Seriously? Do I need to wash my hair *twice*? I mean, I don't put my clothes through the washer twice, and I have more quality control over my scalp than I do over the clothes washer. How dirty *am* I?
I ponder this because my son told me yesterday that his teacher had a conversation with his class (2nd grade) about hygeine and told he me that she said everyone had to take a bath daily.
Errr.
Is my kid the one who prompted this discussion? Apparently his teacher decided that the kids (no one was pointed out, for which I am grateful) stink. Does Christopher stink???? He doesn't take a bath daily, and neither do I (unless I am doing a lot of physical work). Maybe we are stinky people and I just don't know it because I'm used to our stink!
Great. More things to be anxious about.
Chris is already anxious because he thinks that nobody likes him and he doesn't have any friends (he does have friends, but he has little breakdowns where no logic can penetrate).
BAH
So now, baths every night. As well as deoderant (how do you spell that??). The deoderant isn't new, he got some for Christmas because he wanted to smell like Daddy. But the reverent application of it this morning *was* new.
Oh my poor boy.
It doesn't help that last night I had a dream that Christopher was being persecuted at school (being blamed for things that weren't his fault, having water thrown on him by a teacher).
I'm too tender for this motherhood sh*t.
Posts: 1545 | Registered: May 2002
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Daily baths and deodorant in 2nd grade? Most kids aren't THAT stinky, unless they have a nutritional or glandular problem. Unless they don't bathe for weeks on end or something. Second grade is tough socially, because kids who were innocently friends with everybody start becoming social climbers. Some kids are still sweet, and get hurt. Others start forming cliques. I don't know what to tell you. My kid is in 2nd grade, too. Just try to be there for the little guy, and hold on to your family's values. If you think there's really a problem, I'd recommend calling the teacher.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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"The other day I ran out of Tide so I washed my clothes with shampoo. My shirts have never been so managable."
My suggestion is to ask someone you trust. You can't smell yourself. You likely can't smell your little one. Ask a close friend and emphasise that you need to hear the truth because if you DO smell, you have to work on changing your hygene habits.
Many people don't smell much and can get away with a shower every other day. Some people will smell no matter how many showers they take. I think, for most it's best to shower daily. (Didn't we just have a poll on this?)
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I just noticed the other day that my little boy smells like a boy. I didn't realize there was a little boy smell before, but there is and I recognized it! It's funny. He smells just like his sister did as a baby but with something different. That's the boy smell. I'm so amused by this discovery. I recognized it because I've been a teacher for many years, and I've smelled the "boy smell". I just didn't have it isolated and identified before.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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Prepubescent children don't need daily baths. And they certainly don't need deoderant. (Rare exceptions aside.) (Or kids who get extremely dirty.)
Teaching your kids to bathe daily might be a good way to ingrain the habit for later.
My kids don't bathe daily. (I remember one time when Bob's ex-wife was shocked to hear this, but when I talk to parents, this seems pretty standard.) I have two kids, and neither is at the bathing-unassisted stage yet, so it would just be too time consuming to bathe them both each night--especially given that they are both, by nature, early to bed types. We get little enough quality time as it is. When they get old enough to do it alone, I'll probably make them bathe more often.
Also, most of the world doesn't bathe as often as North Americans do, or share their apparent obsession with personal cleanliness. Worth considering in light of that teacher's obvious assumptions about what is universal.
I'm sorry your son feels self-conscious. As long as he does, then daily bathing if he wants to is probably a healthy thing, as it is a relativel harmless activity that might make him feel more comfortable. Deoderant might be more problematic, as it could be harmful to his skin, but then, you have to weigh that possibility against how badly he wants to fit in.
And virtually nobody "repeats" with shampoo. I believe that line is put in there to get gullible people to use more of it, and thus buy more shampoo.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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quote:And virtually nobody "repeats" with shampoo. I believe that line is put in there to get gullible people to use more of it, and thus buy more shampoo.
I believe those are the same people who show us that the proper amount of toothpaste is a line about an inch long that then loops back on itself.
