posted
I have a similar situation to Shigosei. In that when I was 19 my mom would always ask when she was going to get her grand kids. Which threw me for a loop the first time she asked me cause it was right out of the blue. After I recovered from my shock I asked, is there something I should know about? When I asked why she asked me. She said she wanted grandkids. Talk about pressure.
Now that I told that little antic tote I turned 28 in June and still really haven't had the need to go on a date. I haven't found anyone IRL that isn't attached that I'm attracted to, not just physically ether.
Oh another option. There are a lot of intelligent, humorous, beautiful ladies on this forum.
((Sorry for the horrible spelling))
[ January 15, 2005, 04:16 PM: Message edited by: Chris Kidd ]
Posts: 513 | Registered: Oct 2001
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Okay, I'll write something more substantial and on-topic later. Right now I need to pick my jaw back up off the floor.
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posted
I didn't start dating until I was 20, and I've found that it makes dating significantly harder. I didn't develop the social skills to actually get a date with a woman who's had previous experience, I made mistakes that cost me second dates because I hadn't gone through the learning period with the women I was dating, and I've never developed the confidence to know that yes, I can get a date if I so choose.
I think going on dates when you're peers are learning to date is important, from my own experience. Not to say you should start before you are ready, but if you'd enjoy going out to dinner and a movie with a MoS then its probably a good idea to do so. It doesnt have to be serious, in fact, its probably better if you go on a few casual dates to learn how to date. Then, when you meet someone you really like, you won't blow it by being clueless about dating.
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posted
I don't need to know why, that isn't any of my business unless you happen to feel like talking about it. I was just commenting. Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
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posted
I was on *counts on fingers* 5 or so dates before I met my (ex)boyfriend. I didn't feel particularly ill-equipped to date him.
Posts: 5700 | Registered: Feb 2002
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quote:"She has qualities x, y, z and defects a, b, c. Can I bare her defects?";
Sorry - that just struck me a freaking hilarious . . . must be the caffiene high . . .
I HOPE 19 is not too old to date - I'm going on 36 in April and a friend of mine (male) has been corresponding and calling quite frequently - he says there will be one official date before he proposes.
I'm not sure I'm ready for a date, let alone a marital proposition.
I did tell him the official date had to be minus the kids along with us, and that the proposition must be accompanied by roses, bended knee, and protestations of undying love. I also told him having a pool table handy would help immensely.
Hey! I've got my standards!
Did that scare him off? Nope - he just chuckled and said he have it all handled by that momentous moment.
posted
Yes I had just turned 25 and she asked me out for my first date.
*Runs and hides in shame*
You know yourself best. If your ready and you have someone worth going with the go. If you don't feel your ready or lack a person worth going with then don't.
Posts: 147 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
Shan, I don't think 36 is too old to be dating! What I meant by the title of the thread is, "Should a person start dating by the time they're my age?" Anyhow, good luck to you!
CT, you're not the first person to be surprised at my age. Out of curiousity, how old did you think I was?
Paul, do you think that females might care more about having an experienced date than males do? Also, I'm around a lot of engineering-types all the time, some of whom are rather socially awkward, so I may be ok without any experience anyway. The cool thing about being a woman in an engineering program is that the odds are very good Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Now you've got it!!! I must absolutely know that I can have a passion outside of the marriage and childrearing.
You realize it'll never happen, dontcha, rivka? I am entirely too difficult a person to be with for any length of time.
Edited to add:
Phew, Shigosei - I was gonna feel older than I already am . . . I think you're right on the money though to take your time and do what's best for you -
posted
Um, Shan, I thought it would never happen to my sister - she's far too impossible to live with for any length of time. And then she up and got married. At 34. And I figured it would never happen to me - I'm far too impossible to live with for any length of time and I'm screwed up in so many ways it's hard to describe - and I up and got married, too, much to my surprise.
When you find someone who can handle everything that's good about you and everything that's not at the same time, and loves you for all of it, and you can do the same back at them, that's a recipe for success. Oddly enough, it can happen. Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
"I am entirely too difficult a person to be with for any length of time."
Pish-tosh. A man has told you, before you have ever dated him, that he would propose following the first date. And rather than run away screaming, you laid out ground rules for the proposal.
The word for this is not "difficult."
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
I would say the word would be more along the lines of "idiotic", except I've known him for a decade, so it's really not as bad as it sounds . . . I hope. It's just a potential new phase . . .
