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Author Topic: How Do I Stop Thinking?
Rappin' Ronnie Reagan
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I don't want to think anymore. I've been walking around trying not to for the past hour or so, and it's not working. I can't stay in my room because it makes me feel sick and I'll inevitably think. I'm in Wellington, NZ, halfway across the world from my family and friends. I don't want to feel anymore either. Not thinking seems a more attainable goal than not feeling, though. Because we all know there's only one way to not feel anything anymore. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I don't ever post here anymore, though I read threads about once a day.
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Aurinona
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You seem to have gotten yourself into the "don't think of a blue elephant" situation. When you're trying to AVOID thinking about something, you're just dwelling on it even more.

I grew up as a military brat, and I know what it's like to feel separated from friends and pretty alone (I still had my family, but post-move I was usually mad at them about being dragged cross-country.)

Homesickness does pass eventually, at least somewhat- the key is to find activities and meet new people. It's never easy, but I know from experience that depression and loneliness are often self-fulfilling expectations, and the belief that I'll be unhappy leads to behaviors that make me unhappy, such as isolating myself and sulking.

Hang in there, and if you can, find something to focus on rather than trying NOT to focus on something else. Work on a hobby, pick up a good book, talk to some buddies on the internet. It can't make everything better, but it can take your mind off of things for a while and help.

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Tante Shvester
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Good golly, Ronnie. What is going on with you? You are kind of scaring me. Do you think it is a good time to call the suicide hotline? (check the front of your phone book. Or what the hey, call 411) You sound like you need someone to talk to.

What can I do to help?

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rivka
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I don't have any suggestions, and I have no idea what's going on. But I have something for you. *hug*

Feel free to email me any time. Or AIM, if you manage to catch me on.

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Tante Shvester
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Ronnie? Ronnie? Are you there? Ronnie?
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Rappin' Ronnie Reagan
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Thank you, Aurinona, Tante, and rivka. I don't think it's really homesickness I'm feeling. Maybe a little, but not a major reason I'm feeling this way. Calling a suicide hotline would mean I'd have to think so I don't really want to do that. I don't think there is anything you can do to help, but thank you. Thank you for the hug. I guess I could see a movie or something to keep from thinking. I don't know. I'll probably end up just walking around some more.
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Tante Shvester
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Is there someone you can telephone at this hour to chat? Sometimes a nice chatty chat can lift your mood. I am concerned. Your thoughts ought not to be so intolerable, and it is not good that they are.

Are you having thoughts of suicide?

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Rappin' Ronnie Reagan
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No, there's no one I can call.

<removed>

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Tante Shvester
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What is your plan now?
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rivka
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Not even Kylie?

And I'm pretty sure you have my cell number. Not sure what it would cost for you to call here, but I can call you . . .

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Ela
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RRR, you are kind of scaring me too. Hope everything will be okay.

(((hugs)))

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Rappin' Ronnie Reagan
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No, I can't call Kylie. I forgot I had your cell number. Thanks for the offer, but I really don't think I want to talk about it right now.

My plan is to sit here for a little while longer then go see what times movies are showing and possibly see one. If not then I'll walk around for a while.

Thank you, Ela.

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rivka
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Ok. The offer will still be redeemable later, if you change your mind.
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Shigosei
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I'll be up for another few hours at least. I'm on AIM, and I have free cell minutes, so let me know if you want to talk.

I think I've had feelings similar to what you describe. Catching a movie is probably a very good idea, as is reading an easy and engaging book, or sleeping (if you can).

I hope you feel better.

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Kiwi
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If you think you are in actual danger, then you can text me and I will call.

Otherwise I suggest you GO DO SOMETHING. And stop sitting around thinking.

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Tante Shvester
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Lean on your friends. Listen, they care. You take care of you.

Can I give you a hug?

(Ronnie)

And, seriously, that is the first time I've (hugged) anyone on Hatrack.

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Rappin' Ronnie Reagan
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I don't want to lean on my friends. I've done that enough already. Thank you for the hug.

I guess I'll take your suggestion and go now.

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Tante Shvester
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Do rivka and shigosi and kiwi SOUND as if they feel as though you are leaning on them too much? They want to talk to you.

You'd better post tomorrow to let us know that you are OK, or, if you are not OK, what you plan to do about getting yourself OK.

OK?

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rivka
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quote:
I've done that enough already.
Speaking only for myself: PFFFFFFT! Just call me a PLP. [Big Grin]
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Shigosei
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That's what friends are there for, to use a cliche. I expect that if my friends need something, they'll come to me and ask. If I can't help, I'll say so. And if I offer, I mean it.

I think that your friends are offering support because they mean it. If you need it, why not take it without feeling guilty? After all, it feels good to help people, and your friends want to see you be happy.

