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Guys that go along with it because...I don't know why, but some do. The ones you want to keep don't, of course.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
Students who don't realize that it is a blessing to have the the opportunity to go to college, and that no matter the cost of the school one must EARN grades.
Posts: 514 | Registered: May 2005
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boys that are all about "the score" but who then turn around and talk about how "easy" a particular girl is...
people who brake on on-ramps...
my new neighbor's dog, who has torn up our trash and scattered it over our lawn three days in a row now... if we didn't each live on two acres, it would, for some reason be less aggravating but it seems with that much room he ought to be able to keep his dog on his property...
Posts: 3846 | Registered: Apr 2004
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I definitely agree! I know too many of those. What often happens is that the particular girl does it for attention, gets a lot of laughs, and is then considered stupid. It is impossible for her to stop, and her self-esteem sinks.
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I've been in a few situations in my life where I was considered the dumb girl (short period of aquaintance, and I can be flakey sometimes), and it was very, very odd. I HATED it. My opinon of the opinion-holders also dropped to all-time lows. I had all the attention I could want, but the ones giving it were such losers it would never be worth it.
Too long I've been afraid of Losing love I guess I've lost Well, if that's love It comes at much too high a cost! Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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quote:Students who don't realize that it is a blessing to have the the opportunity to go to college, and that no matter the cost of the school one must EARN grades.
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Actually, no, I don't hate them. I've met too few people who don't act fake to start hating all those who do.
Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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( just to clarify -- my intelligent daughter doesn't really act stupid -- at least not to my knowledge when I'm around her. I just couldn't resist the come-back opportunity that the intial post presented)
(and now I'm covering my butt for when my daughter logs in and sees this thread)
Posts: 9538 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Let's keep in mind that there's a difference between book smarts and common sense. I knew plenty of girls in high school that had more than enough book smarts but their common sense was, to put it nicely, severely lacking. Sometimes girls (and boys) act dumber than they are to attract attention, but sometimes girls (and boys) act like idiots in social situations simply because that's the way they are.
Posts: 194 | Registered: Feb 2005
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I hate when all the guys I know claim they want smart, interesting girls and then proceed to ignore all the pretty smart girls they know and then complain that there isn't anyone out there.
The lesson: feel free to ignore but don't *complain* to your female friends who have watched 3-4 girls go after you. </rant>
Posts: 872 | Registered: Mar 2002
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Similar advice goes to the girls who proclaim to want "sensitive, intelligent" guys (or the like).
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Oh, those of you who actually follow through are fine, poly, its the ones who then go off and date jerks that get my goat.
Posts: 15770 | Registered: Dec 2001
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It's the "sensitive, intelligent" guys who are too dang shy to ever ASK a girl out to begin with that get my goat. The girls like him, but he never has the nerve to act on that....
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Y'know, it is possible for girls to approach guys nowadays, too
And its not easy for either party, often
As for me, I do ask girls on occasion, but I don't always know which girls like me (for instance). Its not always easy to tell, particularly if one has affectionate friends (who aren't interested), and the girl who's doing the liking should make sure to be clear (and preferably start up a conversation about the possibility).
Posts: 15770 | Registered: Dec 2001
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oh... from my experience with the personal ads...
what's with women who come off all about the "emotional, spiritual, mental, maturity" aspects of the guy, then refuse to consider anyone under 6' tall, even when they are 5'2"?
That was very weird and frustrating.
Posts: 3846 | Registered: Apr 2004
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quote:the girl who's doing the liking should make sure to be clear (and preferably start up a conversation about the possibility).
Honestly, this is probably the sticking point. I like sensitive, intelligent guys, but I don't like having to do all the work. I like being courted, dang it. I like someone who is aggressive and fearless enough to try. Who likes me enough that I'm worth taking a risk.
This is definitely from experience. I used to not mind at all, but I found out that it doesn't really change - if a girl has to make it happen, she will always be the one to make things happen. I don't want to be the one to make things happen.
