posted
That makes more sense than I care to admit.
My father wrote to me for nearly a year after I "came out" about how now that I lived in Baltimore it would be nice to be able to meet together in DC and do temple work sometime. ( ). I finally wrote him a letter than said he could keep writing to this fictitious son he seems to wish he had, but if he expected any further response he ought to write letters to me instead. The next one was addressed to both me and Douglas. Too bad the progress seems to have stopped there.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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quote:I've been thinking and thinking about it, to try and find some causes. I think part of it is that my dad has married (twice) a very socially-savvy woman, so he relies on her to maintain his relationships for him. That's why things were basically fine when my mom was alive - she could do that. But my stepmother certainly can't and shouldn't be asked to, so when my dad is on his own to maintain his own relationships, the above is the result.
My dad's new wife is much more socially active than my mom was (apparently), and seems to have tried to mend fences for my Dad in some misguided ways. The problem is none of us know her and after having questioned our own opinions of our Dad and dealt with the guilt of barely being able to stand him I, for one, sort of resent her getting involved at all, especially since she can't help but think we're all just being mean.
quote:On one hand, he clearly doesn't know what he's doing. On the other, he's in his fifties, and it's not that freaking hard. It's time to figure it out - maybe he could pick up a book.
My dad is in his 60s. He has walls of books like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and Top 10 habits of highly successful people. I've even seen parts of the manuscript for a book like that he was trying to write. (The man is a janitor at a newspaper and his kids can't stand him. He's bound to be the next Dr. Phil, alright.) I can't look at books like that in bookstores without cringing.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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quote:since she can't help but think we're all just being mean.
Yes, exactly - it isn't fair to put in the mediator position, because she can't be fair. I wouldn't want her to be - I don't want to cause any rifts in their marriage. I have nothing against my stepmother (I like her fine, and I'm glad she makes my dad happy), but from my perspective, she's sort of useless. She's a Dad Apologist. That's good for him, but it doesn't actually fix anything.
Your description of your dad makes me question my he-should-read-a-dang-book theory. I still don't know, then.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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). I finally wrote him a letter than said he could keep writing to this fictitious son he seems to wish he had, but if he expected any further response he ought to write letters to me instead. The next one was addressed to both me and Douglas. Too bad the progress seems to have stopped there.
