I wasn't looking for a job, but I sort of got an offer I couldn't refuse. An old friend of my husband is president of a consulting company, and he needed a technical writer. Mostly they send me raw research and I summarize it, the consultants send me their notes and I come up with a status report and lists of problems and future business opportunites, culled from the notes. No big, right?
Well, it scared me a bit, mostly because he will also need me in client meetings and stuff downtown, and THAT raises the spectre of childcare during the summer. My husband was very encouraging. His work allows him a great deal of flexability, so he said he could cover for me for the few meetings I'd have, and we have a babysitter close by who is willing and I have another friend as a back up in a pinch.
I was STILL petrified at the prospect, but decided to talk to the guy and see how it went. I did my first research summary, and the guy said it was perfect, exactly what he was after. So far, so good.
Did I mention that he offered me $27.00 an hour for work on three separate projects over the next six weeks or so? He estimated my hours to be between 200 and 250 on all three projects combined. O_O
So, I've fallen into a contract job that is nearly perfect for me as far as ability, and flexability, that pays more per hour than the Federal Government job I left six years ago. No benies, and I pay my own taxes.
Everything has gone well so far, but I'm still a ball of nerves. Will my post-childbearing behind still fit my suits (the ones that aren't horrendously out of date)? I'll have to, like, wear make-up and brush my hair.
My first meeting was yesterday, and... my boss told me it was a meeting with the consultants whose notes I'll be processing and so forth. But he told me to arrive when he knew this rival consultant for one of his customers would be meeting with them. In retrospect, it was very smooth. I sort of introduced myself, but didn't use a title or mention what I was there for. It was calculated by the boss to put the other guy off balance, I think. It was followed by a bit of goodcop/badcop playacting between my two bosses that I didn't totally understand until it was over.
I could have stepped in something nasty if I'd said anything. I don't mind being window-dressing, honestly. I just would have liked a clue what was going on before I went in there.
It was sheer luck that I didn't blow it. Someone said it is better to be lucky than good. So, I guess I'm lucky.
But I don't feel lucky. Why do I feel so DOOMED?
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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And think of it this way -- you weren't even looking for a job when you got this one, right? So it's all gravy. Meaning - if something happens and you don't have this job any more, your only back to where you were to begin with, which was being happy without a job.
posted
Just got off the phone with my new boss. He admitted he brought me into that meeting as a visual distraction, because I'm attractive. O_O
It was also kind of a test to see if I'd be the kind of person to speak up. I had no information, and I didn't say anything damaging,which was just luck.
I told him I felt terrible and foolish afterwards, but he told me not to worry about it. Everyone had a good laugh about it. O_O
He plans to use me more actively with clients and stuff, BECAUSE I wasn't timid in yesterday's meeting. And also because men pay attention to me.
I'm not sure how I feel about this. It's a fact of life, really, that an attractive woman will have a man's attention more easily than another man. It is evidently a common business tool.
So why do I feel like crying?
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Because you feel like your value (as an employee) is being measured on your appearance perhaps more than on your abilities. You're an intelligent woman and I think you're frustrated that, while they liked what you did in terms of technical writing, yesterday was all about being eye-candy - something that *you* aren't all about.
Edit: Yeah, I think Kat really nailed it - that you weren't allowed to decide whether to be eye-candy or not.
I think perhaps you need to mention to your new boss that you are not comfortable being left in the dark and used as "distraction" when your job is to be doing technical writing.
Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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I'd feel like crying, too, out of anger. You were set up.
It's all about what you're comfortable with, of course. You might be able to do this. You might decide the money is worth it. Heck, depending on the situation, I might in those circumstances, too. But my initial, gut reaction is that this is not a place I would want to work.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Mmmm. I just read Citizen Girl, by the women who wrote The Nanny Diaries, and your situation here kind of reminds me of it... Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Nest time, show up with baby puke on your shirt, no make-up and stickers on your butt. That'll show 'em. Passive-aggressive is always the way to go.
Or you could just slap him.
Posts: 9871 | Registered: Aug 2001
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I have mixed opinions - it certainly was tacky, but he was honest with you after the fact and now you have the opportunity to decide whether or not you'll pursue the job.
Which is better to learn now, rather than finding out a couple weeks into the job that your boss is a ruthless slimeball and not adverse to using eye-candy to distract the competition.
It sounds like he's trying to fill two functional roles - technical writer and presenter.
I have no doubts as to your ability to fill the role of writer, but how comfortable would you feel as being the attractive presenter? And what kind of attire did he have in mind?
Pro The money is good and I have no doubts the job(s) will certainly fluff your resume.
Con However, I'm a little leery about his stated "will use you to interact with clients more often" comment. Which makes me wonder how much writing will you be doing versus how much "client interaction" he's planning on.
Never having been considered an objectified sex object, I can't speak to the embarassment and anger you feel, but I will point out that besides being a skilled writer, you are an attractive woman, which makes this whole scenario an off-hand compliment of sorts.