I'm not interested in everyone who tries, but I never look down on those who do. I think it's gutsy. I like gutsy.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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People who keeping asking if I am THE Sid Meier
j/k I actually like that attention though I correct that impresion immediatly.
The people WHO REALLY get my goat are those pessimists who think the world is doomed yada yadda yada and use it as an excuse for X behavior.
Posts: 1567 | Registered: Oct 2004
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Able-bodied people who cut you off racing to the closest space that you were about to pull into? Especially when it's 101 degrees outside and you're 5 months pregnant.
At least she had the decency to look embarassed when I got out of my car and she saw my belly.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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Kat, there are a good number of girls I wouldn't mind going out with. I'm not going to ask all of them out, one after another, I'm going to ask someone out I find I have a particular interest in and think may feel similarly about me (at least as far as the would be interested in trying a date or two). If one of the girls who I wouldn't mind going out with makes an interest clear, though, I'll ask her out.
You might think about if there are any guys out there who feel that if they have to push for the date then they're going to end up being the one making everything happen, who feel that if a girl isn't going to at least make her interest clear she's not going to put enough effort into the resulting relationship.
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quote:I'm not going to ask all of them out, one after another
Then you will date less than the guys who do.
If that's what you're choosing, that's fine. However, if you're wondering why the girls that say they want sensitive guys are dating the jerks, it's probably because the jerks actually asked them out.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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quote:Originally posted by Mrs.M: Able-bodied people who cut you off racing to the closest space that you were about to pull into? Especially when it's 101 degrees outside and you're 5 months pregnant.
At least she had the decency to look embarassed when I got out of my car and she saw my belly.
Amen, Mrs. M! This happens to me on a daily basis right now, and I'm 2 weeks away from delivery!
Thank goodness for Flat Irons Mall and their "Expectant and New Parent" Parking spots!
Posts: 161 | Registered: Jul 2002
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I think there'd a lot fewer single people around here if our society wasn't so hell-bent on a formal "guy asks girl out, they go to dinner and a movie, they stress about possibility of goodnight kiss" dating process. Posts: 1681 | Registered: Jun 2004
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quote:If that's what you're choosing, that's fine. However, if you're wondering why the girls that say they want sensitive guys are dating the jerks, it's probably because the jerks actually asked them out.
And if girls wonder why it seems like every guy they date turns out to be a jerk in the end, it might be because they demand to be courted in a way that sensitive guys aren't inclined to do.
Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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*shrug* I'm okay with dating less, I'd rather date people I've already had a chance to make some decent connection with than just asking people.
And I don't think its at all unreasonable for a girl who would like to go out with a guy to at least make it clear (and this doesn't necessarily mean telling the guy, asking him out, or anything that blatant; there are lots of ways to do it) that she would like to do so, instead of just saying yes to the "jerk" she would rather not go out with.
Seems a bit odd to go out with the jerk when you'd rather go out with someone else who's also available and not a jerk, but perhaps I'm just missing something that makes that make sense.
Posts: 15770 | Registered: Dec 2001
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Probably. Being unsingle isn't the pinnacle of existence however. Being trapped and unhappy would be death.
quote:Seems a bit odd to go out with the jerk when you'd rather go out with someone else who's also available and not a jerk, but perhaps I'm just missing something that makes that make sense.
I have this theory that part of what makes us initially attracted to someone is how they make you feel, about the world, about them, and about yourself. Being asked out can make someone feel attractive and worth the risk. "He makes me feel pretty." That's a great feeling. "He makes me feel like I'm not worth the risk unless there's a guaranteed return" is powerful in the wrong direction.
In other words, you may think he's a jerk, but he's sweet to her and makes her feel good about herself. That's fabulous.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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quote:I think there'd a lot fewer single people around here if our society wasn't so hell-bent on a formal "guy asks girl out, they go to dinner and a movie, they stress about possibility of goodnight kiss" dating process.
