posted
I was a precocious, bright child. My husband is no slouch in the brains department. Not unpredictably, my daughter is showing definite signs of being a precocious little child herself (besides being incredibly strong-willed and having a very good idea of what she wants most of the time).
At 13 1/2 months, she speaks more than 80 words, often in sentences. She usually uses pronouns (correctly). She does gesture, but usually accompanies her gestures with words. For instance, she wanted to nurse the other day, so she crawled up to me, patted my leg, pointed at my chest, and said, "I go do that now." A few days prior to that, she wanted to play "This Little Piggy", so she came up to me, sat down with her feet in front of her, and wiggled her toes in succession, saying, "Piggy, piggy, weeee!" then looked up at me expectantly until I got down with her and played. On Mother's Day, she heard Jeff ask me, "Are you ready for your present?" I responded, "Oooh, I get a present?" Emma looked at Jeff, looked at me, pointed at me, and asked, "Birtday?"
These are just a few "Emma-isms". She also now pulls on her diaper and says, "Di. Di go," to alert us when she wants us to change it. She matches colors and shapes (when she wants to), and if you sing or hum "The Alphabet Song" (or "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep", or "Twinkle, Twinkle"), she sings "A, B, C." (Again, when she wants to.) She's developmentally on track physically. She often refuses the sippy cup with the handles, saying, "Baby cuh!" She prefers the big sippy cup with no handles. ( )
And yet, she's so much a baby on so many levels, still. I have worked with small children, and I know that while some of these things are within the range of "normal", some seem to be so only in my family. (I learned my colors from Cindi Lauper's hair at age 14 months and spoke 150 words at a year; my father was reading the encyclopedia at age 4, before his mother realized he could read.)
I also know that some of you Hatrack parents must have precocious, intelligent children. How do you do it? What have you learned that will keep me from making huge mistakes? What do I need to do, and what can I let slide?
I just forsee a two-year-old who's going to be able to push her dad over with a twig, and who will get in knock-down, drag-out arguments with me. Help me to avert that, please! Tell me I'm crazy, give me a hug, whatever... I guess, just tell me the good, the bad, the ugly, and anything I'd otherwise have to struggle through four children before I figured out.
I love you guys. I guess this was a frustration post as much as anything. Thanks for listening.
My children are even smarter than I thought they'd be.
Really and truly. But not always in the ways I imagined.
My children have minds (and opinions) of their own.
It's extremely important to listen to their ideas with an open mind. And when they tell you the sky is green, be prepared to research the reason why it's blue, because:
My children often argue with me, but they rarely argue with books.
Often, smart children need the facts. All the facts. Proven facts, not just what Mom or Dad think is fact. Rotten monkeys.
Children will think of inventive ways to do everything.
Including ways to get in trouble and ways to be helpful.
The best advice I can offer on raising a bright child is this: take interest in all that raises their curiosity, love them terribly, and let them help you.
Or, as my doctor told me when I was in the hospital after delivering my first child: "Love him, feed him, and don't drop him."
posted
At least my stoopid chillins is real purty... *smacks Satan*
Yeah, KQ, you're in for it. It's as much a smarts thing as it is a personality thing. Robert is smart, but he was never one to try to climb out windows (which Liam first attempted at 12 months). They are both smart and curious, but Robert was more interested in being with me and, evidently, having my approval than Liam ever has been.
Yeppers. Settle in for the long haul. I suggesst having a heart-to-heart with daddy so that you present a unified front. That may help a little, if you can get him past being a pushover. Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Hmm. I think you have to walk a fine line between praise and letting them develop an over-inflated ego that leads to them thinking they're the center of everything. (like kids don't do that anyway, neh?) But it seems to me that it's important that kids have realistic expectations of themselves (eg you won't be good at everything, etc.)
I like to think both of my kids are smart. My daughter, however, while probably no smarter than my son, is definately more stubborn and can be manipulative at times. She's also very pretty, and we've had to be careful about her receiving attention due to that.
I don't think there are magic answers, but I can tell you things that have worked for me. No amount of smarts changes the fact that I'm the parent. Our children are allowed to disagree with anything we say, but there are no knock-down, drag-out arguments. We've taught both of them that disagreements need to be stated in a respectful, calm manner, and that they must give us sound reasoning if they want us to change our mind. And sometimes we have changed our minds on things, because they really have come up with good reasons why we should.
As Boon said, be ready to listen. My kids have had opinions on really important matters (like religion) long before I expected them to.
posted
Our youngest is nearly two and I'm not sure her entire vocabulary adds up to 80 words.
