posted
I don't post serious threads often, or even post *in* them, but this is something I'd like more feedback on than my friends and coworkers can give me.
I have decided, after just less than four years, not to be a teacher anymore.
I'm tired, stressed, disillusioned, frustrated, and sinking rapidly into depression, and I need out. Badly. The difficulty is, it's only January.
Now, I feel that I have two options. The first is to suffer through the next six months and try to get by as best I can. The second is to put in my two months notice and leave before the end of the year.
A little backstory:
I have taught now in three school districts, in a variety of positions. I started as a long term substitute in a high school and loved it enough that I sought to teach full time.
The more I taught, the more I enjoyed teaching, and when, after a year, I was contacted about the possibility of teaching full time in another district, I leaped at it - only to find that the offer had been a ruse, and they only wanted to woo me away to "fill in" for a retiring teaching until the end of the year.
Disillusioned after a very unsupported frustrating experience, I returned to my starting district and was hired to teach math in the 7th grade. I loved the school and the kids, but most of all I had a caring and supportive team of teachers.
It was this team that kept me positive as I started to grow more and more frustrated with the system in that district, and with education in general. By the end of that year, my enthusiasm had been greatly diminished, but I still looked forward to teaching the same kids the following year as an eighth grade teacher (the school looped teachers with students for three years).
My second year in the school, there were staff changes to administration that brought my frustrations to the forefront. I grew restless and even angry at times with boneheaded decisions and systems in place in the district, but I still loved my time in the classroom with the kids and had a supportive team.
Winter of that year (last year), I was told that three of the teachers on my five person team would be leaving at the end of the year (two to retirement). Moreover, our students would be moving on to the high school, and I would be getting a new group of 6th graders with a brand new team. My frustrations peaked, and I thought of greener pastures.
The thought was to quit teaching and go into some other field - but my mind was made up that I would not return to that school system. Just before the end of the year, I heard of a teaching job in the town where I lived that seemed fantastic - everything I could have wanted. I took the job, and have been teaching 6th grade math this year only 10 minutes from my house.
After a month, I saw that I had all the same frustrations and more on top of those, and began to give serious thought to my choice of career.
That was two months ago.
Now, I'm done. I have to force myself into the building in the morning and don't look forward to any moment during the day. In fact, I downright dread certain parts of the day, and leave every afternoon with a splitting headache. My free time is consumed with planning, grappling with student emotional/social problems, and venting to anyone who will listen. In short, I'm miserable.
What's worse is that it's seriously affecting my job performance. While I can fake enthusiasm most of the time, students have noticed that I don't want to be in the school and have said things like "You really don't like school, do you." To which I replied that I was just tired and wasn't feeling well. Still, it's becoming more obvious that I'm not 100% - or even 75%.
I also feel at this point like I'm "phoning it in" - just going through the motions without caring at all about what I'm doing. I fantasize about not going back at all, and throwing out all the paperwork and school crap that's littered all over my room and car. Imagining a day when I don't have to go to school ever again grows ever more warming.
But, again, it's January.
So, now, do I put in my notice? I really, really want to, but I feel bad leaving in the middle of the year. It's not fair to the students or to my coworkers. Then again, how fair is it to have a teacher who is obviously going through the motions and not caring anymore? Don't they deserve a teacher who wants to be there?
The best option would be to find another job, and then tell them that I have an offer I can't refuse and I'm leaving. Of course, I don't know what field I want to go into, per se, so it's hard to job search. At this point, I just want to not go to work and just lay at home and sleep or watch tv, which is *very* unlike me, and makes me think that I'm slipping into depression.
So, what do you all think? Should I find some way to go, or should I stick it out?
Posts: 3960 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
It sounds like you found a good school experience somewhere along the line and left it. There will always be this sort of problem with administration, wherever you go. Part of your problem seems to be the impermanence inherent in teaching.
It really all depends on you. I could say, stick it out, you'll learn to live with the problems and take joy in the good parts. Or it might be that you can't take anymore and you're not giving fair time to the students' needs because you can't anymore. Only you really know, and it's your gut you have to trust.
Posts: 767 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
I would at least wait until the end of the school year. Most school systems will blacklist you if you quit half way through. If you ever change your mind and go back, it would be tough. That and many companies don't want you if you are breaking a contract with someone else.
Have you done anything besides teaching? Most complaints my fiance gives about administration, most people share about any business world company.
Have you considered teaching elementary school? Or going for your doctorate and teaching college? I see a beautiful light shine in my fiance's eyes as an elementary school teacher, which I think is due to the fact that they are still young enough to see a difference in from the beginning of the year to the end. On that note, college students tend to be there by choice which I am sure is rewarding in its own light.
Posts: 3134 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
I've really been analyzing the reasons for my unhappiness a lot lately. This is what I've come up with:
1. Teaching takes up too much of my life. Everywhere I go, there are teaching things. Ungraded papers, pamphlets for workshops, textbooks and planning guides, standardized test review books, thousands of pages of things they stuff into my mailbox, etc.
