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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Cud (Page 3)

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Author Topic: Cud
quidscribis
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Rogan Josh was not impressed.
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ketchupqueen
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Neither was Granny. She pulled out her shotgun and decided to kick some heinie. She turned to the rather scared looking SG-1 stars and Rogan Josh. "Wanna help?"
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quidscribis
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SG-1 and Rogan Josh quickly agreed when they saw the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers show up on the set.

Energy pulses and bullets cut down the fiendishly evil characters until they were all razed to the ground. Red and green blood pooled and mixed among them.

"That wasn't bad."

"And way more fun than killing Goa'ould, wouldn't you say?" added Michael as he wiped his brow.

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ketchupqueen
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A fly buzzed over and saw the carnage.

He left and returned with his friends, eager to spawn in all the delicious dead turtle bodies.

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quidscribis
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An ant, who just happened to be in the area, said much the same thing to his ant buddies back at the nest, and returned in full force.

Pretty soon, a dark layer of writhing squirming insects covered the cadavers.

Michael, always the wussy boy, vomited behind a bush.

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Anna
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Which of course attracted more insects.
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ketchupqueen
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One of the ants had a bottle of ketchup out now.
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Chupacabras
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*slurps eagerly as the green liquid seeps into the compost heap*

The tortuga is not so bad, but what is this red liquid?

*extends tongue cautiously for a taste*

*feels his stomach stirring*

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Hamson
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Suddenly, his stomach explodes in a stringy mass of soft insides. The ants are now ravenous with so many growing food sources.
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quidscribis
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Because of the nearby uranium source, a monstrous new life form emerged from the protein-rich soupy mass. It writhed, it shook, it assembled itself into one piece. It stood.

It looked around. And said, "I want my mommy."

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ketchupqueen
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The bottle of ketchup made its escape.
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quidscribis
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From the depths of the bowels of the leftover mass the ketchup bottle left behind, another life form emerged, this one, stronger, bigger, and much, much uglier.
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Rani Sambol Oelik
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It was a giant sized bottle of Sambal Oelik. Bigger. Meaner. Tougher. And with arms, legs, and a head.

It looked around, familiarizing itself with life. It decided it was male.

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Tante Shvester
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But it never posed a threat to civilization as we know it, since, being male, it refused to stop and ask directions to civilization as we know it.
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Rani Sambol Oelik
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But he, unlike most other males, could read a map.

Unfortunately, he didn't have one.

Once again, world disaster avoided by simple means.

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quidscribis
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Rani Sambal Oelik stumbled around, then fell over, shattering his fragile glass jar. Dead in an instant.

As was nearly everyone else in the story. Except for the boy and his cow. Sheep. Goat. Whatever.

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ketchupqueen
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And, of course, Michael Shanks. Because Daniel Jackson never really dies. Or if he does, he comes back.
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quidscribis
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And Amanda Tapping, cuz she never dies - only her boyfriends do. [Big Grin]
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