posted
I told my therapist yesterday that I don't know what I want right now. I don't. I don't know what it is I want from anyone. I tried venting a few times in my journal this week and got all depressed because no one responded. But then I feel like if any of the people I usually chat with give me a *hug* I will bite their head off. So I don't know what I want or need from my friends right now.
Acknowledgement, yeah. Sympathy, not really. I know I don't want any more demands placed on me. I think what I really want is to relax and have fun and LAUGH. Jean asked me if I was getting depressed about Valentine's coming up, and I am a bit, but it;s not because I am single but because I don't have a really good friend right now. I have friends I like and get along with, but I don't have anyone to laugh like mad with, or who I can call up and cry with. I really miss that right now.
I am having a minor panic attack because I am supposed to be in a chat room talking about this story I am involved with and I don't want to do it because it's just another demand I don't have energy for. And everyone involved story is always laughing together and I am never a part of it because I think their humor is childish and immature. I really need to find more like-minded people. This is why I am going to rejoin Mensa in March, when they have their membership drive. Mom said I can borrow her car to go to the monthly meetings.
But yeah, I could either use a really good cry right now, or a really good laugh.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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quote:Sounds like a spreadsheet getting used where a database might be more appropriate.
It uses data from a database and puts it in a nice format for them. But yeah, this one tab they use that OMG LIKE AFFECTS EVERY OTHER TAB OMG is formatted in such a stupid way. It's tracking headcount, and we end up with multiple lines for each person because they move departments or leave the sector or what not. And then I end up updating the wrong line and it gets to be such a mess and there's GOT to be a better way of doing this. The rest of the spreadsheet is actually quite well done, but the Detail tab is a nightmare.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
I was thinking at the very least I'd write some VBA script to automate most of the process so there was less chance of typoes.
But that's for the future. Tomorrow, I just want to finish the frelling thing. And then I get to move on and do the rest of the spreadsheets that are overdue because they require data from this one. Woo. Am so far behind.
Supervisor really is very supportive, though. I worry a bit about the people I am actually doing the work for being upset, but honestly, they would likely be in the same boat if they had just hired someone off the street. This stuff is NOT easy.
Good news is that it really should get easier next month. A lot of the issues this time around had to do with getting it prepared for the new year--of which there were no procedures for. Good thing I'm so intuitive and able to figure things out on my own.
Also, sup-I-like is already talking to sup-nobody-likes about getting me more money. Yay!
And I am venting all over the place now. But it's either this or go crazy. This is helping--I'm not curled up in a tight little ball anymore, though I still feel very frazzled.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
That reminds me of that cartoon about the kitten that adopts the bulldog and then he hides it in the flour bin and the housewife makes cookies. I don't know why.
Posts: 2010 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Xnera, I know you're not up to human interaction at the moment, but when things settle down a bit and you feel up to it, would you like to try and coordinate lunch downtown? Get both of us out of our offices and into the fresh air for a bit, even if it means brownbagging and parking our butts at Millenium or something?
Posts: 4515 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
The google ad below is for gay alcoholics anonymous.
(((xnera)))
I understand of not being around like minded people. And there is something to be said for friends you can hang out with and do things with in person, sometimes online contact, great as the people are, is not enough.
I hope you start feeling better soon.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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In other news, I think I FINALLY got the spreadsheet to balance out, so I am feeling better now. I was very tired when I came into work this morning, though; it was hard to get started.
The benefit to being so busy at work, though, is the day goes extremely fast. I can't believe it's lunch time already.
Also, the new team leader is a real peach. So very friendly. I love her. She's new, too--came on board when I did. Frankly, I don't think I'd be holding up as well if I still was dealing with the old team lead. I knew her a bit and she always struck me as a tough cookie who wasn't very approachable.
Goody, I'd love to get together sometimes for lunch. I'll let you know when I'm available. Right now I'm still too busy to say if I will have time this week.
Today is PB&J, rootbeer, and Janet Evanovich. Yay!
(bunnies, bunnies, it must be bunnies!)