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raventh1
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I used to have this problem often. I haven't had it since shortly after going off carbonation and caffeine.

I used to be pretty paranoid about things too, and completely worried about adding too much to other people's burden so I'd keep it all to myself. I've found a road to recovery with me that involves letting other people help, and just talking. It took quite a long time before I could force myself to do it.

Everything felt like it was closing in during these periods. One thing I found to help was get some sleep. If I had trouble sleeping I'd make the room dark, and climb under the covers and just zone out. Eventually I would fall asleep and I would always feel at least a little better in the morning (in regard to everything closing in) and I'd think a bit clearer too.

Best of wishes.

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Rappin' Ronnie Reagan
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I wish I could sleep. I only got about 2 hours of sleep last night. I really don't want to go back to my room, though. The thought of going back makes me feel slightly sick. I've just been walking around since I last posted. I walked by the beach in Oriental Bay and sat and stared at the waves crashing for a long time. I feel numb. I don't feel like caring about anything. It's almost 7. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Probably sit here for a while more. Maybe go back to Oriental Bay.
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rivka
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*hug*
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akhockey
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Ronnie, buddy, keep your head up. Sleep, in my opinion, always helps. And, like the others have said, get lost in something. Whenever I'm down, or just really bummed out, I watch quality programming. SCRUBS Season 1 is my latest cure, to which I will crawl to tonight.

Just remember that, as is evident from all these posters, there's always people that will be there for you and willing to talk to you. You're never alone. Keep us posted. And keep that head up.

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MyrddinFyre
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I wish I could donate some sleep for ya RRRRRRRR, I've been getting way too much of it lately [Smile]
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Rappin' Ronnie Reagan
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Well, I'm back. I couldn't stay in my room. I kept shaking and hyperventilating and wondering how long it would take to die of hypothermia if I jumped in the harbour. Luckily this place is open 24 hours.
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ClaudiaTherese
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I'm so sorry you are having to go through this, RRR. It sounds like a very tough time for you. I'm glad you felt okay posting about it here.

quote:
Calling a suicide hotline would mean I'd have to think so I don't really want to do that.
quote:
Well, I'm back. I couldn't stay in my room. I kept shaking and hyperventilating and wondering how long it would take to die of hypothermia if I jumped in the harbour. Luckily this place is open 24 hours.
quote:
No, there's no one I can call.
I know you didn't want to call a hotline because you didn't want to have to think about it, but things don't seem to be getting better. Sounds like you are stuck in a pretty painful place, and no matter what you do, you are still utterly miserable.

The "sensible" thing to do would be to try something else, like calling a hotline or a counsellor or a clinic. Of course, we all get to be non-sensible every now and then! Sometimes it's just too much to ask of someone. But I do think that talking to someone trained in these matters is the only thing that is going to make it better at this point, and I hope you can find your way to doing that.

If you give us the town or city where you are***, one of our Google-fu Champions can help you find local resources. Alternatively, here are some links to pages with information and some international suicide hotline numbers:
quote:
International World-Wide Suicide and Crisis Hotline Numbers
International Suicide Hotlines

Both have links to New Zealand numbers, including 4-47-9739 . One of them links to Befrienders International (run by the Samaritans), whose New Zealand page is here. More numbers specific for sexual assault and problems of young people in New Zealand is here. At least some of those numbers should be toll-free -- if not, then someone here at Hatrack would be happy to buy you a phone card and give you the numbers to use it.

The great thing about calling a hotline or professional is that all you have to do is call an say "I need help." They are trained to walk you through the rest of it -- you don't have to think on your own.

I'll keep checking in on this thread throughout the day. I hope you won't think I'm nagging if I keep saying the same thing: just wishing you well and urging you to contact someone. It doesn't mean I'm not paying attention or that I don't care. On the contrary, when things are staying sucky or (even worse) getting suckier, then people who love you have to try to encourage you to do the sensible thing. I'd feel like a pretty awful friend if I didn't keep saying the same thing and keeping the focus on taking that first step.

Especially when "sensible" is the last thing from your state of mind. *wry half-grin (I remember -- I've been somewhere like that, too.)

Take care, sweetie. Call someone who is trained in these matters. They are there ready and waiting to help.

I hope it gets better soon.

---------------------------------------------------------------

*** Edited to add: I see you are in Welllington. The following resources may be useful, especially the first one. Try calling, even if they don't seem to specifically apply -- someone will be able to help you figure out who would be most helpful in your case.
quote:
Wellington Crisis Management Team
Provides 24 hour assessment and short-term treatment services for people experiencing a serious mental health crisis and for whom there are urgent safety issues.

