Entertainment Weekly is terribly concerned about me.
It's touching, really. The little notes, the shy reminders, the e-mails. Perhaps I've forgotten? Maybe I didn't notice? They are so sorry for the intrusion but they know, with every fiber in their pages, the unbearable anguish I would surely feel were I to miss even a single issue and so they chide me, gently, affectionately, with discreet letters and whispered notices and great big honking wraparound covers with 72-point type that let people know from across the street my subscription will wither and die in just six more painfully short weeks.
I just laugh heartily and put it off another month, because that's the kind of guy I am.
I "quit" Curves the other day, and it was agony. I waited until a helper I did not know was there, and told her. I have until the end of the month to work out there.
The next day, the manager came up to me and said, no kidding, with this really sad, disappointed look: "Did I see your name on my desk about "something?"
I looked down and said, "Yes, I'm moving on." I did not say, "Yes, I am out of here because I am really bored, the music makes me want to puke, and Planet Fitness is 1/3 the price, opens at 4:30 AM, and has machines that will actually get me in serious shape."
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
Since I've gotten on the nocall list my main problems are magazine subscriptions, phone service, Internet service, and local charities. Fortunately they've stepped up to fill in the gap in my life.
Have you heard the AOL recording? That's virtually identical to the response I got when I cancelled a free AOL account I set up just to enter a contest. I wasn't just dropping a service, I was ending a relationship and it was clearly my fault for not making it work between us. It would not have surprised me a bit to have come home that not and seen "LOSER!" scratched into the side of my car, with an AOL business card accidentally dropped nearby...
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
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quote:Next time I get calls for Internet access I'm thinking of inviting the reps over to have them fight it out in my front yard, possibly with rakes.
posted
When I called to set up my electricity they tried to sign me up for phone and internet service as well. The conversation went like this.
"Would you like to sign up for internet through us."
"No thanks."
"Are you sure, it's no extra charge and really easy."
"I don't know what we want, my roommate has all of that information."
"Well, we could sign you up now and she could call us later and specify the plan."
"No thanks."
"It's so.."
"No thanks."
"Well, if you're sure. We can also set you up with a basic phone line."
"I have a cell phone."
"Well, it's really safer to have a land line, too, and only $20 a month. We can give you a free month so you can see if you like it."
"No thanks."
"Ok, well if you could just give me your information again so I can set you up with that."
"Excuse me, with what?"
"The phone service."
"I do not want the phone service. I want you to finish setting up my electric bill."
"Well if you change your mind you can always call us back."
After that setting up my electric bill just took a few seconds. But now I'm terrified someone's going to pull that you said no, so I'll take it as yes thing on me again and I won't catch it. *sighs*
Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
Chris, I think your skills are maturing way beyond the level of most humor columnists I read. I actually got angry at one periodical I subscribe to because they added a new columnist and he sucked so bad that I complained about it.
Their great new addition was Garrison Keillor. (his first column was a completely humorless column about what he was going to do in his new column. OMG! It was awful!)
I actually wrote to them to say that they should use your columns instead of Mr. Prarie Home Companion.
And I was right about it too!
I enjoy your humor and the window you provide us each week into your hilarious life.
posted
Ha! My friend tried to "quit" his cell phone company the other day. I am sending him this article.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
I love Wednesday (even though I am reading this on Friday!)!
I'm seriously afraid of what will happen when I call Bell South to cancel my phone service (got digital phone).
Posts: 1545 | Registered: May 2002
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posted
my best version was a call from the LA Times. we were getting the paper on fri-sun just for the ads, and were thinking (and have since) of cutting back to just sunday.
A guy calls up and quickly verifies that he's talking to an adult that actually lives at the residence, quickly rattles off that they're going to give us the whole weeks worth of papers for only a dollar more (or something like that) and then just hangs up.
I literally did not have half a second to tell him "no, I don't want to upgrade our service." I was just so flabbergasted by that call...
Posts: 1038 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
Elizabeth, I'm going to do the same thing--cancel Curves when a rep I don't know is there--and then never return so I don't have to endure the same deal!
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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