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Author Topic: Most Agonizing Movie Experience
Uprooted
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OK, what's the just plain old unqualified worst movie you've sat through?

Artificial Intelligence: AI was mine. I kept watching . . . and watching . . . and watching it--thinking that SOMETHING had to happen to make it worth my time. And then it ended. The best thing about it was that it was over.

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Icarus
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It was pretty bad, but doesn't even begin to compare to The Late, Great Planet Earth.
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Icarus
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Here's the whole top 5:

  • The Late, Great Planet Earth
  • The Crying Game
  • The Grudge
  • Event Horizon
  • Meet the Parents

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mr_porteiro_head
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Starship Troopers and Manos, The Hands of Fate. The latter was still horrible even *with* the MST3K commentary.
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Elizabeth
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Out of Africa.
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Synesthesia
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Doctor T and the Women
Not even lesbianism saved that one. ugh.
AI was worth it for the crying lions. That and that moon balloon. Other than that... it had the maudlin sentimentality of Spielberg with the confusingness of Kubrick.

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Tammy
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Starship Troopers
Battlefield Earth

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Enigmatic
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Ed Wood's Orgy of the Dead
I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a horror movie or a softcore porn, but it utterly fails at both. The first time you watch it there's a moment between a third to a half way through where pattern recognition kicks in and you realize "This is all there is, they'll just keep repeating this horrible pattern through the rest of the movie" and that is when you start crying.

--Enigmatic

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Enigmatic
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If we're going to count MST3K movies, Skydivers is worse than Manos. And I've seen Manos without the MST3K.

--Enigmatic

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mr_porteiro_head
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I've never seen Skydivers.
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Uprooted
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quote:
It was pretty bad, but doesn't even begin to compare to The Late, Great Planet Earth.
yeah, I actually haven't seen too many really really terrible movies because if I hear they're bad, I don't go. I haven't seen most of the ones people have posted here so far. But somehow I rented A.I. w/o looking at any reviews. That was several years ago and it still stands out to me as AWFUL!
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Sister Annie
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The Muse.
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Enigmatic
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Skydivers was filmed almost entirely outside using a microphone with no windguard. It's nothing but dialogue with occasional stock footage of skydiving, so not being able to understand what anybody's saying is a pretty big problem. I didn't even get most of the MST guys' jokes because I had no idea what they were talking about.

I wasn't going to bring MST3K into this though, because ALL those movies are bad.

Worst movie I've seen in theaters was Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.

Oh, and especially for MPH I'm going to recommend The Man Who Fell to Earth. Mwua-hahahahaha!

--Enigmatic

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Icarus
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I agree that you shouldn't list movies you only saw on MST3K. That's not an agonizing experience, because you went in expecting an awful movie. If you were surprised by how bad it was, shame on you. You deserve what you get.

-o-

quote:
The first time you watch it there's a moment between a third to a half way through where pattern recognition kicks in and you realize "This is all there is, they'll just keep repeating this horrible pattern through the rest of the movie" and that is when you start crying.

This is my experience of reading Atlas Shrugged.
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The Pixiest
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Spike Lee's School Daze. It has the honour of being the only movie I ever took back to the rental store without finishing.

I'm going to have to second Enigmatic's vote for Mortal Kombat: Annihilation... I'll never forgive my ex-bf for making me see that one... In the theatre...

I'll be laying on my death bad thinking "If I could only have those two hours back..."

Pix

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Icarus
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(To be honest, I'm not sure you should list any "classic" bad movies, such as those of Ed Wood, for the same reason. How agonizing could it be if you chose to see a movie you knew was supposed to suck?)
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Tante Shvester
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Lord of the Rings
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Storm Saxon
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I thought The Transporter was awful, awful, awful. I can't believe a sequel is coming out.

I walked out of the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

While I always have a hard time remembering why things suck terribly, I think I have to give it to Buffy as being the worst. Though it's pretty close to a tie in my memory.

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Uprooted
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Oh Tante Shvester, I liked you so well until now . . . *sniffing a little tear of dissilusionment*
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The Pixiest
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ha! I didn't watch the tv series when it first came out becuase the movie was so awful.