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No, Shan, you don't. My sister and I have already done the impossible. For the rest of you - it'll be a breeze. Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I know somebody who is 50 and just started dating again, and everybody's clad she is doing so. So I'm sure 36 isn't too old, Shan. Good luck!
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Okay. The day went well. The kids got along fine. He and I got along fine. He's still the same funny, down-to-earth guy I worked with all those years ago. It was comfortable. We'll see what happens when we decide on an adults' only time . . .
Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
I first started seriously dating when I was 17, and I was very much not ready for it. We were incompatible anyway, but I shouldn't have put myself through that kind of insanity. Note that she initiated the relationship, not me... i.e. it wasn't my idea. :avoids_blame:
My next attempt was almost two years later, and I think I did a lot better. I was much better-able to interact with women in general.
In other words, you'll start when you're ready. Before that, don't worry about it. One thing to remember, women aren't out to hurt you. They're like garden snakes, they're just as afraid of you as you are them. Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
And Shigosei, in your case, I think WheatPuppet means men aren't out to hurt you, since you mentioned being a girl and dating guys. Posts: 378 | Registered: Aug 2004
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Uhleeuh, yeah, I just translate those sort of comments into something that's suitable for me. I suppose I should have mentioned made my gender and orientation more clear in my first post.
Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
If the goal of dating is to find a mate and you are not ready for that, then why date? You aren't avoiding social interactions. From the little bit of time we spent at the Tucson gathering you don't seem like you have trouble with social skills. So don't worry about it. I think our culture puts WAY too much emphasis on dating. Give me an old-fashioned courting.....
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posted
In Sri Lanka, there's no dating custom and not much of a real opportunity for dating. It just isn't done. Arranged marriages are the norm, even when it's a "love match".
I'll give you an example. There are two people at church who became friends, really really good friends. They started hanging out together. One day, the branch president called them into the office and asked them how it was going. Fine, they say. Do you love each other? Yes, they say. So get married. They look at each other and say, "Okay." They're getting married in a couple of weeks.
Don't totally freak out at the branch president here - that's just the way things are done here.
I had a man, about 50ish, approach me and ask me if I could get him in touch with people in Canada to arrange for him to get a wife.
posted
Wendybird, I know a couple who says (and is serious) that they will only allow their children to participate in courtship, not dating. I guess the mother was a bit wild in her younger days, so this is her solution to get her children on the straight and narrow.
Mind you, I had to convince her to allow her oldest (a 6 yr. old) to pick out her own clothes every now and again, so she's pretty convinced that if she controls every aspect of her children's lives then they'll turn out well.
Should be some interesting fireworks 'round that house in about 10 more years...
posted
That's alright. I thought you were something soft and cuddly like the bear Garfield carries around. O_o
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
Hey Shigosei I know what you mean. I grew up in a culture where you don't date but you are set up in a marriage. If you did date you didn't tell anyone until you were engaged to that person. I moved to USA when I was 19 and about 6 months after moving here I realized that there is nothing wrong with dating and that it is a good thing. My first experience of dating was terrible cause the guy was a complete jerk and made fun of my ascent but when I learned that you could dump someone and not have hard feelings between each other I made sure that I dumped him. Dating felt a bit weird at the beginning cause I didn't know the culture so I felt like I could not make an educated conversation but I got used to it. With a lot of friends on my side that felt that it was their responsibility to culture me, I was able to overcome my discomfort of dating. One thing that I noticed is that I didn’t care weather I dated or not all I cared was that I had a good time. When I say good time I don't mean drinking and sex, I mean pure good time. I felt very uncomfortable with the idea of a dinner and a movie. I loved doing outdoor things like hiking and biking and jet skiing so I felt more comfortable that way when it is more informal, you get to know someone better. The first date that my husband and I went on was playing racquetball and then going and getting a cup of really good ice cream at Nelson's Frozen Yogurt in St.George, UT. I felt more comfortable that way and I didn't feel like I had to impress him. Apparently it worked. My advice to you is that don't feel that you are too late to date. I think that you are doing fine. You are making sure that you succeed in your studies and accomplishing the things that you need to. You will know when the time is right. You got a whole life ahead of you, don't rush it. I hope all goes well with you.
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dkw! That's because when you "started dating" in your 30s, you were engaged first! 
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My sister and I have already done the impossible. For the rest of you - it'll be a breeze. ![[Cool]](cool.gif)
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