posted
(WARNING: This is me venting my frustrations.)
This morning, I called my parents to wish them a happy Thanksgiving. I asked them who was coming for Thanksgiving dinner. They told me that they were waiting for my older brother and his son, who would probably show up, but they weren't expecting my younger brother at all.
The thing is, my younger brother's in town for the holiday. And he's been in Tampa every weekend since he started college, yet my parents haven't seen him in a month.
Why? Because my brother, a college freshman bent on becoming a doctor, is "in love" with his high school sophomore girlfriend. And as such, he simply MUST see her all the time. Apparently, he sleeps over at her house whenever he's in town. Occasionally, he tries to get ahold of my parents on Sunday, right before he flies back/takes a train to college.
This girl is the most loathsome creature I have ever encountered. I believe she met him at some car event (and why is a fifteen-year-old girl at a car thing? To pick up boys). They've been dating since April, I think. She treats him horribly. She yells at him all the time and orders him about. She treats him like he's scum, as though he doesn't appreciate her at all. He, on the other hand, sends her flowers. She tells him all the time about how she went out to dinner with this "hot guy," but if he so much as comments that a girl who happens to walk past them is pretty, she flips out about how he thinks she's ugly and fat and doesn't love him.
I've given up hope of him dumping her of his own accord. I've considered trying to get in touch with the other people I know at his college so that they can find him, at the very least, a girl who is cute and doesn't yell as much.
So really. To my brother's girlfriend: please dump him. It sucks that he'll be heartbroken for a while, but it would be infinitely better than if he were to marry you, you vapid b****. And as I told my mother, if you two get married, I won't be at the wedding. Really. I won't.
posted
Oh dear. I know how you feel and I have no ways of telling you how to get rid of that vermin. You see,. my brother had the same problem and well...he now has a son with her.
Posts: 3389 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Ohhhh, that is my worst nightmare! My older brother did that, sort of. He got his girlfriend pregnant (but she was his age, I think), dropped out of college, and married her. I hated her from the start. They have an adorable 8- or 9-year-old son, and she left him a few years ago for another man.
I feel really sorry for my parents. My father is so lonely that he kept me on the phone for almost a half an hour, talking about the countryside in Indiana and how he visited there once when he was a boy. He was just so excited that one of his children called him on Thanksgiving.
posted
pH, have you had "the talk" with him about the danger he's in if this petulant little girl decides to get him in trouble with the law?
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Yes, he's dating a minor. If she's still fifteen, it's not legal for them to have sex. I don't know if they've had sex or not. He's not the kind of guy to force the issue (he's been raised to be very respectful of women), so if they were having sex, it'd be because she wanted to. However, I believe in Florida once you turn sixteen, it's legal so long as the older partner is within three years (so 16 and 19 or 17 and 20).
Yes, I've told him that he can get into legal trouble. He insists that he loves her, and he doesn't care. Also, her mother is aware that they're dating (after all, he sleeps over at their house when he's in town) and has yet to say anything. However, I've told him many times that that woman has a horrible temper, and I don't want her freaking out and making up a story to have him thrown in jail.
It's not really an age thing to me. That's not what bothers me. If she were two/three years younger and a more mature human being, I'd be okay with it, so long as she treated him well. I just don't understand how the girl can't seem to appreciate what a great guy she has.
posted
This is sad, but true: he's gonna have to figure it out for himself.
I think that making sure that he gets exposed to nice, normal girls who do not yell is a good idea, pH. Not one that will necessarily fall in love with him, but just be a friend he hangs out with sometimes in groups. And expose him to couples that are healthy. It sounds to me like he hasn't really found something he loves at his college, so he's clinging to an old relationship. Happens a lot . . . maybe there's a club or clubs you could encourage him to join? Help him find a really excellent academic advisor too. And maybe clubs for your dad too? Or . . . HATRACK? Ok, I'm kidding.
Posts: 471 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
The getting in trouble for underage can follow him forever - it's possible if he's convicted of statutory rape (sex with underage partner), he could have to register as a sex offender. That would restrict where he can live and can interfere with employment.
Picture the following (true) scene at a job interview - the interviewee is just about to be hired when he says, "oh, by the way, I can't be around small children. Is that a problem?" (Umm, YES!!! It was for a job having a lot of contact with the public, including children, namely, a reporter.)
It would not look good on a doctor's resume.
Posts: 2034 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
You guys, as I've said, I've already mentioned the statutory rape issue to him. On top of that, I don't know if they've had sex, and it's rather likely that she's above the age of consent by now (if sixteen is indeed legal in Florida).
I'm more concerned for his emotional well-being than anything else. I want him to have fun. I want him to go out and party and enjoy himself and meet nice people. My parents are concerned that he might drop out of school. Everyone in my family, including our other siblings, have expressed concern to him, but it's gotten to the point that saying anything gives him this Romeo and Juliet forbidden love complex, making their relationship seem even more romantic in his mind.
I think I'm going to contact a friend of mine from high school who goes to the same college as my brother does and see if I can get him to take my brother out and show him more of college life. Since I live at the other end of the country, my options for involvement are somewhat limited. If I do end up going down there for grad school, however, I will involve him with less abusive people if I have to duct tape him to the roof of my car and beat him with pretzel sticks.
posted
Greatest quote ever: "I will involve him with less abusive people if I have to duct tape him to the roof of my car and beat him with pretzel sticks." Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I'm sorry that this is happening, pH. I hope your brother sees the light about this girl. You've talked to him about it and expressed your concern. You will expose him to nicer people in any way you can. I don't think there's anything more you can do except support him and continue to love him whatever choices he makes.
Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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He was just so excited that one of his children called him on Thanksgiving.![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