I find more and more that my "back burner" in my mind is taken up with school, even when I'm doing something totally unrelated. Why is that kid totally unmotivated? Why does that other kid want to hit people? What can I do to help this kid? How can I teach next week's topic so that this kid can understand it?
My back burner used to be for writing - which is what I went to school for. Story ideas and freelance contracts would simmer until I had time to sit down and write.
I haven't written more than three pages of anything in two years. I don't have the mental energy, or the ability to concentrate on it without something school related coming up.
2. The system sucks. The school system in general has become so focused on standardized testing that it has lost sight of education. If it can't be tested, quantified, recorded and analyzed, it isn't worth doing. I I feel like I spend more time working on test taking strategies and practice tests than I do covering content - and the content is a thousand miles wide and an inch deep anyway.
3. [Oops, submitted accidentally, will finish in another post]
Posts: 3960 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
You can always try a private school. Probably a lot less standardized testing. Get yourself a good Catholic one and find yourself with extra days off for Holy Thursday and All Saints Day (can't beat having off the day after Halloween).
Posts: 3134 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
3. The responsibilities of essentially being another parent to 100 kids is becoming very stressful. I spend far more time trying to teach socialization, politeness, respect and a hundred other life skills than I do anything else. Students can be very needy - moreso when they don't get what they need at home, which is happening more and more often.
4. This was only meant as a placeholder job to begin with, and I continued with it because I enjoyed it. I don't anymore - any other job would serve just as well, with less day to day misery.
5. Well, there are more, but these are a pretty good start.
Posts: 3960 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
I am a middle school teacher on my 7th principal in 8 years of teaching (and we are hoping to get a new one next year). I feel and recognize your pain. We lost a good teacher to burnout similar to yours midsemester this year and it was very sad. I am sorry you are going through this.
I would advise that you find some way to rejuvinate yourself and finish out the year for several reasons. It seems you are frustrated my by the education system and the school you're in rather than the kids. If it is not their fault, you owe it to them to see it through. Another reason is that in some states, they can pull your teaching certificate if you break your contract midyear. Often districts will let you out of your contract but they sometimes don't so you should check on that before you decide to leave.
My first question when I read your post was what made you love teaching to begin with and how can you get that magic back. I know I have been in two miserable situations that made me dread every day and pray for the end of the year to come. At those times, I was not a good teacher and the kids suffered but they would have suffered more if I had left. I stuck it out and was a better teacher the next year.
I have a faculty meeting but I will post again with more suggestions later.
Please give some more details about what is frustrating you.
Posts: 1319 | Registered: Jul 2005
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1) At my school, there was a teacher who talked out in the middle of the first semester and submitted a letter thing telling the adminstration she was retiring. And she's gone.
2) It can be rough, I know. Both of my parents are teachers. They constantly complain about the pay, their co-workers, and their bosses. But they stick it out. Because they love the job. They love teaching kids. The kids love them.
My dad could have done something else. His professors basically begged him to become an English major. But he became a teacher. And, despite hardships, has been teaching for twenty-two years. He has threatened quiting on numerous occasions, but he can't seem to do it.
(This probably wasn't very helpful...)
Posts: 6026 | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
Since you have training as a teacher, have you considered teaching adults? One thing I see a lot in my industry (tech) is that trainers tend to be fellow techs, not teachers. I went to a training class at a software company a couple of years ago where the trainer was a teacher *first*, then a tech. She was incredibly effective and it made the class very interesting and efficient. I didn't have an opportunity to use the stuff I learned in that class until a full two years later -- refreshment of the material was very swift because the initial instruction had been so good.
Otherwise I was going to recommend you try a private school.
additted: As for leaving now or later, I think it depends upon whether you can hack out the rest of the year. I've never been a teacher so I've never walked in those shoes, but my take on it is that you do your best to do right by your employer and those who will be effected by you leaving, but you also must do right by yourself as well. I left one job with 4 months notice. I'll never do that again -- it was much, much too long. The most I'd do now is 2 months. While this is a big job, it is still just a job and no person is indispensible or irreplaceable. It's also worth considering how much you will be cheating these kids of the best possible education if you stick around the rest of the year just treading water, rather than figuring out what you need to do to refresh yourself and get your performance up to decent levels. Right now, by your description, it sounds like you're the sort of teacher I'd much rather have gone.
posted
I don't know if you owe them the rest of the year or not, my guess is that it would be a good idea to just finish it out (especially if you have to give two MONTH's notice?).... but in the long run, life is too short to spend the majority of it doing something you hate.
Posts: 1681 | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
You could try private school, as was already suggested. Some private schools are much less difficult than public when it comes to handling the administration.
posted
I believe in my contract I just need to give them 60 days notice so that they can advertise for a replacement.
Honestly, though, I don't see myself continuing teaching after this year anyway, so loss of my certificate doesn't bother me so much. Loss of my sanity does, however, and the "would rather sleep or surf the net than do anything productive - even write or look for another job" is edging a little too close to depression for my tastes.
