posted
Advent, I just want you to know that even if others haven't, I have accepted your apology. It doesn't erase what you did, it simply means that I forgive you. It means I am willing to give you a second chance.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
If you would stop wallowing in self-despair, you would see that pretty much everyone here is willing to give you another chance.
Posts: 9945 | Registered: Sep 2002
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posted
Apply a B list actor's Shakespearean accent to all of Helion's posts and it really makes for some amusing reading.
Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Helion A. I.: Then perhaps we have not learned the same lessons Karl. From what I see no one is ever loved for what they truly are in there heart of hearts. They are loved for how others percieve them to be. Not for what they really are to themselves.
Then you have a truly sad life. I wish you better, in the future, but you're the only one who can do anything to change it... and it starts by not seeing every hand as a potential fist and every love as descending from "what can you do for me." If you believe that love does not exist, then, for you, it cannot.
Posts: 121 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Have many people been unkind? I think a lot of us figured out that you were Advent, but we were going to let you carry on this new persona, if that was what you felt you needed.
Having your alts interact with each other left a sour taste, but I think a lot of people would have overlooked it.
If you were interested in my advice, I would say stop with drama. That includes not constantly bringing up what people have found annoying. That includes not insulting us, either individually or en masse. That includes not rending your clothes and gnashing your teeth about how you're treated here. Honestly, there is only one thing you *have* to do, if you want to be accepted: start contributing. That's more important than any apology. If you contribute, then sooner or later people will come around.
It's beyond unfair for you to say that nobody has been forgiving, or that everyone has been mean to you. Speaking for myself, I certainly think I have been both welcoming and accepting.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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quote:If you keep on being so negative about my posts, my solution will be to send you to a little place the French like to call L'Hopital.
-----
You didn't create an alt to "rise from the ashes", you did it so you could spy on us and ask questions about what you did wrong. And, you were painfully obvious about it. And, you pulled more of what got you into trouble in the first place, playing games and thinking you're smarter than everyone else by continuing to post as advent and helios simultaneously.
If you wanted to come back under a new persona and start fresh, you would've retired 'advent' and just posted as 'helios'.
I don't believe your apology because I don't think you believe it. I think you're doing what a small child would do when they're caught misbehaving by their parents. You'll keep casting the apology net farther and wider until everyone agrees that it's sincere enough and forgives you. You'll continue to play the martyr and hope you can guilt people into giving you the benefit of the doubt.
Some, and maybe even most, people will. But not me. No amount of pseudoapologies will work on me. The only thing that I'll accept from you is a genuine reformation of your attitude and behavior. And this isn't it.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Helion A. I.: Was there ever any joy to be had here at all? I saw no possability of it.
My friend's dad once asked him, "What's the difference between fun and joy?" My friend, ever the smart alec, replied, "You can poke fun but you can't poke joy." His dad replied, "I have a friend named Joy, you can poke her." He didn't understand why his son laughed so hard at such an innocent pun. </derailment>
Posts: 2926 | Registered: Sep 2005
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quote:Originally posted by katharina: I like what Karl said. However, I think I would prefer the happy third option.
Oh, me too. But when it's not an option (and often it's not) I opt for the extreme that is real rather than the extreme which is not.
What I mean is when people love something that is not you, the love is hollow and unfulfilling. Be you. The best you you can be, of course, but presenting yourself as anyting else ends up robbing others of the opportunity to know you and honestly relate to you. How they relate to you is beyond your control, but you can know that however they relate to you they are doing so from a basis of who you are. If it's negative, well, you can determine at that point if their negative reaction is reason enough for you to change yourself.
quote:Originally posted by Helion A. I.: Then perhaps we have not learned the same lessons Karl. From what I see no one is ever loved for what they truly are in there heart of hearts. They are loved for how others percieve them to be. Not for what they really are to themselves.
Well by my best guess I have 20 years of lessons on you, so you still have time.
But seriously, what you wrote in the quote above is a problem for many people. The only way to fix this is to make sure what you present is as close to what you are, in your heart of hearts as you can possibly make it. To the degree that you acheive this, then the deficiency in perception is on the part of others. It becomes their responsibility (if they love truth) to learn to perceive better. If they don't love truth, then it really doesn't matter what they think.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
One last bit of unsolicited advice: I liked the Advent screen name better than the alts you have come up with since. I'd suggest just going with that one regardless of the baggage it has.
