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I have no words -- I'm sorry for your loss sounds deficient to me, but at least it's true. (((Telp)))
Posts: 6213 | Registered: May 2001
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Telp, what OSC said was wonderful advice, and I agree that writing is a very, very good thing for you.
Not long ago I stumbled on some old writings I did soon after I lost my grandfather and it was very comforting, and helped me remember my love for him and the joy I felt around him.
I know that this was a very difficult experience, my heart goes out to you. I am deeply, deeply sorry for your loss.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad things between you guys was at a good place. I'll be thinking about you (and praying for you and your family - if you don't mind).
Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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Karl. I wish I could come sit with you. I'm so sorry that I can't - I so hope someone else is there to be with you. It sounds like there are people available to you, if you want the company. I hope that you and your brother, especially, can comfort each other.
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Karl, you and your family will be in my prayers. I don't have any better advice than: take care of yourselves. You have my deepest and most sincere condolences.
Posts: 753 | Registered: Mar 2001
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I remember talking to my parents late one night, as a pre-teen. They were telling me that I was close to the age where kids, particularly boys, would stop being affectionate to their parents..little things, like kissing them on the cheek where I went to bed and things like that.
I told them that I would never outgrow that, and they laughed at that.
I was right. We had a few years there where we didn't really get along...my fault, really...but even then I always made a point of going up to BOTH of them and kissing them on the cheek to say good night. Even when it felt a little odd, like when I came home at age 23 from basic training.
I am glad I never outgrew it, and still kiss them on the cheek when I go to visit them, and when I say goodnight. That was one promise that I kept, and it is at times like this, going through things like Telp is right now, that you really and truly are thankful for things like that.
Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Telp, I'm sorry for what's happend to you and your family and I wish you strength for the hard times ahead.
Posts: 3564 | Registered: Sep 2001
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I'm so sorry I didn't see this earlier, my internet hasn't been working, and I've had to mooch off of other people's computers while they haven't been around... *hugs tight* I'm so sorry to hear about this. Please let me know if there's anything I can do. I'm thinking of you. ((((((((((Telp)))))))))))
Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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Thank you everyone. I'm so tired. I've only gotten about 6 hours of sleep the past two days. Spent hours and hours at the funeral home setting up everything. We had an autopsy done. She died from a blood clot that came from the leg, went through the heart, and stopped up on the way to the lungs. Stopped all circulation. The funeral service is tues and weds and the mass is on thursday at St. Frances Cabrini. I'm going to try and sleep some more.
Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
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I'm so sorry, honey, even if I don't know you at all. I know from experience it's hard to lose a parent, but you know you have all the love of everyone here. Take care of yourself.
Posts: 71 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Oh Telp... I am so sorry for your loss. If you'll accept a big crying hug from a guy, consider it given. I pray that you'll find some peace in all this pain.
Posts: 353 | Registered: Sep 2003
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Yes... many thanks to Uncle Orson for the very kind and insightful post.
I didn't get to sleep, the family from Chicago came over and we've been really busy today. People have been very kind... bringing over food and helping us clean. I however refuse to have any of Mom's stuff moved anywhere. If it's in a clutter, clean and pile it up nice, but I don't want it moved from room to room and especially nothing leaving the house. I need to touch everything before I can let anything leave. I had a bit of a breakdown today... thank god I was alone. While she has been working and all that, I've been helping to take care of her these past few years. She was very overwieght, had blood clots, diabetes, and had torn away the ACL ligament in her knee. Surgery fixed that but as a result had no cartalige in her knee. So I would be her legs, running up and down the house to do stuff and shop and do housework. Never enough of course since I'm a lazy SOB, but I did try and was learning. So being around her so much and being involved with so much of her day to day things...well.. just makes me feel more connected or somthing. Especially now that it seems like the whole house and everything in is a shrine to her. I just want to wrap all her belongings around me. I was going through her jewlery with my Aunt Jenny... her jewlery was so important to her... some people drink or smoke, she bought baubles and jewlry. SO many pieces of costume jewlry and other real expensive stuff. Even though it feels like a sin to be digging around her stuff I picked out a couple pieces that I want. And I just want her to tell me what to do. What do you want Mom????????? Please please please please tell me.
Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
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What your mom wants, Telp, is for you to attain peace. So do what you need to do to get there. If that means keeping things intact for a while, leave them intact.
Who is there to help you with all the big decisions? Do you have siblings?
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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Do you want milk? Do you want me to shop? Do you want me to rub your feet? Do you want me to run down and do the laundry? Do you want to talk about politics? Do you want to lecture me on what I need to do for myself and success? Do you want to get me to be religious again? Do you want a tissue? Do you want to show me a song? Do you want to watch a movie? Are you grumpy and want to yell? Please yell at me. Please tell me what you want me to do.
Who am I supposed to talk to and ask the important questions?
Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
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Yes... I have a younger brother, Matthew. And my family from Chicago is up. Not here currently, at the hotel, but my friend Neal is here sleeping.
My Aunt Jenny is a lawyer in Chicago so she is helping with the paperwork.
The ironic thing is that Dad, even after the divorce, might still be the exectutor of the will. She was in the process of cutting him out and putting Matt and I as the benefitiaries(sp?), but I don't think she finished. In any case, Dad is Dad and we are his blood and I don't expect him to any less than giving everything to us. And I think Aunt Jenny is the executor after Dad anyway.
We are supposed to talk to the lawyer in 7 hours... Can't sleep.
Oh, and the funeral director is really really cool. They are doing so much. Well.. for $11,000 I would hope so. But from what my family tells me they really are very caring.
Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
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I am glad that you have someone to help you IRL...at least as much as anything helps at this point.
I really like the idea of writing everything down in a journal while you remember it fresh, but that might be better as a project once you begin to heal a bit, in a few months. It will still hurt, of course, but the wounds won't be as fresh either.
Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
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The old neighbor man died two weeks ago. My wife and I are close to his daughter and her husband. The old man had a special request, and he paid me a visit the day after he died. It took me by surprise. I didn't have anything else on my mind at the time, and his message came through crystal clear.
You're probably too busy with too many thoughts right now for your mom to get through. Get some sleep, lay off the booze, caffeine, and cigs; fast and pray, and she'll get through if she has any hugs or messages for you.
Posts: 2655 | Registered: Feb 2004
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I recently read a journal entry I made just a short time (3 yrs) ago and I had completely forgotten about it. It is important to write in your journal, especially about people who are precious to you.
Posts: 1417 | Registered: Aug 1999
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