Of course, she can't pronounce a lot of sounds, so there are still plenty of things she says that we can't understand.
Our oldest likes to challange our ideas. He doesn't accept our authority "just because". He has to know why. (Our second is showing signs of the same.) With our oldest, we explain "why" when we can, but we make it clear to him that we know more than he does and that it is very important for him to obey us whether or not he understands the reasons for it. We've given convincing examples of this, but of course that isn't enough to change his perspective on the matter. We have to repeat this sentiment a lot, maybe daily.
I guess what I have to say on the matter is, having smart kids forces you to become smarter. Keeps you on your toes.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
I remember overhearing a dozen conversations between my mother and her friends on the perils of having too-smart-for-their-own-good children. Many of them had to do with a propensity for not paying attention to what's going on around them, with all the danger that implies.
My major regret is making fun of what my mom was reading. I mean, she WAS reading, dang it, and not watching TV all the time. On the other hand, Danielle Steele. Come on, Mom.
Anyway, the point of that is that your kids will judge you, and since they are barbarians, they will do so by their own standards. They love you still.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
Well, I dont have any children of my own, but I was one of those obnoxiosly precocious children, and so were all 4 of my siblings. My parents were amazingly good at handling us. My mom tells the story of how my sister challenged her intelligence at the age of 3. My sister wanted to do something rather badly, and my mother told her no, and that it was for her own good. My sister argued vehemently and articulately for a good 15 minutes about why it was she should be allowed to do this. Finally my mom got so frustrated that she asked my sister "what? Do you think your smarter than me or something?". To which of course my sister replied "YES! Yes I am!" with her hands on her hips and glaring at my mom. My mom stared for a minute with her mouth gaping open, then started laughing and picked my sister up and hugged her. They did that alot with us. They couldnt help but find what we did funny, and they never really tried to hide that from us. Kind of kept us from taking ourselves too seriously. But they also made sure to take us seriously enough, and make sure we felt respected. That was a HUGE issue. Respect was immensely important to all of us, because we never got it outside of home. Our teachers and other adults never really took our intelligence that seriously (crappy small town school system), but our parents did. They took the time to teach all of us specific skills that suited our individual needs and desires.
Goodness... I was fortunate. I hope to someday be as good a parent to my scarily smart children.
I wish you luck, KQ, and hope you enjoy the challenges of raising children that could rule the world at 8.
Posts: 499 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I think an important thing to remember is that even though your child may be mentally and physically advanced, they are usually at age level or even behind emotionally. A lot of problems that arise in gifted children are emotional problems; sometimes they're not emotionally prepared to handle the kind of information their reading and exploration has them processing, and sometimes adults tend to treat them as if they have the logical and social capacities of an adult just because they have an advanced intellect.
Remember that she needs to work through the different emotional stages and have good social experiences even though she tends to spend most of her energy learning and memorizing. A large percentage of gifted children actually lag behind their peers in emotional and social development.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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Annie, I see that happening already, although since I stay home, she doesn't get as much chance to see other kids, so that's probably part of it. But she's always, always, since she was born, preferred interacting with adults-- and men-- more than little girls, like most baby girls I've known. Her social hostility is enough that her nurse practitioner suggested I enroll her in a "Mother's Day Out" program that would give her about 4 hours a week or so of being around other kids. (Of course, we can't afford that.)
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Our children are allowed to disagree with anything we say, but there are no knock-down, drag-out arguments.
How did you teach them this? I am trying very hard to assert my authority; I recognize that a one-year-old does not always need a "why", and that sometimes (like at bathtime, or bedtime, or diaper-change time, or don't-pull-the-kitty's-whiskers time) I really do know what is best, and she needs to be dealt with firmly and she needs to have discipline and structure. However, she is just as stubborn as I am (and that's saying something). Some behavior-modification techniques really seem to work on her, but she is stubborn enough to defeat others. (This is not unknown in my family, either; I was a breath-holder as a toddler.) And to top it all off, we both have nasty tempers. Ouch. I'm able to be very patient with children most of the time (not so with adults), but there does come a point when I snap from frustration. How do I avoid that point? What works for you? And how do I assert my authority while allowing her to have an opinion? At what age does that start?
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
Hatrackers kids really are too smart and cute for their own good.
