posted
So here is where I post the news. Officially, I guess, since it snuck in another thread, but was just a quick little post. Jamie and I are going to get married on January 8, 2005. First, let me answer a few questions which I'm sure will come up, or at least be quietly thought (which I do not blame anyone for):
"What about your mission."
I chose not to go, for numerous reasons. Again, let me say that "_I_ CHOSE not to go." Good or bad, it's my choice, and I accept the responsibility of that. Please don't take the briefness of this to mean that I don't care, or that I gave it just as brief of thought.
"I think you are too young."
That's cool, and I thank you for the concern. It is not misplaced, and I do appreciate it, but you'll have to understand if I do not agree.
"I think you guys are rushing into this."
Again, thanks for the concern, but Jamie and I have thought this through, a good deal of thinking. You guys are our friends, and we don't expect any thing less than you wanting the best for us.
Naturally, I assume there are more questions, or probably going to be repeat of questions I just sort of answered. But moving on....
A lot of this is me deciding to move on with my life. I'm living at home, and working a crap job with crap pay that leads me down a road of no where near where I want to be headed. In case you don't know, where I want to be headed is social work, and maybe on to clinical counseling, with Jamie and I hand in hand.
I love Jamie, and I believe that goes without saying. This is what we want. I want to be happy. I want Jamie to be happy. I want my friends to be happy, or at least comfortable.
As for you guys being involved in this, we do not expect that any of you can really make it with this short notice. However, we do plan to have a sort of organized get together of some kind with those that would like to later on, possibly when/if Kama does decide to come to the US, and if it coincides with time that we have available. Expect things like... um... cake... and stuff.
Thanks everyone, for the love and concern, and the hope for the best.
Posts: 9754 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Congratulations! And just for the sake of being trollish....(plus, you seem prepared to defend your position) and because it would be a waste to not here some more of your thoughts you have obviously invested defending yourself against concerns, here goes:
quote:Again, thanks for the concern, but Jamie and I have thought this through, a good deal of thinking. You guys are our friends, and we don't expect any thing less than you wanting the best for us
First off, I am not your friend. I am not emotionally invested and can not speak to specifics, so here are my generallalities
There is not doubt that you thought this through. I can't imagine anyone thinking otherwise--weddings just take too much effort to not have a good reason behind them. The issue is not whether or not you have had thoughts but rather that your thoughts will change. The difference between 19 and 24+ is incredible. The older you get the more exposure you have to include in your thinking process.
There is something to be said about those post adolescence years. Living at home and making lifetime decisions based on thinking through what you want out of life does a disservice to the experiences you have not yet had. Regret is very real, and it certainly exists after we have made a decision we thought was right.
Of course, you will get married anyway and share those experiences with your wife, but I just want to point out that maybe people aren't concerned because they doubt your decision making ability; they are just looking at their lives and seeing how much they changed in those critical transitional years.
quote: This is what we want. I want to be happy. I want Jamie to be happy. I want my friends to be happy, or at least comfortable.
No one can make anyone else happy. If you think being married or finding the right person is going to change how you feel about yourself......well......no, it doesn't work like that. Relationship play a vital role in our well being and happiness, but they do not cause nor guarantee happiness.
Posts: 2445 | Registered: Oct 2004
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quote: Relationship play a vital role in our well being and happiness, but they do not cause nor guarantee happiness.
Absolutely. If you're happy, you can be happier. If you're miserable, you'll more likely be more miserable. It just accentuates what's already there.
quote: Elope.
Oh yea. I completely agree on this. I eloped - or, rather, my husband and I eloped. But I had to travel the furthest, whereas he only had to pick me up at the airport. I did it partially to avoid the negativity that could have been thrown my way given the circumstances behind the marriage (short version - married a man I barely knew from a different country, culture, race, and religion), partly to avoid the enourmous costs of weddings, and partly to avoid the enourmous stress levels of weddings. Eloping is far more relaxing. But no gifts. Which I didn't care about. You may, or Jamie may - I have no idea. Just something to consider, the whole eloping thing.
Meanwhile, may you have a wonderful and happy life together!
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Well, I, for one, actually enjoyed my wedding ceremony. I still think it's the best time I ever had. Just to balance out all those eloping advocates . . .
January 8th . . . I'll probably not forget your anniversary, seeing as how it's two days before mine.
Where are the two of you going to live?
How do your families feel about this?
Best wishes and good luck!
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
Man...you two will do anything to avoid conflict with WenchCon this year, huh?
Do you WANT anyone to be there for it, or would you rather haev it be a private wedding? Jenni and I don't live far from Jamie (and soon you) so we might be able to stop in, but I wouldn't want to intrude if you would want it to stay private.
And don't worry about ofending me, it is your day and I would be cool with meeting up with you later for dinner or something, a few days later or whenever you could make the time. I have already talked to Jamie about taking you to Goten when you get here, I think you would like it a lot.