My roommate (also a teacher) is telling me to cut and run now, because having had to fight depression once herself, she tells me that once you're there it's really hard to get out.
Posts: 3960 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
Two months notice, by the way, will take me *just* past mid year. There are four more months of the year after that.
As far as private school, I'm done with teaching completely (at least for now) - it's just a matter of when I pull the plug. Two months, or six months.
Posts: 3960 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
Are you sure it is you that is done with school, or could it be your depression that is done with school? You could take a week or two off to consider your options, take a step back. You could do it as a medical leave or FMLA if you talk to a doctor about it. There must have been things you loved about teaching before things got you down. Those things may still be in reach in the future, or in a new environment.
I always pictured you as a college professor teaching history. I know that isn't what you do, but that's how I picture you.
Posts: 1014 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
This reminds me of myself 30 years ago. I did finish the year, and used the time to decide what I wanted to do with my life. I decided to return to school and take a masters in another field. I discussed it with my principal, who understood, and apriciated my finishing the year. He also found me a night job with the district so I could go to school days. So, I went from a 5th step Teacher to a 2nd step Janitor and got a $5 a month raise. Yes, I'm glad I did it. But, I sometimes wonder if, now that I am older, I wouldn't like to try it again.
Posts: 1167 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:It's not fair to the students or to my coworkers. Then again, how fair is it to have a teacher who is obviously going through the motions and not caring anymore? Don't they deserve a teacher who wants to be there?
That's the crux of it, it seems. Is it better for them for you to give notice and leave? If you stayed through the end of the year, would you be a good teacher for them, or would a replacement be more effective? If you stay, how much more will you fall into depression?
What makes you feel like there's freedom for you? Two months or six? From what I'm reading, it seems that six months sounds like a death sentence of sorts.
Posts: 14745 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
I think you should investigate and figure out all your options (checking your contract, seeing a doctor about depression, pinpointing your unhappiness, casually look for other jobs) before you "quit".
The thing that makes me hesitate to just recommend you leave, are the kids. Yes they deserve a teacher who wants and loves to be there but it seems to me (to borrow a line from *gasp* I think Billy Ocean) "when the goin' get's tough, the tough get goin". I don't know a teacher (I was a teacher, my Mom is a teacher, my grandparents were teachers, my MIL was a teacher...) who loves to be there everyday. I think it's natural to actually get sick of the "job" every once in awhile.
I found that I had to keep school at school. Sometimes I had to break that rule(report cards) and it involved me going to school early in the morning but it made the rest of my life a lot happier (I taught 6th grade too).
I say stick it out until the end of the year if you can. Good luck.
Posts: 697 | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote:What's worse is that it's seriously affecting my job performance. While I can fake enthusiasm most of the time, students have noticed that I don't want to be in the school and have said things like "You really don't like school, do you."
quote:So, now, do I put in my notice? I really, really want to, but I feel bad leaving in the middle of the year. It's not fair to the students or to my coworkers. Then again, how fair is it to have a teacher who is obviously going through the motions and not caring anymore? Don't they deserve a teacher who wants to be there?
It sounds like your students are well aware of the fact that you no longer want to be there, and you don't intend to continue teaching anyway.
Quit now (or give your notice now). You're not doing your coworkers any good by quitting, but you owe yourself and your sanity much more than you owe them. As for the students: I think they are probably no better off with you (teacher who cares about them but hates every other aspect of the job) than with someone else (new teacher who may or may not care about them but isn't burned out yet).
Kudos to you for being thoughtful about this decision. It sounds like you were the kind of teacher that kids leave school remembering - in a good way.
Posts: 4313 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
You might want to consider sharing what you're feeling with your principal. You may find that he thinks that you're doing much better than you are (or than you think you are). He may also be willing to modify/change your assignment for the rest of the year. I've had two close friends who found themselves in a similar situation.
One spoke with her principal- he appreciated her honesty and told her he'd like to have her try to finish the year since it was unlikely that they would hire a new teacher with only four months left and the students would be stuck with a substitute for the rest of the year. He modified her work load and worked with her to make it as manageable as possible. She still stopped teaching at the end of that year, but felt much better about the whole situation.
The other quit in the middle of the year and had his teaching license suspended for breaking his contract. It also affected his job search in the corporate world, as he had to constantly explain not only a career change, but why he broke his contract.
I would also echo the recommendation of going to see a doctor- there may be a medical diagnosis to back up your decision.
I wish you well and I hope that you are able to make the decision in which you feel most comfortable.
Posts: 862 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
Flying Cow, I think there are a bunch of things going on for you. The first is, your present situation stinks, and you want out. You feel guilty, because that is how teachers are programmed to feel. it is never a cut-and-dried decision. You are always "letting someone down."
As for that, don;t worry about it. I have noticed that, when a teacher leaves, the space is filled. When I was out sick last year, I worried about the kids. they were fine.