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Perhaps I need to start talking about Mormon Singles. Or, let's see, what was the other one? Biker attire?
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
I gmailed your number to myself, so you can delete that now, Goody.
And omg, there really is an ad for that thing that people said there was an ad for. I was thinking there were two different ads, but nope, just one. How odd. But it's still not ads about fluffy bunnies and cuddly kitties and cute puppy dogs that are so unbalanced on their oversized paws they go crashing into the wall when they run because they can't quite put the breaks on.
I am mood swinging these days, which should pass in a few days, but it is still not fun to go from bouncing with squee to feeling overcome with stress in a few minutes.
Today I thought of two things.
First: this spreadsheet feels like those bosses that keep coming back in the Final Fantasy series. You know, the ones that when you see them you scream out "HAVEN'T I KILLED YOU THREE TIMES ALREADY?" It's the spreadsheet that refuses to die! And since all bosses have a name, I decided the spreadsheet should have one, too. So I named it Seymour, because just like Seymour in FFX, it started out all sexy and alluring with its slick pivot tables and shiny graphs, but eventually became ugly and rather creepifyin'.
I am proud to report that Seymour (the spreadsheet, not the FFX character) finally went down at 11:34 this morning. Woohoo!
I also thought that while things may be tough right now, I am, for the most part, doing well. There were times when a situation like this would have me wishing to be elsewhere. I'd want to quit my job and find something better, or I'd completely shut down and find myself unable to work. That's not happening here. I'm tired, but I'm doing what needs to be done, and I don't feel like fleeing (though I do have a bit of a cocooning urge right now). I find myself wanting to STAY in this job, which is not something I'm used to feeling. And I think it's because I know for a fact that this tough period is only temporary. Give me a few months, and I'll have it all down and I won't have to work overtime to get everything done. That's not something I could say about past jobs--because with past jobs, I never knew what was coming down the line. I could keep imagining that it would get worse and worse as bigger and bigger things were demanded of me until it became too much and I couldn't do it.
It's weird, because I always though I was someone who wanted flexibility. I do still like the idea of having more flexible working hours, but to my surprise, I find myself really enjoying the scheduled, orderly nature of my current job. It really is just a bunch of reports that are due at various times during the month. And maybe that's what I really need right now, especially since my life has been so topsy-turvy over the last few years.
So yeah, I'm a bit stressed out and tired at the moment, but underneath it all I feel pretty good. Just, sometimes I need to vent. But then we all do sometimes.
posted
Today I am battling another spreadsheet which I have lovingly named Yunalesca. Yunalesca is impossible to beat--until you learn her trick, and then she's merely very, very tough.
Yunalesca is due at 2 p.m. EST today, so I got started as soon as I walked in this morning. Opened the template, connected to Essbase, attempted to retrieve data--and got errors.
So I check out the help site and see it's a normal error, and to "try again later". I know they're doing lots of calcs on the Essbase cube today, so I wait ten minutes and try again. This time I do not get any errors. It acts like it is retreiving data, because there's the computer on the pipeline image, but I just get zeroes.
WTF?
So I try loading the 2004 data just to prove I can get some data, which I can. A few more tries at the 2005 data, and nada. I then call the help desk, and am informed that the data I am looking for hasn't been loaded yet, and I can't beat Yunalesca without it.
So now I get to inform my team leader that this report is likely to be late for the second month in a row. At least it's because of circumstances beyond my control--again.
In the meantime, I am working on the travel report for this month. Now, last year my company switched their ledger data over to a new database schema (they're still using DB2 tables, but the table layout is a bit new). That was back in 1Q, but the old tables remained available for use throughout the end of the year. Everyone was supposed to translate their queries to pull from the new tables, which they had over a year to do. You would think that the guy I replaced would have translated his queries at some time. Nope.
The old tables were sunset at the end of January. So I get to waste my time translating some queries now for a report that is wanted Real Soon Now. And I'm supposed to do this and about five other reports that are past due because their queries aren't working correctly because the frelling procedures haven't been updated in a year.
