posted
This is true. I doubt there are many people who have an exact idea of what they want. And I can understand being turned off by the overbearing "manly man" guy who wants to be man of the house and who expects you to stay home and bake pie.
posted
Successful men do well, but not for the reasons people would guess.
There is really so something attractive seeing someone who has come into their own. It could be they found the perfect job, or they are completely happy with themselves at that point in their life....everyone defines success differently.
But confidence (not arrogance) is completely attractive, and people who feel they are truly successful are confident in their own abilities, and that makes a huge difference.
Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Urg. I don't want to be dominated. If I wanted that I'd live with parents. I'd rather just switch roles or something. Be equal with a man and not fighting constantly over who pays what ors omething.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
But I don't think that's switching roles. Switching roles would be if you totally dominated everything and he was supposed to bake the pies.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being a stay-at-home wife/mother. I just think that a couple should be able to choose together if that's what they want, and if the woman doesn't want that, the man shouldn't get all pissy and feel like he's being emasculated.
posted
Shifting roles back and forth... I get to do what I'm good at, he gets to do what he's good at... Not strict straight down the line sort of roles.
I don't want to totally dominate either. it would bug me to have to tell some man (or even a woman) what to do all the time.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by MightyCow: ElJay: There's a vast gulf between a man who has the ability to take care of a woman, and the woman actually needing the man to do so. I'm not suggesting that because a man is strong and confident that he tries to coddle his girlfriend. A masculine guy doesn't take anything away from his partner's self-reliance.
Are you and your female friends seriously looking for men who are smaller and weaker than you, complacent, meek, and subservient? I do smell some crap, but I'm not sure where it's coming from
I don't look for a guy who's bigger than me or smaller than me. I've dated guys of just about every physical size out there. I was three inches taller than the last guy I dated before my current relationship. My current boyfriend is nine inches taller than me, but I outweigh him by about 15 pounds. I've also dated big burly guys, both cut and severly overweight. And a couple, although not many, that I could beat in arm wrestling. (Not many not because I wouldn't date a man who's weaker than me, but because most men have more upper body strength than most women.) Beyond the existance of a certain chemestry, physical characteristics just don't matter.
I'm plenty assertive in tense situations, so I have no need to find a guy who's more assertive in them. In fact, more assertive than I am would probably be dangerous in most situations. Does that mean I'm looking for a guy who's subservient? Well, no. Assertive and subservient aren't opposites. And it's not like I by default have to be looking for the direct opposit of a trait I'm not looking for, anyway.
The part of your original list that I object to most is "gives them a feeling of security." If I don't have that on my own, I'm not going to get it from being around some man. No matter how devoted we are to each other, we're not going to be together 24 hours a day. Yes, I like a guy who can support me when things aren't going my way. But I get that from my female friends, too, and from hatrack. I consider it something humans do for each other, so I don't feel any need to go looking for it in a man. If he's a decent human being, the support will be there when it's needed, and he'll be able to accept it from me as well when he needs it.
As far as "masculine," I've dated some guys with traditional rugged good looks and some pretty boys. Neither made me feel more feminine than the other.
I date human beings. I look for people who are clever, thoughtful, kind, and have integrity. Not bigger or smaller than me, more or less assertive, and not to fulfill something that's missing in myself. My female friends' lists might be different from mine in particulars, but they're similar in values. My best friend is a very well paid markerting executive who's dating a hospital security guard. I would venture to guess she makes at least three times as much money as he does. They ride motorcycles together, and seem very happy. Of course there are women out there who feel differently than I do. But to say that "most straight women" are looking for any one particular set of characteristics? Crap.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Syn, I don't think that is what was meant. I know that I always offered to pay when JenniK and I began dating, but sometimes she wanted to pay...and I had no problem with that at all.
She liked that I wanted to pay, but felt she should contribute....and I didn't feel the need to "dominate" her at all, nor did I feel an irrational need to pay for every little thing in order to prove something.
I didn't feel threatened by woman who were assertive, nor did I feel particularly macho when I did pay. I was taught that if you ask someone out, you pay, or at least try to...but also that it is selfish and pigheaded to argue with a woman you are interested in and/or dating just because she wants to pay sometimes. If we only went out when I could afford to pay we would have seen a lot less of each other at first, that's for sure.