Second, you might want to try teaching in a private school, as has been sugggested. However, private schools have their own problems. The parents people tend to complain about NOT being there for thir kids in public school will be ALL OVER YOU.
Third is, of course, financial worry. Can you handle being unemployed and uninsured? For how long?
Teaching is not for everyone. It is hard, even though there are rewards.
If I were you, and if I could, I would leave. Try to imagine if you were unhappy working at McDonald's or something. Try not to let the responsibility and guilt force you to be miserable, and possibly get sick from all the stress.
If you still want to teach, there are so many places to teach. Adults learning English. Prisoners. Younger children. College. Maybe, if you can, it would be a good time to explore other options.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
As far as money, if I tightened my belt a little, I could live for a year off of savings without finding any other sort of job. Obviously, I wouldn't want to do that.
If I even got a temp job (and picked up a bartending shift one night a week, perhaps), I could live pretty much as I have been - though I wouldn't be able to put anything into savings.
As far as sickness, I have been sick now for almost two weeks with just lingering blegch. It was better over winter break, but the Sunday night before school started again (yes, we started on the national holiday, for whatever reason) I couldn't sleep at all and went in feeling like hell.
As far as my students being well aware, I think some of them feel that I'm frustrated with certain students that give me the most grief. They ask me all the time why I'm teaching math - wondering why I don't teach english, or art, or music (skills I use in the class often). Maybe they sense I'm not happy teaching, and just think that I'd be better off in another subject? I don't know.
I think I will try to talk to my principal tomorrow. My roommate made a good point that I can only hold myself responsible for what I can teach the kids well, and at this point I'm not really doing *anything* well (she's noticed I've been very scattered with leaving things around the house in random places and not keeping up with chores). So if I'm not performing, I should move aside and let someone else in.
Another side note: They just went through the interview process and hired a math teacher three weeks ago, to replace a mid-year retiree in seventh grade. It's possible that they still have contacts with those candidates and can fill my position quickly. Also, they have ties with two University programs, whose mid year graduates would be out and looking around now (or the next couple of months).
Posts: 3960 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
When I have a little bit of time, I will post a longer response, but I want to jump in very quickly to address something people are saying that I strongly disagree with.
Private schools are not any kind of a solution. I am extremely familiar with--and experienced with--private schools. They tend to have as much boneheaded bureaucracy and top-heaviness, but they are more intrusive into your personal classroom, and the politics are worse. I don't like teachers' unions as a rule, but they do keep you less abused, believe it or not. In a private school, you generally don't have that protection.
Private schools also tend to pay substantially less.
The only advantage they have is that the class sizes tend to be smaller.
Unless it's a Catholic school. Catholic schools have class sizes equal to public schools, and they pay even less than other private schools. The only way it's a good idea to teach in a religious school is if you consider it your mission, and you feel that you are serving God in this manner.
(Non-Catholic Christian schools, as a rule, pay even less, and are more intrusive into your private life. But they don't tend to have the huge class sizes. But don't worry, if you don't belong to their denomination, and attend their church, they won't hire you anyway.)
I am so much happier now that I teach in a public school, it's unbelievable.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
Is it possible that a, say, two week sabbatical would at least help you get through the rest of the year, Cow?
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
I just have to say that I feel your pain! I am a teacher (3rd grade) and 2 years ago I was in a similar situation. I absolutely dreaded going to school every day. I didn't like my class, I didn't like my principal, I didn't like the politics...I was miserable. Luckily I had a roommate that drug me out every night after school to do things. We were on a basketball league, having "game night" with friends once a week, learning to kayak, hiking, biking, roadtripping on the weekends, and anything else we could find to do. I learned to let shool things fall by the wayside sometimes to keep my sanity. That year ended, and I decided to try it again (I was getting a new principal and a smaller class). Things are much better now.
I am not suggesting that this would work for you, just that I feel for you!! *HUGS* Good luck with your decision (we have a teacher leaving in 2 weeks for similar reasons).
Posts: 45 | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
It sounds like your problem is not with teaching itself, but rather with the environment in which you feel forced to teach - and by this I mean the sort of students you have, the quantity of students you have, the administration you have to deal with, etc. If that is the case then my advice is this:
You don't have to be in a high school to be a teacher. You don't even have to be in a school at all. You just have to teach, and that can be done in all sorts of settings. Consider what it is that you DO like about teaching, and then consider how you might be able to get that without the setting that is stressing you out right now. You might be able to find a new career path that is a natural extension of the one you have now, and the things you once enjoyed about it.
But don't leave now - if only for the simple reason that you don't seem to have any alternate plan. Go if you have something you WANT to do instead of what you are doing now. But don't just quit early because you don't like this - you may find you can't find anything else you like any better. Instead begin to consider what you DO want to do next, rather than what you DON'T want. Look into it. You could even interview if the opportunity cane around. But why quit early and burn bridges when you don't even know where to go yet? The rest of the year is not that much time.