Crisis Assessment Treatment Team
A mental health crisis assessment & treatment team. Provides role under the Mental Health Act 1992.

Community Mental Health Hutt Valley DHB
Community based assessment and treatment therapies for clients in the Hutt Valley area. Referrals via Hutt Hospital, GP, crisis team or may self refer.

Hutt Hospital
Crisis response for after hours and weekends.

Wellington Independent Rape Crisis Inc
We provide free and confidential support and couselling to the survivors of rape and sexual abuse. We provide free support and advocacy, information and referral services to family and friends of rape and sexual abuse survivors. We also run a comprehensive education programme in secondary schools. There is no charge for our service.

Wellington Women's Refuge
Wellington Women's Refuge provides support and advocacy services for women and their children who are experiencing family violence. We provide a 24 hour crisis line, safe house accommodation, information on legal issues; housing and income support. We also do referrals for women and children to other agencies that may be able to assist them. We work with women in the community, as well as women who are staying in our safe house, and are available to do community education on family violence. Wellington Women's Refuge is a confidential service provider. The office is open 9am - 5pm; the crisis line is open 24 hours.

Hutt Rape Counselling Network Incorporated
Rape and sexual abuse. 24hr crisis support, counselling, advocacy, forensic medical examinations, education. No charge to client.

Wellington Women's Health Collective
Support, information and referral for women.

Wellington Women's Centre
A variety of women's groups and organisations are located here. Drop-in for information.

YWCA of Wellington and Hutt Valley
We offer education, training & support for women, through a wide range of programmes. Most are available for FREE. Current services include Career Ys & Job Club, Mothers Alone, Young Women's Programme, Women's Access Computer and Self Defence. For more details on these programmes and how to become a member or a volunteer phone, email or call in and see us.



[ August 04, 2005, 09:06 AM: Message edited by: ClaudiaTherese ]

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Tresopax
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My advice is to go find somebody you've never met before and talk to them - not necessarily about this, but whatever.... sports, the weather, buddhism, whatever. In fact, tell them you are new to NZ and are trying to find out what there is that's good to do. If you are talking, you won't be thinking... and if you get lucky and happen to make a friend, you will at least not be halfway around the world from ALL of your friends.

If that doesn't work, call one of your friends. It's not leaning on them because they likely want to hear from you as much as you'd want to hear from them. I guarantee it.

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Annie
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Oh, Sarah, I'm so sorry things are so hard for you. I know what that numb place feels like, and it's tough to get out.

Sometimes, all that helps is to read something. Find a book that you can just spend a couple hours with, or keep walking around, even if you're walking around downtown in the middle of the night.

If you want to talk, you can always call (I'll email you my new phone number), but do what's best for you.

I miss you and I'm so sorry that life seems to have you in the undertow right now. But please hang on, and do whatever you need to to distract yourself from that pain.

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Jim-Me
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RRR,

add one more to the list of those concerned about you... *hug*

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Kwea
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Hope things are feeling better soon for you. We have all been there, although perhaps not to this degree.

Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.


Kwea

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mackillian
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I've been there too. CT is right-on. Lean on friends in times like this, it's what friends are for. True friends know that you'd do the same for them when situations are reversed. You can also call me anytime, or IM me or whatever.

As for not thinking...you can try what my coach has me do in fencing. Pick one thing to think about. ONE thing (and it better be a decent thing). Like, in fencing, for me it would be a single parry. Make sure you're standing.

Close your eyes.

How much easier is it to think of just that one thing while you work on keeping your balance and having your eyes shut, etc?

Could work. Worth trying, at least.

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Tante Shvester
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quote:
Well, I'm back. I couldn't stay in my room. I kept shaking and hyperventilating and wondering how long it would take to die of hypothermia if I jumped in the harbour. Luckily this place is open 24 hours.
Well, I asked you to check in with us today, and I'm glad that you did, but it seems like you are still not OK. In fact, I'd call what is going on with you an emergency crisis. You are having serious suicidal ideation, which puts you at immediate risk of injury or, G'd Forbid, death. It is an immediate crisis that warrants immediate intervention. I urge you, at the least, to call one of ClaudiaTherese's leads. You can go to a local emergency room for treatment. Please do not try to tough out this crisis on your own -- you are quite clearly asking for help. It's just that I am here in New Jersey, and am limited in how much I can do. Take the next step and reach out for help to people who are actually there and able to help you.

I'm just going to feel awful, we all will, if you come to an unfortunate end. You have the power to avoid that. You can get past this crisis. But, I am imploring you, get yourself real assistance.

Another hug, out of concern for you ((Ronnie)).

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BannaOj
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*hugs RRR* I've met you, you are a sweet caring person and the world is better because you are in it.

