posted
Long story here so I'll just launch in as coherently as I can with a splitting headache.
DISLCLAIMER: Our town just got a theater five years ago and since it's been open we've done a musical production each fall/winter. When we did the first one there was a lot of discussion about the legality of taping. Some places don't allow ANY taping when the material is copyrighted, which all of our productions have been. Finally a concensus was reached that it is legal to have such a tape as long as you don't profit from it. People wishing a copy just supply a blank tape to this one guy who volunteered his equipment and services (the ENTIRE THEATER is ALL volunteer--NO ONE is getting paid for ANYTHING) and he duplicates them. Each show we've had at least one, sometimes two video cameras, not the same people every time. I'm not going to mention the names of any of the productions because I don't want to get into anything with any purist nitpickers--just make clear that NO ONE is profiting and NO money is changing hands--that's not what the insanity is about.
SETUP: Now, this fall it so happened I purchased a new video camera, my first, for a trip I was taking and it so happened I was the only one who brought a camera when we were doing the production, which one of the parent volunteers who's a friend of mine operated. On the other productions, they just taped one or two performances and ran off a copy of the whole performance as is. This time, we kept doing bits over here and there till I felt we got everything right. I decided to edit together the best sections of each show into one entire performance, then have a section afterwards for highlights and outtakes.
Here's where it gets interesting. I decided since I was making a little higher-quality tape, I would make titles. This I did easily on my computer, but found that since I hadn't purchased the digital version of the camera (they make one that shoots 8mm cassettes and one digital and I bought the cassette version) there was no way to get it back out to the camera. I also found that I could do much tighter editing on the computer, but to get the material in necessitated buying a converter. To get it out meant buying a DVD burner, since my computer drive only plays them, doesn't burn them.
All this turned out to be not enough as my hard drive didn't have the memory to author and burn DVDs. That meant buying an additional hard drive. It was supposed to "just plug in," but I'd have been afraid to try it even if it would work. As it turned out, it didn't. I took the computer to a computer store (since no one local works on Macs, a 70-mile drive, 140-mile round trip) to be upgraded, and the drive was made for more recent models, which meant putting in an adaptor. For doing all this and other procedures I had to pay the guy at the store over $300.00. While I was at it I bought the latest version of the DVD authoring program that came with the DVD burner.
I then spent HOURS and HOURS and HOURS on computer discussion groups trying to figure out how to do everything I needed to do. (Some things it says it will do that would have made my job easier, it wouldn't--so I did it other ways.) I had to ask so MUCH that I was starting to be a target of abuse on some of these groups--but it was by people I didn't know and I was desperate enough to just take the relatively small amount of abuse vs. the larger amount of information gained.
Meanwhile, I was just exhausted enough from the whole project (I couldn't operate the camera myself because I was playing in the orchestra, singing in the chorus, AND taking still pictures) and from a Christmas concert we did right after the musical and the pressure I was putting on myself and just paranoid enough that I started ditching church, thinking everyone would be mad at me because I didn't complete the tape immediately after the musical (a lot of people in my church are in the theater group, so--) and I wanted to use all my spare time working on it. I came back only when I was ASKED because people in the church missed me. (I know, I should be thanking my lucky stars anyone noticed my sorry self was missing and asked it to return.)
I did a lot of the editing, but took a few breaks because other things needed to get done and I was developing physical problems--stiff neck and shoulders and mouse clicker's finger serious enough that I'll probably seek therapy. SOOO...as of yesterday, I had the editing about 99.9% done and figured I dared show my face at the full dress rehearsal of another show the theater is putting on. I figured no one had asked me about the tapes as they were all preoccupied with the holidays and then starting auditions for this current show in January. (They're troupers I tell ya.)
OKAY, NOW FOR THE INSANITY: After I taped the whole rehearsal, everyone saw me there, no one approached me or said or did anything unpleasant, but when the whole thing was over I was approached by the woman who actually shot the tape of the fall show. She got all over me saying I MUST "throw together whatever" I had in whatever state it's in and get it to the guy doing the duplicating, as both of them are "running out of excuses" and driven to distraction by the hate phone calls and threats they've gotten from people awaiting copies of the tape. (I do know the number of blank tapes given--40--I don't know the names of everyone who gave them.)
I can HARDLY BELIEVE these (alleged--I'll get to that part) phone calls are coming from anyone actually in the show. They all seem so nice! But, of course, people can have two faces (at least). What's more, I can't at all guarantee they're not coming from relatives of people in the show. I'd hate to think such nice kids could have snotty parents, but it's possible. I don't know the husbands, wives, parents, brothers, and sisters of every person who appeared, but just doing the math, someone has to be related to a troublemaker. The odds are in its favor.
To say the least, I got upset. For one, it was the first hint of an inkling I had of ANY such thing--I've been in touch with this guy constantly updating him on my progress over the last three months and he said NOTHING--and if I'd suspected anyone was upset I'd have contacted them personally. I was all like, "Who can it be? NO, NO, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" (Because obviously if I'm going to continue to be involved in this theater and so are they I'll have to deal with whoever it is on a regular basis.) Word of this conversation may get around as plenty of people were still trickling around the theater and my voice was rising higher and higher. She was very insistent that this MUST be done THIS WEEK--that people weren't used to such a wait and "it's not just a few of them, it's almost all of them" and sort of threatened to set them on me by forwarding all these hostile phone calls in my direction.
I said if people were so set on having something immediately they should arrange for someone to be there with a video camera. She said, "They can't afford it," and I said, "Well, what makes them think I can afford it?" I also revealed the amount I spent on all this--JUST the equipment and upgrades, not the film or any such supplies--which I don't feel like repeating here so as not to target myself as an even bigger chump as I'm making NOTHING on it and spending a good deal of time and trouble besides cash--and she said, "They don't care. Most of them didn't count on that and they don't even want it."
As a matter of fact, I DID "throw together" a quick tape for the friend who hosted the cast party. I let everyone know by email that if they needed something right away, they could ask this friend to get the tape to the friend doing the duplications. NOT ONE PERSON asked and she still has the tape. The bearer of bad news said, "They don't want that, they want the whole show, and" (ominously) "they KNOW you have it."
(I should have told her this. A friend of mine had an uncle who won an Academy Award for film editing. He shot their wedding tape and it took him TWO YEARS to edit it--and he was an OSCAR WINNER, a professional of the highest order! It's taken me only three months to do this--starting COLD, FROM SCRATCH! I'd chuckled over this privately a few times recently--but of course didn't think of it.)
