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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Top Ten Uses for a Superfluous Wedding Dress (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Top Ten Uses for a Superfluous Wedding Dress
katharina
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10. Tear into strips, dye yellow, and tie around trees.

9. Wander around a graveyard at night to try to make the new edition of Capitol Ghosts. Repeat until it happens.

8. Donate to an LDS theatre company and watch it become Captain Moroni's title of liberty.

7. Create lovely lace curtains for your cute townhouse you just moved into.

6. Cut off the bottom four feet, dye red, and go clubbing.

5. Make baby blessing/christening/baptism dresses and donate to a local charity hospital.

4. The Prettiest Tent at Girls' Camp

3. Tear into strips and TP (wrap) your boss's townhouse

2. Hang on a wall, strip naked, roll in black and red paint, and with a running start, throw yourself against it. Sell on eBay titled "Hearts in Transit."

1. Go as Miss Havisham for Halloween.

#1 is the one I'm actually considering. [Smile] Maybe #2. While I certainly hope I won't still be sad/mad/smad by then, I love the idea. There's more than one way to make a disturbing Halloween costume. [Razz]

Tomorrow is the Unwedding Day. Matt and I are still definitely together, and I'm not heartbroken. I'm some things, though, and I'm trying to work them out. I moved into my new townhouse this past weekend and had to move that Big White Dress I've been lugging around. I thought about selling it to get my deposit for the new place, but that was a little more final than I was willing to do. If the wedding ever does happen, though, I don't know if I can wear that dress. It's the dress for a wedding that will never exist, and I'm not sure I want the reminder. On the other hand, it is gorgeous, and it's perfect. I'm not quite willing to part with it yet.

Any other ideas for the dress? Double points for whomever provokes a laugh. [Smile]

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katharina
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Okay, maybe that's kind of putting people on the spot. It's an awkward situation. But the list was funny! Some of them were funny. Is my Funny-o-meter completely off?
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ElJay
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I think it's hilarious, and I like #6 best, if you could do it without being reminded. Didn't post yet because I haven't thought of a good use yet. [Smile]
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rivka
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It's very funny. [Smile] I particularly like #6.

*hug*

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rivka
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She posts what I'm thinking, better than I did, and faster.

[Razz]

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ElJay
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*heehee*

[Wink]

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BlackBlade
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#1 could be "Go as the corpse bride to a Halloween party"

I seriously have no idea what to do with my wife's wedding dress, she is having it encased and preserved, but for what purpose I know not.

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Farmgirl
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I like #3, except I think it should be directed at the ex-groom, not at a boss. [Wink]
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Ryuko
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I always miss these things...

Well, sounds like fun anyway.

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mr_porteiro_head
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Beverly somehow was able to return her dress for the wedding that never took place. She got store credit, so when I cam along, we didn't have to pay for her wedding dress.
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katharina
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Farmgirl: I have to admit that wandered across my mind, but I just couldn't.

My mom saved her wedding dress, and I actually love the idea of making baby blessing dresses out of it.

The red dress idea is winning. Now, what dyes satin? [Smile]

[ August 04, 2006, 02:59 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]

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Dan_raven
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10) Stuff and use as a big beaded pillow.

9) Think Scarecrow.

8) Put on top of the world's largest wedding cake.

7) Put on manakin, put in car, use the carpool lanes as desired.

6) Put in trunk of car. Put it on when you need to drive over the limit. What cop would ticket a bride late for her wedding?

5) Reshoot Billy Idol's White Wedding Video.

4) Save it to wear to mean cousin Mitsy's wedding. You know Mitsy. She's the one that gave you the coupon for free cooking lessons for your wedding present. She's the one who said he could do much better. When she goes to walk down the aisle, show up in your wedding gown and show her what beauty really is.

3) Send the veil to your boss, in care of his wife, with a note saying, "You left this at my place last Saturday. I cleaned the canola oil off of it. When do I get to be the bride?" Signed Harvey.

2) Find the biggest, burliest guy you can find. Have him hold the dress up next to him. Take picture. Make a sign that reads.

"This is inmate 423452.

He is holding up the mandatory prison outfit for anyone he shares a cell with.

Remember: Shoplifting is a crime.
Violators will be prosecuted."

Sell signs. Make fortune. Retire.

1) Take it to Wal-mart and demand your money back. Say you got it at the upstart "high end Wal-Mart in Texas" I know you didn't get it at Wal-Mart, but does the Wal-Mart behind the counter know that?

