posted
I knew that you were being somewhat facetious, but you raised a good point.
You're also right about intimidation. Intimidation is really the death of intimacy, I think, and if you don't have intimacy in your relationsihp...well, then you don't really have a relationship at all, do you? Not a partnership, anyway, and that's the only kind of romantic relationship I'm really interested in having.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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Yeah, I agree, Noemon. I think balance is worth striving for in most areas of a relationship. Of course, on the topic of this thread, I don't think height is one of those areas. Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
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I'm 5'5" and my wife is about 5'8". She's also the only woman I've ever asked out or dated. I never once felt insecure about my height versus hers. She's also 3 years older than me for that matter, and we started dating when I had recently turned 18, and I was a tiny bit insecure about that at first, but it just took a little bit of open communication about the subject to assure me I had nothing to worry about and I haven't thought twice about it since then. Most of the time I don't think about it at all; it's pretty much only when questions like this come up. I never have felt at all intimidated in our relationship by either of these factors. Oh yeah, and she's an American of purely European descent, and I'm a full blooded native of Sri Lanka. So I guess we throw off all sorts of stereotypes, but to me all these things are really insignificant to a relationship.
My wife initially felt it odd to be taller than me when we started dating, but she got over it after a few months and after that hardly thought of it. If you'd ask her now, she'd probably say she forgets she's taller than me or older than me.
I think it helps for me that my mom is taller than my dad and they've been happily married for 25 years, so I never even thought it was unusual for a man to be shorter than his wife. I only found that out in my mid-teens after hearing other guys discuss this very question, and it still shocks me how much emphasis people put on height in relationships.
Posts: 142 | Registered: Apr 2005
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I would LOVE to date a taller woman and did so once (though she was only a fraction of an inch taller). But I am 6' 2" and there aren't that many out there.
I'd be really surprised if someone refused to date me over shortness. There are SO many better reasons out there.
Posts: 38 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:No, some people like it when the other person is smarter.
This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, from the Star Wars EU books (can't remember which one).
It's right after a conversation between Han and Leia in the Falcon. Han thinks to himself, "A lot of men were intimidated by intelligent women; they didn't want a wife who was smarter than them. Han long ago decided that he wouldn't have it any other way."
[ October 26, 2005, 05:11 PM: Message edited by: El JT de Spang ]
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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Avin, thanks for your response. It's nice to hear that. I'm trying to DEemphasize the height issue and I'm finding it harder than I'd like to admit...but I am getting better.
Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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Hey Narnia, I'm in SE, Woodstock area. But I work downtown. Thats how I know that burrito place you love is over priced ;}.
Posts: 499 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Having been married for a few years now, I can honestly say that the most important thing that makes my relationship strong is that we have similar backgrounds. We both grew up in conservative Baptist families (really conservative), and we were both recovering from religion when we met. If you didn't experience it, you can't understand it, and you probably wouldn't believe it.
People think I'm exaggerating when I tell them that I was told in Sunday School that the reason some people are black is because they are descended from Ham, the son of Noah who was cursed for laughing at his father's drunkedness. But my wife was told the same story at her church. That's just one example.
Another, less tangible example is art. My wife is an artist, and she tries to hide all her art when her mother visits. This is because one question that she inevitably asks is "how does this glorify god?" She thinks the only purpose of art, or music is to give glory to god. Expressing your creativity is decadent and sinful. I understand my wife's frustration with her mother, and I understand why she hides her paintings. Someone who hadn't been immersed in the culture would think she was overreacting.
So having explained that, let me say that I am most physically attracted to (in order):
1. Redheads 2. East Indian Women.
My wife is neither. She is most physically attracted to:
1. Redheads (She thinks Carrot-top is hot, if you can imagine that!) 2. Tall men.
I'm neither. But neither of us could imagine being with anyone else. We have a unique capacity to understand each other's motivations and reactions. And we've never had a real fight in the 18 years we've been together (unless you count the raised voices over my failure to fill the ice cube trays). Never underestimate the importance of common backgrounds.
Posts: 173 | Registered: Jun 2002
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quote:...unless you count the raised voices over my failure to fill the ice cube trays...
You just reminded me that I need to buy at least one ice cube tray! Thank you for keeping me from getting in trouble. Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
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quote:Originally posted by MoonRabbit: We both grew up in conservative Baptist families (really conservative), and we were both recovering from religion when we met. If you didn't experience it, you can't understand it, and you probably wouldn't believe it.
People think I'm exaggerating when I tell them that I was told in Sunday School that the reason some people are black is because they are descended from Ham, the son of Noah who was cursed for laughing at his father's drunkedness. But my wife was told the same story at her church. That's just one example.
Wow, you two must have went to some weird Baptist churches. From my experience (I went to 2 Baptist churches in Oklahoma and then probably 4 or 5 Baptist churches in Texas), I have never heard such a story. Most of my Sunday School classes were about the 10 Commandments and about what it means to be a morally good person. Maybe my experience is the oddball one though. *shrugs* Glad things worked out with you and your wife though. I'd agree that similar backgrounds would make it better.
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It's nice to hear that. I'm trying to DEemphasize the height issue and I'm finding it harder than I'd like to admit...but I am getting better.
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