She also said (contradictorily) that they're having her shoot a performance of this current show (I didn't ask with whose camera--that might provide a clue, but it would depend on if the owner asked her to use it, or if she asked them to borrow it) because "they don't want to go through you anymore. They're all mad at you."
By now I was about as near hysterical as I'm willing to get in a public place with minors present. I was NEVER asked to film the show--I just showed up with the camera--(I wasn't asked not to film it, of course--we just worked as unobtrusively as possible)--and I NEVER gave a set date for having the tape finished--I explained what I was doing and that it took longer than I COULD POSSIBLY HAVE anticipated. She says she knows film editing takes a long time as her son is going to film school. I also said I need a car soon--my 20-year-old crate has about had it--and with the money I'd spent to do all this I might have afforded a better car! (And now I find out that supposedly practically the entire theater group is a bunch of ingrates who hate me!) I said the thing about such people is, as soon as they get what they want they'll probably forget they were ever mad, while I will be upset by it recurrently for 20, 30, 40 years!
The kicker is, this is the second time I've been attacked in three days regarding my video camera by a member of the SAME FAMILY! At least this one waited till I stopped actually taping. I wasn't going to tell her this as she's a friend and came through so well on filming the musical, but I got upset enough that I did. Sunday I showed up to film a party downtown, the anniversary of a small group of shops. I was scrupulously thoughtful about my use of the camera--tried hard to avoid filming the face of anyone I don't know, so you get the ambience of people milling around at a party, but without privacy violated--when this woman just blindsided me (I had the camera up to my eye and didn't know she was there till I heard her voice in my ear.) It seems some of the shops were selling artwork by living artists and she says, "What you're doing is against the law." So I turned my camera to a reproduction of a painting by REMBRANDT for crying out loud and she continues to abuse me, accusing me of planning to reproduce it (as if, for one, someone COULD reproduce a worthwhile copy of a picture taken off a videotape, and, for two, as if I would TRY such a thing when I've been busting myself for three months just to edit a musical!) I looked it up afterwards and Rembrandt died in 1669--so even were I capable of making the most perfect copy in the world it's not as if it could still be copyrighted or hurt him!
She asked why I wanted the tape, and I said there were only two possible reasons--for one, for posterity, or for two, to show to a friend who might be interested in purchasing something from one of the shops. The posterity thing is TRUE--so far I've been a near total washout as a writer, of which I'm painfully aware 24/7/365, but I think of how things were when I was a kid and how greatful I would have been if someone had filmed "back then" and I think, I can do this now and give it to the historical society or a university where it can be kept and feel I've contributed *some*thing! (Maybe some better writer than I can even view the tapes and paint verbal pictures from them--*sigh*.) And yes, it was a BIG reason of why I've been photographing, and now taping, these musicals. I wanted people to like me because I did something in which they'd be interested. Until this happened, I thought it was working great. As for the second, showing shops to a friend, it's also something I've done. And you know what she says? "You just think the rest of us are stupid!" Well, I did go back later and reshoot most of the pictures, so I can either just use those and cut out the parts of her bit¢hing at me, or I can use all the pictures and edit over the sound, but that will mean an extra step and some extra work rather than just straight dubbing of the tape as is.
Well, her daughter was real apologetic and said she wasn't responsible for her mother's behavior. (She abuses her too as you may guess.) She kept insisting she wasn't mad, it was "all these other people," that I was her friend, and gave me a hug.
So while there I talked to someone MUCH more involved in the theater and community than I am--in other words, hears MUCH more than I do and if a bad rap was going around on me would be more likely to hear it--and not the type to lie, even to spare my feelings--and she said she had heard NO SUCH THING.
Then, as soon as I was packed up and home, I called the guy doing the tapes to thank him for "being so kind as to shield me from the terrible news of which I've only just been informed" and he burst out laughing and said, "That's just her way of twisting your arm to make you work faster." He said he had not gotten ONE CALL--she insisted they were both being "rung off the hook" with these calls. He says he CAN'T have missed any calls--he has an answering machine--and "most days it's empty."
Now, I can believe that the person operating the camera got the first round of calls, and that she told everyone that she didn't have the tape--I had. But it's this SECOND round of calls--the ones she says she continues to get, and that this guy is getting that he says he isn't--that I don't believe. Plus the fact that the email to everyone saying the tape would be done soon came from ME--so WHY would "they" not be contacting ME? In all this time, I have gotten ONE email--and it was about the nicest message I ever got--what's more, the lady who sent it sat right in front of me at the show on Wednesday and showed no signs of anxiety or hostility.
This friend of mine, I happen to know, has family instability. Her brother is diagnosed mentally ill, and her mother obviously has some kind of issues. I hate to just dismiss her as a nut as I've always liked her father, her daughter is one of the loveliest people I know, and she personally has been nice to me. What's more, she did a superb job of operating the camera when I couldn't get anyone else to do it, after asking one person after another. She may end up taping the next show for me as I want to be in that, too.
So I told this guy on the phone that maybe this woman has dissociative disorder--she just thought the crank calls were coming from others when they came from her! Not saying it's really that extreme but it may be an "alter ego" thing--she wants to twist my arm but doesn't want the blame or responsibility for being the twister. There's definitely some exaggeration going on--she could have gotten the initial phone calls and fabricated the recent ones, or be receiving hostility from a smaller group of people than claimed.
So I can't think of anything to do except what I have been--finish the tape as well and quickly as possible and give it to this guy. It just would have been nice to do it without having a near nervous breakdown first, especially when I was so very close to being in a good mood after all these months of anxiety! It took me a good two and a half hours to type all this.
The trouble is, I have this one little problem. I'm convinced I can't stop believing and worrying about every bad thing everybody says about me until I've produced at least a bestseller, then I'm equally convinced I still have to take the abuse (which will obviously increase proportional to how much publicity I receive) to heart unless at least one of my books is the greatest thing ever written by anybody, Shakespeare included. How do I stop having this problem? Thanks for any advice.
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
P. S. Until I finished writing all this I was too upset to put two and two together, but after posting it occurred to me that most of the abuse is probably coming from this woman's own mother and this is her only way of dealing with it. The rest of the issues are hers, I think, as she was the most directly involved in the actual making of the tape. Everyone else had other things on their minds depending on their own part in the show.
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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There's lot's more involved, but all I can do for now is cite the adage "No good deed goes unpunished."