There is always a give and take in any relationship...at least any relationship worth a damn.
Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Masculinity and Feminity(sp?) don't really have much to do with it in my opinion. It's all about the chemistry, if you can't talk to each other how are you gonna date each other? If you can't live with each other how are you gonna get married to each other? This whole thing about what girls/guys want is total bs. Just be yourself and you'll do alright.
Posts: 1158 | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
ElJay, I don't think it's a feeling of security in like, "This guy will beat the crap out of anyone who tries to hurt me." For me, it's a different kind of security. Sort of a comfort, I guess. Not that I can't feel secure on my own in the least, but it's nice to know that someone will listen to you whine about your day or make you soup when you're sick.
posted
Right. See what I said about my female freinds and hatrack. And my family, for that matter, and a subset of my coworkers. It's just not something I need to look for in my romantic relationships, because I am blessed to have it in abundance from many people.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
It's not that security isn't something you can't find elsewhere, but why be with a guy who you don't think you can depend on when you need him? It's a quality that I think everyone looks for in any kind of relationship, but I think it's particularly important in a significant other.
Posts: 1547 | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:I look for people who are clever, thoughtful, kind, and have integrity. ... But to say that "most straight women" are looking for any one particular set of characteristics? Crap.
I'm not sure what you're arguing here. How can you say that you and your female friends all want guys who share traits, but at the same time say it's crap?
Are you just arguing with the words I'm using? You sound like a very strong, secure woman, who doesn't like the idea of a man taking much part in a relationship. From the sound of it, you want to be the boss.
You don't want a guy who's assertive... at least not more assertive than you. You object to the idea that a man might give you a sense of security... but he should be supportive, and let you support him.
It doesn't sound to me like you're really objecting to my ideas, as much as you don't want a man who bosses you around. You want to be in charge. I never suggested such a thing, and I'm not sure why you're reading that into everything I say.
Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
| IP: Logged |
"Yes, I like a guy who can support me when things aren't going my way. But I get that from my female friends, too, and from hatrack. I consider it something humans do for each other, so I don't feel any need to go looking for it in a man. If he's a decent human being, the support will be there when it's needed, and he'll be able to accept it from me as well when he needs it."
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
People need someone to talk to. People tell their girlfriends things that they may not feel safe telling other people. It's just like the whole best-friend thing that goes on. If you have no communication with each other, there is no way that the relationship can work.
Posts: 1158 | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
ElJay: I'm just confused because you say it's not something you need to look for in a romantic relationship, but you do seem to expect it from him (at least as long as you expect him to be a decent human being).
Posts: 1547 | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
To me, though, the boyfriend, if he's a good boyfriend, sort of takes the best friend role. And besides, I can't really expect my other friends to cuddle me to sleep when I'm upset about something and then put up with me waking them up because I had nightmares or I need a glass of water. Support can come from others as well, but it's a different kind of support, to me. My shrink explained it in a sort of weird but sort of accurate way: that you kind of become each other's mom in some aspects.
posted
See, I didn't get that ELJay wanted to be the boss of her relationships, but more that she expects (or demands) to be an equal. She DOES expect her relationship to give her support when she needs it, but she doesn't get that exclusively from a relationship[ (I am not commenting on her present relationship at all, but rather what I got from her post in a general sense. I don't know her outside of Hatrack at all, nor am I likely to ever meet her IRL).
Of course I may be wrong about what ELJay was trying to say, but that is what I got from reading her posts anyway.
It seemed to me that she expects him to be a decent person, or she wouldn't be dating him, and to her part of being a decent human being is supporting others when they need it.
However, I personally DO think that a lot of people DO look for someone who compliments their strengths and weaknesses, even if they aren't aware of doing it. Everyone has different strengths though, so I don't think anyone can say (beyond extremely broad, meaningless generalities) that ALL women want anything in specific...because just as their strengths vary so do their needs.
