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Assuming you have found a doctor (or midwife) you are happy with, discussing various options with them can help you clarify things in your own mind far more than discussing it with laypeople, IME. (Not that discussing things with friends and helpful online strangers ( ) isn't useful as well. It certainly can be!)
When the doctor asks, "Do you have any questions?"
"I'm thinking about X, how might that work?" is a good way to start. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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My sister in law worries everyone with her determination to do it naturally. When she was born, she was ten pounds and breach and her mom did it all naturally. While obviously for her mom, it all worked out, we are concerned that she is so obsessed with doing it naturally (just like her mom), that she won't listen to reason. My brother very much wants her to get an epidural (he is working on becoming a paramedic and in the classes going over childbirth, he decided no woman should go through that without drugs). My dr said that probability of c-section with epidural depends a lot on how you respond to pain. Some woman have trouble pushing, so forceps, vacuum or c-section may be neccessary.
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I have a problem with a husband pushing his wife to get an epidural. (If he is actually pushing her to be open to the possibility, that's another thing.) There certainly are benefits to an unmedicated birth, when that is possible and what the mom wants. And seriously, she's the one dealing with the birth experience. Suggestions from him seem like a good idea; pushing his opinions on her for anything short of something that is potentially dangerous does NOT.
Given that I am unaware of any tendency to breech births being genetic, why are y'all so convinced she can't have a natural birth? Is she high-risk in some way?
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Out of curiosity, scholar, how does how you respond to pain affect whether you'll have a c-section with epidural? I have a very high pain tolerance, but I hate cramps with a passion...
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I agree with rivka. Until and unless there's a medical reason otherwise there's no reason to push a woman to get an epidural if she doesn't want one. There's also no reason for your sister-in-law's choice to "worry" anyone. Women have had unmedicated births for thousands of years, and now we have the advantage of medical intervention to step in when necessary which makes the process safer for mom & baby.
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We were concerned because she is unwilling to do a C-section even in a case where there is a risk to her life or her baby. She is so determined to have the baby naturally, she won't consider anything else. When we asked if she would do a c-section if it was necessary, she replied, my mom did it naturally in really bad circumstances so I can too. Whatever's wrong, we'll tough it out. She said she would never sign permission for a dr to do a c-section. And that attitude is what scares all of us. Where lack of epidural could lead to c-section is if you are just too tired to push. I am not sure how often that happens, but it is something my dr brought up on the pro epidural list. Though depending on circumstances, vacuum or forceps might work.
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While I do understand better now why you are concerned, I am wondering why this conversation is between anyone other than the mother, her spouse, and her doctor. If the father is concerned that his wife's attitude may be unrealistic, he should be discussing that with her doctor. NOT with other family members.
(Fortunately, a C-section is unlikely to be necessary. Making this family argument doubly dumb.)
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Scholar, don't worry about it. My wife -- who's all of 95 lbs. and 5'2" tall -- has given birth to two 9lb. children without drugs or surgery.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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The conversation with my sister in law became a big family discussion because I induced and had an epidural and she thinks what I did was wrong and so it had kind of exploded from there. The problem for me in doing an elective induction is that I told my family when we scheduled it (my mom wanted to fly in to help after the baby was born so once my dr and I decided on that, I told her and then she told everyone else). So, I then got to hear from everyone about their views on my choice (except my mom who just wanted to see her grandbaby). And the I talked to my dr and this is what's best for me response did very little to shut them up. That just led to the evil dr rant.
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Oh, dear. I really hate when everyone in a family figures they get to have their 2 cents about someone else's choices -- especially when it's something as individual and personal as which birth interventions are appropriate for that particular person and situation.
Just as you don't get to tell your SIL what she should do, she shouldn't be telling you either. yeesh!
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I just found out I'm pregnant with #2 so i figure I should weigh in here!
I don't have morning sickness with this one yet (we're only 5 weeks along). With my son I had horrible migraines for a month that left me pretty well incapacitated. I hope that doesn't happen this time as I now have a toddler to care for.