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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I know I shouldn't dwell on it and have tried to distract myself, but the thing is, HOW to stop the flashbacks? Every time something bad happens (especially ANYTHING along the lines of blaming or making me look bad for some perceived deficiency) I feel the only way I can make up for it is to do something spectacular and for everything to go strikingly well. Every time things fall flat and do NOT go strikingly well is a setback and if someone is unpleasant it's a MAJOR setback. What's terribly upsetting for me is that feeling of "one more flashback for the collection and nothing I can do about it." Yet, short of stopping existence entirely, how can you keep new bad things from happening? Some of the flashbacks must be fading or phased out over time, but some of them are pretty darn old and I need to be getting rid of those--not acquiring new ones.
Overnight (from the time I posted last night till the time I came to check messages today) I went from obsessing about the possibility of someone or anyone in the group being mad at me, which has occupied me since mid-December, to obsessing about how creepy this whole thing was the way it went down. EVEN IF IT WERE TRUE that "almost all" of the people in the group, a number which my worst apprehensions never conjectured--I expected maybe a few--(which it CAN'T BE true, as I and these people I asked would have heard about it) I would have done MUCH BETTER not knowing it, considering the pressure I was putting on myself (which she KNEW--the people not in touch with me wouldn't have known it, but she should have.) The fact that she either hallucinated it or made it up just to get to me COMPLETELY creeps me out. Add to this that she wouldn't even have made my list of people who might potentially be mad, let alone say anything about it, and then she didn't say it directly.
She did a creepy thing in a creepy way--painting herself as heroically fending off these hate calls and shielding me from knowing of them till she couldn't take it anymore. I dwelled on it all day Thursday and decided the less I have to do with her, the better. I already thought of someone else who might do the taping for the next show, IF worse doesn't come to worse. (If it does, I won't be in the orchestra and can do the taping myself, but that's another story.) I'll try to line up this person and a couple of backups. Thing is, whenever I see this woman, since she's been so two-faced and put on this act, I'll be forced to put on an act of making believe she isn't as creepy as I know she must be. And I am LOUSY at any sort of act or deception--that's why I am in the orchestra, or contribute to other things such as props or costumes--I can't act!
Another thing I gotta remind myself of, and a test, is that if someone acts like this, it is THEIR problem. Other times when something like this has happened, I was so trained NOT to trust my own judgement I had to go around and dig up information to see if anyone else had a problem with the person with whom I did. It may have looked like gossip, backbiting, or whatever, but it was actually fact-finding to try to determine "who was crazy here?" Thanks to online help and just better trusting my own judgement, I've decided it's not me.
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
I have to say, I think your reaction is way out of proportion to the incident. It was crappy, and extremely unkind of that woman, but, basically, you've done nothing wrong here.
You should confront her on it, forgive her if she apologizes, and say in no uncertain terms that if something like this happens again, that's it.
quote:Another thing I gotta remind myself of, and a test, is that if someone acts like this, it is THEIR problem.
Exactly! Own your emotions. Posts: 2907 | Registered: Nov 2005
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Sorry, this will be long, so brace yourself, but a couple of points must be covered. First, my own personal take on things.
ITEM #1: Always, when people have hurt my feelings, I thought their goal was just to make me suffer a certain amount and my job was to convince them my sufferings were sufficient for whatever offense I committed in their eyes. This was usually in cases where I could at least acknowledge there was really an offense or see what I did and why they thought it was wrong. Once I'd convinced them I felt a certain amount bad for a certain amount of time, they'd let up on me and I could get on with things instead of worrying over what they thought of me and the resultant walking on eggshells. I've been operating on this assumption since at least age six (39 years or more) and it's gotten me in a lot of trouble, with people asking HOW I could think they wanted to make me feel bad, I must be crazy, and so on. In this latest case, I have a real feeling that was EXACTLY what happened. She wanted to, as this guy said, "twist your arm" a certain amount. When she was convinced by my reaction that I really did feel truly awful, then she started being comforting, saying it would be all right, and so on. I could SEE this happening.
ITEM #2: The other thing, when people hurt my feelings in a way I felt particularly unjustified, (that is, couldn't have seen coming as I was doing everything right as far as I knew, unlike the above situation where I was already nervous as there had been a significant delay) I felt the simplest and most direct thing was to make them see they were wrong. They would then, even without necessarily admitting they were wrong, at least take back what they said and I could stop feeling bad. If they'd only even say, "I had a point, but you have one, too." BUT THEY WON'T EVEN DO THAT, they just argue and then call ME unreasonable!
ITEM #3: Sometimes I tried acting the same way to them as they did to me to see how they liked it. I have had numerous catastrophic results from "giving them a dose of their own medicine." One of the worst outcomes outside of my own family was on a certain message board I am not at liberty to identify. On the Off-Topic portion of this board, numerous people brought up problems, and received supportive replies. I mentioned one personal situation, expecting similar treatment, and was ATTACKED! I responded to the attacking member with what I thought of her behavior (I wasn't the first one she attacked--she'd already driven several others off, but I'm not the sort to be driven off easily--I'll get to that--). At that point, others jumped in on the attack and the few who tried to offer anything constructive were ignored or shouted down. Later, still feeling bad, I came back and mentioned how I felt about the treatment in general and TO THIS DAY (four years later) the moderator still thinks I was "abusive" and that my "abuse" was UNPROVOKED! NO ONE (in authority there, anyway) has so much as acknowledged the initial attack, let alone that I had a right to be upset by it! It's like they were all hypnotized or victims of some warped perverted mass mentality. What's more, I'm unable to identify the board or provide a link to the discussion to let people see for themselves, as NOT ONLY am I banned from the board, but I got in trouble for posting a link to the discussion on another board.
I'll have to explain this, as well: all of my life, whenever I've gotten in a dispute with anybody, unless it's some REAL TROUBLEMAKER everyone has problems with, it's always been, "Well, we know they're all right, so you must be crazy." So in every case where I am assaulted, I've always felt it's my job to find out, "Who's crazy here, me or them?" If I find out it's them, I get big points for not being the crazy one, as certainly seems to be happening in this current case. So I posted this question on another board and the moderators TRACKED IT DOWN and accused me of spreading malicious slander and libel against THEM! I told the one guy who seemed the most reasonable that it was no such thing, that it was a perfectly legitimate seeking of an outside opinion (which I got--and the people on that board, and other boards where I'd posted the SAME PROBLEM didn't think I was out of line--) but he's not only upheld my banning but refuses to answer my emails, and, as I said, has threatened legal action against me for my supposed "slander and libel."
