posted
I was having a conversation the other night with an otherwise charming gentleman who asked why (since he feels I am otherwise attractive) I don't spend a little effort on losing weight - presumably so that all men would fall at my feet rather than only a select few.
I realized that (aside from being generally lazy and self-indulgent) there are a couple of reasons. One of those reasons is that I don't want to become preoccupied with my weight. I don't want to be one of those people who thinks life will be better if I could just fix this flab here, or if I could just lose an inch there. So many weight lose programs are about changing your life. I like my life. I don't want my life to change to focus on what I look like. I don't want to go out to dinner and bore people by counting points. I have known enough people - thin people even - whose main topic of conversation is how much they worked out, their new diet, how may pounds they have lost etc. It is so easy to have that become the focus of one's world and, frankly, that scares me more than a few (dozen) extra pounds.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by kmbboots: I was having a conversation the other night with an otherwise charming gentleman who asked why (since he feels I am otherwise attractive) I don't spend a little effort on losing weight - presumably so that all men would fall at my feet rather than only a select few.
I realized that (aside from being generally lazy and self-indulgent) there are a couple of reasons. One of those reasons is that I don't want to become preoccupied with my weight. I don't want to be one of those people who thinks life will be better if I could just fix this flab here, or if I could just lose an inch there. So many weight lose programs are about changing your life. I like my life. I don't want my life to change to focus on what I look like. I don't want to go out to dinner and bore people by counting points. I have known enough people - thin people even - whose main topic of conversation is how much they worked out, their new diet, how may pounds they have lost etc. It is so easy to have that become the focus of one's world and, frankly, that scares me more than a few (dozen) extra pounds.
True enough, but its also nice to set a goal and meet it through hard work.
Interestingly enough I got married and THEN decided to shed a few pounds.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
But being thinner (for me) is such a boring goal and has so little to do with what is important to me.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I agree. That's part of why I refused to do anything when I was a teenager - I didn't want my life goals to be dictated by other people's expectations.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Thanks, honey. I adore you, too. (How do you feel about my amazing capacity for rationalization?)
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Excellently put . . . but in my case, I don't want to die young like all the men in my family. :-\
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged |
I lost a bunch of weight once, and a woman told me to go talk to her daughter, and encourage her daughter to lose weight too. So I asked "Is she unhappy about her weight?" The woman said "Lord, no, she's happy as a lark, that's why she says she won't lose any." So I told her I had nothing to say to her daughter, if she was happy in her own skin who was I to tell her she needed to change?
Now, I think we should recognize there are times when people need to lose weight for health reasons and that should be supported and encouraged. But a person with no health problems whose only need to lose weight would be to fit some fashion ideal - I agree with you kmbboots, why bother if you're happy with yourself and healthy?
And yes, I do think it's possible for people to be overweight and healthy, not morbidly obese of course, but if you're 20 pounds or so over what some arbitrary chart says and you have no health problems at all then why is it such a concern?
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
You have such an awesome attitude, kmbboots, and I hope we get to hang out again.
I totally get what you're saying; I have an aversion to diet plans that require counting or big life changes. And I do think a lot of women look at weight loss as a way to get men, which to me is such a bad way to go about it.
posted
Yeah. That is part of my problem. I would really like not to be alone. Now, I have excellent and wonderful proof that there are worthy men who are not detered by extra weight. I also have a theory that the very best men fall into that category. I (except in some weak and sad moments) do think I am better off on my own than with someone who could only care for me "if".
But in those moments, I do wonder if that is asking too much.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by kmbboots: Yeah. That is part of my problem. I would really like not to be alone. Now, I have excellent and wonderful proof that there are worthy men who are not detered by extra weight. I also have a theory that the very best men fall into that category. I (except in some weak and sad moments) do think I am better off on my own than with someone who could only care for me "if".
But in those moments, I do wonder if that is asking too much.
I think...I think the reason I don't hate it as much now is that I like cute, too, and I've not dated guys before because I wasn't physically attracted to them.
I've tried the other way - making myself ignore it if I wasn't physically attracted. It didn't work. It turns out I'm actually quite shallow.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
| IP: Logged |
I think...I think the reason I don't hate it as much now is that I like cute, too, and I've not dated guys before because I wasn't physically attracted to them.
I've tried the other way - making myself ignore it if I wasn't physically attracted. I didn't work. They were too short. It turns out I'm actually quite shallow.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
I would never join any club that would have me as a member.
I would never date anyone in as sorry a shape as I am in.
I lead a lonely life.
very, very lonely.
(Actually I only hang around beautiful people, well people I consider beautiful. Then again, I don't look at people's bodies. I see the beauty that is inside. I have trouble describing people by their clothes or features, but no trouble describing what they are like. THis is the main reason I hang around Hatrack. For example, Wow-KMBoots is female. I didn't know that.)
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
The last time I "fell" it was before I had even seen his face clearly. And this was in person not online. I fell for, I don't know, his posture? His coat? His profile? I recall being surprised that his face wasn't quite what I expected. Now, even the thought of his face stops my heart a bit.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by katharina: I hate it, too.
I think...I think the reason I don't hate it as much now is that I like cute, too, and I've not dated guys before because I wasn't physically attracted to them.
I've tried the other way - making myself ignore it if I wasn't physically attracted. I didn't work. They were too short. It turns out I'm actually quite shallow.