I do think you can say a LOT of women want thisandthat (whatever thisandthat is)...but not ALL. Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Kwea: Not that appearance is unimportant. It is important. Just not as important as we have been led to believe. Lots of people are married, and most of them, male and female, are NOT built like gods or goddesses.
Physical attractiveness is a can of worms in itself. Is the person conscious of giving a good impression? Do they care about how they look? Care too much? Not enough?
There is of course a base level of attractiveness, like if the person is morbidly obese, or anorexic, or really really ugly. Its rare to be just plain ugly; most people have some good and bad qualities to their features that have nothing to do with their personalities. If you like a person, then their positives register and their negatives become unimportant.
An interesting story about this: I knew a girl from a choir I was in a few years ago. She was not very pleasant company, uninteresting, annoying and unintelligent seeming. Beyond that she was probably one of the most unfortunately unnatractive people I've ever known- huge mishapen nose, bad skin, big jaw, and freakishly large cheekbones. I once asked myself whether her unpleasantness to be around was because I was seeing her differently because I didn't find her attractive. I also thought that she could have been turned into an unpleasant person through years of abuse by people like me who found her unnatractive and treated her badly because of that. I tried to be nice to her and talk to her, but I couldn't take it and realized that she, at least, was out of my hands. This one wasn't my fault, but the next one could be.
Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by MightyCow: [QB] I'm not sure what you're arguing here. How can you say that you and your female friends all want guys who share traits, but at the same time say it's crap?
I didn't say we all want guys who share the same traits. I said "My female friends' lists might be different from mine in particulars, but they're similar in values."
In other words, where my list is "clever, thoughtful, kind, and have integrity," one friend's might be "funny, cute butt, and musical" and another one's "creative, intellegent, and secure." Our lists are different, but none of them are at all similar to the list you initially posted. Other women undoubtedly fit that list. They just don't happen to be in my group of immediate friends. Which makes sense, in a way, as I hang out with mostly women who are in non-traditional roles, so it makes sense they'd have non-traditional relationship ideals.
quote: You sound like a very strong, secure woman, who doesn't like the idea of a man taking much part in a relationship. From the sound of it, you want to be the boss.
Man, talk about reading into my posts things I never said.
What I objected to in your initial post, and have stated apparently not clearly enough since then, is the idea that "most straight women" want what you said they want. I don't think "most straight women" want any particular thing. It not about me wanting or not wanting a man who bosses me around. It's about the fact that you can't make generalizations about 150 million people in this country and think that they have any meaning at all.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
You know, Kwea, it's not like I'd intentionally avoid you or anything. [removed because it looked weird, probably more so to people who weren't around.]
Anyway, I really agree with what you said about people wanting to be with people who complement their strengths and weaknesses. I think that's how the best relationships work.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Physical attractiveness is a can of worms in itself. Is the person conscious of giving a good impression? Do they care about how they look? Care too much? Not enough?
Well, different people find different things physically attractive. Some people have a "type." Some, like me, don't really. We just knows it when we sees it.
posted
I didn't mean it that way, ELJay. I bet I know what you removed, or at least what you were referring to.
I just don't think a trip out to that area of the US is in the cards for JenniK and me any time soon.
I know that if we ever get up there I would like to stop and see Bob and Dana, so I guess it isn't outside the realm of possibility after all.
I know that I am a better person for knowing my wife, and that I am far happier now than I have ever been in the past. I wish my wife was strong in ALL the areas I am weak in (like balancing the checkbook, saving money, you know...all the boring stuff ) overall we complement each other very well. She is my best friend, and as trite as that may sound it is the most important thing in our relationship.
I know a lot of guys who don't mind working strange hours that are different that their wives work hours because it gives them time away from them. I am the opposite...I love simply spending time with Jenni, and get mad when work rearranges my hours.
We each have our things that the other doesn't enjoy...she likes horror movies, I love playing pool...and we DO spend time alone to do those activities, but most of our days off we are together non stop.
quote:EDIT: And ugly men can get hot/interesting women. Don't even worry about your appearence besides keeping it neat. It's the ugly girls where looks is major a handicap.
