posted
I'm trying to figure out the reasonable and socially acceptable age for kids to start doing doing things on their own. The world is much bigger and scarier today than it was when I was a kid, yet it seems that kids are more mature in general. Parents, can you all give me some idea of when you let your kids do the following things alone. Those of you without kids, what do you feel is appropriate or when were you allowed and competent to do these things independently:
Stay home during the day Walk down the block Spend the night at a friend's house Spend the night at home Be left in the car Go into the store Be on the internet Cook
There are alot of other milestones that I'm sure I'm missing, so feel free to fill in the blanks if you've got an opinion.
More and more, I realize that it does take a village to raise a child and I consider myself lucky to be part of this village.
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My kids are seven and I haven't really quite let them do any of these things. I have left them in the car a couple of times for maybe five minutes while I go into a convenience store, but not longer. I've also had them "help" me cook, which amounts to mixing or counting out stuff. FWIW.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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It varies pretty heavily based on the kid, I think. I was competent enough to stay home during the day, spend the night at home, spend the night at a friend's house, and be left in the car when I was 6 or 7, I don't remember exactly. But things like walk down the block, spend the night at a friend's house, go into the store and be on the internet have more to do with other people than the kid in question - or at least, that's how many parents (including mine) viewed it.
It's a matter of how responsible your kid is, or how obedient, or how ______ (insert your own adjective).
Posts: 4313 | Registered: Sep 2004
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kq, Not only are there state laws, but in California there are laws that vary per city regarding what age a child can stay alone.
Icky, My kids are 6 and 9 and I've only left the kids alone in the car if I could see them. Even then, I was less than 5 minutes in the store. The kids and I cook together and I'm just beginning to let my 9 yr old make Top Ramen without me hovering near the stove.
I've got two reasons for asking the questions. 1) I don't want to be overprotective 2) Since my husband and I have separated, I need a sounding board for what's reasonable, acceptable and legal with regards to what is expected of the kids.
Posts: 2425 | Registered: Jan 2002
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I started "cooking" with my parents when I was 2. I would stir the scrambled eggs standing on a stool under close supervision when I was 3 and say, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a good cooker!" (And I am. ) I was allowed to handle knives at age 5-- special safety knives with gripper handles and potato peelers-- and use real knives when I was 7. (My brother didn't until he was older because of coordination problems.) I was allowed to use the stove unsupervised at 12, but not while home alone until I was 14. (Also the age when I started being left home alone for more than 5 minutes at a time.)
My 18-month-old goes to the cupboard and gets a frying pan and a wooden spoon and puts things in the pan, sets it on a box, and stirs it to "help" me cook dinner when I start cooking (or sometimes when she wants to eat!) I think when she's two I'll start letting her stir batter and pour ingredients like my parents did me. The key is what she's developmentally ready to do in the kitchen; I believe that if I let her do things she's able to, under supervision, it will not only help her learn to cook and love cooking but give her something to be proud of. At least, that's what it did for me. (Not to mention I never had ANY problem with fractions!)
quote:(Not to mention I never had ANY problem with fractions!)
Oh yeah, cooking is a fantastic activity to do with the kids. The other reason I encourage my boys to cook is so that they don't get married just to get a home cooked meal.
Posts: 2425 | Registered: Jan 2002
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I'm assuming you mean alone, in which case this is probably mandated by law, and I would say at least 12, if they have someone nearby (like a neighbor) to call in case of emergency, 14 if there isn't really any one in case of emergency.
Walk down the block: This will depend on your neighborhood, and how far a block is. I was 4 when I started to play outside without direct parental supervision, and I was allowed 'around the building,' that is out of sight of the windows, but no where near cars/roads, but I would say six or seven depending on the kid.
Spend the night at a friend's house:
This will depend on how well you know their parents. I 'spent the night' at friend's house in preschool, but I think my parents, and theirs, thought of it more as baby-sitting swap.
