I'm not sure. Maybe it's just the guys I grew up with in Louisiana....or the guys I worked with in Colorado....or the guys I went to school with in Montana....or the guys I worked with in Tennessee.
I think that maybe it's expected. Sports and girls have always been the main topic of conversation amongst guys, in my experience.
And Corwin - again, maybe it's just that my friends and I have a locker room mentality, but it's rare to hear one of them say he wants to date a girl. The manly way to say this is to say that the girl is hot. It's understood that this means the guy likes her. Otherwise, he'll say "she's hot, but I'm not into her".
Things in the south aren't very touchy feely.
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I'm actually pretty sure Phanto is a guy, at least according to someone who met him. And they never speciffically said "I'm a girl" in the post, hmm.
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quote:El JT de Spang, computer geeks ALWAYS talk about which comp char is hotter then another one, take FF7 fpr instance there's always endless debates about whether or not Aeris is better looking then Tifa.
My point exactly. This is talking about sex. Just because the object of desire is made out of 1's and 0's doesn't mean it's not about attraction, and thus, sex.
Talking isn't doing, but isn't attractiveness just the biological impetus to mate with a member of the opposite sex?
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Direct this away from Phanto... I'm not commenting on whatever happened there because I don't really know what it was, but...
Can I get a ruling here?
I mean I understand there is a difference between asking someone out and pawing them and commanding that they follow you home for a nightcap...
but we just discussed at length how many of you wouldn't go out with a guy too cowardly to make the first move...
and here we have a thread where everyone seems to be complaining about guys making moves.
Perhaps it's just imprecise language, but we are talking about "getting hit on" and "making passes" which doesn't conjure images of sexual assault... more like saying "hi... what's your name? can I buy you a drink?"
Would some of you mind clarifying this?
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quote:And Corwin - again, maybe it's just that my friends and I have a locker room mentality, but it's rare to hear one of them say he wants to date a girl. The manly way to say this is to say that the girl is hot. It's understood that this means the guy likes her. Otherwise, he'll say "she's hot, but I'm not into her".
That's the problem actually. How honest are those guys that say they talk about "sex"?! Are they just trying to be "manly"? I don't think my circle of friends contains even one guy that would act like that (edit: meaning trying to be "manly"). And I have friends that talk about dating girls, about "liking" them, not about how "hot" they are. Then again maybe we aren't the norm and this is just me hanging around certain types of people all the time.
quote:Even computer geeks have testosterone.
Maybe they don't talk about girls and sex as much they talk about (insert hip new computer topic here), but they still think about it.
By the way, you mean to tell me that computer geeks don't talk about who's the hottest game character?
Well, d'uh, we (including me, proud computer geek) do think about sex. But the "problem" here was the frequency of those thoughts / talks, right? Not their presence. I'm just saying that you can think and talk about sex and not be a "sexual predator" kind of guy. And also that talking about physical beauty does not always mean talking about sex.
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I'm pretty sure Phanto is a girl unless she/he/it is an amphotite or bah however you spell it.
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I don't think one of my friends saying that a girl he works with is hot makes him a sexual predator. None of us are consciously acting "manly". People develop familiar patterns within a group dynamic. They fall back into regular rhythms, topics, banter.
And again, when your friends talk about liking a girl, that's talking about sex.
My statement was that guys in a group think about sex (read - women) more than when they're alone.
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Edit: This is in response to Jim-Me. . . I had to stop in the middle and do some work.
I may be in the minority, but I do not go out on dates with people who approached me randomly and introduce themselves. I am a mean, unfriendly, grumpy person, and I consider them a nuisance and wish they would leave me alone. I only date people I meet in social settings and have a chance to get to know before being asked out or asking them out.
Social settings may include school, work functions, church, parties hosted by mutual friends, in the pursuit of shared hobbies, and internet forums and/or bulletin boards, but do not include any sort of on-line dating services. One time on a plane trip I got in an engaging conversation with the person sitting beside me, and if he would have asked for my number at the end of the flight I probably would have given it to him. But if someone approaches me in a bar or coffee shop or bookstore or whatever and tries to start up a conversation? Nope.