Not that there aren't concerns, but I know better than most how much you two have been considering this, so I won't go into them here....I hope that it all works out for you two, and I am glad that you have found each other.
I am with Icky on this one....I loved my wedding day, being surrounded by my family and friends, and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. The planning phase sucked a bit, but it was all worht it.
posted
I don't think Jamie is LDS. She studied under the Benedictines and comes across as a pretty Catholic chick.
Best wishes to the two of you for a peaceful and happy life. Marriage is a long conversation -- may you continue to intrigue each other through the years. Nothing better!
Posts: 2919 | Registered: Aug 2004
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Congratulations on continuing your spiritual journey, mack. (I wish I were more up to speed on my friends' lives. I will do better.)
Posts: 2919 | Registered: Aug 2004
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quote:Well, I, for one, actually enjoyed my wedding ceremony. I still think it's the best time I ever had. Just to balance out all those eloping advocates . . .
I second this. My wedding was awesome, mainly because we did exactly what we wanted.
posted
Sara...you must've missed a thread. She joined the LDS.
Nathan, thanks for posting. I can't say that I don't worry for you both, but it's a good worry. It's a worry that I have for every couple starting out (including Dana and I) -- that you are equipped to handle what life throws at you and handle it as a couple. That the things that might drive you apart instead bring you closer together. I guess these worries come out as wishes. There are no guarantees, it's true. But there are no guarantees any which way you turn or with any particular choice in life.
I have hope for you two as a couple because you are both such wonderful people. Funny, intelligent, caring, loving, etc. I'm just enough of a romantic and an optimist to think those things are more important than all the barriers and so forth that one might worry about.
As you start this new part of your lives, I know you and Jamie will approach it with passion and the desire to be good for each other. I'm figuring if you do that, many potential problems are already solved.
I look forward to being a part of your lives together (life togethers?) for a long, long time.
The wedding is not going to be in the temple. (I have my own difficulties wrestling with the ideas of the temple and in fact those ideas have driven me back to being Catholic, or at least in practice. So, those of you who raised objections over the conversation, you were right, and please leave it at that.)
We're going to live in NH. We're flying back here the day after the wedding.
We would rather elope (both of us were in a friend's big wedding this past October and saw the struggles and stresses of the bride) but weddings are apparently primarily for the families involved and Nathan's family wants a wedding.
Posts: 14745 | Registered: Dec 1999
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Congratulations and best wishes, both for your lives together and for getting through the wedding in one piece. While I'm sure for those people who want a big wedding it can be the most incredible day of their life, for people who would rather elope and are doing it for the family it seems like a pain in the neck. Just try to relax and go with it as much as you can, and the moment when you say "I do" is going to be all that matters, anyway.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Well, the best way to look at it is the marriage is for you and your gift to your new in-laws is the wedding day. Let them enjoy it and you'll be able to enjoy the rest of your life. It will only last one day and as long as you don't have an emotional investment in the details, just sit back and enjoy it.
The upside, if you like happen to have a hankering for Jell-O that day there will probably be lots of it.
Posts: 9871 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
We went to a wedding in October where the bride's mother's antics made us call both our moms and thank them for not being like that.
Really, we concentrated on the basics - good food (and drinks, but they're not necessary), good DJ, a priest we were comfortable with, and a guest list of people who would have fun sharing our wedding with us.
quote:(I have my own difficulties wrestling with the ideas of the temple and in fact those ideas have driven me back to being Catholic, or at least in practice. So, those of you who raised objections over the conversation, you were right, and please leave it at that.)
I believe there are many paths to the same place. And no-one here is equipped to judge you (or anyone else).
I wish I could be there. Have a great day!!!
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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quote:I'm still thrilled to be able to photograph bobndana's wedding.
Cool!!!
Can Nathan come too? I mean, surely you'll need someone to rewind the electrons in your camera's memory or something.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Well, I won't lie and say that I think this is definitely the best idea I ever heard, but I respect your ability to make your own decisions and I really respect your ability to make a decision that might not be one that the people around you are approving of. I also wish that you could have scheduled it at a time that other people could go...
But I wish you guys all the best for your future together.
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Mack, don't forget...part of the price for my silence was that you and Nate come down to Sunderland for a dinner at Goten. I held up my part of the bargain...
I know that you have a ton of preparations for the upcoming nuptials ( I love that word, and so rarely get to use it in conversations...), so when things wind down a bit let us know, OK?
I would have loved to be there for the wedding, but I think it was wonderful that you came to a solution that will make his family happier, and that is more important than you know. It is always better to start a marriage with goodwill on every side when possible, and families can be very important...as you are about to find out.
After all, you and Nate are about to become one yourselves.
Nate, you should change (or add to) the title of this thread, a lot of people don't click on it because they don't know what it is about...