Spend the night at home:
If you mean alone, I'd say the same as spending the day at home.
Be left in the car:
This one might be determined by law. You also have to take into account how long you'll be gone, the location (grocery store, bank, inner city gas-station, etc.), and how far away/easy to find you'll be. A good rule of thumb sounds like ten or so, though considerably younger depending on the circumstance.
Go into the store
They should be able to be able to predict how much something costs, know whether or not they have evough money to cover it, be able to give the correct amount of money, and have an idea of how much change they'll get back. Also, this almost goes without saying, they need to understand that you have to pay for things at a store. Provided they can do these things eight or nine, as long as they aren't walking to the store themself.
Be on the internet
A lot of things on the internet require explicit parental permission if they're under 13. There are some parental control programs that can make the internet safer for younger children. I would say that if they are not able to read the average web-address(URL), they are too young to visit any unapproved site, but can visit approved sites.
Cook
This will depend on the kid. Height is an issue on this. It isn't safe to use a stove unless you can see inside of the pots without a stool. I'd let younger kids (six or seven) 'help' out under supervision. By age 10 again, though for some kids it might be older, I'd say they're old enough to learn how to make simple dishes (pasta, browning meat, etc.) with indirect supervision (i.e. you're not in the room the whole time).
Just for the record I'm not a parent, but I am the second oldest of 6 kids, so I'm basing my experience off of that. Posts: 349 | Registered: May 2003
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quote: By age 10 again, though for some kids it might be older, I'd say they're old enough to learn how to make simple dishes (pasta, browning meat, etc.) with indirect supervision (i.e. you're not in the room the whole time).
If you start them early, some kids are ready by 8. With a sturdy stool, of course. I had taken over the minestrone making by the time I was 9 because I was better at it than my dad-- he went in the dining room (just a few steps away from the stove, but in the other room) and did some of the chopping while I made the soup, and would just come in and line up the ingredients on the stove for me as they were ready.
I'd say that this
quote:It isn't safe to use a stove unless you can see inside of the pots without a stool.
is incorrect for some kids as long as there's an adult in the next room or so, the kid knows stove safety (always hold onto the handle, how to stir safely, how to add ingredients safely, never touch the pot, etc.) and you have a good, stable stool. (I wasn't tall enough for that until I was almost 13. I had friends of Asian lineage who weren't tall enough until they were even older than that.)
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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I know I started doing this long before 12. I remember having a conversation with a friend in which they told me you had to be twelve by law, and I responded that I wasn't, and I'd been staying at home alone for a while. I'm guessing I started staying at home alone when I was around ten. Of course, we live in a very nice, quiet suburb, where the biggest drama is that one of the neighbors doesn't cut his lawn. If we'd lived in a big city, or a busier area, I think my parents would have been more careful. We were also very close with the family across the street, so I could always have called or ran over there if there was a problem. Also (this is a lot of alsos) I was and still am terrified of getting in trouble, if my parents told me not to do something, like use the stove, I wouldn't have.
Walk down the block
As I said, we were very close with the neighbors across the street, and we were always running back and forth between each other's houses. We were always expected to let our parents know where we were. If we left the cul-de-sac, it was a big deal, and we had to let everyone know where we were going and when we'd come back. I'm not sure what age that ended, there generally wasn't any reason to want to leave the cul-de-sac, so we didn't.
Spend the night at a friend's house
I've been doing this for as long as I remember. At least since I was 6, although I might have earlier and just don't remember it. I think as long as you know the parents well and trust them, it should be ok. Of course, I knew people up through age 12 or so who never spent the night anywhere because they were too scared to. At sleepovers they would just have their parents pick them up around 11 or so and it was an always thing, so no one ever got offended.
Spend the night at home
I wasn't allowed to do this until this last summer (ie until I was 19).
Be left in the car
No idea, I think this really depends on where you live, and what area you're leaving them in more than the age of the child.