My half brother made a list when i was 13 months old, of my vocabulary in a single day. He hadn't been around me that much, so didn't know I was that verbal, we still have the list somewhere, like 140 words, including names of every animal in the neighborhood, lots of relatives, and the whole menue for the day.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
My precocious child levelled out when he became the middle child. As far as I know. :shrug:
Seriously, though, I learned this week that he can read a couple of words. I mean, I knew he could read "OK" and "Exit" for about a year, but they are everywhere on the computer so I figured it was kind of like knowing a star is a star. I thought he might have learned his sister's names from their logins on the computer. But I have no idea how he learned to read "mom" (it was written on the side of a laundry bag). Maybe my brother has been teaching him on the sly when I'm at work.
And this after bemoaning that I haven't really cultivated him much. His sister had reading lessons and piano lessons at his age, but she was a laaaate talker so I was concerned that she be ready for kindergarten. Also, the early talker didn't potty train until well after 4. Just sayin'. Hope that doesn't happen to you. Posts: 2010 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
just be careful what you say in front of her. Once a kid decides they like a word, they don't let it go.
I remember I got in trouble when I was 5 for teaching my 2 year old sister that the word "poop" was funny.
I guess it is not bad if it is in the appropriate situation...but I guess parents tend to get embarrassed when their little girl says poop over and over again in a grocery store.
Posts: 1901 | Registered: May 2004
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Lupus, yes. I'm trying very hard to stop saying things are "crappy".
quote:Also, the early talker didn't potty train until well after 4. Just sayin'. Hope that doesn't happen to you.
None of us in my family potty trained until 3. I apparently refused to until my mom dyed my underwear yellow, my favorite color. Kids are motivated by the strangest things...
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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My oldest son is smarter than I was at that age, but not that much. The amazing thing is that he is much, much more well-rounded than I was. Not only is he at the top of his class, and in fact surpassing whole classes of kids three grades ahead of him, he is also the tallest kid in his class (although he is one of the youngest), and he is an athletic prodigy. His soccer team has only six goals this season, in six games, and my son scored four of them -- and this while being his team's primary goalie. I was, and still am, athletically inept, and so is my wife. I don't know where his skills came from.
Some of the challenges this kid presents so far: -He is a perfectionist. He puts tremendous pressure on himself to be perfect, to do everything right the first time, to be better than everyone else. My wife and I do not put pressure on him, at least we try not to. In fact, we make it a priority. Yet, somehow, he continues to do it to himself. -Since he is so advanced both intellectually and physically, and so tall for his age, it is very hard to remember how old he really is and treat him accordingly. It is hard to see him as a five-year-old, since most of the time he seems more like an eight-year-old. Behaviorally, he is exactly his real age, and we have to remind ourselves to take this into account when it comes time to disipline him. (I know, this sounds like it contradicts my earlier assertion that we don't pressure him, but then I was talking about achievement, not discipline or "naughtiness".) -Although he is capable of doing anything, he cannot actually DO everything, because there is neither enough time nor enough energy available. We have to pick and choose, or help him pick and choose, and a lot of things he would like to try, and we would like to support, have to be set aside, at least for now.
One of the best ways of dealing with such a gifted child that I have discovered is to talk with him on a normal level. I don't talk down to him. I talk with him almost as if he were another adult, especially when answering his questions. He responds very well to this.
The other day, he told me he had opened my Collected Works of Mark Twain, and had found my bookmark in the middle of Huck Finn, and started reading. He summarized a chunk of the plot for me. I didn't read that book until I was in fourth grade. He is about to complete first grade, and won't be six until July.
Posts: 1652 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
I always turn to books when I have questions and there are lots of books available on the topic of raising gifted children. I recommend the book "Keys to Parenting the Gifted Child", by Sylvia Rimm.
I also found the book "Frames of Mind: the Theory of Multiple Intelligences", by Howard Gardner to be fascinating and very helpful. I love the idea that there are many areas of intelligence and not just language and math.
Posts: 15 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:...and who will get in knock-down, drag-out arguments with me...
This isn't a "I have a smart kid/smart mom" thing. This is a two stubborn people thing. Remember that you're the mom. Repeat "I love you too much to argue." then hold your line. And remember, that for however smart she is, she's still only 2. You're arguing with a two year old. How silly does that make you? It's like arguing with a Stop sign.
Again, not a smart kid thing, but a stubborn, strong willed kid thing: Offer choices about anything and everything you don't care about. Would you like to put your shoes on over here on the step, or on the floor? Would you like your left sock first, or your right sock? Would you like this pair of pants or these here? It takes a little practice, but you don't realize how much you decide for your child until you spend some time trying to think of choices to offer. Praise every choice with a hearty "Good choice!" Then, when there are no choices to offer, take control and upon protest of other parties, say "I'm the mommy, I get to choose this time." This sounds seriously stupid, but a smart, very strong willed child is so happy being allowed to choose the majority of unimportant things that they're generally pretty willing to let you decide the important stuff.