I see that kind of thing all the time, though. Generally, men can afford to rate much lower on the physical attractiveness scale than the women they date, which I think is really sad. It's frustrating because it means, for me personally, that I constantly feel pressure to diet and try to improve my looks. I mean, on one hand, that can be healthy, but where does it end? And why don't most guys seem to feel the same urge? I mean, a lot of guys just totally let themselves go, and they still expect to get really, really attractive women. Why?
Ok. My take on love is .. to serve. But it's more than that, huh? Compassion, attraction, jealousy.. What is the highest form of love? Bhakti: devotion.
Why is it so hard... It isn't.
Posts: 379 | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by MightyCow: Are you and your female friends seriously looking for men who are smaller and weaker than you, complacent, meek, and subservient? I do smell some crap, but I'm not sure where it's coming from
I would suppose that ElJay and her friends (and I count myself among them) do not rank these categories as relevant on the "yay" or "nay" scale.
----
Edited to add: Aaaand I missed the fourth page, where ElJay lays it out. Still agree.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
In other news, whenever I see this thread title, from the very first day it was started "What is Love? (Love!) Baby don't hurt me, Baby don't hurt me, no more." starts going through my head. It's getting kinda old.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
ElJay: I apologize if I misconstrued your post in any way that you felt was out of line.
I stand by my assessment that most straight women, and perhaps I should say in America, since I am unfamiliar with all the cultural standards across the globe, are attracted to specific characteristics in men.
I never claimed that all women want the same thing, or that any specific set of features are on a Must Have or Cannot Have list. Simply that there are traits which are generally considered positive for men to have, as far as dating goes.
In fact, I would say that while you keep disagreeing with me, all of your examples hold true to my basic principals.
Here's what you said:
quote: In other words, where my list is "clever, thoughtful, kind, and have integrity," one friend's might be "funny, cute butt, and musical" and another one's "creative, intellegent, and secure." Our lists are different, but none of them are at all similar to the list you initially posted.
Here's my list:
quote: Strong/Masculine - not just "sexy body", but also attitude Funny/Entertaining - makes her laugh, shows her a good time Interesting/Smart - likes the things she likes, good conversationalist Nice/Kind/Thoughtful - remembers her favorite flower, opens doors for her, nice to waiters
If you look at the two lists, they're very similar, and yet you keep saying that they aren't. For heaven's sake, not only are the ideas similar, we're using the same words!
So maybe you can see where I'm getting the confusion. Anyway, this isn't about you and me having a misunderstanding, and you did say that you and your friends may be more non-traditional, so I'm willing to accept it as just a difference of opinion. Regardless, I hope that you all find happiness in your relationships, whatever form they may take. Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Ah, see, there's the confusion. We're talking about differerent lists. What I'm referring to when I say your "list" is the part I quoted in my very first post. . . this:
quote:I would say that most straight women want a guy who is physically larger than they are, stronger than they are, more assertive in tense situations, willing to stand up for them, and give them a feeling of security. That's what I'm talking about when I say masculine.
Women tend to want a man who makes them feel more feminine, and the best way to do that is being more masculine than they are.
That is, to me, very different from any of the "example" lists I gave. And that's all I've been talking about in each of my posts. I've never referred to the post you just quoted at all, and wouldn't have quibbled with it. But I (obviously) disagree strongly with the idea that "most" women in America are looking for anything that resembles your definition of masculinity.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
Well, I do believe you when you say that you and your friends don't want that sort of man. You're certainly entitled to feel any way you choose.
In my experience working for a dating company for 3 years, almost universally, the women either said specifically what they wanted, or through observation they gravitated towards the men who tended to be more assertive and physically larger than they were.
Obviously, there are some women who date men who are not very assertive, who don't give them a feeling of security, who aren't willing to stand up for them, and who are shorter and smaller.
I'm even willing to concede that some women may seek out these short, passive, complacent guys. More power to 'em.
Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
What part of the country was your dating company in? I'm just curious.