Go into the store
I assume you mean alone. I'm guessing anywhere from 8 to 12. I know I took my cousin shopping when she came to visit me her freshman year of high school and it was the first time she'd been shopping without a parent. I thought that was a bit ridiculous. I also know I was shopping with friends by middle school. I think I was probably going into stores alone in fifth or sixth grade, so 11 or 12.
Be on the internet
I noticed at the summer camp I counsel most of the kids seemed to be used to using the internet, and their ages ranged from 10 to 14. I think kids are being exposed to more, younger, though. One of the 11 year olds loved The Family Guy, and another of the 12 year olds said Nelly was her favorite musician. My response to these revelations was that my children would be locked in a house in the countryside with no electricity until they were twelve.
Cook
Whenever they want to and you can supervise them. I made cookies for my mom when she was pregnant, so when I was two. I think it's an amazing bonding activity, I love the memories I have of cooking with my parents.
Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
I found I had very different tolerances for allowing my older children to do some of these things than I do with my younger children - there's 10 years between my youngest and my oldest.
When my oldest was about 7, she was occasionally alone for perhaps an hour after school, if I had to be out. She started staying home in the evening with the other children when she was about 10 (with the help of a 9 year old sister). The two older girls were making simple meals on their own from the time they were 10 or so.
My two youngest are now 14 and 16. They were never left alone until they were probably 12 and 14 (although that's largely because there was always an older sibling around), and even now I don't like to have them home alone in the evenings. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year they'll be on their own for dinner - and then they'll either heat up leftovers in the microwave or have a sandwich. I really baby them, and my older girls give me grief for it.
But my situation has changed, and the world has changed, so I don't think it's a good comparison.
Posts: 2069 | Registered: May 2001
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Alone for a significant period - I'd say at least 10, with the proviso that the child knows not to answer the door, what to do in case of emergency and how to contact you immediately if necessary.
quote: Walk down the block
This really depends on your neighbourhood. At the house I grew up in, I was walking to my friend's house down the street at 8 or so. But I wasn't allowed alone to the deli (which involved crossing a busy street) until I was 12 (which was last year of primary school).
quote: Spend the night at a friend's house
I have no problem with young kids doing this - providing you know the other parents, are happy with their choices & rules and your child knows they can always call you if they need to.
I stayed over at cousin's houses as early as 2 or 3 - but my first stay over at a non-relation was 7 or so. I got terribly homesick and called Mum to pick me up in the middle of the night.
I managed a whole night when I was 8 or so, I guess.
quote: Spend the night at home
Umm - quite old. 14? Again with the emergency numbers, instructions etc etc.
quote: Be left in the car
Assuming you mean for a short period while you duck into a shop, rather than on the side of the highway for hours and hours ( ) abuot 9-10 I guess. With the doors locked, windows open enough but not too much yadda yadda yadda. This changes when there is a younger child as well - I'd say 9-10 for a single child, but more like 12 if they're supervising a younger child as well.
quote: Go into the store
9 or so if it's a local, neighbourhood cornerstore. 12 if it's a bigger store, but still local. 14 or so if we're talking big department stores in the city.
quote: Be on the internet
My nine year old sister is on the internet regularly and I see no issue with that. All she does is neopets anyway.
Obviously internet time needs to be supervised and regulated, but within that - 6? 7? There are plenty of valuable resources available online.
quote: Cook
Pretty much what KQ has said with this one. Posts: 4393 | Registered: Aug 2003
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-Alone? Depends on the child and the neighborhood. Probably between 8 and 10.
Spend the night at a friend's house
-As always, depends on the child. If they're ready, 6 or 7. I would also have to know the parents pretty well.
Spend the night at home
-Alone? All night? High school.
Be left in the car
-Never.
Go into the store
-Alone? Depends on the store. Let's say a grocery store - around 10.