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quote:Originally posted by El JT de Spang: My statement was that guys in a group think about sex (read - women) more than when they're alone.
You said "a lot more than they would otherwise". And I think I'll just say that I think it's not true, not for my friends, and certainly not for other guys too. (I'm not THAT unique! )
quote: Originally posted by El JT de Spang: I don't think one of my friends saying that a girl he works with is hot makes him a sexual predator. None of us are consciously acting "manly". People develop familiar patterns within a group dynamic. They fall back into regular rhythms, topics, banter.
Sorry, I've been reading that in connection to the general direction of the thread. Of course it doesn't make them sexual predators. Made too many connections there. Anyway, there's another thing here: not all groups include talking about sex in their routine. Maybe it depends on how many common subjects they have in the first place too.
quote: Originally posted by El JT de Spang: And again, when your friends talk about liking a girl, that's talking about sex.
How do you know?!? Talking about a girl sometimes meant talking about her personality; her laugh; her clothes. Was that all talking about sex?! I think you're stretching the notion again here...
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quote:Originally posted by ElJay: Edit: This is in response to Jim-Me. . . I had to stop in the middle and do some work.
I may be in the minority, but I do not go out on dates with people who approached me randomly and introduce themselves. I am a mean, unfriendly, grumpy person, and I consider them a nuisance and wish they would leave me alone. I only date people I meet in social settings and have a chance to get to know before being asked out or asking them out.
Social settings may include school, work functions, church, parties hosted by mutual friends, in the pursuit of shared hobbies, and internet forums and/or bulletin boards, but do not include any sort of on-line dating services. One time on a plane trip I got in an engaging conversation with the person sitting beside me, and if he would have asked for my number at the end of the flight I probably would have given it to him. But if someone approaches me in a bar or coffee shop or bookstore or whatever and tries to start up a conversation? Nope.
That's probably a good policy, since it makes it more likely you won't go out with some psycho dude who is likely to harm you in some way.
But out of curiousity, would you go out with someone who was in, say, a class with you, but whom you didn't know very well? So you've seen him, he's familiar, and he comes up and says he wants to get to know you. What then?
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I think there's a big difference between being asked out by a guy you know or at least are familiar with, and being "hit on" by (almost) random strangers. BryanP has probably put a better question...
The thing is, if it's someone who you've been around before chances are he knows you further than just how good you look; and so he might genuinely be interested in the person. Yeah, you probably haven't noticed him much, but he has.
But if a guy you just met, or who happened to be in the same bar with you just comes up to you and asks you on a date, or whatever, what does it say about him?!
Anyway, I'll shut up and let the women answer now.
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BryanP: If he comes up and asks me on a date, nope. If he strikes up a conversation on the way out of class and it's an interesting, engaging conversation and I want to keep talking to him, I'll find a way to keep talking to him. If that leads to a date later, cool.
Also, I am not one of the people who insist that the guy has to do the asking. I've asked guys out before, and have no problem with it.
Corwin: That's one of the reasons I don't go out with guys who approach me on the street or where-ever. I don't like going out with people who are asking me out based solely on how I look. I'm okay with it being a factor, just not the only factor they know about me.
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ElJay, FWIW, you seem to be not at all who I was talking to and I heartily approve of your methods.
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quote:Perhaps it's just imprecise language, but we are talking about "getting hit on" and "making passes" which doesn't conjure images of sexual assault... more like saying "hi... what's your name? can I buy you a drink?"
Would some of you mind clarifying this?
There's a big difference betweeen a pass and a first move. A guy coming up to you and asking you about the book you're reading is a lot different than the guy sitting next to you on the Greyhound saying "You look just like my ex wife, and my ex wife was hot. She was a crazy b*ch though."
One assumes that you're a human being, the other assumes that the right combination of words will convince you to go home with him.
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As the hints keep escalating, I keep wondering what you two are going to have to do to make people realize.
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quote:Originally posted by Annie: the guy sitting next to you on the Greyhound saying "You look just like my ex wife, and my ex wife was hot. She was a crazy b*ch though."