Nothing worked to settle my head or mys stomach. There was a time when I couldn't even drink water. I tried it all and the only thing that helped was time. The second trimester is usually much easier and it was for me.
As for birthing choices -- hey, to each her own! Do some research, ask some questions, get moms to talk candidly about their birthing experiences. Then do what you want and you feel is right.
With my son I got an epi. I *loved* it and will do the same again. No high risk. No complications. Just a nice, easy 8-hour labor, seven hours of which I spent playing cards with my husband. During the last hour the contractions got too intense for the epi and we had to stop. (I'm sure I was winning anyway.) I felt the urge to push, pushed for half an hour, and felt the baby coming out. Afterward, it took about 2 hours for me to be able to walk again but by that time I'd already nursed twice. Later that evening I was walking around just fine. The next day, people kept trying to get me to sit or lie down but I couldn't figure out why.
That's just one person's experience. There are as many as there are women, I'm sure. I totally respect whatever choice a woman makes. (Well, ok, there are some dangerous decisions women can make such as refusing to get prenatal care. I don't think that's a good idea.) Going completely drug free was something I seriously considered, but for me it was just that much more enjoyable an experience for not being in agony. I look back on the birth of my son very fondly...it's a day I'll never forget.
Posts: 2392 | Registered: Sep 2005
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quote:We were concerned because she is unwilling to do a C-section even in a case where there is a risk to her life or her baby. She is so determined to have the baby naturally, she won't consider anything else.
This attitude is just incomprehensible to me. Frankly, if I was her husband, I would speak with an attorney about his options for protecting his child from unnecessary trauma or death during the birth. I'm sure they're quite limited, but maybe he has some recourse. Have y'all discussed the possible effects of a traumatic birth on the baby? It's one of the leading causes of Cerebral Palsy, for example.
While it's certainly true that this woman's mother was okay and that women have given birth naturally for thousands of years, it's also true that many, many women and children died in childbirth before medical intervention was available.
I have a very unpopular attitude about childbirth - I believe the baby's life is more important than the mother's life. I understand why most people disagree and respect their viewpoint, but I just don't share it. When I was first hospitalized with preterm labor, I had to make an advanced directive stating that every measure should be taken to save Aerin, even at the cost of my own health or life. The only reason I went off the Magnesium Sulfate (after a record-setting 7 days) was that one more day would have killed me and a baby can't survive the mother's death. I don't talk about it much, but I almost didn't survive Aerin's birth. I knew the risks of a C-Section to me in my state (1 month of hospital bedrest, 2 major cases of GBS, broad-spectrum antibiotics, anti-contraction meds that really mess up someone with naturally low blood pressure, 7 days of major bleeding), but I never considered not having one because I knew it was Aerin's best chance. Of course I didn't want to die, but I wanted Aerin to live more. I don't think that women who would make different choices are bad mothers or bad people, but I can't imagine feeling differently.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Mrs.M: Frankly, if I was her husband, I would speak with an attorney about his options for protecting his child from unnecessary trauma or death during the birth. I'm sure they're quite limited, but maybe he has some recourse. Have y'all discussed the possible effects of a traumatic birth on the baby?
Mrs. M, I thing your own very high risk pregnancy has colored your thinking a bit here. There's absolutely no reason for a husband to be considering legal action against his wife for not wanting an intervention that there's no indication she will need. And scholar and her relatives shouldn't be discussing possible effects at all -- as rivka pointed out, the descision is between the woman, her husband, and their doctor(s).
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Mrs.M: Frankly, if I was her husband, I would speak with an attorney about his options for protecting his child from unnecessary trauma or death during the birth. I'm sure they're quite limited, but maybe he has some recourse. Have y'all discussed the possible effects of a traumatic birth on the baby?
Mrs. M, I thing your own very high risk pregnancy has colored your thinking a bit here. There's absolutely no reason for a husband to be considering legal action against his wife for not wanting an intervention that there's no indication she will need. And scholar and her relatives shouldn't be discussing possible effects at all -- as rivka pointed out, the descision is between the woman, her husband, and their doctor(s).