So, you may be thinking, this was probably a board for some TV show such as "The Twilight Zone" that would attract a bunch of borderline weirdos, right? Wrong! "The Twilight Zone" board (to be found here http://twilightzonewor.9.forumer.com/index.php?act=idx ) has some of the kindest and fairest-minded people I've found online! Even when someone is curmudgeonly or disputes get heated, people are not either driven off or summarily banned as they were from the board on this other show! If I could tell you the name of this show you wouldn't believe it. It was a sitcom filled with humor, happiness, sunshine, and flowers (which I feel they're saying I'm not good enough to enjoy--that's another common assumption of mine and a big reason I'm not easily driven off--I mean, if I let other people dictate what I'm good enough to participate in and let myself be exiled, what's left?) The sad thing is, this board was attached to the best site online dedicated to this particular show. There was another, I don't know if it's even still online, but the moderator of that board was like Lucifer compared to the moderator of the other being only Count Dracula, so "going over to the Dark Side" was not an option and I've never found another. (A little voice at the back of my head is always saying, I should be writing my books rather than doing this ANYWAY, but....) This has happened other times. People don't see the subtle irony in having a dose of their own medicine, they call ME a rabid nut and continue to insist their own offenses never occurred in the first place!
(Another rule: I have to fight as hard as possible to keep what is good in my life. If I am forced to give it up despite my best efforts, I can't rest until I've found something else as good or better to replace it. This sometimes works but it makes an AWFUL lot of extra effort and work as opposed to if people would just be nice in the first place!)
ITEM #4: Mass mentality was the phenomenon going on at the third high school I attended. (The fact that I went through three schools in four years caused my dad to accuse me of being "kicked out" of two of them. This is untrue. I did finish the year and was not asked back for the following year. As a matter of fact, at the third school I fully expected to return, left all my fall and winter clothing stored there, and nearly froze to death before it was returned to me.) I thought it was my job to convince people that although I am not cloned in their mold, I'm still okay and it's all right for me to be as I am. MAJOR CATASTROPHIC FAILURE on that one! That school did one really good thing for me. It made me so miserable I was hospitalized, but that wasn't until near the end of the year after months of psychological torture. A few other people left, were expelled, or, I was later told, even committed suicide, so I learned I could take a lot more than some people. Trouble is with taking abuse, sometimes I don't know when to quit and do have to be told.
The atmosphere at that third school, the only religious one, can be very easily summed up by a joke about a person who passed on and had to decide between Heaven and Hell. They went to Hell, where Satan treated them to sumptuous food served in a verdant green paradise. The person said, "All right, I'll go to Hell." The next day they were greeted with burned crusts served in the middle of a blighted desert. When they asked, "What happened to all that was here yesterday?" the answer was, "That was when we were recruiting."
That was my EXACT experience at this school! I went to orientation in this friendly place with all these great people, showed up all happy and excited hoping this was what I needed to really fix my life (another thing I've felt compelled to do--"find the thing" that was meant to "fix my life"--) and was greeted with, not Hell, but a veritable PRISON CAMP with still enough good things about it that one wouldn't voluntarily rush screaming from the place. Some did, others were kicked out, but I stuck it out, and was in fact DETERMINED to come back and "do it right" the next year. Bad as that place was, I had to actually be FORCED not to return. On one of my rare trips back last fall, "a little bird told me" that over half of the kids who go there don't stay in that church or send their kids to that school--so something is definitely wrong with this picture. It always relieves and gladdens me to learn it's "not just me."
EVERY SINGLE SERIOUS LONG-TERM PROBLEM I'VE EVER HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE can be traced to some variation involving these four things!
Still, even in as awful a place as that third school, most people who started were able to finish, and I saw that people were able to cope with work situations I would find intolerable. To me, it's bad enough to just waste the time showing up at some place you don't want to be to do something you care nothing about, without a bunch of wackos riding you every second about not being good enough! (Especially my "attitude"--I didn't have to say or do anything to be called out on my "attitude" all the time.) I never actually cheated an employer by just slacking off, but am admittedly not equally good at everything out there. Never claimed to be! So...I've bounced around jobs to the extent that it's clear most people know something I don't (about acceptably faking if NOTHING else!)
For about thirty years I thought there was some strange curse on me making people hate me when I'd done nothing wrong. Strange to say, I once watched a show about a girl with autism which was traced to her reacting badly to sounds--the tone or pitch of certain voices would drive her into a shell. I thought, my gosh, maybe there's something about me, my face, my voice, or something else that just sets certain people off. That theory was blown when I went online and people STILL hated me although they'd never seen my face or heard my voice!
In the last year or two, I've done enough reading on the subject to make it clear that I have a Pervasive Developmental Disorder, probably Asperger's Syndrome or something closely related. This came as a TERRIBLE blow because most of the time I thought of myself as a normal person under some "curse" which caused certain people to want to abuse me mercilessly, or when I did acknowledge a difference, I thought, so what, it's the mark of creative genius and when that genius is fulfilled they'll be sorry they were so mean to me. When I found out about AS it was AWFUL because I fit every symptom, at least for high-functioning AS--I NEVER had the problems some of these kids do and was able to pass as "normal, but difficult" with personality issues in school. So finally after a year, a year and a half, or so, I worked myself up to the point of finding out when, where, how, and by who to be evaluated, and got the appointment made. The only thing I had to do was, for insurance purposes, get a referral from my primary care physician.
Trouble was, my doctor, who all his patients LOVE, is retiring, and I was going to have to see this BRAND NEW DOCTOR who I had NEVER LAID EYES ON and explain about this referral I needed for these lifelong problems which it now seems are not the fault of those who mercilessly baited me for years but are some neurological misconfiguration with which I was born! So at the time of the blowup with this woman, both appointments had been scheduled but I hadn't seen this new doctor yet. (This was Wednesday--the doctor's appointment was Friday.)
So BESIDES having on my mind, they're all going to, if not hate me, at least think I'm an idiot, for not finishing this tape before now, I also had, what if I hate this new doctor on whom I have to depend for a referral? (The other doctors in the clinic are not much of an option. That's about as much as I can say without getting in trouble.) Then as far as this evaluation, I'm damned if I do have AS and damned if I don't. If I DO have it, can I still be a writer? It's obvious I think differently than 90% of everyone else in the world so how am I to study human nature if I don't understand it!?! (As far as knowing basic English, NO ONE can tell me I don't know THAT! It's all that other difficult stuff about character and plot that concerns me!) If I don't have it it's almost worse. It will mean I really DO just have a rotten personality, not only a neurological difference. So this was the state of mind I was in when I was accosted by this woman and the reason I went from concern to hysteria so quickly. No, it wasn't PMS or anything. The fact that she was practically hyperventilating just didn't help me maintain calm.