If you hear some insane laughter coming from the direction of downtown Chicago, that'd be me. Talk about a comedy of errors. *laughs*
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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I HAVE HAD IT WITH REPORTS NOT WORKING CORRECTLY!!!!!!!!!!!
NONE OF THEM HAVE GONE RIGHT. NONE OF THEM!
They are complaining my travel report has duplicate lines in it. WTF, man. I followed the directions EXACTLY, and it's really just a bunch of copying and pasting from one report to another. And no, I didn't hit paste twice or anything.
Now I don't know what to do with this. Besides say "Um? I don't know why it's doing that, since I just followed procedures." I'm just so bloody sick of this (and yes, I am pretending to be British, because the swear fits my mood).
I just want something to work correctly, already.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Karen, I don't understand the workflow here. Are you just massaging data -- taken from a backend database -- and moving it from one spreadsheet to another?
If so, why aren't you using scripts to do this? It seems to me that everything you've described so far could be completely automated in order to take less time and introduce less potential error.
posted
Yeah, a lot of the work involves retrieving data from various databases (DB2, Essbase, Brio, some other web-based DB that I'm not sure what it is) and manipulating it into the format they want. And yeah, a lot of it could be automated. We had this really slick spreadsheet to do miscodes (basically, a travel expense that was entered into the system incorrectly) in my old position. There was still a fair amount of copying and pasting involved, but it would match data and find the actual miscodes for you. This new position does miscodes in a completely different way, and I don't like or trust it.
If I had the time, I would be writing macros and VBA to automate a lot of this stuff. But I don't have the time right now, because I've got to get these reports finished before I can work on making them better. And it's impossible to get these reports to work, because the queries are all outdated and the table structures have changed, or the procedures just don't explain how to do a step. These are some VERY involved spreadsheets I have here, and even the most intuitive person is bound to make mistakes if the procedures don't say what the heck the report is used for or what the final result should look like. Which none of them do - they just say how to do it, and even then they leave much to be desired.
I emailed my onsite supervisor asking for help. At this point I simply am too far behind, and I need someone to either work out a few queries for me, or handle some other things while I work on the queries.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
I'm in trouble at work. I don't know how much, but I know they are not happy with how things have been going. (I knew this internally, but I overheard my supervisor talking on the phone, and I gather that there will be a meeting something soon to discuss stuff.)
I can't go through this again. I just can't. I don't know what to do.
I know what my two biggest issues are right now--not starting tasks early enough, and not staying focussed. I also feel like I've been working slowly, but I don't know if that's really true or if this stuff simply takes that long to do.
The workload difference between this position and my previous one is staggering. I know that's not helping issues. But really, it's the same old stuff that always gets me in trouble. Not allowing enough time for projects. Not staying focussed on the work. Letting my emotions get the best of me so that I *can't* focus.
How do I fix these things? Because right now I despair that I will never be an adequate employee.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Okay, I've given this some thought (and oh, how much do I love that I actually THINK about these things instead of just react emotionally to them?).
I have two choices: I can correct the issues so that they are no longer a problem, or I can seek employment elsewhere.
Well, actually, there's a third choice--I could fall apart emotionally and not fix anything and end up being fired, but gosh, I've done that twice already, and frankly I'm rather bored with it.
Ideally, I would like to solve the issues. These have been ongoing problems I've been having, and jumping to another job won't make them go away. Plus, I don't hate my job. Just today I was feeling rather happy while at work. I don't dread going to the office. I don't hate my coworkers. The work itself can be boring or frustrating, but it can also be fun, especially when I have an epiphany about how to solve a problem with a spreadsheet (like the one I had tonight as I was entering the house, which actually made me wish I was back at the office so I could test it and see if it works and FINISH THIS FRELLING THING ALREADY!). Plus, I like my cubicle, and you can't beat the downtown location.
Yeah, this job has some strikes against it, but I'd say the positives far outweight the negatives, so staying is in my best interests.