I can heartily recommend the "talk on the phone for hours while in distant cities, meet for a weekend after a month or so, have along distance relationship for a year and a half, propose, go away to law school, and get married" dating process.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Didn't Eve make it clear she was interested, though?
quote:And if girls wonder why it seems like every guy they date turns out to be a jerk in the end, it might be because they demand to be courted in a way that sensitive guys aren't inclined to do.
It is possible for someone to be both brave and nice.
It's a nice theory that careful = sensitive = better boyfriends, but there are just as many jerks among the bookish, shy types as there are among the fearless, hero types. Neither personality is emblematic of an inner character.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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divaesefani, that's actually the first time anything like that has ever happened to me. Usually people are very solicitous when they see my bump. I've had new registers opened for me, been escorted to the head of checkout lines, and had my name moved to the head of the seating list in restaurants. I think that's why I was so annoyed by this lady.
If I was 8.5 months, I would probably have said something.
We don't have any pregnant or new parent parking spaces here - I'm envious.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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quote:It's a nice theory that careful = sensitive = better boyfriends, but there are just as many jerks among the bookish, shy types as there are among the fearless, hero types. Neither personality is emblematic of an inner character.
Amen, kat. I went to college looking forward to dating sensitive musicians and writers and there were many more jerks among them than there had been among the good ol boys I dated in high school.
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when you're interested and show interest, she answers, you get together, after a couple of days she says it's off and only tells you way later that she wasn't *really* interested but only *looking*; and she was your best friend too; and you CAN'T hate her, because you like her too much; and you lose her both as a possible relationship AND as a close friend, and it all becomes meaningless. And everyone expects you to go on living like nothing happened. "Time will heal everything." "There are other girls out there." "You have more important things to concentrate on right now."
And don't you hate it when all those feelings finally dull out and it seems indeed that nothing happened and all that seemed so beautiful didn't even exist, when time DOES heal even when you don't want to?
And don't you hate it when you know you'll start over, doing the same thing, because there's no other way you know?
Neah, I don't hate that. Guess it's just life. Better live a full life than a dull life. Posts: 4519 | Registered: Sep 2003
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I definitely agree with the possibility of jerks all over the place, in all personality types.
But its important you understand that this
quote:"He makes me feel like I'm not worth the risk unless there's a guaranteed return" is powerful in the wrong direction.
not only seems to apply both ways (see my previous point about not even bothering to make her interest clear/not going to put effort into a relationship), but also a misconception in its strong sense. I'm not out for a guaranteed return, I'll ask out people I have a particular interest in whom I don't know how'll they'll respond. Among those I don't have a particular interest in, though, I'm not just going to ask out person after person -- to me, I'd be saying "I don't have a particular reason to ask you, out, I'd just like to be going out and you seem nice enough", which isn't me. I will ask out one of those people if there seems to be some connection, but I rather like to think of such a connection as something special rather than a cynical "guaranteed return".
Posts: 15770 | Registered: Dec 2001
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quote:Originally posted by katharina: he's sweet to her and makes her feel good about herself. That's fabulous.
Something about this is bugging me, but I can't word it very well...
Maybe it's the ease with which this is accomplished sometimes...? like insincere flattery...
Or maybe... I think it's that it sounds awfully close to "he makes her feel wanted". Hmmm... yeah I think that's the uncomfortable road on this for me...
Not that it's better for her to feel unwanted, but just that there are a lot of jerk-ish, or downright abusive things, that can make someone feel wanted.
and some of the greatest things we can give our partners-- the time and freedom to be alone or do things just for themselves-- can appear as indifference if the person is primarily looking to be made to feel wanted.
Thanks for letting me talk myself through that, all... I'll go ahead and post it in case anyone else is edified.
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And I'm not really that subtle - when I like someone, I, at least, think it is glaringly apparent. I get the beaming kind of blush that's visible from space.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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quote:It's a nice theory that careful = sensitive = better boyfriends, but there are just as many jerks among the bookish, shy types as there are among the fearless, hero types.
Kinda like the "nice" but mistaken theory that being aggressive in courtship = more gutsy? Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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