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Olivia, you're totally right not to feel okay about this guy and his job. It might be perfect in all other ways, but if you're primarily an object and not a person, and that's not something you're okay with, maybe the job isn't so worth it.
I really can't believe the guy fessed up to using you that way.
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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I’ll add my voice to the chorus of people saying that your boss behaved like a complete jerk.
But at least you have one advantage that many women whose bosses treat them this way don’t have – you don’t need the job. You can decide if the benefits are worth the crap without worrying about how you’re going to feed your family if you decide they’re not.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
He was actually much more careful about how he said what he said than I gave him credit for. Part of having me show up when I did was also to giv ethe guy the idea that his company is maybe a bit larger than it seems.
I told him I'd be gone if I EVER got thrown into a meeting with that horrendous a subtext without being informed before hand. He agreed completely, and said he really hadn't planned it exactly that way, but was pleased with how it worked out.
100% disclosure time - I have known this guy since I started dating my husband. He was Ron's best buddy in High School - we almost named Robert after him. Ron has basically been privy to everything, and he actually plans to have Ron be his Chief of opperations, once the company has grown enough to support the kind of salary Ron would need to make that kind of career jump.
This friendship is a good one, and I've been clear with "B" that I'd rather not work with him if it would sour that in any way. He has promised to be honest with me, and not sugarcoat things - he can't afford to, because this company is his livlihood and the sole support of his family. He can't afford to gloss over things.
I didn't mention this relationship at first because I was embarrassed to get a job 1. because I'm cute and 2. pure-d nepotism.
Full disclosure the second : This company is owned by a young, attractive black man ("B") and he likes the image that having it represented by a team including himself, an attractive white woman, and several older men of various colors. He likes the statement that makes, and I'm with him on that.
So it wasn't ENTIRELY an eye-candy thing. It had a lot to do with impressions and a multi-racial corporate image that he's going for. Plus, I am intelligent (he's known me forever, so he KNOWS this)enough to be much more than a pretty face. I'm not a very accomplished schemer, but I know that I have great capacity to be underestimated because of my appearance (like my freshman year in college, when people said, dissmissively, "You were a cheerleader, weren't you?"). That can be a tactical advantage.
Plus, my personality is very outgoing, people-oriented, so this actually suits my skillset and personality better than my previous Federal government work.
Though I admit the signals I'm getting from my Beloved are a little mixed.
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Kayla: ::ears perk up::
Okay, that sounds interesting. Can you expand on that?
Which thing should I expand on?
kq- yeah, I was just wigging. He was much more polite and considerate than I made it sound. I just... I was thinking about all the things I've done in my life and wondering how much of it was because of how I look or my pheromones or whatever-the-heck. Four year degree in three years, summa cum laude . Did I get top honors because my honors external examiner liked what I had to say, or the impression I gave? I did actually pick a somber outfit and pull my hair into a clasp at the back of my neck, to look 'scholarly' for the honors interview- does that make me a fraud?
It was more my anxiety than him being a class-A jerk. The meeting was embarrassing for me, and not exactly as he had planned, but he assured me everyone had a favorable impression of me. (There was also an incident with a toilet in their office being broken, and I had to reach in the tank and work the flapper to flush it. He joked about knowing I'd fit right in, since I seemed to handle obstacles with aplomb. It still weirded me out a bit to hav ethe potty mentioned, but it was funny. *shrug* )
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Ah. He's all "Go, go! you can do it! I'll juggle my schedule so you can make the meetings. I mean, if you want to do it. You don't HAVE to..."
But I never got the feeling he was at all uneasy about me working with "B". Then, when I finally broke down and added "B"'s number to my cell phone instead of constantly looking for his card when I had a question, he said, "I'm going to have to watch him around you. You know he's smitten with you."
Me:
Him: He wishes he had a relationship with his wife like I have with you. And, he was a Playa in high school.
Me: Like you weren't.
Him:
Me: He's very charming, but he's no Ron [____]
That's it. He loves "B". He trusts "B". But he has this thing where he thinks every man in the world wants to get in my pants. (If he gave any of you WenchConers the evil eye, that's why. Every male I come in contact with gets a Threat Assessment from the Roninator)
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
I think he was giving some of us the evil eye because we were taking you away from him, nothing more. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Yeah, I know. Ron's not usually like that, though. I mean, he doesn't get mad at me. Well, he's never lost his temper, anyway. And I think he knows the only way he'll get rid of me is for one of us to die.
But still, some guy looks at me a little too long and he will move closer, or touch me somehow. I do the same thing with him. I think it's a natural response.
The socially acceptable equivalent of "Grab it and growl."
*grabs Ron and growls*
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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I don't know if I should be offended or flattered.
As for the mixed emotion thing - well, yeah. We're guys. And it's a very clear social signal to other pack animals - "back off - this is my territory."
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