I have to update my resume anyway because we're switching consulting firms, so I think I might start looking around to see what's out there, just in case. Besides, I might find something more interesting, or that fits me better. It's also a nice backup plan in case things are worse than I think at work.
I have a question for you all: how many of you care about your work? I sometimes wonder if half my issues are caused by my natural inclination to put my emotional needs before anything else. Sometimes it feels more "important" to check my friends page or write a LiveJournal entry than it does to complete a spreadsheet. Maybe this is because the entire team I support is remote... but maybe not. Because I don't recall really caring about work in recent years. I cared about the computer lab when I first joined the staff, but towards the end of my time there I let the emotional needs of myself and others get in the way.
Maybe it's not that I don't care about the job, but that I have a hard time keeping emotions seperate. I'm much better at it now, but I still need some practice. There was a lot of tension in my personal life this past weekend, and I basically lost two days of work to it, which upsets me because if I had just distanced myself from it all for eight hours, I might have had this latest spreadsheet done already. So first thing to practice: not letting emotions overtake me.
Second thing to practice: starting jobs earlier. I have a horrible tendency to underestimate how long it will take to complete something, which means I am constantly rushing to meet deadlines and then missing them. I learned with time to double (or even triple) the travel times that Yahoo! Maps would report to me; I think I need to start doubling my estimates of how long it will take me to complete a task.
Third thing to practice--and this is stolen from Bob Scopatz, who is very wise--Enjoy it all immensely. I often procrastinate because I imagine the task ahead will be boring or frustrating, so I think a little reframing would be helpful. Most things are not COMPLETELY boring or frustrating, so if I try to focus on the good stuff about what I'm doing, maybe I will resist it less. Heck, just today I gratefully and happily spent an hour copying and pasting rows of data, which is not something I normally like, but I enjoyed it today because nothing else I was doing was working, and I just needed to complete SOMETHING to feel like I was making progress. It felt good to just work on it, even if it was mindless, because I could see the progress, and soon it was done.
Fourth thing to practice: status reports. I am not good at these, because I often feel like they're excuses and worry that I will come across as being weak or dumb when I admit that a task isn't complete yet. I remind myself now that honesty is always good. Also, to put some logic on it, writing a status report will show that I am making progress, because for all they know I could be not working on it at all, when I actually am (well, most of the time, anyway) and have merely ran into issues.
Fifth thing to practice: asking for help. There are still things I am unclear on about my new procedures, and I need to ask about them. It's also possible that if I say "Hey, I can't figure this out", that somebody WILL have the answer and can help me, rather than just struggling through it all on my own. I often do figure things out, but I could save myself some time if I asked for help sooner.
This is long already, but I have more to add. I need to tell my therapist what I need from her. I like her, but I feel like I go in every week and just spew the surface issues and she says something that makes me feel better. Truthfully, that's not what I want. I'm not going there to feel better about myself; I'm going there to resolve issues and continue growing. I feel like we're not working enough, or that she is not understanding what I'm trying to say. I need to talk to her about this so that the sessions can become more beneficial.
Finally...although I'm not really looking for another job right now, I would like to ponder what kind of job I might decide to move into. Right now I'm doing finance, which isn't so bad. I like working with Excel and producing really slick-looking reports, and I could see myself staying in something similar. But I'm also considering going back into a technical field. A friend of mine thinks I could get hired to do web programming, since I've been playing with Perl for almost a year now, and have used it to interface with AIM, MySQL, LiveJournal, and FTP. I've also used it to generate HTML. So I do have some experience with it, but I worry that it's not enough. I can write some neat code and get it to do what I want, but I'm slow sometimes because I just haven't had enough practice with it. Frankly, if I were looking to hire a Perl programmer, I would want someone with more experience than me. It's too bad I couldn't do an internship, because that would be ideal, I think.
Otherwise... well, I'm just not sure what else I would like to do. There's still the dream of writing or editing, but I'm not ready to do that, I think. Though it's something to consider. Maybe general tech support, but this doesn't interest me very much these days. Thoughts?
