posted
I'm insane. Or going that way. Sometimes it's hard for me to think clearly. Sometimes I rant on about nonsense and I want to stop but I just keep doing it; while I'm talking I'm thinking that I want to stop and that it's not what I really want to say which scares me. Some people, whether it's a friend who is mad at me (because she's a pompous shithead) or someone who I don't like who has done something I don't like (mean to someone), I think of hurting them or sometimes killing them, but quickly snap out of the thought. Once my sister was beat me twice at a game of soccer and for a second I had a thought of hurting her. One time I was home alone with my nine year old sister and I heard her coughing terribly downstairs, so I went to see if she was alright. She told me to go away and that I was an idiot, so I hit her a few times. When I read a book and there's a character who does something immorale or thinks of only themselves in a life-or-death situation I sometimes cry because I worry that I might do the same thing. When a friend who I hold in high esteem doesn't want to talk to me I despair. Usually I'm pretty pacifistic and friendly, but that's probably because I'm a coward. Help me please.
Posts: 13 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
That's what I thought, but I took an online survey and it said I didn't show signs. It would probably be more accurate to talk to a doctor.
Posts: 13 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by MrSquicky: Go see a therapist or, in your case, your school conselor. No one here can give you any better help than they can.
posted
See someone, and right away. Whether it's a family doctor, a counselor, just some professional who can guide you to the right places to receive professional help.
Don't rely on an online forum or internet site checklists when dealing with something as serious as potential mental illness.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
OK, I'm worried about you. What's going on certainly doesn't seem healthy. I agree with your decision that you need help. Probably asking advice from a bunch of strangers feels safe, but it is not, in the end, all that helpful to you.
If you don't have a psychiatrist, see your regular primary doctor and explain what is going on. That can be a first step in getting help.
You didn't say, but I gathered from your context that you are a juvenile living at home with your parents. Can you enlist your parents to get you help? Ultimately, you will be needing their support, and it can help if they understand that you have an illness, not just a behavior problem.
Good luck. Schizophrenia is not a diagnosis easily made online like this. But a word of advice (and I mean this totally seriously). If there are voices telling you to do things that you know are wrong, DON'T LISTEN TO THEM. You can call 911 and go to the hospital and tell them that the voices in your head are trying to make you do wrong things. Because that situation really counts as an emergency, and the emergency room people are trained to know what to do. You will also get fast-tracked for treatment (i.e. admitted to the psychiatric unit)
Your worried Tante, Esther
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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You could even print out your post and take it to a counselor or a doctor if you think it would be too hard to say out loud.
Like everyone else here, I would truly encourage you to get help from a professional in real life. I would also encourage you to find the number for a local crisis line and keep it handy.
I wish you all the best in doing this. I know the first steps of telling someone can be very, very hard.
Posts: 99 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
To make sure, here's what I said on the other side:
quote:P, I'm pretty sure most of us knew your age. Your feelings of worthlessness could be symptoms of depression in one of it's many forms. Even among non-depressed teenagers, they're pretty common thoughts from time to time.
Your best option is probably to tell your primary care physician. You could even print out what you've written here and give it to him if that would make it easier on you.
If you don't feel ready/comfortable to tell someone or are unsure of how to go about finding a person qualified to help, there are almost certainly confidential and anonymous mental health hotlines in your area. A quick web search or a look through the yellow pages should turn them up. I wouldn't be suprised if they've also moved onto the web. These are staffed by people who are trained and eager to help you.
What you've described doesn't sound to me to be too severe, but it does sound as if you might have problems that would be best dealt with with the help of a qualified professional. Tell your doctor, or your school conselor if they're available, or give the hotlines a try. They'll know much better than I.
At the very least, if you don't really need help, if you're just feeling the troubles that go along with being a teenager, they'll be able to set your mind at rest on that count.
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As someone who deals with many people who have mental health issues, the description you give concerning your thoughts and actions does not fit the standard profile of schizophrena. However, I agree with the others that you might benefit from the support of a good therapist. You really_can_feel better and more in control of your thoughts and actions. It can be difficult to locate a good therapist, in part because you may be a minor, and in part because you really have to trust the person working with you in order to receive any benefit from the treatment. Finally there are alot of treatment options and you need to decide what will work for you. My only caveat: be wary of quick fixes and professionals who make you feel like you have a new friend. In short, it's hard work to gain insight and compassion for yourself. I think you have made a brave first step. Godspeed!
Posts: 42 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Everyone has given great advice. I have nothing to add but encouragement and a strong urging to take that first step as soon as possible. Regardless of the clinical name for whatever you may be suffering, its obvious you are in a painful and possibly dangerous state of mind. For your own sake, don't wait until something bad happens. It may seem scary or intimidating to ask for help, but its the only way that you'll be able to treat your condition.
Your regular physician or insurance company can recommend a therapist or psychologist to make an appointment with. Different practioners will have different styles and methods, so look for one you'll be comfortable talking to. Once you've found one you like you can start the process of recognizing your condition (or conditions as many sufferers display symptoms of multiple disorders) and deciding the best course of action. It may be a matter of choosing a medication/vitamin regime that will boost a recent chemical imbalance or talking through your problems and recognizing harmful thought processes that are affecting your behavior.
I recommend against online self-diagnosis but a proactive measures on your part to understand what is going on, may be beneficial. Online material can offer great exercises in how to control your anger and mood swings.
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