will get back to you if you leave a message (umm...isn't that the point of an answering machine).
I like short and simple "This is steve's phone, please leave a message"
I also had a friend that used the message "I'll beep, you talk" I liked that one as well.
So what's on your machine?
Posts: 1901 | Registered: May 2004
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ooooh, I like that. I'll probably have to steal it someday.
My current message is short, not here, leave message, but I used to do things that made me laugh. I dunno if they ever made other people laugh, but I thought they were funny, and that's what counts.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I had a friend who would routinley call his answering machine just so he could listen to the latest version of his own hilarity. I think he got for more calls from him than everyone else put together. He's do all of the joke messages (he bought one of those books with all sorts of comical answering machine messages in it). He also used TV to come up with a few, George from Sienfeld had one he used (where George sings "George isn't at home, where could I be? ..."). He'd also sometimes do entire renditions of pop songs, including instumental background.
posted
A friend of mine just has a recording of himself playing a note on his banjo. I've always liked that one.
I would really like to win a Wait Wait Don't Tell Me quiz and have Carl Kassal record my answering machine message.
The "I'll beep you talk" bit sounds a bit too cutsy for my tastes, somehow. I can't imagine a universe in which I would use it.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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I called my bother-in-law once and got his machine. His message this funny (so he thought -- he was wrong) story that took about 5 minutes. I waited through the whole thing, and the first thing I said in my message was "I will never listen to that long message again. Next time I want to leave you a message, if you still have that same message, I will hang up and not bother leaving you a message. If you want to receive any messages from me, you will not try to force me to listen to that again."
I didn't expect him to change it, but he did.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
My answering machine currently is half-covered in papers and Poland Spring seltzer bottles (lime flavor). This is because it sits on my roommate's desk, which only gets cleared of the aforementioned bottles when they number above 25.
The message is the default robotic voice saying "No one is available to answer your call. Please leave a message after the tone." I never got around to recording a message after our last phone died, and my roommate refuses to record a message himself. Maybe I'll do it while he isn't at home....
My parents' phone message: "You have reached [number]. We can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number we'll get back to you as soon as we can." Which would be fine, but it's the message I recorded for them 6 YEARS AGO. They refuse to change it. So, when I call my parents, I sometimes get myself.
Posts: 54 | Registered: Sep 2004
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" Hello, this is Rob and Jenni's refidgerator. The answering machine ran off with the modem, so if you leave a message at the beep, and talk really slowly, I'll write it down and stick it to myself with one of my nifty magnets....beep..."
I use to put " Hello,, this is Rob. I am either not home, or screening my messages..and you won't ever know which of those are true. Leave a message at the beep....beeep..."
posted
I try to keep mine short and to the point. I hate long messages. I used to try different funny messages, or what I imagined were funny, but these days I don't bother. Such things are never funny more than once anyway.
A friend of mine likes to put on really long, rambling messages that detail all the things he might be doing that are keeping him from answering the phone, followed by different kinds of instructions based on what kind of person you are (a friend, a bill collector, a hot babe, and so on). He intends all this to be humorous, but actually it's just tedious. It's so tedious that I refuse to leave a message. If I call him, and he's not home, the hell with him.
Posts: 1814 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
my sister just used "Hello?". It was funny, people would call, and you would hear them say "Hello? Katy? I think we got disconnected..... Are you there?"
Posts: 208 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
Verily, I agree. That reminds me. This is what I hate the most...
[Recorded woman's voice] Your call has been forwarded by an automatic messagig system...
"John Smith"...
is not available. At the tone, please leave your message. When you have finished recording, hang up, or press the pound key for additional options. To leave a call-back number, press 1. Or simply just--
AAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!
I usually hang up by that point.
Posts: 236 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
We don't have a home phone anymore, but when we did, I had various messages, like...
Hi, you've reached Name. This is not a business, this is a personal residence. No, this is not the Dollar Tree, Dairy Queen, an equipment company, or any other business--and no, the Mayers do NOT live here. If you called for ME, please leave a message.
The above is kind of a hybrid of two different versions. Tons of businesses had misprinted using our number. Sheesh.
And this one:
Hi, You've reached Name and Name. If you want to talk to us, you'll leave a message.
I hate hangup calls and collectors, so I didn't answer the phone.
When I was a kid, a friend of mine and I recorded a version of the Animaniacs song (that I wrote) for my mom's message. If I could remember it, I'd share it.. oh well...
I won a Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me quiz, so my answering machine is Carl Kassal from NPR telling people I can't answer the phone. The script goes like this:
"Nathan is not able to answer his telephone today. He is expected to return by the end of the day and callers may contact him by leaving a message after the tone. For NPR news in Washington, I'm Carl Kassal."