Be on the internet
Unsupervised - never. With lots and lots of security precautions (including a block on all chat rooms), anywhere from 6 to 8. I'm also putting a keystroke tracking program on our computers before letting Aerin use them without Andrew or myself standing over her. I've had too much experience with the dangers on the internet. I'm not worried about violating Aerin's privacy because she'll know about the keystroke program and therefore have no expectation of privacy.
quote:(Not to mention I never had ANY problem with fractions!)
When I came in the kitchen the other day when I was at home I found a piece of paper on the table with circles and half circles drawn on it. One and a half circles plus one and a half circles equals three circles.
My mother had been making cookies with my sister and they had doubled the dough.
(ps. I answered the questions set here elsewhere)
EDIT:
quote:On the internet- Unsupervised - never.
Even in high school?
Teach children to be wary and they will be wary. I know I didn't feel comfortable being at Hatrack until I was sixteen. Having a block on what your children can do, even up through high school, will only have them keep secrets instead of sharing what happened on 'their' forum.
But I know your baby is only very little and is nowhere near any of this .
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote:But things like walk down the block, spend the night at a friend's house, go into the store and be on the internet have more to do with other people than the kid in question - or at least, that's how many parents (including mine) viewed it.
I don't quite agree. I believe, with a high degree of certainty, that if I let my kids play on the block without supervision, or walk to the playground or whatever, they would get hit by a car. I know my kids. I know how many other things they can't remember to do . . . I know they would forget to look before crossing the street, or they would get so into playing that they would end up running carelessly into the street. Maybe not the first day, but there is no doubt in my mind that, at this stage in their development, it would happen. So I think it depends on the kid.
Posts: 289 | Registered: Apr 2005
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I just had to (re)look this up for my county (Fairfax, Virginia) for a reason similar to LadyDove's. My kids are older, but it is still important for my ex and me to be on the same page as far as what is acceptable/allowed/preferred.
Anyway, Fairfax County guidelines for some of these questions:
Age Guidelines
7 & under Should not be left alone for any period of time. This may include leaving children unattended in cars, playgrounds, and backyards. The determining consideration would be the dangers in the environment and the ability of the caretaker to intervene.
8 to 10 yrs.Should not be left alone for more than 1½ hours and only during daylight and early evening hours. 11 to 12 yrs. May be left alone for up to 3 hours but not late at night or in circumstances requiring inappropriate responsibility.
13 to 15 yrs. May be left unsupervised, but not overnight.
16 to 17 yrs. May be left unsupervised (in some cases, for up to two consecutive overnight periods).
Posts: 628 | Registered: Nov 1999
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My answers are pretty similar to Blacwolves except I'm still not supposed to walk down our street alone, and I'm 20, but it's very scary and several people have been hit on it at different times, we live at the pottom of a really steep hill people like to drive about 80mph down. I was allowed to stay home alone at about 8 for less than hour (like if my parents needed to run get something), but not to do anything destructive like use anything electric. Sitting in the car, well 4, but I pulled it out of park, and some lady jumped in before I left the parking lot, so not again until maybe 9, but then it was only with my dad.
I haven't stayed home alone all night at my parents house yet. I've done it at my grandma's and a house I pet sit at, but at home, it's still too scary. If a friend comes over I have twice.
Using the internet, well I was 14 when we got it, and my mom usually read a book in that room at that point.
I'm probably a bit sheltered, but one of my cousins still doesn't do most of the things listed, and she's a college grad (who has never actually used her degree)
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
As was already said, I think it really depends upon the child. But generally, if the child is fairly responsible and has shown he can be trusted:
Stay home during the day 12, with frequent parental checkups by phone. This isn't an issue at our house, since I'm home all the time anyway.
Walk down the block 8, with the use of walkee talkees.
Spend the night at a friend's house. No particular age. After one sort of scary experience, I'm fairly particular about where my son spends the night. I have to know the family and the child. My daughter's 3 and we've had a friend of hers spend the night. I really prefer to have my kids have friends sleep over rather than vice versa.