I really feel sorry for any guy that thought that was a pick up line... but thank you...
See, I bet a lot of guys read your rant about "guys who make passes" and determined to clam up if they were around you, and maybe other women, too.
and that, I think, is why girls are always wondering why good men don't ask them out and guys are always wondering why great girls hook up with such jerks...
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Annie, I went to Montana Tech. I'm neutral on the Griz/Cats thing.
Cor:
quote:Talking about a girl sometimes meant talking about her personality; her laugh; her clothes. Was that all talking about sex?! I think you're stretching the notion again here...
Am I? I don't think it's that much of a stretch to say a guy talking about a girl he's attracted to with another guy is probably talking about sex (in a sense). Attraction is based on mating, back in the part of your brain you can't access consciously. That's why you can't always help who you're attracted to.
It doesn't have to be crass. I think you're taking unnecessary offense when I say talking about sex. That phrase doesn't need a negative connotation.
Also
quote:You said "a lot more than they would otherwise". And I think I'll just say that I think it's not true, not for my friends, and certainly not for other guys too. (I'm not THAT unique!)
Please tell me you're not calling me out for changing the statement from "a lot more" to "more".
I just use my experiences as what's "normal" because I've always been a frighteningly "normal" guy. And it sounds like it is true of you and your friends, you just don't want to call it what it is.
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I find it ridiculous to assume that if I find a guy attractive I am thinking about sex. Unless you postulate that males automatically do this, which I don't think they do.
I think the definition of thinking about sex is, well, thinking about SEX.
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ElJay: I didn't figure you for the type that would go in for the long distance relationship. Especially not with all the available guys in your immediate vincinity that I understand line up at your doorstep.
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Well bev, when we're talking attraction we're talking fundamentally sexual here... it's not talking about sex, but I think he's right that the whole idea of whether you, personally, find someone "attractive" is about whether the person would be a potential sexual partner or not (assuming, hypothetically that there were no moral or sexual orientation issues at stake).
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*shrug* Sometimes you make exceptions, bev.
And for the record, I am not intentionally dropping hints about anything. I hadn't seen fugu's message yet last time I posted, my giggle was aimed at Corwin. In my mind, it is premature to discuss the beginning stages of a relationship in public/on the internet in anything other than an abstract way, so that is what I have been doing.
Some people seem to find the need to add those abstract bits of information up and try to make something out of them. That's fine, whatever. . . but I am not playing some sort of game here leaving little bits of info around for you to find. I am living my life, in a way that makes me happy.
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My point is, if you are trying to figure how frequently a guy thinks about sex, just talking about a girl he is attracted to doesn't count unless he is specifically thinking about something sexual. Talking about her personality being way cool probably doesn't bring up specifically sexual thoughts (I would imagine.)
If you want to try to argue that guys automatically think sex when they are attracted to a girl, and I couldn't possibly know this 'cause I'm not one, that's one thing. But that's not how it works for me.
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I used to think about it whenever I tried not to think about it. Which was a lot. Then I got older and got other things I didn't want to think about. Like going bankrupt and my kids dying. I pretty much subscribe to the theory that this is due to inadequate neurotransmitter activity, particularly between the limbic node and the prefrontal lobe. I don't know exactly what they do. I think the limbic node has to do with more basic animal urges or emotions and the prefrontal lobe is the judgement center, and in order to be heard at all the limbic center has to "shout".
In one way I think the worst thing one can do with compulsive thoughts like this is to try and drown them out- since they just get louder. Ideally, one moves toward integrating emotions and judgement but this can be really scary sometimes. Especially if your heroes are Data and Spock.
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It's working ok for me...Maybe it's because I've been on it for the past four hours and haven't left.
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quote: bev, although I still am not confirming or denying anything, I kinda hope you guessed the right person. It'd be pretty funny otherwise. [Wink]
I'm guessing some kind of satanic love triangle involving you, CT, Frisco, Twinky, six hamsters, a motorcycle, and about six bottles of tequila.
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