And have you considered that the traits don't all have to go together? There are tall passive guys and short agressive ones, you know. And I've still never said that women seek out that list of traits, although some might. I have said that I don't think they matter. Like I said in my first post, I've dated people on both ends of the spectrum and everywhere in between, and those characteristics just aren't that important.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by ElJay: In other news, whenever I see this thread title, from the very first day it was started "What is Love? (Love!) Baby don't hurt me, Baby don't hurt me, no more." starts going through my head. It's getting kinda old.
Every time I see it I think that the answer to both questions is, "I don't know, I'm just grateful that it is."
posted
This is true, ElJay, and it's also true that everyone looks for different qualities and has different priorities, but...to a certain extent, I think all people ARE looking for someone to take care of them, deep down. Not in the dependent, I can't live without you, I'm a completely useless human being on my own kind of sense...but like, I don't remember if I said this before, but one of my therapists explained it as sort of...you're, to a certain extent, each other's mom. You want to help when the other person is sick or sad or stressed, and you want to hug them and try to make them feel better. That kind of thing.
posted
But here's the thing, pH, I think that part is a function of your relationship, not a function of who you have it with. It's not a quality you have to look for, because anyone who cares deeply about you will grow to feel that way, as they grow to care about you. If your relationship takes a wrong turn and one or both of you are acting like selfish jerks, than yeah, you won't get that. And some people just aren't compatible. But since that kind of support is something that pretty much everyone wants, pretty much everyone will provide it in a healthy relationship.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
But relationships of that kind are unhealthy regardless of whether they are romantic or not.
(I know this is a bit of a fine point, but I think it's an important one. The loving quality is one I seek in all relationships, not just with my primary partner. That is, for me (and, I think, ElJay and others of our friends), it is not a distinguisher of romantic interest.)
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
But if everyone, deep down, is searching for nurturing, then really you ARE seeking those sorts of qualities on some level.
I'm not saying that friendships shouldn't be supportive or nurturing. I'm saying that there is a difference in romantic vs. platonic relationships that goes beyond physical attraction, and I think part of that does stem from the extent and nature of the nurturing of each kind of relationship.
posted
But what I'm saying, pH, is that I think nurturing will happen regardless of who I end up with, so I don't need to specifically look for someone who will nurture me. I don't know how I'd even go about looking for that as a "quality" of a person, unless I was trying to hire a nanny.
So you can say I'm seeking nurturing "on some level" if you want. But when I'm actually making the decision about if I'm going to date someone, there is a whole shitload of other qualities I'm going to be looking at first. The nurturing will take care of itself.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
OK, I'm 12, never had a boyfriend or anything like that but I still know what I think love is. I think it's a lot simpler than picking out qualities you like because one day, you might fall in love with someone with none of them.
Love is when you see someone and a spark lights up inside you.
Love is when someone offers you the t-shirt they won if they get and ipod (Happened today )
Love is when all your best friends come over for a huge pizza party.
Love is what you see when mommy kisses daddy. ( )
The original question was What is love? Why is it so hard?
I said what I think love is. Love is hard because not everyone wants to be in love. Love is hard because we look for certain qualities in a man or woman. Don't look for those people, look at them.
Thats what I think of love.
Posts: 1164 | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
We're going in circles. I think nurturing is a universal quality, and will be there if someone cares about you. If someone cares about you, there isn't an option of it not being there.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
There are a lot of different levels of nurturing. I know couples who stay home with each other when one is sick, make soup, go to the store for special treats, get them medicine, bring hot water bottles, etc.
I know other couples who are in healthy relationships, are in love, care about each other, and when one's sick, the other one calls the pizza delivery in for them, and then heads out to hang out with friends.
I guess it depends on how much nurturing you want.
Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
| IP: Logged |
quote:I know other couples who are in healthy relationships, are in love, care about each other, and when one's sick, the other one calls the pizza delivery in for them, and then heads out to hang out with friends.
That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
If the sick person deals with being sick by eating pizza and wanting to be left alone, sure it does. Wouldn't work for me, but I'm not going to say it couldn't work for them.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
So, the girl I wrote about a while back, the one who was leaving for 2 months to go to a summer program in Ny. She got back this weekend.