Spend the night at home Assuming you mean alone, I don't think there is an age for this until they move out. My parents left my brother and I at home alone for a week when I was 19 and he was 16. We were pretty responsible kids, but we did get into trouble. Maybe just one night would be okay for a kid 15 or 16, as long as a neighbor was aware of the situation and could check on them.
Be left in the car 8-10, with the doors locked. I've left my son (12) and daughter (3) together in the car to run into the store, never gone more than 10 minutes. I never leave my daughter in the car by herself.
Go into the store By themselves? I've let my son go to a store in the mall by himself since he was about 10. He could go there while I went into a different nearby store. He had to stay there until I came to get him and I never let it extend longer than 5 or 10 minutes. He's not given to wandering, so I figure it was a reasonable risk. I also always explaind the rules to him out loud in front of the store clerks, not so they could keep an eye on him for me, but so they'd be aware of the situation if anything weird happened.
Be on the internet He uses the internet in limited ways at school (very filtered), and occassionally, I will guide him to finding things on the internet for school projects, but otherwise, he's not allowed to play games that link to the internet or surf alone. That isn't going to change as long as he lives here, I think. I just think the risk is too great.
Cook 10 alone, with full training.
My own addition: checking account I've been trying to get him one since he was 10. Our bank won't let him be the primary signator on his own account until he's 15, though, which is a bummer. I'd like him to know how to manage his money before he moves out.
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Well, I know that I'll be over-protective of my kids but I also live in Las Vegas, not a little town like I grew up in, so you have to be very careful. My opinion would be: Stay home - 11 or 12, maybe older depending on the child. Walk down the block - Never, I live in Vegas! O.k., 14 or older... I know, I'm nuts but it's dangerous here! Spend the night - 5, but again it would depend on the child and how well I knew the parents/family. Left in the car - Never in the summer, kids die every years here because of that. I'd be -very- reluctant to do that at all any time though. Go to store - 14, maybe older. Have I said that I live in Las Vegas yet... Internet - totally alone... ummm... never... no wait... grrrrr 12? I don't know! Cook - Alone... this is hard, maybe I shouldn't have kids... at the very least 10 but I'd say older... 12? I give up!
Posts: 37 | Registered: Oct 2005
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You know jeni, before I was old enough to have a checking account (here it was 16), we had MommyBank. Money I made doing odd jobs and babysitting I would give to my mother. We had a ledger where we would record deposits and a running balance. Then, when we wanted to make a purchase either we could "withdraw" cash from her or have her make the purchase for us and debit the log accordingly.
Stay home during the day - for short periods of time, I'd say 10. Walk down the block - I would prefer not at all. Spend the night at a friend's house - Whenever they are ready to do so. Spend the night at home - Alone in the evening for a few hours >12. Alone all night >16. Be left in the car - Never Go into the store - Probably >12 Be on the internet - with supervision, whenever they are interested in it. Without supervision, probably >17 Cook - Depends on the child. I cooked simple things, without supervision, when I was 4 (my mother on bedrest while pregnant with my brother).
Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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The ready to do so thing for staying a night at a friends house is good. I think around 6 I stayed at my mom's friend's house, who had a daughter a week older than me. But around 12 a friend I'd stayed with a few times came to spend the night at my house because her mom was going to be out of town, and her dad and brother really weren't fun, and in the middle of the night, she got really upset and we had to take her home, so ready can be hard to tell.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
I grew up in DC (the actual city/district, not the suburbs), in an area that was mostly good but with some crime. Most of the crime, however, happens at night.
Stay home during the day I first started being at home alone in 4th or 5th grade (so 9 or 10). That would only be for a couple hours IIRC, after getting dropped off by a friend's dad after school. By the time I was in sixth grade (11 years), I was taking the city bus to school by myself and would sometimes go places after school on a whim (usually the library/park/food/something equally innocuous) before going home with no problems.
