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Why does the ocean roar?--- You'd roar too if you had crabs on your bottom.
If an elephant swallowed you, how would you get out?--- Run around and around inside his stomach until you get all pooped out.
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Why did the old man throw peanut butter out the window? He wanted to see a Butterfly
Why did the old man throw a clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly
There are two olives on a tree. One falls off. The first one asks is he is ok. The second answers "Olive."
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Two muffins were in the oven, and one muffin turns to the other and says "man its hot in here." and then the other one says "HOLY SH*T, a talking muffin!"
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Q: Why is it not a good idea to go into the jungle between two and four p.m.? A: Because that's when the elephants are jumping out of the trees.
Q: Why are pygmies so short? A: They go into the jungle between two and four p.m.
Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet? A: To stamp out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have big flat feet? A: To stamp out burning ducks.
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How do you catch a unique rabbit? You neek up on it!
How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way! You neek up on it!
This was my crazy mother-in-laws first attempt at entertainment at the dinner table at Thanksgiving. The second was teach my 2-year-old that she didn't have to use a fork since it taste better with her fingers.
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Human, I am too much of a geek. That made me laugh embarrassingly hard. I'm stealing and sharing it right now.
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A man and a woman were driving down a country road when a large rabbit dashed out in front of their car. Unable to swerve in time, the car hit the rabbit. The couple stopped and got out, and found the little animal was dead. The woman said, "Hold it, I can take care of this." She got a can from her purse and sprayed the rabbit, who immediately hopped up and dashed away. As he moved away, though, every few feet, he turned back and waved at the couple.
The man, baffled, grabbed the can. On it, he read, "Hair spray: Restores life to hair; adds permanent wave."
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Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedgehog? A: A toothbrush.
Q: What present do you buy for a man with only one hand? A: A gift certificate to the second-hand store.
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Want to hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in a mud puddle.
How do you know when it's raining cats and dogs? If you step in a poodle.
What's the difference in an elephant and a carton of eggs? You don't know? I guess we won't be sending you to the store!
Posts: 1877 | Registered: Apr 2005
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How do you shoot a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a pink elephant? Hold his nose till he turns blue, than shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
Posts: 5771 | Registered: Nov 2000
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quote: Two muffins were in the oven, and one muffin turns to the other and says "man its hot in here." and then the other one says "HOLY SH*T, a talking muffin!"
I always heard that:
Two talking muffins are sitting in an oven. One looks at the other and says, "You got a glass of water?"
The other looks back and says, "Whoa, a talking muffin!"
My favorites are:
Two bears are in a hot tub. One looks at the other and says, "Could you pass the soap?"
The other looks back and says, "What do you think I am, a pancake?"
or
Q: Why did Batman cross his legs?
A: 'Cuz he had to go pee!
or
Q: Why did Tigger have his head in the toilet?
A: 'Cuz he was looking for poo!
or
What is that one about the animals having an animal meeting? Something about giraffes being in a refrigerator or something.
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Q: What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? A: I don't know. Punchline: Well, I'm certainly never sending you out for a bunch of grapes, then!
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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