When I bought season 4 on DVD they store said "here you get the movie for free too!" I said "I don't want it." (they eventually talked me into taking it.)

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theCrowsWife
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Finian's Rainbow. My dad rented it when I was around 13. I managed to sit through the whole thing, but it was pretty excruciating.

A close runner-up would be Morons from Outer Space. My mother has a horrible memory for titles and she rented this one three times because she thought my brothers and I would like it. *shudder* We still tease her about that.

--Mel

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mr_porteiro_head
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quote:
Originally posted by Storm Saxon:
I thought The Transporter was awful, awful, awful. I can't believe a sequel is coming out.

I walked out of the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

While I always have a hard time remembering why things suck terribly, I think I have to give it to Buffy as being the worst. Though it's pretty close to a tie in my memory.

I enjoyed both movies.
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Tante Shvester
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quote:
Originally posted by Uprooted:
Oh Tante Shvester, I liked you so well until now . . . *sniffing a little tear of dissilusionment*

I know I won't win any popularity contests espousing such a controvertial opinion, but, I really couldn't stand it.

Oh No! A really scary monster! Run away! Run away!

Way too many long shots of a bunch of guys schlepping interminably.

Throw in some gratuitous dismemberment.

And some close-ups of disturbingly pretty boys.


And that's the whole synopsis. I just saved you, what, three hours of your time?

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mr_porteiro_head
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quote:
If you were surprised by how bad it was, shame on you. You deserve what you get.
Not true. I'm a big MST3K fan, and have watched a lot of MST3K, and yet I was totally unprepared for the pile that is Manos, the Hands of Fate.
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Uprooted
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Tante, did you like the books?
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Storm Saxon
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Porter, I say this completely without sarcasm, but isn't it weird how people can absolutely hate things that one likes? Like, I actually thought The Grudge was pretty creepy and enjoyed it as a horror movie. I really like The cook, the thief, his wife, and her lover, but Davidson absolutely hates it to the point of insulting me, personally, for liking it.

Weird, isn't it?

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sarcasticmuppet
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Koyaanisqatsi. I was bored out of my skull for an hour and a half, fell asleep, and was bored out of my skull for another hour and a half. And for a month the chant was stuck in my head. I mean, if I even start *thinking* about the movie again I...

...

crap.


*chants* Koyaaaaaaaanisqatsiiiiiiiiiii...

>.<

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Carrie
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The only movie to ever put me to sleep on first viewing:

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

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Uprooted
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I saw Baraka and liked it, so someone told me I had to see Koyaanisqatsi, that Baraka was just a ripoff of it. Well, I was pretty bored and I don't think I finished it.

quote:
crap.


*chants* Koyaaaaaaaanisqatsiiiiiiiiiii...

>.<

Thanks a lot -- I'd forgotten that chant, but it apparently made it into long-term memory! [Roll Eyes]
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Glenn Arnold
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The only movie I ever walked out on was "Signs."

I was disapointed in "A.I." but felt that basically it needed a better editing job, and it should have ended when they found the statue of the Blue Fairy (or earlier, but then it would need a different ending). In all I thought it was a worthwhile premise, but without enough direction.

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Treason
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Traffic - sooo bad.

Tomb Raider. ugh

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Tante Shvester
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quote:
Originally posted by Uprooted:
Tante, did you like the books?

Very much.
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Enigmatic
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quote:
Originally posted by Icarus:
(To be honest, I'm not sure you should list any "classic" bad movies, such as those of Ed Wood, for the same reason. How agonizing could it be if you chose to see a movie you knew was supposed to suck?)

This is a valid point. However, for "agonizing" I will stand by my nomination of Orgy of the Dead. I'd previously seen Plan 9 from Outer Space and Glen or Glenda and think most of Ed Wood's films are charming in a low budget, only one take no matter what, sort of way. Those movies had a plot buried beneath the horrible acting and tin-plate-on-a-string special effects. Plan 9 actually had a decent sci-fi premise, it was just executed incredibly incompetantly.

Orgy of the Dead is terrible even by Ed Wood standards. It's from the decline of his already abyssmal career, when the only things he could con anybody into putting up money for was skinflicks but he still wanted to be doing monster movies. I expected an amusingly cheesy monster movie with the typical scantily-clad heroines running from aliens. This is not an amusingly-bad movie, this is just awful beyond any reasonable expectations.