Okay, I've written enough, I think. Thanks for listening.
posted
I'll be brutally honest with you, since this isn't the first time you've asked this kind of question and, as a potential employer, I might be able to give you an angle on this: your skillset is a mess.
From what you've told us so far on various threads, you're a pretty decent -- but not masterful -- Excel user. Many of the things you've mentioned doing in Excel could and should be automated in better ways; I would find myself also incapable of doing your job simply because it sounds like so much of it could be replaced by macros or data integration. This is not abnormal in large corporations -- I know many, many people at many, many companies who basically spend their day massaging spreadsheets in inefficient ways -- but it's not good for long-term professional growth; it's a dead end.
You dabble in coding and web design, and have an interest in both. Six years ago, this would have guaranteed you an office job somewhere. Unfortunately, this is no longer a possibility.
You are personable and enjoy interaction, but are a bit insecure and worry constantly about failure and other people's opinions of you. You also have some trouble prioritizing. This makes administrative assistant/project manager work unlikely.
So where do you go from here? One possibility, of course, is learning more about web design and making the leap to a company that's hiring. Unfortunately, to my knowledge, most companies nowadays are not hiring inexperienced webmasters; if they let a webmaster go, they either hire someone with more experience (having been dissatisfied with the previous employee over the long run, or having discovered that they need someone with a more professional skillset) or outsource.
The second possibility, then, is outsourcing. Either try freelancing or offering your services to a consulting firm. There's still money to be made doing this kind of thing, although again it's a little late in the game unless you're able to offer something unique. I went this route myself for years until the local market dried up and I got married, which necessitated a move to a more stable career.
The third possibility, and the one I think I'd recommend to you based on what you've described so far, is that you train to become a database administrator on Oracle or MSSQL. You like spreadsheets, you'd benefit from scripting and automation, and you like working with people on your own terms. A MCDBA would go a long way, and isn't that expensive or time-consuming if you've got a basic understanding of data structures already.
The fourth possibility is that you work to impress your bosses in your current position, thus making it possible to achieve promotion to a more viable long-term position within the company. IMO, the best way for you to do this would be to become an Excel guru -- and I don't mean just mastering functions and ODBC calls. (The danger here is that you're going to have to start bringing suggestions for process improvements to people to get noticed, and that could rankle feathers if there's a long chain of command that's determined the process in the first place. You're better off establishing that you can do the work smoothly and quickly before trying to change things, unless you honestly think that you can't work smoothly and quickly until things are changed.) If you go this route, I would suggest taking your supervisor to lunch, playing politics, and saying things like, "Hey, I'm always looking for ways to improve on the job. I've been here long enough now: is there anything you'd like me to change or do differently? What am I doing right, and what would you like to see happen?" You want to move when you employ a strategy like this; you need to grab at things and claw at them and, above all, act like there are places you have to be. Once you start doing this, for better or worse, you will be a target (unless you luck out and can find a sympathetic person above you who's willing to protect you and work as a "mentor;") you need to be a moving target.
You're absolutely right that my skill set is a mess, which is why I'm having such difficulty deciding which path to take. There doesn't feel like there's any clear answer.
You know, I've never been interested in having a career, or getting promotions, or climbing the coporate ladder. I've always just wanted a job--something that will pay the bills and give me enough leftover to buy books, and maybe hire a maid (I will never be a good housekeeper). But maybe it's time to think long-term and actually work towards a career. This still doesn't excite me at all, but it sounds like the smart thing to do.
I could never be at admin assistant. I'd be horrible at it. And I also don't think this is the right time to attempt web stuff, given my lack of experience. By now, there's LOTS of people who are into web design, and they're much better at it than I am. I think I will keep it a hobby.
I hear there's room for advancement at my current job. And I don't think they would be opposed to changes in procedures or workflow. They just updated one of the spreadsheets I do to have yet additional metrics for tracking hours. And a coworker of mine is on a team that is working to automate the journaling process. So automation, macros, and better workflow would be welcome, I feel. I don't know if this would really improve my chances of advacement, but it might help.
