posted
Do you seriously argue, Pix, that down has to be the default position for the toilet, as some kind of a universal maxim, whenever a bathroom is shared by both sexes?
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Noemon: Men are the only ones who need to change the position of the seat. They need to put it back down when they're done.
Honestly though, I need to bail from this thread as it is making me mad at my hubby and he's not even here.
Posts: 7085 | Registered: Apr 2001
| IP: Logged |
Do you guys make lists of things to be done? I mean like, if he's going to be responsible for the groceries, should we make a list and put it by the door of what we need? How do we decide when laundry is done?
Right now, although we don't live together, he does laundry for my linens and towels at his parents' house because the machines in my building suck and take 2 cycles just to dry a medium load of regular clothes. So that turns into...what? Wash/dry/fold for sheets and towels?
quote:Originally posted by pH: Okay so...here's a question:
Do you guys make lists of things to be done? I mean like, if he's going to be responsible for the groceries, should we make a list and put it by the door of what we need? How do we decide when laundry is done?
If you trust his judgement on what to buy, let him go and do it. If you would like to have input, request that he ask you before he leaves. Keep a list; add to it as necessary.
I would, however, suggest avoiding a posted task/chore list unless it becomes necessary.
Posts: 4313 | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Men are the only ones who need to change the position of the seat. They need to put it back down when they're done.
And there's your problem. We don't need to do a goldarn thing, especially when apparently what all men everywhere need to do seems to be dictated merely by what you want them to. There is nothing about being a woman that elevates you to a position where you get to make dictatorial commands and not get laughed at.
Posts: 10177 | Registered: Apr 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
I pee a lot. I've been told (by the significant other) that I have the bladder of an 8-months pregnant woman. So in our household, the seat is down, because we both know I'll be needing to sit on it before he feels nature calling againg. Maybe twice, even. Granted, I do chug at least 30 ounces of tea/coffee every hour I'm home...
I think this is the fairest way to do. At any given time, what is the probability that the seat is needed in the downward phase?
Posts: 2409 | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
pH, your boyfriend works 80+ hours a week, does the cooking, does the laundry and gets the groceries. Does he ever actually have time to pee?
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Squick: Men expect certain things in a relationship. Women expect certain things in a relationship. This is one of the things we expect, so deal with it.
It's not a dictitorial thing. It's Important to us. Almost falling into the toilet because one's husband can't be bothered to return the seat to it's original position is startling and gross.
If you CARE about the woman you live with, if she's more than just the maid and an inflate-a-date to you, you will put the seat down.
Forgetting every now and then is ok. People forget. But at least try to remember to put it down. And don't go all cocky and arrogant like many of the men in this thread who's appearance of masculinity seems to be more important to them than the woman they say they love.
(I should know I couldn't stay out of a thread that gets my blood boiling.)
posted
Pixiest, I really don't agree with you. I don't think this issue is the defining test of manhood or compassion.
I imagine that living with someone is all about picking your battles. This is not a battle I would pick, and you don't speak for all womenkind when you claim it is the Minas Tirath of relationships.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Wow pH, you really started a poopie storm. Good luck in your new life. I hope it goes better than this thread!
Posts: 1766 | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
quote:Almost falling into the toilet because one's husband can't be bothered to return the seat to it's original position is startling and gross.
That is gross. It happened to me once when I was about eight years old. Ever since then, I've made sure that I never sit down on a toilet without making sure that the seat is down.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
I have three brothers. I am not unfamiliar with the situation. I also look before I sit down.
It still isn't a battle I would pick. Things like, oh jeez I don't know, never being late to pick me up are more important to me. This may be the deal-breaker for you, but it isn't for all women.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
| IP: Logged |
quote:Men expect certain things in a relationship. Women expect certain things in a relationship. This is one of the things we expect, so deal with it.
You keep using general terms when what I think you're talking about is yourself. You expect certain things in your relationships and this is one of them. I am not and never will be in a relationship with someone who thinks like you. I disagree very strongly with the way you seem to view male-female interactions and thank all the gods that your whims don't dictate the reality of my interactions.
You don't get to define reality for everyone else. Deal with it.
Posts: 10177 | Registered: Apr 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
I am trying to think of other deal-breakers for me, since the toilet thing is not one of them.
One is being gentle. I absolutely cannot be yelled at, at all. So, not raising one's voice and not being harsh is a deal-breaker for me. Since I also like very self-assured, confident, testosteroney guys, this is a rare and precious combo.