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katharina
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*laugh* Dan, those are perfect. I want to do all of them! You get triple points.
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Stray
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[ROFL] kat, I loved your #2, but I love all of Dan's!
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BannaOj
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I thought this wedding dress was your mother's? I guess not.....

I'm thinking you should donate it for leprosy bandages....

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Farmgirl
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quote:
3) Send the veil to your boss, in care of his wife, with a note saying, "You left this at my place last Saturday. I cleaned the canola oil off of it. When do I get to be the bride?" Signed Harvey.
Okay - - I'll admit. This one made me LAUGH OUT LOUD for real!
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El JT de Spang
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Reinact Runaway Bride. But do it towards a random guy in the park, preferably one lunching with a ladyfriend.

Borrow a bridesmaid dress. You wear the bridesmaid dress and put the wedding dress on an inflatable doll. Set up outside a justice of the peace's office, and loudly try to talk your friend out of getting married.

"He's just not right for you! He's a balloon, for heaven's sake -- full of hot air!"

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BannaOj
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Tear it up, tie it into knots, and use it to climb out a 2nd story window.

Or for punishment Matt has to climb up to the window precariously on the knotted cloth, with a rose between his teeth to give to you when he gets there.

AJ

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Dan_raven
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Now with two dresses, that's even more fun.

You and your best girlfriend stand outside City Hall with a cheap certificate and just scream and yell and embrace and keep saying, "Its legal now. Its legal now."

or

You and you best freind chase a Tuxedo'd man. Each bride carries some implement of doom while the running man keeps saying "Scheduling mistake. My bad."

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vonk
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Smear mascara around your eyes and wear the dress to local bars around town. You're sure to get free drinks that way.

-or-

Approach random guy with girlfriend, grab his shirt and scream, "How could you do this to me?! After all we've been through?! Did you even think of the children?!" Then run away crying. He'll have a heckuva time talking his way outa that one.

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Uprooted
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I'm bummed that I can't come up w/ anything funny, but I'm also voting for the knockout red dress. And jealous of Dan_raven for being so funny!
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rivka
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A la Rachel of Friends, start wearing it to answer the door, declaring, "I do!"
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King of Men
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Tear into strips for use in bondage games? Also handy if you get even more depressed.
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Goody Scrivener
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quote:
Remember: Shoplifting is a crime.
Violators will be prosecuted."

Shouldn't that be "Prosecuted will be violated"??
{ducking and running... FAST!}

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katharina
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Are you implying I should hang myself with it? You sick freak, what is wrong with you?

I suppose I could add "keep strips handy to strangle idiots with" to the list.

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Dan_raven
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What a great Murder Mystery opening scene, a woman hung by her own wedding dress, her flowers lie scattered on the floor, her veil covering her face, a note, from the missing fiance is in her hand. "We can still be friends" is all it says.
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katharina
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Suicide is not an option. Or a desire, really, although KoM makes me contemplate more felonious activities involving death and a wrench.

In other words, it's too bad that I couldn't post this thread with KoM amusing himself with it. I'll might delete it - I wish I could have put it here. KoM, whereever you are, the place is poorer for it. >_<

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Farmgirl
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He did kinda take all the "funny" out, didn't he?
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katharina
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I wish he wasn't on the board. Except for Baldar, I never wished that about anyone.
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katharina
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Okay, I'm not going to delete it. It's too funny, and there's still hope for it. KoM's like the smelly dog that your best friend owns. You like your best friend, so you endure the dog.

-----
Dan, in your scenario, I would make the note something like "I'm sorry, I had to" in ambiguous handwriting.

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BannaOj
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I wonder if you could turn it into a kite? I have this image of flying a wedding dress into the air on the end of a string....

Wear it to the Smithsonian, and see if you get asked if you are part of an exhibit. Or see how long before the security guards get nervous....

Take pictures with people holding it at various historic sites. Try to bury it at Gettysburg without getting caught.

AJ

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rivka
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quote:
Originally posted by BannaOj:
I wonder if you could turn it into a kite? I have this image of flying a wedding dress into the air on the end of a string....

I love this!
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Dan_raven
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BannaOj, I was just about to suggest filling it with helium balloons and floating it off.
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BannaOj
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http://www.intothewind.com/shop/Traditional_Kites/Designer_Kites/Martin_Lester_Kites/Natalies_Legs
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Belle
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I can totally understand wanting a new dress if you decide to get married later - this is the dress for the wedding that didn't happen - I get that.