Walk down the block Second grade (7 years). I should mention that when I first started walking places by myself, we lived for a year in some outer suburbs in Europe. When we moved back to DC in third grade, I would walk (the whole 1/2 block!) to/from school by myself. I'd also get sent to the corner store to pick up supplies.
Spend the night at a friend's house For as long as I can remember. Then again, when I was little, I had some friends who may as well have been family. This was never a big deal.
Spend the night at home I had older sisters, so this didn't come up until high school, I think. I don't think I was left alone w/my older sister (3 years older than me) at night until junior high.
Be left in the car No clue about this one. I don't have any memories of being left in the car as a kid.
Go into the store 2nd/3rd grade for local stores.
Be on the internet I'm not sure when we got the internet. I think I got access sometime in 6th or 7th grade. We never really had any restrictions on it.
Cook No idea.
As a little kid, I was a hellion by all accounts. By the time I reached junior high, though, I was extremely responsible. Not to say I was an easy kid, but I never really made trouble or got in trouble.
A funny story: I was probably twelve or thirteen, and at home alone during the day when a guy rang the doorbell. I answered the door cautiously and he said that he was visiting for a couple days. I had never seen/heard of him before, so I refused to let him in. I was *extremely* uncomfortable. He was very nice about it and said he understood because he had kids. He'd wait/come back later.
I called my parents but for whatever reason couldn't reach either of them. Eventually, one of them came home. Turns out the guy was a friend of my mom's who was going to stay with us while he had a conference in town. My parents just forgot to let me know he'd be coming. Everyone assured me I had done exactly the right thing but I was so embarrassed. They still tease me about it.
Posts: 2149 | Registered: Aug 2000
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I haven't read the entire thread yet, but I wanted to get this out.
Illinois has no laws regarding ages at which children can be home unattended. I know, I researched heavily. The best I could find was a "guideline" issued by the Department of Children and Family Services that essentially said that they take the maturity of the child in question under consideration if there's a complaint called in.
When I was a kid, I was home alone (or with the younger sibs) as young as 8 or 9. And those sibs are 2 and 4 years younger, so that makes the youngest child 4 or 5 at the time. And we were left in a hotel room while on vacation so the parents could go to dinner with relatives when I was 11 or 12. Now of course this was ~20 years ago and "the world has changed since then".
I trust Heather (12) at home for as much as a couple hours without adult supervision, because I know that she will not answer the phone or the door unless it's me, she'll call me before going anywhere, and she'll pretty much stay to her room with a book or three. I don't yet trust her to watch her 8 year old sister, in large part because of Missy's developmental issues. Their father, however, had been putting Heather in situations where she felt a need to be "in charge" since she was 8, and I'm still trying to break some of the habits she formed during that time. That's a big part of why we no longer live together.
Kids unattended in cars is absolutely illegal here. Even just for a "quick run for milk" kind of thing.
Both girls have had plenty of sleepovers at Gramma's since they were very young, which of course isn't the same as sleepovers with a friend. Heather's had only one of those, and we've never invited her friends to sleepover at our place. We just don't have the room to do so. I don't remember having sleepovers in either direction until I was 14 or 15 as a kid, but I was also very much a loner until high school and probably never had a close enough friend to ever consider such a thing... .wait, I take that back. I did a week-long visit at age 12 or 13 with the daughter of a friend of my mother. And I was most of the state away. We stopped at their place on the way home from summer vacation in Chattanooga, and for some reason that I don't remember now, Sherry and Mom decided that I should spend a week with Stephanie and that they'd come back for me at the end of the week. Maybe we were all going to stay but the sibs were homesick, I don't know. Talk about freedom... LOL. Sherry was much more lax with her kids than my mother! We were wandering town all day and not going back home till full dark, which being summer was around 9 or 10 pm. And this was a much more rural area than anywhere I'd been before.