In the meanwhile, try to change the way you do things to make your remaining time more bearable, even enjoyable if it is possible. Most of the things you listed are pressures you are placing upon yourself. You only have to think about work as long as you choose to. You only have to do work outside work as much as you choose to. The students might suffer if you do less, but they will also certainly suffer if you leave early, and will certainly suffer if you are too unhappy to teach well.
That's what I think.
Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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quote:Originally posted by SteveRogers: They constantly complain about the pay, their co-workers, and their bosses.
It must be awful having a job where you don't work at all when it's summer.
(Sorry, couldn't hold it in. haha, now on to some seriousness)
I'm a cook and teachers have no idea about what the phrase "work stress" means.
As again, I chose cooking because it's a demanding job (both physically and mentally)
And what kind of reasoning is "administration sucks" anyway?
Because it's so much better in restaurants/hotels/ships(ships especially, you teachers would "love" the administration while working on a ship), right?
Jeez.
I am truly sorry for sounding offensive but when I was a kid I had a teacher who I felt totally devoted to and I thought she could teach me anything about math. She was also great at binding all kids in the class together as teammates instead making bands out of them.
Then she left after a year and I got a total asshole who wanted to be "in the biz".
What does this mean?
-She ignored outcast kids (I was one of them. It was great to be picked on by the teacher because the kids wanted her to pick on me and the other 3 outcast friends of mine. What was our guilt you ask? 28 knew each other for 4 years [they finished lower grades together] and the 4 [my squad] were the "fresh meat". A teachers job here would be to [regardless of what the horde part of the class wants] make the entire class fit together. Not deepen the pit. ) -She was horrible at teaching math. (probably related to the "in the biz" thing) -She never stood up for the class.
Thus went my 3 "wonderful" years of primary school! (upper grades, doh)
This is not me feeling sorry for myself. It's more of a warning what can happen to kids in the class you're leaving behind.
As a teacher you can't see the aftermath your departure causes in a class, since who would go back? (like anyone truly cared about the kids? Right.)
Once again, I am sorry for my heated reply, but teachers switching their school/career because "they feel miserable" really digs up an old wound of mine. I guess I could call it "the other side of the coin".
Posts: 21 | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Artemisia Tridentata: So, I went from a 5th step Teacher to a 2nd step Janitor and got a $5 a month raise.
It is a sad statement when the person who fills the toilet paper makes more money than the person filling our children's minds.
Posts: 80 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
I almost left teaching once, and I almost broke a contract to do it. I was still in Miami, and I had recently gotten the girls, and my very highbrow private school was treating me like crap, and I questioned my earlier, youthful decision to forego the kind of income my qualifications could have gotten me in exchange for some nebulous thought of touching the future, and a career working with people instead of in a cubicle, and working with kids, etc etc etc. It was one thing when I was just thinking about myself, but now I was basically asking a family to make the same sacrifice--and for what? My job was not at all what I thought it would be. It was all paperwork and politics, and being treated like crap. So what were we all sacrificing for, exactly?
We were in the midst of moving to Central Florida--part of the reason I was being treated worse, actually, was because the school knew I was leaving anyway--and in the spring I came to feel that I could not take it anymore. I started looking for work programming again. First I told people I was not available until June, which kind of made it hard to find a job. Programmer shops just don't work that way. Eventually, though, I became so sick of what I was doing that I decided I would take a job right away and break the contract, if the right offer came along. What I wanted was to get a job already up here in Central Florida. I would move up here early, and maybe start to set up the new house, painting and stuff, while Cor and the girls would finish the year out in Miami. I had two companies want to hire me, Lockheed Martin and Polaris (the company that makes the airport check-in kiosks), but they didn't come through with anything until after the school year had actually ended. I also had an offer on the table from the school that was a mile from my house. (Lockheed Martin, by comparison, was in Cape Canaveral, over an hour away, and Polaris was somewhere like Winter Park, IIRC, which would also have been about an hour commute.) I thought I would hate the school by my house, because the things I had heard about it were all negative, but I figured I could give it one more year, just to see how I liked it in a new environment, and because the idea of being a minute from work was appealing. It was the best decision I could have made--especially given how the bottom fell out of the tech industry a year or so later. A good friend of mine who is a gifted programmer is always complaining of how people in Hungary or wherever can underbid him for everything, and deliver an inferior product, but just the same, it's hard for him to find enough work anymore.
Anyway, my point is not that you should stick it out like me, or try a new environment, or whatever. I only mention that to tell you that I completely understand your dilemma WRT to breaking your contract. Five years ago, I completely would have done it, and I still believe it would have been the right thing to do. But other people have given a lot of reasons not to.
My question is this: I know you're unhappy. But how angry are you? I was willing to screw them over because I was pissed. We teachers get guilted into screwing ourselves over a lot because it's all for the kids, but I finally decided that was really the schools' problem: clearly they didn't love the kids enough to make good teachers want to stay (turnover was in the 40% range every year). So why should I feel guilty if I couldn't take their crap anymore and left?
If you're angry enough, leave.
If it's really killing you, leave.