Posts: 894 | Registered: Apr 2000
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posted
My family had an Elvis impersonator on ours while I was growing up. It was a basic "du-op" riff with the follwing "song" and we would get tons of people calling just to listen to it. Especially funny would be when someone from some office would call and leave a message and then we'd get 10-15 hang-up messages in the next few minutes -- obviously they spread the word and had everyone in the office call to hear it. . . .
Hello the Camps are in the shower I just now passed them by So leave-a your name and number and they'll call you when they get dry. When you hear the tone Just begin the telephone. . . . .unh!
It's funnier when you hear it -- I will give you that.
Posts: 1323 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
Mine is long and annoying, just the way I like it. It is a thirty second snippet from an episode of sports night. ALmost everyone who leaves me a message laughs at it, with the exception of my parents, who find it obnoxious to have anything other than, hello leave a message, on the phone.
posted
Mine is pretty boring (something like - I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a messege and I'll return your call as soon as possible) since my cell phone is also used for my work, I figure it has to be somewhat professional.
My brother currently has a really funny one. It goes something like this: "You have reached JonPhone! If you'd like a salad, press 1. If you'd like a taco, press 2. If you'd like pizza, press 3. *pause* You have selected Russian mail-order bride! *beep*"
posted
Back before he had caller ID my bother used to use his answering machine to screen calls. I guess many people did this, but he was totally unappologetic about it. His message went something like this:
"Hi, you've reached John. I probably am home right now, and as soon as I hear your voice I'm going to have a decision to make..."
[ October 08, 2004, 02:05 PM: Message edited by: Vera ]
Posts: 96 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
In the distant past (name where this came from)
"Congratulations, by calling this number you have started an irreversible process that will inevitably destroy the world. Have a nice day."
In the past:
"You've reached Feyd's apartment. Odds are I'm here, but avoiding someone I really don't wish to talk to. Leave a message at the tone, and if I don't call back, it's you."
Current:
"You've reached Feyd's apartment. Just for clarification neither Tony or Susan live here, nor is is this a doctor's office. If you still wish to leave a message, you may so after the tone."
For the future:
"Hello. The machine answering this call is connected to a 5000 volt power supply, which is wired to this small kitten. *mew* If you hang up before you leave a message *mew*, it will complete the circuit and well... The choice is your's really... *mew*"
posted
Mine is boring. "Hello, you're at Anna and Vincent's place, we can't answer right now but you can leave a message after the beep". Only of course it's in French. I wonder how many messages we would have if it was in English. Probably none. Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
My message at one point when celia called: "Hi Jamie, I'm in a movie right now, but I'll call you back in about 2 hours or so. I really do hope I remember to change this message."
She laughed at that.
I change my message every day, it seems, depending on what I'm doing at the point where my cell phone is off.
My friend from school went to a book signing and got the guy to do his answering machine. I forgot the guys name, but it was the B movie actor with a big chin, who was signing his book when it came out. Feel free to nod as if you understand exactly what I'm saying.
Posts: 9754 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
We have different messages play based on the phone number that's calling.... useful when we need to give someone a message. The main recording, though, is just a lame text file read by the computer. Laaame. We recorded all sorts of sound files to use as a randomly-generated mad libs style message, but we got stuck on how to make the Applescript play out the right USB port.
My favorite message was when we were getting a lot of calls for some woman named Rosemary Goodwin. I recorded a message in "Rosemary Goodwin's" voice, which sounded similar to when Homer impersonates Mr. Burns. Posts: 1681 | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
Currently mine is pretty boring. "Hi, this is Danzig. I'm not here right now, so please leave a message."
I might change it to, "This is Danzig. Either I have crashed, or my phone has. If your message will still matter tomorrow, please leave it."
Posts: 281 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
You could say "This is Danzig. I'm here, but I'm not answering the phone because I'm avoiding my answering landmark." Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
I used to have a "hello? HELLO!?" message, but I ended up changing it after I got too many death threats.
One of my friends has a great one, though, that she got off her computer, called "Irish Answering Machine". It's this guy doing a really cheesy Irish accent, saying something along the lines of:
"Hello and thank ya for callin'. I'm not at home right now, or I'm at the pub, or answering the call of nature. It's not in my nature to miss your call, so leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible."
In which it cuts out and you hear a strong female voice go, "You've reached Kristen's cell." It always makes me laugh, because it sounds like a robot.
Posts: 873 | Registered: Apr 2003
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