As far as not being easily intimidated or driven off, I'm like this squirrel that's been raiding our birdfeeder. My mom got annoyed and took out after it with a duster. I should get a video of this if it happens again but I was just laughing too hard to pick up the camera. The squirrel doesn't run off, it takes a few steps away, turns as if, "Surely you didn't mean to do that to me?" and starts back. That's exactly how I react when attacked, like the way I was regarding this woman's mother, they can't mean it, either ignore them or answer nicely and they'll go away. But she just KEPT IT UP--not only in the area with the pictures in question, but followed me into the next area with the Rembrandt. Then I'm like, "It must be a mistake," the way I was with this woman, but she was insistent that it was not, and that "it isn't just a few of them, it's almost all of them."
More bizarrity regarding this woman and her mother--five years ago when I was doing SFX for our first production, there was some talk of her mother loaning me an antique doorbell. Before seeing her about it, we discovered I could use something I already had. (Which I used again for the doorbell in this production--and THANK GOD there is a tape of both, so if the question really comes up I'll have PROOF that I used my own property.) Then this woman came up to me and said her mother told me she had loaned me a doorbell! I said no, it was discussed, but I either never saw her about it, or if I did I didn't pick up the doorbell--I do have a vague memory of her having an antique doorbell in a paper bag and me saying, "Thanks, never mind" and not taking it. She then freaked out and said she'd had several incidents where her mother told her something that either hadn't happened at all, or went down very differently than she related. A year or two later she approached me saying her mother was "concerned that you never returned that doorbell she lent you." I then repeated the above and she said never mind, she was sure it would be fine. Now I wonder WHO is imagining WHAT. I have a suspicion her mother lost or sold the doorbell later and forgot about it. Now I don't want to get on the wrong side of either of them and maybe be accused of stealing it!
Other thing that worried me, I was this close to finishing the project this weekend anyway. (Two things have to happen: the DVD authoring program and DVD burner have to work, AND the resultant DVD has to play on my player or on the player owned by this guy.) If all goes well I could have it done tomorrow, but then maybe she'll think she's won--that I finished only BECAUSE she bit¢hed at me and her tactics worked--when in fact she doesn't realize how much she's actually DELAYED the tape by my taking the time to type all this out!
"They're all mad at you" keeps repeating in my head. Now, if I honestly believed they really were all mad at me, I'd denounce them all as a bunch of pigs and walk off. But I don't believe in punishing everybody, myself included, for the actions of one, so I do plan to keep taping productions. On Thursday night Mom and I went to the theater for a movie and I ran into someone who had a major role in the production. I went up to her and said, "Good news, I'm almost finished editing the tape!" and she was all, "The whaaat?" *Not* a suspect on the list, if I was making a list, which I'm not. I won't mention the dollar amount I spent acquiring and upgrading equipment, I'll just say it was about half of what I make in a month and OVER half of what it would cost to just get a new computer. I feel the decisions I made were right, but it DID take time to research all the options, make the decisions, then learn to use what I'd acquired, which I of course plan to make best use of for years to come.
Anyhow, "for now" I feel much better because I went to the doctor Friday, who was really SUPER nice and after just a short interview said there was ample reason to make the referral and that it would go through as soon as possible. So far so good, then just the suspense of waiting for the actual appointment. By then my car shopping should be over so one less thing to stress about.
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:I said the thing about such people is, as soon as they get what they want they'll probably forget they were ever mad, while I will be upset by it recurrently for 20, 30, 40 years!
You plan on being upset by this argument 40 years from now? Try and keep a little perspective here.
Posts: 6316 | Registered: Jun 2003
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That's if I live 40 more years and if I don't have a string of other things to be upset about. I kept hoping I'd "arrive" at a point of eminence in life where things went right spectacularly enough for long enough that I'd be past worrying about everything that went wrong previously. So far it hasn't happened so I've started thinking, gee, what if I really do feel bad until I die? If I really live 40 more years and feel bad most or all of that time, not a pleasant prospect.
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote: In the last year or two, I've done enough reading on the subject to make it clear that I have a Pervasive Developmental Disorder, probably Asperger's Syndrome or something closely related.
Based on what you've written here, I think there's a very good possibility.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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I would contact the people you DO know about who want a tape and explain that it takes a while to make said tape, but that you are almost done.
Don't mention these arguments, or anytihng you have heard about them, but just make it seem like you are just letting them know when it should be done.
It might suprise you to hear what those people say, they probably aren't mad at all, and you should have less to worry about at that point. Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Last night I finished the computer editing, and today is the day to begin the DVD process to get the computer things together with the rest of the tape. PRAY for me!
If it goes smoothly right away, I can deliver it and send an email to everyone letting them know it's coming. If it doesn't, I can tell everyone exactly where the project is at and give them an IDEA what's gone into it and that I haven't just sat around for three months.
As far as my disability, once it's determined what I really have, I think the thing to do is come out to my close friends but hide it from the public at large. Still afraid my enemies will get hold of it and use it against me, not to mention someone else who may also be hiding a disability to put on a "good front" may think I'm a wimp if I let word of mine get around.
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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KEEP UP THE PRAYERS! Update sent to the duplicating friend:
--The editing is done, and the project is in the DVD authoring program, Toast Titanium 7, which looks really simple and straightforward. The only problem I'm having is that the program doesn't recognize my DVD burner AT ALL! It only lists one I don't even own, which I suspect was used to test it by the computer store employee who installed Toast Titanium 7 for me.
--The DVD burner is plugged in and connected to the computer. The light does come on, but of course I haven't burned anything with it, so it could still be a problem with the burner itself, not just something about the connections. If I find out something is REALLY wrong with this brand-new burner, does yours have a Firewire connection so I can plug it into my Mac?
--I have contacted support everywhere applicable (except at the computer store, which is of course closed for the weekend.)
That's really all I can do for now. I thought you might appreciate knowing in case anyone you see at the show tonight asks. (Not that anyone is going to ask this, but since next year I'll already HAVE the equipment and KNOW how to use it, NONE of this will be an issue.) Thanks for your kindness and patience.
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by CoriSCapnSkip: Anyhow, "for now" I feel much better because I went to the doctor Friday, who was really SUPER nice and after just a short interview said there was ample reason to make the referral and that it would go through as soon as possible. So far so good, then just the suspense of waiting for the actual appointment. By then my car shopping should be over so one less thing to stress about.