We bathe Ryan every other day, but he's only 2 1/2. I know some people bathe their toddlers every night, but they say it's more for calming them down before bedtime.
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
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You should never wash your hair twice, unless it's been more than 3-4 days since your last shampoo (and some hair types can go longer than that). You'll strip it of its natural oils if you do this. Not only would it get you to use more shampoo, but you'd have to use more conditioner to replace what you just washed out.
I bathe Aerin twice a week, which is how often they bathe the babies in the NICU and PCN. I'd do it less if I could - Aerin hates baths and it's an ordeal for both of us. I'll probably bathe her more often once she stops hating her baths so much, but I'm a compulsive neat freak.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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I read something somewhere that said it's actually UNhealthy to wash yuor hair more than once every couple days, unless you've worked up a sweat. Something about "removing the body's natural oils" that help protect and nourish the scalp.
Posts: 1591 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Unless something is unusual in the week my kids get baths three times per week. Tuesday night, Thursday night and Saturday night. Sometimes Sunday night too, but that's more of a "let them wind down from the weekend before bedtime" plan.
The reason Tues. and Thurs? Because those are the nights we have dance and gymnastics practice, so they get sweaty and really need a bath.
This only applies to my 3 little ones. My oldest is 13, and dealing with the whole hormone thing and needing to bathe regularly and wear deodorant so she takes showers pretty much every night before bed.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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In Sri Lanka, traditionally, most of the locals bathe once a week. Granted, water is not universally piped into everyone's houses. Well, assuming that people have houses. Or homes. Which not everyone does.
A lot of people bathe - shampoo & soap - in the lakes, ponds, watering holes at the sides of busy streets. A lot bathe at the neighborhood public water tap.
Thing is, the vast majority of them, despite their infrequency in bathing, not using deoderant, and living in a tropical country, do not have body odour. I think I've only smelled one or two that were easily smelled from two feet away.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Ugh, a 7th graser should not have to deal with that.
I will admit, I will wake a sleeping child to bathe them, and have bathed them pretty much every night since birth. But I have lots of weird little mannerisms.
Posts: 2711 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Rule of thumb: If you can smell yourself or a loved one, they should have showered the day before that.
Posts: 1412 | Registered: Oct 2005
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Bao, that's ridiculous. I can smell people (including myself) even when they've just gotten out of the shower. It's not an unpleasant smell, but it's a definite "person" smell.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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We bathe our kids pretty much every night. They're used to it, and it is an integral part of the going-to-bed routine. My wife started it with our oldest when she was pretty much a newborn. I probably wouldn't have, but that's how her mom did things, and that's a powerful precedent.
I agree that little kids don't necessarily need a bath every day. However, personally, I think it's a good habit to develop for the pre-teen and teenage years when we aren't monitoring their hygiene habits as closely. Bathe, clean underwear, clean socks, brush teeth, etc. I want those things to be more or less automatic.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
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Good hygiene should start early with boys. Until recently my teenage brothers still had to be reminded to bathe after a long sports practice.
I don't think stink is the matter. I'm more concerned about the anxiety. Anxious reactions to situtations seems like a scary habit to start at such a young age.
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2005
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I wash my hair and rinse-lather-repeat almost every day. I agree that it does dry out my hair. But I have very short hair and use lots of waxy products and they make my hair SCARY in the mornings if I don't wash it. Sometimes if the residue is not bad, I just rinse and restyle it but most days I just rewash it.
My 3-year-old does not take a bath everyday. There are days that I smell her if it has been hot and she has been playing hard. I don't have a schedule though. In fact, I can't remember the last time I bathed her. *goes to start the water*
Posts: 1319 | Registered: Jul 2005
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I was referring to an unpleasant smell, which is of course subjective. However, when a 3rd party mentions something, I would definately take a look at my personal hygiene habits.
Posts: 1412 | Registered: Oct 2005
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I basically have my kids do what Belle does: T, TH and Sat.