The ability to sincerely apologize without feeling like they are being emasculated is also important. Trying to see my side. Never ever leaving me alone if I'm crying - he doesn't have to fix it right then, but never walking away when I'm upset. Treating me with respect. These are all things which are vitally important to me.
The toilet, however, isn't.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Kat: Have you found a man like that? Those seem impossibly high standards.
(edit: I posted this before Kat edited and admitted it was a tough combo)
I'd also like to add that the toilet seat isn't a Deal Breaker or I would be divorced. It's important to me, but no guy I've ever dated has cared and this thread shows the futility of trying to explain it to them. Guys just don't give a rats buttocks. (I've tried explaining it in many ways from the gentle to the "dictitorial" as squick described it.)
The only Deal Breakers for me are violence and infidelity.
Posts: 7085 | Registered: Apr 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Yes, Matt is like that. Not that he's perfect, and I have no idea what the toilet situation is since we don't share one, but he's both very macho and intellectually adventurous and also very considerate and gentle. He is without a doubt a nicer person than I am.
I have to admit he is sometimes late, though. And there's that whole indefinitely postponing the wedding thing which wasn't so fun. For some reason, that wasn't a dealbreaker for me since I understand his reasons and they weren't about me, and he fits me in the things that are dealbreakers.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
| IP: Logged |
quote:The only Deal Breakers for me are violence and infidelity.
I also have a dealbreaker which I'm slightly afraid makes me shallow, but if I'm honest I admit it's there. He just has to be smart. Not just smart in the I-got-a-32-on-the-ACT smart, but articulate and interesting smart. He also has to be taller than me, so I feel pretty. I know they probably shouldn't be dealbreakers, but if those things aren't there, I just don't want to be either.
posted
Kat: I lived with a guy for 3 years who was only 1 inch taller than me, made significantly less money than me and was significantly less intellegent than me.
But he was cute and funny and I loved him.
He dumped me because he thought he could do better. ><
quote:this thread shows the futility of trying to explain it to them. Guys just don't give a rats buttocks. (I've tried explaining it in many ways from the gentle to the "dictitorial" as squick described it.)
May I suggest that those aren't the only options? You can explain it just fine, we can understand it, we can care, and still not agree with you.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
| IP: Logged |
I don't know - I knew a guy in Dallas who was brilliant, articulate, nice, wealthy and liked me, but he was two inches shorter and I just couldn't do it. I have actively tried to have a different standard, and it simply doesn't work for me. I do things like make plans and then stop sleeping and cry all the time. By experience, I just can't compromise.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Noemon: Do you seriously argue, Pix, that down has to be the default position for the toilet, as some kind of a universal maxim, whenever a bathroom is shared by both sexes?
I'm not Pix, and I wouldn't take it as axiomatic. Having said that, though, as a 25-year-old male who lives alone and has never shared accomodations with a member of the opposite sex since moving out of my parents' house, the toilet seat and lid are both down when I enter the bathroom and when I leave the bathroom. I lower the lid (and seat, if I raised it to pee standing up) before flushing. I also generally wipe the rim of the toilet if I've splashed significantly while peeing standing up.
So yeah, I do think of "down" as the default position of both the seat and the lid, but I recognize that other people do it differently.
Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
5'8" is a lil taller than average. I'm 5'6.5" myself and sometimes I feel like I'm towering over more petite women (and, of course, it makes me feel out of place and unattractive)
I wanted to stop growing when I was 5'3" (and 98 lbs)
Posts: 7085 | Registered: Apr 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
My older brother is 5'6", and I really think that was a big part of the conflict between us. He tried to make up for it by ordering me around and teasing me, and that made me cry and hate him for it.
A guy I dated in my early twenties was 5'8", and he had a real problem with not respecting me. He would say things like the only reason I got a scholarship was because I was a girl or else that the things I wanted to do were innapropriate for me. Since I like macho but don't like insecure, I simply can't date shorter guys.
I like being tall, although I, along with 95% of American women, do wish I were slimmer.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
| IP: Logged |
quote: A guy I dated in my early twenties was 5'8", and he had a real problem with not respecting me. He would say things like the only reason I got a scholarship was because I was a girl or else that the things I wanted to do were innapropriate for me.
YEEECH! I think I'd like to amend my "deal breaker" list.
Posts: 7085 | Registered: Apr 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote:A guy I dated in my early twenties was 5'8", and he had a real problem with not respecting me. He would say things like the only reason I got a scholarship was because I was a girl or else that the things I wanted to do were innapropriate for me. Since I like macho but don't like insecure, I simply can't date shorter guys.