I'm glad you have found a medical provider who listens and whom you can work with. I think that will help a lot.
Best wishes for a good, productive appointment. Often having a name for something makes it easier to deal with.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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Yes, JUST having it identified helps! Then, if I fit the criteria, there are coping resources. I've been dragging my feet over it, I suppose, because I'm afraid of having ANY label put on me.
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Labels are useful as tools. They don't have intrinsic weight in and of themselves -- they only make sense (and have use) in context.
Don't dread it, don't flee it -- just stay in charge and use it where and how you see fit. If it helps, great. If it doesn't, then pitch it.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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This is what happened this weekend. I sent the link to these posts to a friend who was in said production. She barely read the beginning and "knew immediately" who I was talking about. When I saw her at church, she said, "Don't believe anything she says, she makes up things that just plain aren't true." She added that this person was "driving everyone crazy--they were trying to figure out how to get her out of the dressing area, where she bosses everyone around, and they all said 'Thank God' when she started doing the tape" as it got her out of their hair! I said, "Well, too bad, because I got so mad I'm getting someone else to tape the next one." (I have about eight more months to work on my story why, sooo.) We both remarked that we feel REALLY sorry for her daughter. We have not one negative thing to say about this girl, whose mother seems to live through her anyway, and now to learn that the mother and grandmother are both wacked! (Hey, at least I didn't say psycho!)
So the other day, in a break from performance of this current show, I went up to someone whose whole family was in the fall show--she and all the kids appeared, and her husband was a parent volunteer, so if anyone should be looking for a copy of the tape, she should--and when I mentioned the tape she jumped as if she'd only just remembered it. She said the kids would like to have something to look at during the backstage time. (A lot of the kids in this current production were in the other show.) I thought we could just lend them the quickie tape I threw together for the cast party friend, but guess what, someone walked off with it. (Wonder who, heh-heh.) She tore apart her house and found only the slipcase, but the tape ain't there.
I threw together as much footage of just the songs from the show between church and the matinee as possible, which was less than I bargained on because when I went to my good, new VCR--the one I plan to use for this job--there was something wrong with the picture! I got sound and no picture BOTH when trying to dub a tape AND when trying to play a tape. Every setting was right as far as I could tell so I think something's really wrong! If so, THANK GOD I found it now! It buys me a bit more time while I struggle with the DVD burner interface problem. When I had a good amount of tape, made on an old cheap VCR I keep in the cellar, I brought it to the backstage area. Everyone was glad to see it, but no one threw themselves on it in a feeding frenzy and those who said "about time" said it in a perfectly jolly manner. It was just obvious that rather than practically everyone being mad at me, practically no one was! It was so great to get this out in the open it was worth finding out my supposed friend has serious problems.
Since there was plenty of room on the tape, as it was just songs, not the whole show, I took it back afterwards and had room to put on two other shows in which this lady's kids appeared, and will give the tape to her but let everyone know they can get it duplicated by this guy. I'm doing this for three reasons:
--The genuine goodness overflowing in my heart and soul --To spite this woman who gave me the problem, and --For good karma because I have to go car shopping this week. (Other reason, besides the DVD burner problem, that getting the tape done THIS WEEK was pretty well out of the question.) This must be done in a larger town, where I can also get the VCR repaired, so again THANK GOD the irritating person said something which goaded me into using the VCR so I was able to discover the problem before the trip!
I came off with the overall feeling that things worked out well in this.
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote: --The genuine goodness overflowing in my heart and soul --To spite this woman who gave me the problem, and --For good karma because I have to go car shopping this week.
I'm pretty sure at least two of those cancel each other out. Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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If you do something hoping for good karma, do you still get the good karma? I think Calvin had a question about being good before Christmas, and whether he should do it from true goodness or for material reasons, and Hobbes had an answer like, "I think in your case, Santa will have to settle for what he can get."
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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The friend I talked to in church last Sunday filled me in this Sunday. It seems at the matinee of the latest show, this woman told her, "I told Cori to have that tape here TODAY." Which was a lie and not what she actually told me, which my friend knew as we'd spoken at church earlier. So my friend "got all in her face and said, 'You know what, you have no right to talk to Cori that way. You're not her boss, you weren't even in this show, and she's spent her own time, her own money, and worked hard on this. Now I wouldn't blame her if she didn't give you any tape at all.'" (Which, of course, I won't--that's the job of the guy doing the duplicating.) After this, "She just left." I said, "I WONDERED why I didn't see her at the Sunday matinee" (which I wasn't in, but went there to give a tape to someone else.) So I hugged my friend, praised her excessively, and called her "My hero." She was rather surprised by my reaction.
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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This tells more about me than about the person about whom I was posting, but: the reasons I need so much to rely on and confide in others are, my family always told me I was crazy, and way too scatterbrained to possibly survive, let alone thrive, on my own. Professional tests have disproven any mental illness, but I haven't exactly impressed anyone with my other achievements and have never relied on "the kindness of strangers" but on people I can befriend. You'd think finding someone way crazier than I am would be a comfort by making me feel "I'm not so bad" in comparison, but IT DOESN'T. All it makes me think is, if other people are that warped and twisted, how can I rely on them when the chips really are down? I live in such continual expectation of some hideous disaster that minor disasters REALLY UPSET me.
The car-buying trip took several days, then much of my free time Monday was taken up by car things as well. I had to call for an owners' manual and be put on hold forever, call and change my insurance coverage, give six references(!) to the guy who sold me the car, as well as talk to the finance company and have a couple of phone interviews about an accident I witnessed while there. Tuesday was also taken up in catching up on things which piled up while gone. One thing I had to do Tuesday was have my electric outlets changed so I could install surge protectors enough to have all the devices plugged in at the same time. This was done by a friend who's done many such jobs for us before, but on Tuesday he said he was getting too old to be doing anything electrical anymore. He showed several signs of absentmindedness during the job and it ended up taking about twice as long as it should. So we won't be able to call him again, about which I am majorly bummed.
Also majorly bummed that a guy who did wood cutting jobs (mainly just cutting parts so I could assemble things) told me the same story, he is too old to do it anymore. I am trying to be confident that "God will provide" someone else! (Of course, as far as the electrics, we could actually call a real electrician. In the old days we didn't, as the one licensed guy in our town would take six months to show up except in case of REAL emergency, another in the next town who was pretty good died, but lately there's been one around I think we can actually get!)