--Enigmatic

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akhockey
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The Ring 2. I don't know what inspired me to view such trash.

Also, the new Bad News Bears. Horrible acting and editing.

The 40 Year Old Virgin was way worse than I expected it to be. Not awful, but definitely not good.

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Uprooted
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Tante, all is forgiven . . . my loyalties lie w/ Tolkien, not Jackson! [Wink]
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Tante Shvester
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Huh. Tastes differ. "Koyaanisqatsi" was the most soporific piece of film I've ever seen. Husband and I were dating at the time when I dragged him to see it. I think that he still hasn't completely forgiven me.

But I really enjoyed "O Brother Where Art Thou", from the title, which was inspired, to the premise, which was pulled off beautifully, to the soundtrack, which I felt compelled to run out and purchase, and still listen to with delight.

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ambyr
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Mission to Mars.

I watched it with a large group of friends, and the commentary they provided made it (barely) tolerable. . .

. . .until the credits came up, the lights went on, and I realized that we were in a movie theatre. And the commentary had been very loud. And every single person in the theatre was giving us well-deserved Looks of Death.

Whoops. I've never exited a theatre that fast in my life.

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sarcasticmuppet
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quote:
Thanks a lot -- I'd forgotten that chant, but it apparently made it into long-term memory!
It's been four years since I've seen that movie, and it still comes back to haunt me.
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Tante Shvester
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quote:
Originally posted by Uprooted:
Tante, all is forgiven

Phew!
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Enigmatic
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An addendum on my mention of Mortal Kombat: Annihilation as the worst movie I saw in theaters:

I did also go to The Mod Squad and The Avengers in theaters, and I'm fairly sure those were pretty bad movies. But I can't honestly say I saw the entire movie of each in the theater and um... the overall moviegoing experience was not agonizing in either case.
*whistles innocently*

--Enigmatic

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bunbun
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quote:
Not true. I'm a big MST3K fan, and have watched a lot of MST3K, and yet I was totally unprepared for the pile that is Manos, the Hands of Fate.
Thank you.

Manos, the Hands of Fate is so bad, it created a new category of bad movies: those that could not even be improved by the presence of robots and witty reparte.

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Cashew
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The first time I saw Gone with the Wind it nearly killed me, it was so LONG and BORING. I decided to give it another go several years later and enjoyed it. I've watched it once more since then, also liked it that time too.
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Enigmatic
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quote:
those that could not even be improved by the presence of robots and witty reparte.
If you believe the presence of robots and witty reparte did not improve Manos, I dare you to watch it without the MST3K.

--Enigmatic

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Uprooted
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Enigmatic wrote:

quote:
I did also go to The Mod Squad and The Avengers in theaters, and I'm fairly sure those were pretty bad movies. But I can't honestly say I saw the entire movie of each in the theater and um... the overall moviegoing experience was not agonizing in either case. *whistles innocently*
Reminds me of the Friends episode:

Joey: " . . . if ya know what I mean" *wink, wink*

Everyone: "WE KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!!"

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Enigmatic
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Joey brought a Gameboy to the theater too?

--Enigmatic

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ambyr
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. . .oh, and That Last Starwars Movie would be my first choice here, except I've firmly convinced myself that I never saw it. Nope. Doesn't exist. Never even planned. Not in the universe inside my head, anyway. . .
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Mr.Funny
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I haven't actually seen this movie itself, but I saw a tiny bit of it on a "10 worst movies of all time" show.

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies

I kid you not. That was the title. The title looked better than the movie itself did, frighteningly enough.

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Storm Saxon
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Enigmatic, did you ever see the Tim Burton Ed Wood?
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Treason
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Oh, I have another one. Be prepared to yell at me...when people love this movie they really love it.

Pi

Also, my boyfiend's favourite movie:
Lost Highway

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T_Smith
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2001: A Space Oddyssy.

I was excited. I was enthralled. I was horribly bored about 14 minutes in. I had a stop watch, so don't even tell me I'm wrong.

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