She called me monday after classes and I suggested we have dinner or see a movie. She was a little unsure sounding, she said she just wanted to talk and catch up. I offered to come and cook something, so she said to come by at 8. I bough dinner ingrediants for a stir-fry, and went to her house.
From the moment I arrived she was aggitated, annoyed with me, so I thought, and edgy. She complained about being back in town and not around her musician peers anymore, and about the school and things in general, her parents etc. She didn't seem very happy, but said she had had a wonderful time in Ny. She has exema, and at that moment it was just aweful, the skin on her arms and neck was red from scratching, and my heart broke to see her like that. I didn't know what to say, I apologized for rushing into the situation, but she said it was alright. I cooked and she didn't want to eat anything, so I sat down with some stir fry- made tea and we talked about school and the music she was working on. Her roomate came by and said she was leaving for the evening.
As soon as her roomate was gone, she relaxed a little and looked me in the face from across the table. "I have two things to tell you," my mind is going 'OH CRAP, what.' it is not good when someone has two things to tell you.
She was unsure at first, didn't want to say anything, and I kept saying, 'its okay, what? don't worry whatever it is, don't worry about it, just tell me if you have to tell me.' She is what some might call "conservative christian," but she isn't politically conservative, and I think its the religious part that had her all freaked out. (I am not religious by the way, though not really judgemental of religious people).
"The first one is that I'm bisexual"
I just keep going, ok, and? In my head, though I know why she's telling me this, why she needs to share that so that she can tell me she's with someone else. So I say it for her "Your with someone..."
"yeah"
And I just kept reassuring her, its okay, I'm fine with it, don't worry about it. But my hand was shaking a little and I put it in my lap. She was worried that I would judge her for being with a woman, and I was simply dissapointed that she was with someone else! And all the times I had thought about her in the past two months, and the emails and aim notes we exchanged seemed different now too. I realized that I liked her alot and should have known her better before having hopes like I did.
It turns out that as a christian and being part of a fairly conservative vein in the local community, she is being ostracized for revealing this to her friends, and to her family. Which sickens me, really. I was being honest when I told her it didn't matter to me at all who she wanted to be with, even if it wasn't me. Not like I had some right or anything, we had only been out a few times, and been friends for a few months, but still I took it kind of hard. It took me this week to just digest the situation and get a grip on it.
I've gotta move on, and once again I don't have anyone to be close to. No one who is going to look forward to seeing me. Its a really awful feeling; I think I haven't ever known anything quite like it. If I have, its been a long time, and dissapointment like this is something that probably fades in the memory when you have new experiences. Still this is happening to me now, and its an aweful experience. I don't know what to do now.
Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Everyone copes with extreme disappointment and heartache in different ways.
Night at the bars with some friends works for some people I know.
Others like to be alone to wallow for awhile.
Some like to spend a lot of time with friends to remember what their life means without the person they were hoping to become closer to (or already were closer to).
You'll figure out in time what in fact is the best way for you to cope and move on, and believe me, I've been in similar situations to where you are now before, and time really does heal all wounds. Good luck.
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I haven't found a way to cope yet. I've been eating about 1,200 calories a day, which is not much for a guy 6'0 and 235 pounds. I don't know, I'm not hungry. I ate dinner tonight after my esophogus started giving me those wierd 'been a really long time between meals' feelings, and I realized I hadn't eaten in 10 hours. I can spare the weight, but its wierd not to be hungry at all.
Since its summer and most of my friends are around the state or not in my classes, the round of beers is harder to put together. Still, I think I am going to do that this weekend. I really need to set some time aside to be with my friends, I think. That's good advice Lyr.
edit: and not to turn this thread into my wallowing pit of shame and loneliness. Its just been a rough week. All this time things have been going so well, and I've been really optimistic. This really hit me harder than it would have if I hadn't already been feeling so isolated and lonely. I can't see the point at which I'm going to be able to relate to people in a new way. I keep thinking its happening, its happening, finally, but its just one stumble after another, and I'm always so wrong about people.
Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
And my family, for that matter, and a subset of my coworkers. It's just not something I need to look for in my romantic relationships, because I am blessed to have it in abundance from many people.
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
[removed because it looked weird, probably more so to people who weren't around.]