Walking down the block? Heather was doing this at age 7 - walking unattended to and from school. For the first half of the school year at age 6, she'd walk with her father, and then he'd let her take a growing lead until she was basically doing the whole thing alone, and then when the next school year started, she just went solo. Missy? Not happening. She runs ahead of Daddy when I'm coming home from work and gets maybe a half block away from him, but we're both right there in full view.
Internet: Heather surfs alone but I pop in unannounced periodically to see what she's doing. Missy doesn't go online but she does get to play computer games.
Cooking: Heather's been cooking solo for years, Missy helps me. Again, this goes back to Daddy not being a responsible adult.
They both have savings accounts, I'm the co-owner on each. The bank won't let children under 16 have checking accounts at all and under 18 without a co-owner. Allowance money (if earned) is deposited directly to savings.
Posts: 4515 | Registered: Jul 2004
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About internet: I think the best way to handle it, until the kids are in their junior or senior year of high school at least, is to have the internet in a heavily frequented room. That way, you can supervise your children, but still let them learn how to use the internet effectively. I realize most families only have one computer, so that's not an issue. For us, I got my own computer (my dad put it together from the parts of his old computer because he wanted an excuse to buy new and better parts) my sophomore year of high school. It was in my room, facing away from the door. I could have been doing anything I wanted and no one would have known. What was I doing? Reading hatrack, almost exclusively. Of course, my parents knew that they could trust me, and that I would have no interest or desire to go anywhere they would not want me to online.
To this day, the most risque thing I've ever found online was soft core porn that Allyson Hannigan did, while I was looking for photos of Willow. So that's a risk, but at the age of 15 I would have been perfectly aware from a glance that I didn't want to see that, and shut it down immediantly. The question is really whether you think your child would want to see that.
Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2002
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I don't know any other way to describe it. She's wearing lingerie and in sexy poses. Some of the guys here described it as soft core porn. I don't exactly have anything to compare it with, so I took their word for it. Do a search for Alyson Hannigan and you can decide for yourself.
Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
I think one important thing to keep in mind for ages is who the kid is with; sometimes knowing that three eight year olds are walking the three blocks home from school together makes it alright, and sometimes even if the older sibling is 14 I wouldn't want brothers to be home alone together because of personality conflicts.
I know that I personally was allowed to ride my bike over to friends' houses at 9 or 10, all on neighborhood streets, and we'd go out and play in fields and by creeks and stuff. I just had to call if I wasn't coming home for dinner and be home before it got dark. And we didn't live in the country. The areas where we played didn't have a lot of people in them, but there were always other kids out and grownups driving by periodically or going jogging or whatever, so there were people who would notice if something was wrong. I wouldn't have felt comfortable playing there without a friend, though. I could have fallen out of a tree!
Posts: 471 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Kids unattended in cars is absolutely illegal here. Even just for a "quick run for milk" kind of thing.
Really?
I spent many childhood minutes waiting in the car because, given the option, I was much happier not moving while maman ran errands!
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Yeah, I'm surprised by this as well. I'm just talking about having them wait if I run into a convenience store or something. The car does not have time to heat up. The doors are locked.
What's the problem?
I always thought I was about as protective as they come, but . . . Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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I did pull the car out of park, and almost back into a street at 4, but it was a 1978 ford truck, it probably isn't as easy on a real vehicle
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Well, I didn't do it when my kids were four. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've done it, and probably all since they turned seven. We have no hills, the car *can't* be pulled out of park, and they're belted into carseats. Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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The hot weather thing might also be a problem. My dad just thought he would take a minute, so he didn't worry about leaving me, I would have been pretty upset to have gone in.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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quote:Kids unattended in cars is absolutely illegal here. Even just for a "quick run for milk" kind of thing.
Really?
I spent many childhood minutes waiting in the car because, given the option, I was much happier not moving while maman ran errands!