SO PRAY FOR ME that I get to the job Wednesday and the rest of it goes well!
One minor note, not really a lie but just strange, and I'd never have thought of it unless I was obsessing about this on and off on a regular basis, but I attended a library meeting where this woman got up and spoke at length and I'd swear she said, "I do not have a television in my home. I can't afford it." Now, maybe she meant she didn't have cable, but I'd swear what she said was that she didn't have a television SET in her home! Which begs the question: HOW IN HELL did they expect to watch this videotape when they have it? I would assume they'd go to her mother's, as she said due to her brother's mental condition he can't sit still long enough to watch an entire show. Just an interesting side note to the whole darn thing.
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Since I've typed out the whole painful process of this entire project of editing and putting together a movie with titles, I wanted to catch people up on where I'm at with it.
I successfully got the material for the short DVD (titles and a few sequences requiring tight editing) from iMovie to Toast, made a Disc Image, and burned the DVD. The challenge was then to get the material from the DVD to VHS tape. I found my VCR DVD combo would record VHS tape OR play a DVD but NOT BOTH AT THE SAME TIME! The answer was either to return it, get my $130.00 refunded, then spend an additional $300.00 on a machine that would do the job in one but would also take a week to arrive, since no store had one in stock, then drive a 60-mile round trip to get it when it did arrive. Or, I could try to connect the combo to a VCR I already had using jacks I already had. I decided to at least try the second.
After about an hour of connecting and disconnecting every conceivable cable and jack in every conceivable combination I found the ONE that worked, and GOT THE TITLE ONTO THE TAPE!!! The rest is a simple dubbing job directly from camcorder to VCR except for a few titles and other items to be taken from the DVD.
The only thing I really CAN'T do that I wanted to is make a DVD directly from a VHS tape. To do that, I have to run the VHS tape through my Canopus ADVC 110 converter and then do something I'm not quite clear on to bypass iMovie, since the project is four hours and iMovie quits after less than two, and get it onto a DVD using Toast, OR take the VHS tape to my friend who has the $430.00 machine and simply have him make one DVD. Since I figure for $300.00 I can buy a heck of a lot of blank DVDs, I opted to do the second. Once I have one finished DVD I can run off unlimited copies on my DVD burner using basically the same method I did to duplicate the Disc Image.
THE TITLE AND THE FIRST SCENE ARE ON THE TAPE! NOW, IF NOTHING ELSE GOES WRONG, I should be able to deliver this finished project, on which I've expended over $1,000.00 plus gallons of blood, toil, sweat, and tears since December 12 to my friend the evening of Monday April 3!!!
KEEP THE PRAYERS AND GOOD VIBES COMING AND THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HELP!!!
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Couldn't you just hook your computer directly to the VCR through the Canopus converter, and go straight from iMovie to VHS tape?
Posts: 1681 | Registered: Jun 2004
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Yes, if I had the whole project in iMovie, but getting stuff in and out was such an ordeal I chose to dub directly from the camcorder to VHS tape except in places that REALLY needed to be done on the computer.
Some people on a tech forum have pointed out a couple of VHS/DVD combos which will record VHS and dub from it to DVD which are only half as expensive as the one my friend got, and half again as much as the one I got that will play and not record DVDs. So I may still upgrade if I find something I can really feel good about getting.
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Just so people know, IT'S FINISHED, AND I LIVED! It's at my friend's house now to be duplicated!
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Slight update here. The video editing is all done but we ran into a problem with the dubbing. My friend doing the duplicating found that he could duplicate to VHS but not DVD. The problem is originating with the material I dubbed from DVD to VHS and there are various theories as to why.
Rather than dub over ANY of the video I painstakingly labored to create, I took the WHOLE THING to another friend who is a professional videographer and he duplicated and encoded it all--so it should either ALL work, or NONE of it will. He had it done Saturday, but my friend who's doing the duplicating wasn't home and I saw no point in rushing to pick up what I couldn't drop off. Sunday, of course, is Easter, so it will be at least Monday. PRAYERS NEEDED!!!
Update on the metal sign, too. It was a cute picture of a tabby cat a lot like my bad one--which runs out at every chance and lacerated me severely the day I thought I was going to finish the video--reading, "Please...Don't Let the Cat Out...No Matter What It Tells You." I really wanted it, but wasn't going to buy it if any part of the profit went to THAT WOMAN. Well, the woman at the store who sells the signs on consignment from her found out a different store sells them and told me about it! Wasn't that nice?! I didn't take time to get it then as I was doing the video, taxes, and all, but we're having company for Easter so I decided I'd better get it. And guess what. At that store it was $5.00 LESS! I would have paid $5.00 MORE not to buy it from THAT WOMAN.
Bottom line, I'm hoping if the video works out, my bad luck will reverse and things will start going well. If not, who knows?
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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(This repeats some of that said above, but is a continuation of the situation with a few added horrors.)
I'll preface this by saying I had rather a bad day following a rather rough four months. Back in November/December, someone used my video camera to tape a local theater production we did. I had the "nice" idea to edit the best of the footage into something more resembling a "real" movie than we'd had previously, with titles, highlights, and outtakes. (Those last three caused the trouble.) After three months of almost nothing but struggle with a horrible technological tangle and spending an obscene amount of cash on what was really never more than a volunteer hobby effort (I stopped keeping track but it easily amounted to $1,400.00--the last bit was recently, to buy more equipment, and pay a professional to straighten out the mess) the person who shot the footage went all psycho on me, claiming she and the guy doing the duplicating were receiving nonstop "hate phone calls" they didn't know how to handle and that "practically everyone" in the theater group was mad at me. I checked with several key people and found NONE of it was true, so lost a "friend" by it for starters.
What's more, the mother of this "friend" had just gone off on me for taping another local event. It took place in a store she does not own--the owners were fine with my taping--where I didn't know she sold merchandise, and involved some supposed theft plan of mine against some artwork that got into the shot. She even yelled at me for photographing a REMBRANDT, and I was like, "Give it UP! He's been dead a LONG TIME!" So today I went to shoot a video and put in what I thought was a blank tape. It had reached the end, so I wound back to see what was on it and got to hear her bit¢hing at me for how horrible I supposedly was, when I've been feeling bad for DAYS as it is--mainly about well-intended plans going badly and feeling bad over never being able to do enough, well enough, and fast enough. The pictures are good--I plan to save them and dub over the sound with some music I recorded at the same event.