So, this guy was a jerk. And he was shorter than you (or, rather, he was not taller than you). Are you sure he was a jerk because of the height thing? Because if not, that seems like a harsh judgement on short(er) guys.
I personally like taller women, but it seems like there's a large gap between 5'3-4" and 5'11"+. I can't remember the last time I dated a girl who was a good, solid 5'7" or 5'8" (which, if I was was allowed to create a perfect woman from scratch, would be how tall she'd be).
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'm 6'5, and am married to a 5'5" woman. Love may conquer all boundaries, but its definitely not good for my back.
Posts: 3134 | Registered: Mar 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Every so often, when I use the toilet, I need the seat down. One time I fell into the toilet, because I was sleepy, and it was up. Since then, I've learned to check, and if it's up, I put it down.
If I can do it, I certainly expect any woman I'm going to live with to have the mental ability to do it.
Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
In my experience, tall women don't like tall men. They like men who are of a similar height or a little shorter.
It's really short girls who like the freakishly tall guys. I had a much easier time attracting girls in the 5'-5'9" range than girls taller than that, and I had/have a thing for tall women.
[edit to add: I'm 6'4"]
Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
MC: But hey, You're "The Man". Damned if you're putting the seat down. You're not gonna be whipped.
Posts: 7085 | Registered: Apr 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Noemon: Do you seriously argue, Pix, that down has to be the default position for the toilet, as some kind of a universal maxim, whenever a bathroom is shared by both sexes?
I'm not Pix, and I wouldn't take it as axiomatic. Having said that, though, as a 25-year-old male who lives alone and has never shared accomodations with a member of the opposite sex since moving out of my parents' house, the toilet seat and lid are both down when I enter the bathroom and when I leave the bathroom. I lower the lid (and seat, if I raised it to pee standing up) before flushing. I also generally wipe the rim of the toilet if I've splashed significantly while peeing standing up.
So yeah, I do think of "down" as the default position of both the seat and the lid, but I recognize that other people do it differently.
Down is the default position for me too; I just prefer the aesthetic of it. In the past I've tended to keep both lids down, but lately it's only the seat that I've been making a point of lowering. (I also find it mind boggling that someone would dribble on the rim, or miss the bowl entirely, and not clean it up, just for the record). I find it mildly irritating when people visit my house and don't conform to my practice. That said, I find the idea that there is some platonic ideal for toilet seat arrangement fairly laughable.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
The idea that being tall makes you two feel unattractive is baffling to me. The taller I feel, the more attractive I feel. I am just a snidge under 5'6", so I am taller than average for American women, but not "tall." The main reason I wear heels and platforms is to increase my height and lengthen my stride. Those things make me feel more attractive than I do normally. And I know tons of guys who's ideal woman is 6'. . . including guys who are shorter than that.
---
pix, I also disagree with your statements about what women expect in a relationship, and that the seat being down is one of them. You are not speaking for all women.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Be courtious to the person you're pretending to love
Wow that is mean and unwarrented. If you think that a woman should be able to look where she's putting her bare butt, you must not really love her? I will echo MrSquicky that I thank the gods that your whims don't dictate reality.
It's not about being "The Man" or showing how not whipped you are. All it is, to me, is a simple qualm with a social norm. Nobodies trying to change the rules here, just expressing why they've thought the rules are funny, and maybe a bit odd. (<-- while this sounds like I'm speaking for everyone, I'm gonna go ahead and claim that I'm not)
Posts: 2596 | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by zgator: pH, your boyfriend works 80+ hours a week, does the cooking, does the laundry and gets the groceries. Does he ever actually have time to pee?
He doesn't do the laundry. He does the laundry for linens and towels. I do the regular laundry.
Oh, and as I'm sure most of you know, I'm 6', you puny humans. I like to wear 4" stilettos and crush all in my path.
quote:Originally posted by ElJay: The idea that being tall makes you two feel unattractive is baffling to me.
A lot of men really don't like it if you're taller than them. Also, sometimes you feel like the Incredible Hulk. I kind of like it though because as difficult as it is to find clothes, the ones that I do find look awesome on me. And I have legs up to here, whatever that means.
posted
See, the only way puny 6' guys like me can compete with that is to wear rollerblades all the time, which leads to tons of broken bones. Do you realize what you are doing to the people you pretend to love with your 4" stilettos, pH? Won't somebody please think about the bones, the poor broken bones?
Posts: 10177 | Registered: Apr 2001
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