Do they have soup kitchens in New Zealand? If so why not go to one and ask if they would take a volunteer to help prepare food or do other chores for a few hours. It will get you around people who also care about others, and you'll be helping other people at the same time.

AJ

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ClaudiaTherese
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How are you doing, RRR?
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Kiwi
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Have just spoken to Sarah and she is fine.
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ClaudiaTherese
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Oh, thank goodness.

I hope she finds a way to work this out. Tough, tough stuff. Glad she has you to talk with, Kiwi.

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Kiwi
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Yeah, I hope she does too. Although I'm not entirely sure you should be glad she has me to talk with. Turns out I'm really not that good at dealing with Things. Sigh.
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sarahdipity
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RRR! It's been so long since I've seen you around. In fact as soon as I opened the page this was the first thing I opened. Wow I didn't realize you were in NZ.

When I need to not think I exercise. I find running or some other exercise really helps me feel better. I used to go to Hatchat. You guys always entertained me and kept my mind off things.

I hope things get better. If you need anything let me know.

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larisse
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RRR... I have not had the opportunity to meet you, but I empathize with you. I know the feelings you are describing. I spent the good part of a year in a depression. Unfortunately, I didn't let anybody know about what I was going through. The only clue my family or friends had was that I would begin to cry uncontrollably. This was usually because the sense of nothingness I felt was my life became so much more overwhelming than normal during this time that I couldn't do anything else but cry. And when someone would try to help me, I would refuse.

I am not even sure how I came out of it, but I will never forget the day when just being sad wasn't the only way in the world to be. I could pull myself out of it. Something that is easier said than done, and sometimes can't be said at all, when you are truly depressed.

What Mack was talking about with focusing on one thing is something that did help me a bit during the worst of times. Those thoughts were like a branch stretched out to someone drowning in quicksand, even though there were times when I didn't want to grab the branch much less acknowledge it was there. All I wanted to do was let the numbness I felt seep into every part of my being and take hold there forever. For me, that was the scariest part. The fact that I wanted that to happen. I wanted stay there. That place was so real to me that I could actually feel it in mind as a physical sensation. (Sometimes, I can still feel this sensation. It's like I am testing cold water with my toe. It gives me the shivers and a sense of virtigo that isn't as unpleasant as I would like it to be.)

I know it sounds cliche, but listen to your mind and heart. Lean on your friends. They are stronger and more patient than you think. You don't have to talk just do something with them. Or, just do something by yourself. Try to grab on to one focus until you feel more comfortable doing more than one thing at a time.

Also, don't ever listen to people who say, "Just snap out of it!". They don't understand that the difference between being sad and being depressed is like the difference between closing your eyes and being blind. (I know its not the best analogy.)

I wish I could help you more.

{{{RRR}}}

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Morbo
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Sarah, I still remember fondly our "Obrom" prank that you and sarcasticmuppet and I played. [Smile]

I don't have any specific advice, but I hope you feel better. Email me for my phone number if you need to talk--check my profile for email.
(((Sarah)))

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Tante Shvester
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Feel better, honey. And if you are past the immediate crisis, please don't fail to get medical help. Depression is treatable. Heck, it sometimes seems like half the people I know are on one SSRI or another. And they just LOVE their SSRIs.

I'm rooting for you.

Your Shvester,

Esther

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JaneX
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(((RRR)))
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Kiwi
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quote:
please don't fail to get medical help

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Space Opera
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Sarah, you are more than welcome to e-mail me too. It doesn't have to be about anything specific, or anything important. [Kiss]

space opera

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Rappin' Ronnie Reagan
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Thank you all for your concern, but now I wish I hadn't posted this. Apparently I owe you all now. I don't want to get medical help or whatever. You don't understand how much I dislike talking counselors and psychologists. I'm sorry if I'm being incredibly selfish.
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rivka
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Honey, you don't "owe us." We're just concerned about you.

And not seeking help isn't selfish. It's merely foolish (IMO, of course). But you are an adult, and you get to make your own choices.

We care about you either way, you know.

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Tante Shvester
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quote:
I don't want to get medical help or whatever. You don't understand how much I dislike talking counselors and psychologists.
Yeah. Me too. Hate seeing doctors, hate talking it out with therapists. But, you gotta do what you gotta do to survive, even if you don't like it. And your depression may be a threat to your continued survival. Can you grit your teeth, hold your nose, and do it anyway, for your own good?

Still routing for you.

Shvester Esther

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raventh1
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If you feel you owe me, next time you see someone that you can help, make sure to try and help them is all I ask.
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Jonathan Howard
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I don't know what to say. So I just want to hug you, even though I'm about as helpful as a carbuncle.

(((RRR)))

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