Anyhow, I JUST finished straightening out the whole taping mess (I mean, I picked up the finished DVD from the professional and delivered it to my friend on Monday) and got my questions answered on various online forums about what to do to prevent such an occurrence again when Wednesday I get THE WORST EMAIL I HAVE EVER RECEIVED, NO FOOLING. I didn't expect anything bad because the other emails direct from Usenet posters were from polite people simply reluctant to post in order to avoid the flame war.
This is what it says, with a very little editing in a few strategic places:
"From : Username and email deleted, but if I can locate the email provider they will hear from me! I will also, of course, block this email address and not answer the email! Sent : Wednesday, April 19, 2006 11:33 PM To : (my email address, viewable here and unfortunately there as well) Subject : 24hoursupport.helpdesk
(This part is from my email provider.) We've identified this mail as junk. Please tell us if we were right or wrong by clicking Junk or Not Junk"
Too bad they don't have a choice for OH, BOY, IS THIS EVER JUNK!
"From: (Doubtless fictitious name.)
To: Cori
This is a legal notice.
I'm writing because you have been assassinating my husband's character in the newsgroup - treating him like total garbage as if he is some kind of a pig. Cease and desist immediately. Stop f---ing with my husband. If not, I might have to haul your a-- in to civil court and sue you for every penny you own.
My husband usually goes by the handle of (handle deleted, but not the one used by either of the guys who attacked me on this thread) on Usenet, but he has other nyms so you might know him by another handle. Leave him alone. I'm f---ing serious."
(Signed with a first and last name. Again, the last name is different than the one given by the first troll to flame.)
Now, what happened in this thread was I explained my technical dilemma, what I did, how I did it, and, when asked, why. This guy who has flamed me before on other threads came on claiming I could have done things such and such a way and did I even read the instructions that came with the equipment? I was too polite to point out I had explained not only what I did, but why I couldn't do things the way he suggested. I posted again explaining WHY I did not do things that way, which he kept insisting I could and SHOULD do. Meanwhile my situation was made more clear to others who did try to help.
His first two posts were rude but fairly reasonable. The third reads: "Jesus, why are you so hooked on this subject. Output through the Canopus unit using the original capture setting from the timeline of iMovie....f**kin' moron" (Asterisks his--UNLIKE in the email.)
The fourth post reads: "Sorry, I just have no tolerance for sheer stupidity. Ignorance is appreciated. Stupidity is the bane of the weak minded!! You sir are the king of the weak minded."
The problem involved my ORIGINAL material appearing as copy protected so my friend couldn't dub it from VHS to DVD. After reams of posts explaining that this WAS original material, and that my own equipment does NOT show it as copyrighted, I got this from a different screen name:
"Idiot. The real "problem" was you. When you lied all those helpful people into helping you steal copyrighted material, then you called it a " HORRIBLE REVOLTING DEVELOPMENT!!!" Mental Midget. You're plonked."
"Plonked" is a Usenet term meaning adding one poster's address to the other's Killfile so that their posts are never viewed. My reaction was, hooray, here's one less troll reading my posts! This poster was such an obvious drooling moron their post drew several joking comments.
My suspicion is that, just as "all these hate phone calls" originated from ONE person (no one else, including me, received a SINGLE phone call even after I emailed EVERYONE in the group explaining that although she shot the tape, I was solely responsible for it,) I suspect all these posts and the email come from the SAME person. First he posts under a first and last name which look real. When his rudeness is ignored, he posts something worse under a screen handle. When that is mocked, he poses as his own wife (my a--! As if such a wailing loser could either obtain or maintain the most desperate of women as a wife!) to send me abusive email.
Unfortunately this comes from a completely public Usenet group where ANYONE is allowed to post ANYTHING, so no moderator to whom to complain! I plan to ask the other people who mocked this poster if they received abusive emails, and try to contact the person's email address provider about it.
I had a next-door neighbor for awhile (who actually was married--and how her husband did not commit MURDER is one of life's greatest mysteries) who acted EXACTLY like this. Hide out of sight, so while going about my business I actually didn't know she saw or heard me, then take offense at some comment or gesture of mine supposedly rudely directed at her husband. She would then proceed to SCREAM AT HIM for not attacking me for my perceived disrespect to him. She was quite capable of screaming full throttle for twenty minutes--something we never knew was possible before. Luckily they moved so I did not have to be incarcerated for bumping off the bit¢h. (Do you suppose they've gone online?)
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Well, my attempt to contact the harasser's email address provider bounced back, but I reported the incident to two places specializing in online abuse.
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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You seem surprised by the fact that people can be rude idiots online. That by itself isn't amazing; my mother-in-law seemed stunned and outraged, too, the first time someone flamed HER.
USENET is like the Wild West. That's why "plonking" even exists. Back when I was a sysadmin, I would regularly have to deal with people who'd look up my name and address and threaten my life and the life of my girlfriend because I banned them from a newsgroup or BBS.
If you're going to work up a righteous head of anger, you can't ALSO play at being a shocked Pollyanna.
My own suggestion is just to let it go. People are frequently stupid to each other.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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Tom, threatening your life by any means is illegal...even online.
Reminds me of a line from one of my favorite westerns, "Laramie," where one character is talking of dispensing some form of frontier justice, and another says, "They'd never let us get away with that...even in Rawlins." I believe the "even in Rawlins" remark turns up twice on "Laramie."
Please don't let people get away with threatening your life or anyone else's. Report it.
I never said a word about the flaming, either in the newsgroups or anywhere else, except the one indirect remark after repeated attacks from him. It's when someone sends a PERSONAL EMAIL accusing me of somehow chasing her alleged husband around these newsgroups, when actually he has flamed me out of the blue there several times, and threatening to SUE ME for "character assassination" when he called me a string of defamatory names, that it becomes PERSONAL!
Posts: 91 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:It's when someone sends a PERSONAL EMAIL accusing me of somehow chasing her alleged husband around these newsgroups, when actually he has flamed me out of the blue there several times, and threatening to SUE ME for "character assassination" when he called me a string of defamatory names, that it becomes PERSONAL!
As you pointed out, though, your reply bounced -- and it's almost certainly the guy posing as his wife, anyway. Shrug it off.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
There's been no further contact although I did not block the address and won't until after I hear from the authorities I notified. He has absolutely no case as he started in on me without cause long before I said anything and called me many more, and worse things than I ever called him.
I just don't need any more negativity in my life at this point as I am hanging on by a frayed thread as it is...just hoping someone would care.
Accusations of "character assassination" in this case are like someone committing suicide and trying to blame someone else for murder.
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