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Author Topic: Patently Absurd Inventions
Bob_Scopatz
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Okay, this is a FUN site.

link to the archives

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rivka
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[Big Grin]

Very funny. I particularly enjoyed the diaper alarm and the rain curtain.

(I do wish whoever writes the descriptions would learn the difference between "it's" and "its" though. After about the sixth time, it started to really get on my nerves.)

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Marlozhan
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Who on earth would invent pants that show a bit of butt cleavage in the shape of a Chevy truck logo?

Probably the same people that use a portable toilet that attaches to their truck hitch and ride the skating trainer with a cowhead on it. [ROFL]

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Lyrhawn
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I imagine throngs of New Yorkers all wearing Rain Curtains down Wall Street would look like some scary sci fi thriller. Or absurdist modern art.

And the Hurricane Bed is a great idea, until the damned hurricane blows threw and jams the latch shut so you die in your own comfy little personal coffin.

I do however like the All Terrain Stroller . It's great for taking your tiny loved one into a combat zone. Just pop it into the back of your Hummer and you're all set for a jaunt through the lovely downtown open air markets in Fallujah...

I'm curious as to what sort of enforcement system is involved with the Alarm Fork. Does it give you a mild electric shock when it senses that you have taken an unsanctioned bite? Perhaps there is a pneumatic hinge that activates to launch the food across the room and thus prohibits ingestion. Somehow I doubt Americans are going to let little lights control their lives. Traffic cops are proof enough of that.

And I'd really love to have a chat with the inventor of the Baby Cage. It's like they were trying to invent a way to instill claustrophobia in children from the youngest age possible. What could be more comforting to a child than to be locked out of the reach of your loving parents? Maybe they could soundproof it too, so junior can cry his eyes out to no avail.

Be the Bike should be renamed "Darwin's Wheel." Anyone stupid enough to get on one of these things deserves what he gets, and can do a service to mankind in the process.

I'm not sure what makes me more sad, the fact that someone actually copied the Rain Curtains, or that someone stopped and thought to himself "Hey! This is great, but do you know what would make it even BETTER?" And somehow the result was the Boob Tube.

For national security reasons, I'm surprised the Body Sail was allowed a patent. Sure, you could make a killing selling these things to Cubans, I can see an armada of little Cuban boats sailing over the calm waters of the Carribbean (sarcasm, yes). But what about terrorists? Can you imagine the horror that would unfold from a flotilla of kamikaze al qaeda body sailors? They could wreak havoc on the US's fleet of Body Destroyers and Body Aircraft Carriers.

The Junior Jail must've been made by the same sadists as the baby cage. What's this for? Toddler torture? "You better behave! Or you're getting your DIAPER CHANGED!"

This would be an awesome gag gift for people getting on in their years. The Life Expectancy Watch. I can see the ads now: "Buy the new Fossil Life Expectancy Watch. Enjoy life, and remember, the clock is ticking." What better way to promote procrastination in the youth of America, and inspire fear in the golden years of the elderly?

Oh great, something new we can all call tech support for.

Hold it right there or I'll fill you full of calcium!

My only question for the Portable Nuclear Shelter, is what the hell is the guy in the picture here thinking about? He looks downright bored. I'd love to see the updated version of this that comes with a flatscreen monitor and PS3.

For the man or woman in your life who believes that even the act of spooning food into their mouths is too taxing, get them the Spoon Truss. Should help to eliminate all that worrisome spoon related stress.

Apparently someone decided that plumbers just weren't fashionable enough.

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ketchupqueen
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I actually have had days when I would have liked to strap the spoon to the kid. Heck, the pacifier clip is so great I just bought a second one!

This reminds me of Lake Wobegone Days; there's a part about giant ducks and duck hunters...

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FlyingCow
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I think "Be the Bike" had to have been designed by someone who watched waaaay to much Transformers.
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