Oh, no. I love being physically attracted to the person I'm with. I think that's spectacular. But I don't like the idea of having these pre-set rules, like not dating anyone who isn't a certain height, or has a certain color hair or eyes, and so forth. I tried dating someone to whom I wasn't physically attracted, and it was a disaster. But...I don't require that my men all be bodybuilders with perfect abs. I don't have any "rules" really on appearance.
posted
My boyfriend insists that his teeth are crooked. I, despite being very, very particular about teeth, still don't see the crookedness. I didn't even know he thought they were crooked until a few days ago.
Maybe one of us is hallucinating.
And ouch, from what I hear, gallbladder surgery is scary. My dad had his out when he was younger.
posted
I really need to get to work and lose the 40-something pounds I've gained in the last two years. I don't want to get diabetes like my father.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
How is not dating someone because of their weight any different than not dating someone based on other criteria such as: money, job, facial beauty, education, baldness, height, personal hygeine, etc? I've heard some of these used by Hatrackers before as things they look for when dating, or reasons why they won't date someone.
If someone doesn't want to date you for some reason, just think of it as their loss and move on (as you already have).
Posts: 1412 | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Dan_raven: Expecting, demanding, or requiring people to change to meet your needs is being insensitive.
Perhaps, but I honestly feel as if I should do my best to meet my wife's expectations to a certain degree. She expects, and rightfully so, that I shower daily, shave, brush my teeth, keep myself physically fit, etc.
I feel it's unfair and selfish to 'let yourself go' after being married for a while-it's one of my pet peeves when I see it. I'm talking about not doing your doing your hair and make-up, shaving your legs maybe monthly and staying in your bathrobe until 3 pm or getting a big beer belly, not shaving, and walking around in your underwear scratching yourself and burping.
I think it's just as insensitive to change and stop worrying about attracting your SO once you're in a relationship. To then hurl charges of 'you need to love me for who I am' is ridiculous.
Of course, my whole post just has to do with your comment. It has no bearing on kmbboot's post, since the situation completely different.
Posts: 1412 | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
But pH! Google says you need not do anything but drink Wulong tea! Is that so much a sacrifice? Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I don't know if that's in response to me kmbboots. However, illness, sickness, aging are not what I'm talking about. Hopefully you can see the difference between what you're talking about and what I've mentioned. I'm not aware of the phrase 'letting yourself go' ever being applied to illness or aging. If you have a problem with what I stated, then address that. Please don't infer meaning that I'm not implying.
Posts: 1412 | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:. . .shaving your legs maybe monthly and staying in your bathrobe until 3 pm. . .
I totally agree. I shave my legs about every four months, and 3 pm is way too early to get dressed on the weekends, at least.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Well, I do think that a lot of what you talked about - gaining weight, staying in your bathrobe etc. could happen with depression or illness or age. (Not doing hair or make-up could just mean having an actual life.)
My sister put on weight when she had her first child. She was unsuccessful at taking it off for a variety of reasons - some medical. Her husband stopped loving her.
I am thankful that she is now with a man whose love for her does not depend on how thin she is.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Only when absolutely necessary. But if you're going to go out, some nightclubs frown on PJs, so getting dressed sometime after dinner isn't always a bad thing.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
Regardless, I can't help but raise an eyebrow when someone complains about being judged on their weight and in the very next sentence judges someone for their height.
Posts: 2596 | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
BQT, I don't mean to put works in your mouth, but I do wonder about those kinds of expectations. And I mean wonder. How much of love is built on things that are transient and how much on things that are permanent. How much should we expect a partner to keep those transient things the same? How central to a person's identity are those things?
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Oh, no. I love being physically attracted to the person I'm with. I think that's spectacular. But I don't like the idea of having these pre-set rules, like not dating anyone who isn't a certain height,
posted
Kate you make me very happy. And this has been a very bad day (make that hour, it was good till I got home from class), so I'm glad.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
BQT while there is a definate difference between the kind of hygene you are describing, and the demand that your wife never gets sick, so too is there a difference between expecting your love to shower, and demanding that they get plastic surgery because you have a hankering for women with bigger bra sizes.
One of the best scenes from the most recent Harry Potter book is when
****SPOILER ALERT FOR HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE***********
The girl gets upset that anyone would consider ending her engagement to her mangled fiance. This is the proof for the boys mother that their love is real, not just infatuation.
(Names have been removed to protect the story, and because I am awful at remembering names)
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Dan_raven: BQT while there is a definate difference between the kind of hygene you are describing, and the demand that your wife never gets sick, so too is there a difference between expecting your love to shower, and demanding that they get plastic surgery because you have a hankering for women with bigger bra sizes.
One of the best scenes from the most recent Harry Potter book is when
****SPOILER ALERT FOR HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE***********
The girl gets upset that anyone would consider ending her engagement to her mangled fiance. This is the proof for the boys mother that their love is real, not just infatuation.
(Names have been removed to protect the story, and because I am awful at remembering names)
Funny all my female friends who read HP say that Rowling does not do a good job writing girls.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dan, I think that there is a difference, too, in worrying about why your husband has stopped showering and not loving him because or it.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I think I'll just eat chocolate in jammies tommorow, and not shave my legs and all that. I love only having classes monday through wednesday.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
My dad had his out when he was younger.![[Wink]](wink.gif)