Rainbow is far, far more strong willed than her brother. We are now on the happier side of the terrible twos, and I can't tell you how well offering choices worked to made things go smoother. She still threw spectacular fits. But not all the time, and I wasn't generally ready to strangle her quite as often. She's just turned 3, and she almost never has tantrums now. Which is a miracle, considering.
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
That is excellent advice, jeniwren. I think I remember that being used successfully with my brother. And you're right, it is ridiculous to be arguing with a two-year-old; what I'm worried about is that she's such a great communicator, it can be hard to remember that I'm not talking to someone who is actually capable of assessing the situation and deciding for herself. Your "stop sign" analogy is wonderful; if I can remember that, it will not only help me be firm, it will probably make me grin when I need it most. That is exactly what I need! Thank you! Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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You now have a specialist on the board. I've completed all my G/T training.
Delight in your gifted child. She's a marvel. She'll never forgive you for dressing her as Gollum.
The main things to remember are these: Gifted children are CHILDREN above all else. They need support and guidance and love. They also are different in many ways, primarily because their brains are on constant overdrive. Gifted kids thrive on challenges, but they also need a lot of downtime to process information. As a parent, you will need to advocate for your daughter and at the same time be her safe place. It can be a bit tricky, but mostly it's a wonderful ride.
I know that my gifted daughter and I share a connection that I've found with very few people because our brains work the same way. It's nice.
You'll do great, KQ. Any specific questions, feel free to ask here or e-mail me!
OH! And if there are any G/T organizations in your state/area, join them! They'll be full of excellent resources for you.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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Yep, jeniwren's advice was excellant. Giving choices helped me tons - it still does now. I pick my battles, to be honest. If my daughter wants to wear completely mismatched clothes to the grocery store I don't care; family pictures are another story. If my son as a teenager wants to dye his hair blue, so be it - he just better keep curfew.
When my son was about 2 1/2, I started standing him in the corner for discipline. I'd set the timer for 2 minutes, and after that he could get out...but he had to be quiet. He was so "spirited" that one afternoon we did the corner for 90 minutes - he was *that* determined to win and refused to stop screaming. He needed kind of an "iron fist" for the ages of 2-3 1/2, since then I couldn't have asked for a better behaved and respectful child.
I think what we did that really helped was to stress feelings from a very early age. I'd say things like, "I can't help you when you're screaming. Tell me why you're upset. Are you angry? Are you sad? etc." I also explained how *I* felt when they were disrespectful to me. We did this even when watching movies or reading books (eg "How do you think s/he feels?") It took awhile, since as we know small children are self-centered, but both of my kids have developed into pretty empathetic people. This has helped them see us as "human" not parents, and they are much more conscious of our feelings and are careful (most times) to speak respectfully in order to avoid hurting anyone.
posted
Exceedingly bright children are a joy and a frustration rolled into one.
Natalie has learned to accept herself and is doing much, much better but when she was younger she suffered from many of the frustrations and problems common to gifted children. For one thing she had a high degree of empathy, and would often cry not because someone did something to her, but because they did something to someone else. This set her up for tons of ridicule from other kids. The typical child world of "You were my best friend but today I hate you even though tomorrow we'll be best friends again" was incomprehensible to her. Every time a friend acted cold or aloof it was the end of her world and she came home crying.
None of her friends wanted to talk about or do the things she wanted to do, either. We had some tough years, but now that she's in middle school she is actually more accepted socially than ever before, and usually middle school is a difficult time. I think it just took time for Natalie to be comfortable with herself.
I can't offer advice except be patient, know that it's going to be difficult and just be there to comfort them when the world doesn't make sense to them. Good luck.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
Belle does an excellent job parenting. You should listen to her!
My own daughter was incredibly fierce from the day she was born. We had to teach her how to handle her intense emotions. She was not allowed to hurt anybody or anything, but it was okay for her to go to her room for a while until she was ready to be with the family again. So far, that's worked well. We also use the whiteboard to write and erase words when she's too emotional to talk about her feelings.
We have some of the most amazing conversations. I answer all her questions as honestly as I can, and we go to the library regularly. I encourage her interests.
So far, we have a wonderful relationship.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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