If not, I think you should stay the year out, and here's why. I think a lot of the reasons for leaving sound like they sound like rationalizations to you. (Did that sentence make sense? ) I think you will feel better about yourself if you see it through. Almost every teacher I know has a strong self-abnegation streak, and so the only way it's worth the psychic price is if staying there is really just impossible.
Anyway, I know how you feel, and I know how much it hurts to decide that maybe this isn't for you, after all.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
I have worked as a cook. I have worked as a computer programmer. I have worked as an editor. Have you worked as a teacher?
I chose teaching and continue to choose it, so far, for a variety of reasons, and I'm not suggesting I made a bad choice. But it really burns me up when people outside of teaching presume to know how our stress levels compare to those of other jobs, or suggest that teachers are whiny babies who don't know what it's like in the real-life world.
For the record, the most stressful job of all the ones I have had, for me, is teaching, followed by editing. The least stressful? Being a cook.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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I am on my 10th year of teaching and second career. I was in retail until the company I worked for went out of business. Retail was really stressful. Hours stunk and I hated it. I was glad when they went out of business because it forced me to move on with my life.
I have taught middle school (6th,7th,8th) reading, writing and social studies to mostly low socio-economic Mexican-American kids in two districts in deep South Texas. (David Bowles and I taught together on the same 7th grade academic team for four years.)
Now, FlyingCow, what I noticed about your post is that you seem to care a lot and worry about the kids. You also depend on the support of the other teachers.
I don't think you should quit until you have another job lined up. But I would really encourage you to stick it out.
If you want to continue teaching, look for a supportive school environement. All schools have their special (and sometimes a not so special) personality.
Last year was my most difficult year because I got on the wrong side of an administrator over discipline issues. Basically he thought I was too strict with the hoods. (a long story.)
What really helps me is: 1) a sometimes cynical attitude 2) knowing every year is going to be a fresh start 3) a 185 day a year work schedule 4) never taking work home with me (unless I really, really have to) 5) knowing that I provide a safe and orderly classroom environment 6) being a super strict teacher and never seeking popularity with the students 7) knowing the kids who want to learn will because I do a darn good job presenting the material 8) don't expect support from fellow teachers, but always be willing to lend yours to them 9) avoid truly negative teachers 10) NEVER trust an administrator
I also seek help for the students that I see are in need. I refer them to the counselor, but never get involved personally in their lives. I am there to teach and the counselors are there to help in personal matters.
I'm not real happy with my teaching job (or the rest of my job) at the moment either. Although a bit less unhappy than last week (today, anyway ).
But the one time I cam closest to quitting mid-year was the year I taught somewhere else. Also a private school, but not a religious one. It was a horrible fit, and that became clear within about a month of school starting. The main reason I did not quit mid-year was not having another job (or likely prospects). If I had, I certainly would have left!
But I agree with Ic. Some of the decision should have to do with how angry you are with the administration -- they're the ones who will have to replace you.
posted
I think the point that's driving me the most is that, while I still care about the kids, I don't care at all about teaching - if that makes any sense.
I want the kids to learn, and I want them to succeed, but the act of presenting material has become almost anathema to me. I care about the students so much that I don't want them to have a teacher like the one I have become these last couple of months.
BadGuy, I was once that great teacher you had originally. My students were devoted, and I was devoted to them, and we all enjoyed class and learned a lot. In the last few months, I have morphed into the second teacher in more ways than I'd like. While part of me thinks it's unfair to leave them, a larger part of me knows it's unfair to teach them badly for six months for fear that they'd get a teacher even worse.
Ic, I'm not angry, I don't think, but the situation has become almost unbearable. The thought of 60 days is even making me depressed - the idea of 6 months is beyond the scope of what I feel I can mentally survive.
I'm going to have a talk with my principal today. She really likes me and has been very supportive so far, but I've heard stories that she has a tendency to overreact to things. We'll see what happens. I'm going to tell her that I've been growing more and more unhappy over the last three months and that it has gotten to the point where my job performance has been noticeably affected. I'm going to follow with the fact that I've been battling early signs of depression and feel that my decreased job performance is adversely affecting the students. I'll tell her that the decision was made in November (which it was) to leave teaching after this year, but it would be best for the students and myself to leave and have a more enthusiastic and capable teacher take my place.
I guess I'll see what she says.
Posts: 3960 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
Part of what I'm picking up is that you care about the kids all of the time. You worry about them and think about them all of the time. When you walk away from work, you're still at work. That is hugely emotionally draining.
I know this is easier said than done, speaking from personal experience, but it sounds like it would do you well to learn to let go of work when you're away from work. Do other things that have nothing at all to do with work. Don't bring work home - not grading, not report cards, nothing. Do all of that at the school itself, and when you leave the school grounds, you do other things entirely unrelated in any way to school.
Whether you leave in two months or six, if you can develop that strategy, I think it will help save your sanity.
posted
I work for a school district and it would be best if you could survive until the end of this year, although if you are battling depression over this you should probably leave as soon as you can. Your long term mental health is much more important. I've known someone personally who did 'crack' during the school year which is much harder on everyone involved. Teaching can be a rewarding profession, but you sound like you are ready for a change. I would say take some time to let your brain heal then take a chance on doing what you really want to do.
