posted
I have to submit two essays. One for an application, and another for a honors college application. I was wondering if anyone would be willing to give them a once over for me. I have not finished either yet, but that is what the next 6 hours are for.
Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I was kind of hoping to go to bed in maybe ten minutes. I could look them over in nine hours or so, but if they're due before that I guess that isn't any help. Sorry. Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
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posted
They are due January 1st. I just want to finish them before my last day of school on Tuesday, so I don't have to worry about them.
Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I am using an essay from my english class for one of them so I only have one that needs to be looked at. I am about to send it to Twinky via e-mail. It doesn't sound like you have mush time to read it Synesthesia. If you would like to read it to I will send it, but I don't want you to feel obligated to look at it.
Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I am still finishing the draft, but if you would want to look at it and give me suggestions on how to finish it, that would be great.
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posted
I apologise in advance for the crappy writing. I am not an exellent writer when fully alert, and it only gets worse when I am exhausted.
Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
. They do not rear their own children, because they believe it benefits them. They do what is best for their communities, not what they wish to do.
Who? The children, or the horses?
It sounds like an interesting premise....it should make for a good essay.
In the second paragraph I would be a little more specific...perhaps list the total traits that you feel they are missing, and then use the following paragraphs to expand on them, in order. That is a good way of orginizing a short essay like this one.
posted
I am curious, so send it. I am not sure what I will be doing tomorrow. I want to go and see a movie, but instead I'll be home most of the day -_-.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Thank you. I was sort of stumbling in the dark with this one. I didn't know how to keep it short while saying anything of importance.
Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
Ok. I am going to try to apply Kwea's suggestions, and then I will send it the Twinky and you.
Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
This is what I tried to do in these situations...
Find a premise (you have done that)
Write an intro
In either the first paragraph, or the second (first is more proper) do a sum up of specific points
Each paragraph after discuss one of the points mentioned in the intro.
If you have enough space, you can use the second and third form the last paragraphs to concede points to the opposite side...in this case mention some GOOD things about their emotional detachment, but then counter with arguments against it. For example:
" The horses had a very orderly society, far more rational and safe than human society. However this very safety and emotional detachment made it very hard for them to experience life to it's fullest....."
Something like that.....
Then use the last paragraph to sum it up.
I got A's and strong B's on every essay I took the time to do this way.
posted
Thank you Kwea, but this is not supposed to go beyond like 3 paragraphs. I am supposed to fit it on the form and I cannot fit much more than that. I usually do something similar to what you described, but I dont really have the room.
Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I have revised it, but it still needs work. I think looking at it with a fresh pair of eyes tomorrow will help me. I am not to worried about getting into the honors college, but I still want to make sure I have a decent essay. I will post when ever I get my response.
Kwea. Thank you for all your help. Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
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quote: I am not to worried about getting into the honors college
Better watch out for that in your application!
What school?
P.S. -- Good luck. From my experience, honors college(s) often seem like a lot of extra work for little benefit, but I think a lot of what you can learn there can make you a better writer, a better thinker, or even a better person.
Posts: 1592 | Registered: Jan 2001
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posted
I noticed that as soon as i posted, but I thought people would overlook it at 4am.
I am going to school for music, so not all of the schools that I am applying to are awesome academically. Which is one of the bigger factors in me applying to honors colleges.
This application is for Valdosta State University. It is in Georgia. It is tiny, but there is a damn good bass teacher. I am also applying to IU and Butler University.
Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I think I have my essay where I want it. It feels good to have it done. Thank you to Kwea, Twinky, and Synesthesia for looking at it. Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
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