posted
My father-in-law is facing a tough decision. He's in his mid 50's and has been diagnosed with bowel cancer. His surgeon wants to give him a colostomy. They've already tried to re-sect his bowel to remove the cancer, but unfortunately did not achieve a clear margin. Any further surgery would compromise the muscle wall and is not really possible.
A second specialist surgeon, aparently one of the best in the country, has told him that the first surgery has actually increased his chance of the cancer spreading and that the colostomy should be performed immediately.
He's a fairly young man, only married three years to a wife in her early forties. He's worried about living another 20 or 30 years with a bag. He's worried about it affecting his sexuality. He's worried about his self-esteem. He would have tried (and may still want to try) to get involved in meditiation and alter his already strict vegetarian diet to an organic macrobiotic diet and attempt to use his will to heal himself.
We all just want him to have the damn surgery and stay with us for a lot of years, 'cause he's a great bloke.
So. I don't need medical advice, I need medicat inspiration. I need stories you have of amazing people with colostomy bags, who are happy, lead great lives and that you'd never know had a bag. I need to know that some of the perceptions of colostomy bags are misconceptions.
Please help, Hatrack. I like this guy a lot and I want him around for my grandkids.
Posts: 2245 | Registered: Nov 1998
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There are two paragraphs in particular that looked good:
"After the operation, the nurse worked with me to find the right kind of pouch and attachments for me. The pouch lies pretty flat, so I can wear the kinds of clothes I like. I can take the bag off and enjoy a hot shower, just like I always did. I had to tinker with my diet a little – I cut out eggs and cabbage and some other things that seemed to increase gas. I still work out, but I don’t use the weight machines anymore. And since my cancer has been cured, I have less to worry about, so my attitude about a lot of things is healthier. I’ve even knocked a couple of strokes off my golf game.
AND
"If anything, this experience helped us grow closer. Sex is just as good as it ever was. A while ago we started reading long books out loud to each other. We’re in the middle of ‘David Copperfield’ right now. That’s our way of telling each other we’re both in this thing for the long haul."
Posts: 74 | Registered: Jan 2001
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posted
I have tons of patients with colostomies. Some have the colostomies for only a year or two, then have the reversal. Some keep their colostomy bags permanently. I didn't realize colostomies were that big a deal to people anymore. It has one advantage, well, two. They usually don't get constipation, and they don't have to waste time sitting on the toilet. Especially men. Also, no embarrassing farting episodes. Getting used to emptying stool and gas out of the bag is pretty easy and replacing the bag becomes second nature also. I've got a lot of patients that look so "normal" that when I put my hands on their abdomen, it startles me to feel the bag under their clothing.
I've only seen ONE guy who had problems with keeping the bag attached and he had amazing amounts of scar tissue AND also had dementia. His grandson won a gold medal in skiing at the Olympics last year. Come to think of it, his was a urine bag, not colostomy bag, anyway. He had bladder cancer a long time ago. Surgeons have learned a lot more about creating these ostomies since his surgery.
Posts: 1990 | Registered: Feb 2001
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posted
I think that colostomy bags are not usually reversible when they are there due to colon cancer.
I wish I had some personally pleasant stories. Two of my family members have had them. One had it reversed and the other got it a few months ago, but we don't really talk to that side of the family so I am not sure what is going on.
Posts: 74 | Registered: Jan 2001
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posted
The husband of a friend of mine had bowel cancer and now has a colostomy bag. I don't know his medical status, ie considered cured or not, but he's done a round of chemo and is still working his regular job with no talk of mortality, so it sounds like his cancer is gone. There's certainly no worry in the family about it at this point.
As for appearances - if you didn't know that he had a colostomy bag, you wouldn't know. I know he has one, and looking at him, I have not got a single clue where it is under his clothes. There are zero bumps or bulges. He looks completely and totally normal.
I don't know any intimate details of sex life or that sort of thing, but knowing these people, the colostomy bag hasn't changed a thing. They're both completely practical people who just deal with things and move on and don't sweat the little stuff, and a colostomy bag would fall under the label of the little stuff.
I hope this helps. Good luck, troubs.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
My former bishop is a great guy and had a colostomy. He's fairly young-- his oldest kid is about my age and his youngest is just starting jr. high-- and he and his wife seem just as close and just as much in love as ever. Obviously I don't know their sex life, but the way they touch and kiss when they think people aren't looking makes me think it's still pretty good. I think his wife is just darned glad to have him with her and willing to deal with the bag if that's what it means. Not that you'd know he had a bag to look at him-- you wouldn't. The only reason I know is that I'm good friends with his daughter and also was involved in the ward fast for him when he was suddenly absent from church for several weeks and we heard he was having surgery.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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