I also think the MCDBA is worth a look, though to be honest the thought of studying doesn't excite me. But I've really enjoyed playing with my MySQL database, so maybe it wouldn't be too bad. Would you know if the MCDBA is something you need a lot of hands-on practice for? I don't know if I have the capabilities to practice for it at home.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
I don't really have much in the way of salient advice, but I have really been enjoying having a livejournal, which you got me into.
Posts: 2010 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
"Would you know if the MCDBA is something you need a lot of hands-on practice for?"
Sadly, yes. Without going through a training course, it'd probably require around four years of SQL administration experience. There's also a basic server networking requirement, which you won't pass without some experience or training.
That said, a MCDBA boot camp might be a good investment.
posted
I haven't updated this in a while, so here is an update!
I nearly lost my job. But it was due to budget cuts, not anything I did. Luckily, I was able to get a position in another division the same day I found out for sure that my job was being cut.
This new position's a LOT easier. I also get to do some training here, which is fun! I like teaching people stuff. The work can be boring, but you know? I don't care. I have a job. I almost didn't. I'll do boring stuff or stupid reports as long as I can keep getting a paycheck.
The finances are getting a lot better! I'm caught up in my mortgage and many other things. I'm now starting to save money, which is a great feeling. It's because I started saving money that the AC breaking didn't throw me into a panic, because I had the money to cover it. I had to watch my spending for a few days, but I handled it just fine. I can't tell you how good that feels. My current goal is to save three months living expenses, and then start saving up for a car.
I'm going on vacation later this month! Going to Detroit to see the Dear Friends: Music for Final Fantasy concert. I'm very excited. I'm a bit nervous about traveling on my own so I'm not sure how long I'll stay, but I'm sure I'll have a good time, even if I just go up there for the concert and come right back the next day.
Probably the BEST thing, though, is that I finally have an answer for some of the health issues I've been having. I went to the doctor last month about the rash on my legs, and also complained about other stuff: feeling dehydrated all the time but never being thirsty, gaining weight, feeling depressed, etc. We did a blood test, and it told us what I long suspected: I'm hypothyroid, and have slightly elevated cholesterol. I've been on a low dose of Synthroid for a month now, and it's already made a HUGE difference. The skin on my legs thickened and is healing faster than it was before. I'm no longer as dehydrated as I was. I actually get thirsty sometimes now! I can stomach drinking water (before, I had to force myself to do it). My hair is starting to feel silky again, instead of brittle and dry. I have more energy, and I've lost a little weight. It's like a miracle!
There's still things we need to fix. I'm also taking Zoloft for depression, but it's not helping very much. I'm going to try it a little longer and see if it's just taking a while to kick in. I already have a followup appointment scheduled for next month, so I'll discuss it with my doctor then. And the legs still have a while to go before they will be fully healed, but at least they're looking better. But overall, I'm doing pretty well now. Things are definitely good. Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Wow! Things sounds like they are finally looking up for you. It really is empowering to be able to hold down a job and keep in control of your finances enough that a small emergency doesn't throw you for a loop. I'm also so excited that you're finally getting some answers for some of your health issues. There are few things more frustrating than having something wrong with you and not knowing _what_ the problem is. Keep hanging in there! I am so happy for you! Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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Good thing I'm so intuitive and able to figure things out on my own.![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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I was very tired when I came into work this morning, though; it was hard to get started. ![[Angst]](graemlins/angst.gif)
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I often procrastinate because I imagine the task ahead will be boring or frustrating, so I think a little reframing would be helpful. Most things are not COMPLETELY boring or frustrating, so if I try to focus on the good stuff about what I'm doing, maybe I will resist it less. Heck, just today I gratefully and happily spent an hour copying and pasting rows of data, which is not something I normally like, but I enjoyed it today because nothing else I was doing was working, and I just needed to complete SOMETHING to feel like I was making progress. It felt good to just work on it, even if it was mindless, because I could see the progress, and soon it was done.![[Cool]](cool.gif)