This may be an unpopular view but here it is:
WHY shouldn't a family be able to talk candidly about the things that effect one another? Why can't we talk about things anymore? When everything is so personal, we are isolated and misinformed. If I felt a member of my family was in danger because of a decision he or she was making, then out of love I would do everything in my power to convince them not to make the decision. I hope they would do the same for me, even if it annoyed me. At least I would feel someone was watching out for my back and my best interests. If family can't do that kind of thing for one another, then we are no longer a part of a society, but utterly alone. Humans weren't meant to be alone.
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No, but neither were they meant to have no boundaries. IMO, attacking family members because they have made different choices regarding birth interventions indicates a serious lack of appropriate boundaries.
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Those lines can get fuzzy sometimes, for sure. I would just hate to think I'd have to sit idly by and watch someone I loved make a bad decision because social protocol said they had to make it on their own and it wasn't my business. There can also be a fine line between "attack" "criticize" and "advise" and often the word choice is a matter of perspective.
Posts: 2392 | Registered: Sep 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Christine: I would just hate to think I'd have to sit idly by and watch someone I loved make a bad decision because social protocol said they had to make it on their own and it wasn't my business.
I'm not advising that. I'm suggesting that you need not be informed of the decision to begin with.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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There is a difference between attacking and being worried and talking about things. Of course, in this case, it became a big family discussion because she keeps bringing it up in reference to how wrong I was in my choices. As far as I am aware, every conversation on it has been started by her (she also thinks my sister's husband should not allow her to have an epidural if she ever has a baby and has said so frequently). Somehow, knowing my family, people minding their own business is never going to happen. The comment that totally floored me from relatives recently was when someone asked my mother in law if her other married son will be having a child soon. She promptly replied that her other daughter in law would never do something so stupid as to get pregnant until she finished grad school and had her phd. Which since I just had a baby and still have atleast a year and a half of grad school, left, I had to say that that was not that stupid a decision. Her reply- humanities are different than sciences, but maybe it wouldn't be a totally mistake. She would need to do some more research into it to decide if this would be an acceptable time for them to have a child. And I was like, well, I think the proper thing would be to let them decide and trust that they will do any research they need to do. She looked at me like I was completely insane.
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There's no "proper time" in a professional sense to have a baby in fields that require grad school. There are advantages and disadvantages to each time frame balance out. So you just have them when it is right for you as a family. They're your eggs, lay them when you want.
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I have always known that I was fortunate in my choice of parents. While they offer advice (and when I was younger, or when a choice directly affects them, even more than just advice), they are really big believers in letting us make our own choices and live with the consequences.
Every so often I get a sharp reminder of the fact that not everyone's parents are like that.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:I have always known that I was fortunate in my choice of parents. [Wink] While they offer advice (and when I was younger, or when a choice directly affects them, even more than just advice), they are really big believers in letting us make our own choices and live with the consequences.
Every so often I get a sharp reminder of the fact that not everyone's parents are like that.
Indeed! I have always considered myself lucky that neither my parents (nor my husband's parents) have ever said anything about our waiting to have kids (and I know, at least in the case of my parents, they've defended us from other family members who were apt to pry). Yet another reason to be thankful for the family I have. Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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To survive pregnancy, I have learned that having bad morning sickness, getting a stomach virus and getting dehydrated are not a good combination. At my checkup on Monday we got to hear Little Ninja's heartbeat , and also that I'd lost 20 lbs since my last checkup. Half of that I probably got back later that night in the ER after they pumped me full of 4 liters of fluids and some meds.
I'm finally eating and drinking again and thanks to lovely medicine I'm not nauseated or dying from acid reflux anymore. Yay!
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) isn't useful as well. It certainly can be!)![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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That is definitely unfortunate. Chalk one up for SoCal, I guess.
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, and also that I'd lost 20 lbs since my last checkup. Half of that I probably got back later that night in the ER after they pumped me full of 4 liters of fluids and some meds. ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