I think that there must be one kid in your son's class that needed the information. The bath everyday thing was overkill IMO but I wouldn't worry too much about stinking. I guess you could ask the teacher for an honest opinion, I think he/she would be honest, if you truly are worried about it.
You could also ask him/her for suggestions regarding your son feeling like he doesn't fit in. Teachers can give valuable insight into the social activities of their students. The teacher then can also be on the look out for any potential problems.
Posts: 697 | Registered: Nov 2005
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Thank you everyone for your input. I'd like to say that I feel better now, but I don't, really, because my son came home today with another problem (he's behind in his reading assignments and I got a little note).
But I feel better about the hygeine stuff!
Thank you, Evie, for the link to the post about hair-washing. Very interesting reading. I am an 'every-other-day" hairwasher (if anyone wondered).
I also think there was one kid in the class who needed the hygeine information, and the teacher didn't want to single him/her out, so gave a talk to the entire class. I'm just hoping that my kid wasn't the 'one'! I'm pretty sure he's okay.
The deodorant wasn't discussed in the class, it's just a thing that Christopher likes because it makes him smell like daddy. I figure that as long as it's not an anti-perspirant (people NEED to perspire, IMO) and he isn't having a reaction, I'll let him use it.
His general anxiety can be linked to our recent (November) move and being in a new school. He spent his entire school career with a certain group of friends (preschool-preK-kindergarten-first grade-part of second grade) and now he doesn't have them. Also, we live in a neighborhood with no kids his age, so afterschool time is lonely. We are working on that, with a self-defense class on Monday nights and soon an afterschool program at the Y.
He'll be alright. I need to get a conference with his (ditzy) teacher to address some issues and we'll get on track.
Thank you, everyone, for your advice and comforting words.
I'll get someone to sniff me tomorrow (before I go to the gym!) to see if I stink. *grin*
Posts: 1545 | Registered: May 2002
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AFR, I see nothing wrong with making a choice to bathe your children every day, but I can also see reasons why other parents (such as myself) would choose otherwise. More than anything else, I think it was unfortunate phrasing on the part of the teacher to make a child feel unclean, or to to tell the children an opinion of hers that is not universal by any means. Look at the unpleasant feelings it caused in this case. Also, for many children in this age range, when they bathe is not entirely up to them, so laying a guilt trip, or a complex, on a kid is likely not to solve anything.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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The reason my kids bathe every day is because they both enjoy it. Little Mother takes Little Crow in the tub with her. She washes him tenderly, and then they both kick and splash. Crow would stay in until cold and pruny if I let him. It's a great time for the two to bond. But they don't usually NEED it. Well, sometimes Crow does. He's a spitty baby, and being a boy, often pees all over himself when I take the diaper off. He delights in finding just the right moment to squirt me.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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*laugh* Sophie and I spend at least a half hour in the tub at night coloring, pouring and filling cups and playing with boats and ducks. Its a great ritual for the both of us to play and get sleepy in the warm bath. That said, if we're out or it doesn't happen, I don't feel like she's unclean. I just give her face and hands a wipe in the morning and she's ready to go.
I'm also toying with the idea of washing my hair less often. I have dryish hair which seems to like its natural oil.
Posts: 1777 | Registered: Jan 2003
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When my children were small, I usually bathed them daily during the summer, when they were outside playing and getting dirty. In the cooler months, I'd bathe them less frequently, but it's been long enough now that I really couldn't say exactly how often.
Once they were old enough to bathe themselves (7 or 8), they bathed more frequently by their own choice. I never refused to let them bathe when they requested it.
Once they got to be about 10-12 years old, I had them start bathing daily. It was a challenge with my son for a time, because (it turned out, once I finally pinned him down on what the problem was) he was afraid he'd miss something. I have to admit that with our large family, there was always something happening most of the time. So I recommended that he get up 30 minutes earlier and bathe in the mornings. I bought him his own alarm clock, and never had another problem getting him to bathe again.
I used to wash my hair daily... sometimes more often if I was working in the yard or got especially grody. Just in the last year or so, I've started washing it only every 2 or 3 days, but I wet and style it daily.
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