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I've been spending a lot of time over in the ID/Evolution threads lately and have been thinking a lot about God and belief. So I wondered: If everybody stopped believing in God, would that kind of make him unemployed? From there I kind of stumbled upon the idea of a "God for hire" which led me to these questions:
What if God was one of us and unemployed? What kind of job might God apply for?
So I started thinking about jobs that God might have if he decided to be a mortal like us. I realize that this is kind of blasphemous, and honestly I'm a bit offended myself, but I figure that God must have a sense of humor. So anyway, I thought it would be entertaining to think of some possible careers for an unemployed God.
I figure a creative bunch like you guys could come up with some pretty amusing ideas. Anyway, I'll get it started and hopefully anyone that isn't offended will add some even better ideas.
God the weatherman - "accurate weather 99.9% of the time" God the newspaper carrier - "local news brought to you before it happens" God the bookie - "get your Super Bowl picks here" God the caddie - "5 iron over the second tree. trust me" God the puppeteer - "free will at its best" God the magician - "Siegfried, Roy, and God" God the army recruiter - "I Want You" is a lot more powerful when it's God pointing the finger at you God the pizza delivery man - "pizza delivered anywhere in the universe in under 30 minutes"
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God the Gardener--Eden was just my warm-up. God the Doctor--Why settle for someone only playing God.
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God the Inventor - Great new stuff from the guy who brought us Mosquitos and Cancer! God, Dentist and Archetect - From Pearly Whites to Pearly Gates God the Contract Lawyer - Free Will (with purchase of other legal documents)
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I like Weird Al, too, but he had absolutely nothing to do with that song. I mean, come on. "Weird Al" Yankovic write a song about illicit drug use?
A long of parodies are floating around the Internet attributed to him--some of them very dirty, and some sung by women. You'd think he owned the exclusive rights to the concept of parody. Anyway, if you encounter a parody on the Internet that has his name on it, always check hiswebsite for confirmation, especially if the person singing it doesn't even sound remotely like him. . . .
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Weird Al wouldn't do that. Most of his music is about TV or food. It's stuff you can let your 7 yr old listen to safely.
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God the Professor - Hey, this one really would know everything! God the Librarian - "Now, don't lie to me, I know that you haven't returned your books yet." God the Water Sanitation Supervisor - "You thought that water into wine was a neat trick; wait til you see what I do with sewage!"
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God the Jewish Mother--I told you gentiles, but did you listen? Oy Vei. And do you write? 10 billion children, and not one call on mother's day? You want a plague young man, I'll show you a plague.
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God the game show host - I'm afraid it was the Mormons. Yes, the Mormons were the correct answer.
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God the Nanny - "Well, I warned you that if you kept making silly faces it would get stuck that way."
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If God were one of us, he'd kick our butts at everything. He might be human, but He's still God. Tallest in the NBA, biggest in football, best at everything. Geez, that would stink.
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God the Stewardess--In case of an emergency, survivors will find exits there, there, and there. The remainder will follow me.
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quote:A song written about illicit drug use? By a modern artist? The scandal!
I understand that you were just itching to use that barbed sarcasm on me, but it's evident you don't know much about "Weird Al" Yankovic.
I'll grant you that the trend for the past several decades has been to get raunchier and more rebellious, so you can hardly find music anymore that doesn't glorify drug use, promiscuous sex, and casual violence. So I would not be the least bit surprised to see a new artist come out that sang about these things. But you see, just because "everyone else" is doing it doesn't mean Weird Al likes to go that route. His music is always family friendly, though he has had a couple of songs over the years for which that would depend on the family. Your mileage may vary, but one thing he's not going to do is write a song glorifying drug use. That's just not his style.
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God the football coach - "Let's go for a Hail Mary!"
God the Zookeeper - "You should have seen the ones that DIDN'T make it onto the ark."
God on the Witness Stand - "Swearing on the Bible is really more of a formality don't you think?"
God the Landscape Artist - "Finally! A chance to fix all the things that have been bothering me all this time!"
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quote:I understand that you were just itching to use that barbed sarcasm on me, but it's evident you don't know much about "Weird Al" Yankovic.
Heh. Well, I do know a little bit about him. He doesn't own the patent on parody. He's been making songs since, gosh, before my time. I can name a dozen of his songs I like. I seem to recall a factoid about how he burns an accordion on stage after each show. Correct me if I'm wrong on any of this. The fact he didn't write this song, I did not know.
I'm not much for sharing information about myself on Hatrack. I'll tell you I like a wide variety of music, but I will also tell you I know only a miniscule amount about the artists or bands. It's a contradiction, I'm sure, in the era of VH1 and MTV. It seems so many people around me will vacantly sit and watch music news blurbs and tv shows dedicated to gossip and trivia about celebrities and famous people.
Me, I turn the TV off after the news.
I'm not interested in the celebrities, the artists, or their lives. I couldn't give a rats dribble about Hollywood. Impact on my life because of my lack of interest in this stuff? The biggest drawback so far has been my astounding loss in trivia contests.
I'm glad Weird Al Yankovic is family friendly, though.
And in the spirit of the thread:
God the retail salesman: "You need to buy the extended warranty on this...trust me." Posts: 1813 | Registered: Apr 2001
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God the cop: Judge, Jury, Executioner, Redeemer.
I can picture the cliche scene where the captain confronts the loose cannon cop and gets his badge and gun.
Captain: You're out of control, Lt. Jehovah, I want Your badge now!
Jehovah slams down sun-bright flaming badge, desk starts to smolder and smoke.
Captain begins sweating and trembling. On second thought, You keep it. But You better toe the line, or, uh, else! *weakly* Dismissed.
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Anyway, if you encounter a parody on the Internet that has his name on it, always check ![[Laugh]](graemlins/laugh.gif)
"The remainder will follow me."
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