Staying in car = more time to read Going in with Mom = getting tired and bored and having to stand around thinking about how much better things would be if you were reading a book.
Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2002
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Kids being left in the car is absolutely illegal here, too. That said, by the time I was 11 or 12, I would often choose to wait in the car. No one ever called the cops because a kid who was old enough to take care of herself was sitting in the car in the grocery store parking lot, reading. If it was a hot day and it was just going to be a 5-minute thing, my dad would leave me in the car with the car on so the air would run. I just had to lock the door while he was gone and unlock the door for him when he came back. I don't think my parents were horrible because they left me in the car after I was old enough to choose to stay there and knew how to get out if I needed to.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Stay home during the day I was probably about eleven or so when I started being allowed to do this, but I had two sisters, one older than me, so I don't remember for sure.
Walk down the block I was definitely doing this with my friend Rachel (who was two years younger) by the time I was nine or ten.
Spend the night at a friend's house Eight. It was a big thing. The summer after we turned eight, we all got to go spend a week with my grandmother, and after that we were allowed to spend the night at a friend's house.
Spend the night at home I don't remember. Probably fifteen or so, but my nearby aunt always insisted on spending the night with us anyway, so I'm not sure about this.
Be left in the car Ten or eleven maybe?
Go into the store Nine or ten.
Be on the internet We didn't have the internet for ages, but it was never restricted. I guess we got it when I was in fifth grade. Something like that.
Cook Never an issue cause I didn't usually want to. My older sister and I made calzones together when we were in middle school though; and there had been times before that when my sisters and I did a breakfast in bed for my parents' anniversary and cooked eggs.
Posts: 910 | Registered: May 2000
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Stay home during the day - state law prohibits until 12.
Walk down the block- We just started letting our 8 year old do this
Spend the night at a friend's house- Maybe 8 or 9, but haven't done so yet
Spend the night at home-not while they live in my house
Be left in the car- again, state mandates 12
Go into the store- I have sent my 8 year old into the litle family owned produce mart, when I'm parked right out side
Be on the internet- only when I'm in the room
Cook-Whenever they're interested
Another question- opposite gendered children in the public rest room? I've been letting my 8 year old ( boy) stand right outside the dorr while I go in for about a year. Just last week I was in line at the HFS when he had to go- and I let him. It was nervewracking. By contrast, my friend had her son going into the bathrooms with stalls with her until he was 13.
Posts: 2711 | Registered: Mar 2004
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I started going to the women's restroom while out with my dad when I was about 5 or 6. Because the lines are always so long, he would get nervous. So he would corral a passing woman and ask her to go in and ask if Anne was still there and okay for him. It got really embarrassing after a while (although I didn't mind when I was five or six, I think it started really bugging me at about 10.)
The funny thing is that after I had Emma, we were at a restaurant (a fairly fancy one that did not have a changing table!) and I had to go change her diaper. And her clothes-- she had one of those really messy overflowing newborn baby poops. I ended up doing it on top of a decorative dresser or something while trying to keep her from kicking the wipes off. (A nice lady eventually came and helped.) Anyway, about 7 minutes in, the waitress came in and said my dad wanted to know if I was still okay... I guess old habits die hard! Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:I started going to the women's restroom while out with my dad when I was about 5 or 6.
I don't let my daughters do this yet. What I will do now is choose a stall in the men's room, let her go into this stall without me and lock in from the inside, and stand around in the men's room like a pervert (or a guy looking for tips) until she comes out.
I detest taking them into men's rooms, but I know they're not ready to go to a women's room alone yet. But this is a hazy area, because there's too young to go alone, and there's definitely a point where kids are too old to be taken into the opposite gender's restroom. And I see a lot of cases, mostly boys being taken into the ladies room, that are clearly too old.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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I started going alone, I think, when I started asking loud questions of men using the urinals. (Yes, I think I was doing it on purpose so my dad would let me go to the ladies' room.)
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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