While all the suggestions are funny, my practical side says sell it, and use the money on yourself - treat yourself to something you wouldn't ordinarily do.

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Tatiana
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Keep it, let go of the smad, wear it when the time is right.
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ElJay
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While I'm not sure what kind of dye would work on satin to saturate the whole thing, I bet you could get the kind that Belle uses for painting silk scarves and, say, paint a pattern of red flowers over it. I'd practice first, of course, but you could end up with quite a striking hand-painted dress.

Although personally, I'd sell it, too. Upscale consignment shop would probably bring the best price. Buy jewelry.

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JennaDean
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I'm with Tatiana - if it really is perfect, keep it for the future - until/unless you find something more perfect.

Of course, the dress I was married in was perfect when I wore it, but my taste is different now, I'd buy something different today. So unless that "future" is relatively soon, you may want to sell it.

I still like the baby blessing dresses idea, though. [Smile]

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jeniwren
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I must be very...unsentimental, or too sentimental, I'm not sure which. I kept my first wedding dress for years after the divorce. I had no good memories attached to it, except the day we bought it in Scotland, but it was so pretty, and it was such a substantial part of my past, I really had a hard time letting go of it. I figured I'd better get rid of it, though, when I moved back to Washington to marry Ross.

If you aren't ready to let go of it yet, Kat, don't feel any pressure to do so. It's your dress. OTOH, if you don't think you'll ever use it in your future wedding, selling it at a consignment shop could be a real blessing to someone. I bought my second wedding dress at a consignment shop and felt so very happy to have found it.

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jeniwren
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And hey, kat? We're going to be in DC next month for family vacation. Think we could meet up for lunch or something? I won't have much time, but I would really LOVE to meet you face to face. [Smile]
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Theca
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I read some cute little teen girl book written in the 1950s once, about some girl who borrowed her older sister's white party dress and then spilled something tea colored on it that wouldn't come off, so they soaked the whole dress in tea, then snuck it back in the closet. The sister was ectatic--she'd wanted a cream colored dress and had had to settle for white.

Since then, I've always wanted to soak a white dress in tea just to see what happens.

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rivka
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You're talking about one of the All-of-a-Kind-Family books (although I wouldn't really describe it as a "cute little teen girl book"). I think it must be either AoaKF Uptown or AoaKF Downtown.

quote:
The sister was ecstatic--she'd wanted a cream colored dress and had had to settle for white.

That's not quite what happened . . .
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BannaOj
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I read that book too Theca! Dagnabbit, I can't remember what it was called.

AJ

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mr_porteiro_head
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It does seem like a shame to destroy something like that without it ever getting a chance to fulfil its intended destiny.
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Theca
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Nooo, I don't think it was in that series, Rivka. This was an all-American family with teenage girls with 50s style hair cuts and names like Mary Sue or something. Donna, maybe? I DID read that other series, but that isn't it.
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BannaOj
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http://bookworm.pilcrow.biz/2006/06/09/ella-henny-sarah-charlotte-gertie/

It says it is All of a kind Family here, too, and I have read the series but I didn't think it was in them either.

Was it Caddie Woodlawn? no too old fashioned.

It also seems like it was a "moral tale" kind of thing in the "wholesome books for young people" classification of the day.

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Stray
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No, I'm quite sure rivka's got it right; I read those books too.
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Theca
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Well, maybe it happened in both series. Weren't the All of a Kind Family with younger girls? They didn't have party dresses and go out with boys did they?
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rivka
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Eighth Dell Printing of All-of-a-Kind Family Uptown:
  • page 18 - Ella refuses to lend Henny her white party dress.
  • page 21 - Henny "borrows" the dress anyway and sneaks out.
  • page 26 - After a tug-of-war related mishap, Henny discovers there are tea stains on the white dress. Soap and water are useless.
  • page 27 - "Get me lots and lots of tea!"
  • page 30 - Dress is hung back in Ella's closet.
  • page 31-32 The dress is discovered. The other sisters think it looks better now than it did white, Ella is suspicious, Henny is guiltily silent, and Mama isn't fooled at all.
  • page 34 - After Ella leaves, Mama gets Henny to 'fess up. As penance, Henny will be doing the laundry . . . and dying the new curtains. With tea.

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BannaOj
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ok, yeah it was Henny.... now I remember!

AJ

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