Posts: 1918 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
If you look at something over a long enough period of time, anything can start to look depressing or unbearable.
I have 40+ years till I can retire. That's enough to make me want to quit right now. So you know what I do? I take it one day at a time. If 60 days is too daunting, just try to get through today. Then, just try to get through tomorrow. And so on. Good luck.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I just want to put in my two cents to second (third, fourth, whatever) the idea that teaching is hugely stressful as a career. Not for everyone; it depends on personality, I think. I did a long-term subbing gig as an English teacher for 5 months and I was completely overwhelmed with the kind of stuff FC talks about: constantly thinking and worrying about the kids, lesson plans, piles of papers to grade, parent complaints, etc. I was subbing for a teacher out on maternity leave, and I took on all the duties of a teacher on a substitute's wages.
The department I worked for wanted me to come as a teacher the following year. There was much that was rewarding about it, but ultimately I decided I couldn't handle the constant stress I felt. Some teachers just seemed to sail through it and not worry worry worry about everything like I did. Not me. And I honestly don't think it would change a whole lot with time and experience. Haven't ever felt the same kind of stress in any other job I've had. The summer vacations seemed to be getting shorter and shorter with all the adminstrative/training days added in, and it just wasn't enough to compensate.
FC, like most everyone else I think if you can possibly stay out the 6 months, then do it. Especially if you can get yourself in gear and say "6 months left, and I'm giving these kids the best I have and then I'm outta here." But if you can't, you can't!
Hope your conversation w/ the principal goes well. I feel for you. Best wishes w/ whatever you choose to do.
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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It's so hard to not bring your work home when you're a teacher. You're paid for X hours a day, and there's no way to do all the preparing and grading during those hours, so you either stay there and don't get paid for it, or you take it home and don't get paid for it. And should you manage to get your "work" done during planning hours, there's still the "worrying" about how to best meet the needs of specific students. Not that worrying ever helped anyone, but a certain amount of keeping them on your mind lets you recognize solutions when you run into them.
That's why hubby stopped teaching (middle school also) - he couldn't leave his work at work and really be with the family when he's home. Now he teaches at odd times - leads choir, teaches at church, sometimes has private trombone students - but it's not his full-time-and-then-some job.
I'd say not wanting to get out of bed is a definite sign of depression, or getting there, anyway. Of course it's best to stay out the year in most cases, but I had at least one case in HS when the teacher should've retired before she ever got us, and when she retired halfway through the year we finally started to learn something from the "permanent sub". Good luck to you, FlyingCow, and I'm sure you'll make the right decision - which is so personal, no one can make it for you.
Posts: 1522 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
Well, I spoke with my principal, and she was very understanding. I told her what I was going through, and she said that I may be further along the road to depression than I think, and that I should call the teacher's counseling hotline and find someone to talk to about things.
I think that's a good idea.
I also gave her my 60 days, and while she was a little disappointed, she wasn't judgemental at all. She just said that I had to look out for what is best for myself, and that she's very concerned and that she would pray for me.
Of course, by the end of the day, I was asked by a totally random teacher if it was true that I was leaving, so it seems word spread pretty quickly. It's only a matter of time before the students find out, I'd guess... though my students *are* pretty unaware of their surroundings.
Time will tell, but I don't feel any better or worse for putting in my notice. I did notice that class today felt even more flat and forced than yesterday, which was even more forced than the day before. I'm hoping this trend doesn't continue.
We'll see, I guess.
Posts: 3960 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
Flying Cow you did the right thing! I was a teacher and left mid year. It will be two years ago in March and I still have nightmares and anxiety attacks because of what went on that year.
I'm very glad your principal was supportive. I won't go into the horrible experince I had, but I will say that the reason I stayed as long as I did was because I loved the kids and couldn't stand the thought of them being taught by a series of substitutes (I'd had that happen as a child). I was assured by my principal that it wouldn't happen and so I quit for their good and my own.
You sound alot like where I was, getting sick often, not being able to sleep, spending every waking moment worrying about the school and the kids or trying to escape from worry though mindless activities. I didn't realize how depressed I was till I left. Once I was out of the situation, I saw I was doing myself and the kids a disservice by staying there. A lot of people have been saying to try and stay if you can, but I'm glad you choose to leave. It's not worth it to trade you ability to be happy for a few more months to finish out the year.
Posts: 44 | Registered: May 2001
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posted
After reading more about your situation, I think you did the right thing. It sounds like you need some personal time to get yourself together rather than just a change in schools or a break at the end of the year. Please seek counseling and speak to a doctor about your depression. Your mental health is much more important than an obligation to your contract. I struggle everyday with depression and being bogged down in a job you hate will only exacerbate the problem. I hope things get better for you.
