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- Cheney once closed down an orphanage and sold the children to a chinese sweatshop. Then he took the money and bought a new shotgun (AT WALMART!) to take quail hunting.
- Cheney is actually thousands of years old. It wasn't Caiaphas that pushed for Jesus's crucifixion, it was Cheney.
- Cheney's maiden name is Haliburton.
- Cheney doesn't really have a heart condition because he has no heart.
- Cheney once ran for the post of "The Devil" but Satan won because he's nicer.
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In his native tounge, Dick Cheney's real name means "Son of Reathlor, devourer of fragile dreams".
Dick Cheney is too pretty to go to jail.
The only thing keeping Dick Cheney from leading a violent coup against President Bush is a generous supply of bubble wrap, which, in the White House, is now known as "National Security Tension Sheets". The bubble wrap supply is watched over by one air traffic controller and the guy who used to head the surveillance of Russia's nuclear missiles.
Given the slightest provocation, Dick Cheney would kick you in the nuts. Failing that, he'd task the Secret Service to do it for him.
Despite what you might think, Dick Cheney's favorite quote is not "Badges...We don't need no stinkin' badges." It's actually "Baby, you're the greatest." from The Honeymooners.
Dick Cheney knows a very dirty joke whose punchline centers around something being sequestered in a undisclosed location.
Dick Cheney has an inexplicable hatred for the state of Wisconsin and wants everyone to know that those *$%#^^s deserve what's coming to them.
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Dick Cheney has the only copies of books 2 and 3 of the Mayflower Trilogy. He takes sadistic glee in knowing that no one else will ever get to read them.
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quote:Originally posted by MrSquicky: Dick Cheney knows a very dirty joke whose punchline centers around something being sequestered in a undisclosed location.
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RUN! The police have traced the location of Cheney's phone calls -- they're coming from inside your house!!Posts: 2911 | Registered: Aug 2001
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- Dick Cheney once decided to rope off Oklahoma and put all the gays and communists there. But backed down when he remembered there was oil there.
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Cheney knows that creationism is true because he was watching from the bowels of hell when it happened.
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Cheney's favorite pizza topping is another entire pizza.
Cheney's ancestors shortened their last name when they moved to the USA from the old country. It was previously "Chenesaurus Rex"
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One time, some fool communist tried to kick Cheney in the nuts. What he didn't know, is that Cheney's little boys are made of such dense brass that they actually create tears in space & time and they sucked the commie scum into the seventh level of hell.
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Dick Cheney's family crest is a great white shark biting off Godzilla's head.
Dick Cheney is so much man, even his daughter likes chicks.
Dick Cheney thinks that Jack Nickleson is a sissy and doesn't care who knows it. In fact, he put it on all his stationary.
Because of this, he won't respond to someone saying "I want the truth." with "You can't handle the truth!", but if you say "Tell me why." he'll say "I don't like mondays."
In the same vein, Dick Cheney's social security number is 008675309. That wasn't the one he started out with, but it became his, in accordance with a little know subsection of the Social Security Act, when he ate the original number holder.
Dick Cheney is only fluent in English, but he can tell someone to go frack themselves in every living language and 12 dead ones.
Dick Cheney worries that people are forgetting the real meaning of Arbor Day: killing dirty, stinking commies.
In situations of grave peril, Dick Cheney has developed the ability to mentally dominate his subordinates and force them to throw themselves at the danger. He can also extrude copious quanities of ink as a distraction technique.
If you look into a mirror in a dark room and say "Dick Cheney" three times, FEMA will knock your house down.
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It was the progressive Dick Cheney that persuaded the FBI to start using black highlighters on all classified documents viewed by the public.
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Tante, That's one of the advantages to using an English verb as an alias. The other is covering up a staggering lack of creativity.
-A statue of Cheney was observed to weep human tears for 63 hours in 1987. Witnesses were later found to have a roughly 75% increased chance of heart disease.
-Silly Dick Cheney! Tricks are for Karl Rove.
-Who knows? Cheney knows.
Edited for grammar.
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