I haven't written a "I forgive you" post for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is that all the drama isn't worth my time, but even if I were to write one, I'd wait for you to settle down so I'd know which of all the alternates is the real one. I'm not going to get emotionally invested in a screenname, but I might risk the investment in the person behind one. You might want to keep one name long enough for the person behind it to come into focus so people can decide if you're worth the investment.
posted
I hope I can learn at least the lesson that keeps you so happy Karl
EDIT: The only reason I am still writing with this name on here is so I can pay attention to this thread at the same time I am watching others.
Posts: 18 | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Helion A. I.: I hope I can learn at least the lesson that keeps you so happy Karl
Quite honestly, if I have a secret to happiness, I've just posted it on this thread. That's truly how I try to live my life. It's not easy, and I've learned just as often that the negative reactions I've gotten from others are deserved as I have the contrary. But if I didn't know who I was I wouldn't know what parts of me I needed to change in order to be a better person.
Life is feedback. You can't trust the feedback if you aren't being real.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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quote:Originally posted by KarlEd: What I mean is when people love something that is not you, the love is hollow and unfulfilling.
Amen. I've found to be too true so often in my short life. I can act in such a way that everyone (or nearly everyone) likes me, enjoys being around me, trusts me ... all that kind of stuff. Some would even go so far as to love me. But that always leaves me feeling rotten. Gives me headaches. I am never satisfied with that kind of love. And for me personally, I can either try to get more people to like the fake me, hoping that someone will truly love me (bad idea), or I can find who I truly am, and be that (good idea). When I be me, occaisonally it will inspire hostile feelings, but more often then not the result is indifference. But there are some who truly care for me, and let me tell ya ... there is no better feeling on this earth.
Except for a good MLT. Mutton Lettuce and Tomato. So perky.
And Advent ... I like what ... someone said. I don't remember right now. But basically, the absolute best way to get people to respect you, accept you, notice you without cursing ... whatever it is you desire ... is to contribute to the Hatrack community. I am still integrating myself into Hatrack myself, so don't ask me specifically what contributing entails (one of you oldtimers wanna start a thread about that?), but don't do what this thread advises not to do, and I'd say you're on the right track.
Posts: 2827 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Icarus: If you keep on being so negative about my posts, my solution will be to send you to a little place the French like to call L'Hopital.
posted
*rolls eyes* Okay, maybe I do sound like that. But then again I think that thats giving me way too much credit.
And El JT, I was both joking and feeling that way myself. I mean what Karl was saying really did have thta kind of affect. (plus I thought it was really funny for some reason that Nell started saying things like that, I'm not really sure why it was so funny to me but it just was)
Posts: 1941 | Registered: Dec 2005
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Y'know, whoever said in the FAQ thread for newbies that it's a good idea to lurk first had a point. If you want to find joy in Hatrack, have a look at the pregnancy and marriage threads, the landmarks, Belle's cancer thread, the planning threads for meeting up in real life, the cooking threads, even the debate threads in which people still do speak with passion and listen with respect. What makes Hatrack special is exactly what Karl said - we care about the people behind the screen names. Emotions run high here precisely because we DO care.
Hatrack is like any community - you have to get to know it a bit before leaping in with both feet. There is an unwritten "way we do things here" which it's sort of hard to grasp initially but which really does work - it's what has kept me here for the last eight years.
quote:To which I reply "Why would a caged wolf hold still? So that the hunters might have cleaner kill? I would prefer to be on the move, rather than give any one hunter a clearer shot at my heart."
To which, in turn, I'd reply that Hatrackers are not hunters out to kill you. It is entirely possible, even likely, that the reason they complain about your post is because they think doing so will help you write better posts.
Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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posted
You know this thread is really beating a dead horse now. It's time to let it die.
Advent/Helios, If you really want to become a respected member of this community, you need to show us that you are worthy of respect by contributing honestly and respectfully to many threads over an extended period of time. If you do that, people here will forgive you. Its happened with others.
Continuing this thread is counter productive. It just reinforces the idea that you are here to cause a stir or get attention.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
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posted
Very much so. And Advent, when you're ready, regale us with textbook information about one of the red wines. (Which one sounds most interesting to you, and why?)
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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posted
Sure. My favorite style of Red Wine is Merlot. Last time I had it was at my sisters wedding 4 or 5 years ago. I like it because it has a great textue, low on the acidity, and it has a dry flavor to it.
Not that I've had any since then (no occations worthy of it).
"Merlot is a popular red wine due to its soft, lush, and easy to drink nature"
"If you are new to red wines Merlot is a great place to start"
But as far as the most interesting sounding I would have to say that is the Pinot Noir style.
""Pinot Noir is valued for its fruit flavor, often tasting of berries, and its velvety smooth feel in the mouth"
Posts: 1941 | Registered: Dec 2005
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