Posts: 1319 | Registered: Jul 2005
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No-one has suggested a little therapy? Seems like your depressed and dissatisfied with your life. It sounds like you could afford a few months of counseling to help cope with stress. I did therapy as a young kid because I was getting in fights and was angry all the time, and it genuinely helped. I was maybe 8 or 9 and can still remember some of the things that helped me get over my unhappiness then.
At least therapy might help you realized what is making you so sad, is it your expectations for yourself, the goals you set and can't meet, your need to work constantly or your frustration with things you can't change. Whatever it is, at least talking therapy, or even medication might be needed for you to cope better. This could be a depression which only SEEMS related to teaching, but might haunt you wherever you go. Good luck whatever you do! Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
"You sound alot like where I was, getting sick often, not being able to sleep, spending every waking moment worrying about the school and the kids or trying to escape from worry though mindless activities. "
I am happy with my life, love my job, have supportive coworkers and (most of the time) administrators, and I was dreaming about polygons nightly for weeks.
No matter how much you love a job, you think about it and stress about it. The difference is, when I get in to the classroom, I forget the dreams, and love what I do.
Flying Cow is not loving it.
Perhaps, FC, you are depressed. But perhaps you have become depressed because of your job. That is how I am feeling. And that is why I say: Go!
As for public schools, I both agree and disagree with Icarus. In my experience, private schools have less bureaucracy, but mainly, that means, for me, less state-imposed bureaucracy. However, a school is a school. In my experience, a group of teachers tends to be a lot like a group of middle school kids: cliquey, territorial, competitve, often petty. (which is why I tend to avoid the lunch room)
My main message, though, is to make your decision WITHOUT GUILT.
Good luck to you, whatever you finally decide.
Forgive yourself and let go.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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It's so hard to not bring your work home when you're a teacher. You're paid for X hours a day, and there's no way to do all the preparing and grading during those hours, so you either stay there and don't get paid for it, or you take it home and don't get paid for it. And should you manage to get your "work" done during planning hours, there's still the "worrying" about how to best meet the needs of specific students. Not that worrying ever helped anyone, but a certain amount of keeping them on your mind lets you recognize solutions when you run into them.
I know some teachers who can do it, and still remain excellent teachers, which is why I suggested it.
One friend, who had a very difficult time with teaching, ended up staying late at school doing her schoolwork just so she didn't bring work home. It was very important for her sanity to have that separation. Sure, she was there until 5 or 6 on good days, much later on other days, but it's what she did and she swears it saved her.
I didn't say it would be easy, but I know it works for some teachers, and therefore it's worth exploring.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote:In my experience, a group of teachers tends to be a lot like a group of middle school kids: cliquey, territorial, competitive, often petty.
This matches my experience teaching in a private middle school. Not my experience in a public middle school or a public high school. (YMMV)
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
I have run into this in two of the middle schools I've worked in, including the one I'm in right now.
Posts: 3960 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
When I go back to teaching next year, I won't be bringing work home except with planned exceptions, like when I'm grading long research papers. A lot of the extra work I had as a teacher was because of poor planning. Planning is what saved me my second year. I will be planning assignments with how long they take to grade in mind and with specific objectives and only grade to those objectives. I know it will help me.
Flying Cow, I felt much like you did after two years of teaching. I didn't think I ever wanted to go back. So I didn't renew my contract for another year, and went to graduate school instead. This is my third year of grad school, and in that time I have co-taught a couple of college classes as a graduate assistant. I haven't taught anything for over a year now, and I miss it. I daydream about lesson plans and procedures that I will implement in my classroom, and I have dreams about teaching again. Sometimes those dreams aren't fun because they combine all of my bad experiences, and other times they're better. Now when I go back, I'll be making more money and I'll be mentally prepared to take control of my classroom, as well as having the months, weeks, and even days of the school year excessively planned.
You might find in a few years that you are itching to go back. You might find yourself planning lessons in your head and imagining all of the different things you'll do in a classroom again. Or maybe you'll breathe a sigh of relief every day that you're past that whole experience for good. I know I have had days... no, MONTHS, when I hated the idea of going back with every fiber of my being. I've even posted during those times here. But I'm going back now. And I'm excited.
I'm glad your principal treated you kindly. I hope that knowing the end is in sight will give you the energy to continue.
Posts: 2880 | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
This year my mom did a six weeks long term for a teacher on a maternity leave. She asked me to come in and help her grade (which was totally fine with the assistant principal), and many days I was there from 3 to 7, ordering pizza, but we got it done, and yeah it really makes it better than grading at home. But this was English, in a school that to up their ratings requires one 3 page paper a week and an independant reading book every six weeks, in addition to a full curiculum, and local testing which was going on.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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![[Wink]](wink.gif)
) I think you will feel better about yourself if you see it through. Almost every teacher I know has a strong self-abnegation streak, and so the only way it's worth the psychic price is if staying there is really just impossible.![[Smile]](smile.gif)
then take a chance on doing what you really want to do.
![[Laugh]](graemlins/laugh.gif)
Quid!
