St. Peter was kicked back in his La-Z-Boy, much like any other day--though both the scowl and earplugs he was sporting were recent additions.
Lucifer's shrill voice pierced the otherwise calm air-
"I swear to Bob, Vishnu, when I get back in there, you're going to get one devil of a beating!"
Vishnu sighed, then grunted as another apple bounced off his skull.
"Where does he keep getting those?"
Athena shrugged.
"We can't keep doing this, Attie."
"Sure we can," she laughed.
"Changing the locks is NOT a long term solution. You know how fussy Peter is about his keys."
"Should we tell Mr. Forked Tongue the movie quote?"
Vishnu giggled. When the first of the recent string of murders in Heaven had begun, Athena had sent Ares and Mars—the most likely perpetrators--on a simple errand.
"I swear I've heard that before...perhaps in a Seinfeld episode?", Ares had said.
"'That's the beauty of it.', eh? Sounds more like Monty Python to me." Mars countered.
And just like that, the two were disposed of. They'd been down on Earth for three days furiously scouring internet forums when Neptune's body was found impaled on his Triton with his shoelaces tied together and the three of them--Vishnu, Athena, and L. Ron--realized that these crimes must be part of a group effort. They figured Lucifer HAD to be in on it.
"I think it's time for Plan B," said L. Ron, cracking his knuckles. He had been sharpening his interrogation skills for the better part of the last week.
"Are you even sure it'll work?," Athena said, as she raised an eyebrow.
"I've tested my methods on bunnies AND monkeys. They're sound."
Athena and Vishnu cringed as they noticed L. Ron's new fur coat and fuzzy slippers, but only nodded in agreement.
"I only have time for one a night, though, if my calculations are correct. Gods are very stubborn."
"Better than nothing," Vish said optimistically, "and Athena here has finally perfected her elixir."
"If by perfected you mean slaved over a hot stove all day for a single dose, then you're absolutely correct. I think we should stick with the quote until I can get more."
"There's no more time, Attie. They've been killing one a night for the last two nights, and they don't seem to be slowing. If we don't do something now, Balder might not be the last god to get mistletoe stuffed down his throat."
"It certainly made for a pretty corpse, though," Athena cooed.
"Would you be serious?"
"All right," she said, "let's get everyone together and see if we can't flush out these killers before anyone else gets hurt."
~*~*~*~
Lucifer kicked petulantly at a basket of apples on the floor beside his Great Satanic Throne (which was, incidentally, a –custom- La-Z-Boy with a build in massager and hidden fridge and thus –far- superior to St. Peter’s college dorm special), scowling when the ripe and all too tempting fruit spilled out and rolled across the floor.
Access denied. Yet again! It was so unfair – all because of a little misunderstanding. He looked down at his non serviam tee shirt and gave a little shrug. Bob needed to stop living in the past.
And what was this rumor connecting him to the recent heavenly murders? Lucifer sulked; he got blamed for everything! To be fair on any other day his accusers would have been right, but he had nothing to do with the recent mysterious deaths.
Although…
An idea was beginning to form. He’d need an insider, of course, but if he could see considerable profit for himself in exploiting the current chaos. With supposedly immortal beings dropping like flies, who would his brethren turn to for rescue save Lucifer, who would come in at the key moment with promises to restore Heaven to a Kingdom of Glory. They would never need to know that he was responsible for many of the deaths. Of course, in the process he would need to get rid of the –real- threat – eliminate the competition and all – but he imagined he was up to the challenge of wiping out the little evil newbies, being the Lord and Master of Evil.
Lucifer cackled his expected villainous laugh and rubbed his hands together gleefully.
~*~*~*~
"So* who tied his shoes together? Not that it wasn’t a nice touch, mind…"
The small group of immortals looked up as one to regard the now deceased God of the Sea, bent nearly double over his own trident and looking rather like a giant shrimp speared by a delicate little fork. The pink floor length toga only added to the image. One in the party raised their hand with a smirk, not looking the least bit remorseful.
"Well, good work I guess. Nice move, thinking to use his own trident to do him in, though I wish you’d gone with a surer method." The Godfather, as they insisted on being called because ‘it would be cool’, fell quiet, thinking for a moment, before speaking again in a hushed voice.
"I think some of –them- are on to us. We’re going to have to be extra careful from now on, and make every effort to blend in."
"Do you think The Plan has been discovered?"
"Let’s hope not," The Godfather said in a clipped tone. "We should break it up for now – I’ll send out orders for the next kill soon."
posted
Rules are up for all you Mafia newbies. It's way more fun than it is complicated, so get ye there!
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Ten people in...when we get five more, we'll set a date.
We'll set an upper limit of oh, 100 people.
Seriously, n00bs, this is ancient Hatrack tradition. And you wussy oldbies need to come play sos I can write death scenes full of in jokes.
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
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