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Yeah, I don't get the sports fan thing either.
I get that some people do.
I guess that what I'm trying to say is that, while it is interesting and unusual, I don't see it as more "good" than other things done well.
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quote:I don't see it as more "good" than other things done well.
Because "done well" in this instance means that you're making other people happy, intelligent, kind, and healthy.
So-- definitely a Good Thing To Be Admired, IMO.
EDIT: and a better thing, in fact, than being able to do backflips. Better even than making lots of money.
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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I agree with dkw and Belle, for the most part. Expecting to schedule a newborn to any significant extent is an exercise in futility and frustration. (And I think half the stories people tell about when their kids slept through the night, and said their first words, or learned toileting skills, are a combination of misremembered information and wishful revisionist history. Myself included!)
While there certainly are ways to gently wake a newborn (Scott listed some of them), I am unconvinced that spending the time to do so actually gains the parent any energy. Good grief, every time the baby falls asleep, you wake her up? How exhausting! How about catching a nap yourself instead? Or grabbing that lunch you were going to eat three hours ago? Or that shower you never had a chance for this morning?
The only times I would suggest deliberately waking a baby less than 2 months old is when she is not eating enough (an issue I had with my oldest too), or if she has already been asleep for several hours in the middle of the day. I am not at all convinced that waking a newborn all day long would even work at helping them sleep at night. Seems to be it would be at least as likely to teach them to only sleep in tiny snatches.
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edit: This is what I get for not completely reading through a thread before posting. Everything I mentioned is already being discussed. Nothing to see here.
Posts: 1572 | Registered: Jan 2004
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quote:I guess that what I'm trying to say is that, while it is interesting and unusual, I don't see it as more "good" than other things done well.
I don't think that either the presence of a show or people's interest in the family indicates that the makers or watchers of the show "see it as more 'good' than other things done well," either.
This excludes those who support or advocate the quiverfull movement, of course. Such people clearly are saying it is more good than some other things. But I doubt agreeing with the quiverfull philosophy motivates more than a small fraction of their fans.
The things I do well are unlikely to be the subject of fandom. I don't think they're less valuable. But I do understand their less inherently interesting to outsiders.
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Re: sleeping through the night: unless they are much older (over a year, maybe? Perhaps 9 months? I don't know) and not sleeping through the night yet, I don't think rearranging their schedule is a good idea.
Emma slept through the night consistently at about 3 months. Bridget had very strong day/night instincts from birth and slept through the night around six weeks. We were shocked and thrilled, but we don't expect that to happen with any of our other children (although it would be great if it did); each kid is different!
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Re: fandom: I am a fan of almost everyone I know who is good at raising their kids. Including rivka, Jim-Me, and Boon, to name a very few. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen: We were shocked and thrilled, but we don't expect that to happen with any of our other children (although it would be great if it did); each kid is different!
Yeah, it was #3 who I had the most trouble getting to sleep through the night. Despite the fact that her birthweight was considerably higher than that of either older sibling.
And thanks, kq. I haven't been feeling like a particularly good parent recently, so I appreciate the vote of confidence. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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To give a micropreemie perspective - you have to have a schedule from the day you take them home. You usually just stick to the NICU schedule and/or modify it to fit your family needs. You MUST feed them a certain number of times per day, a certain number of hours apart, and you also have to factor in whatever medications they're taking. It's also critically important that they get good sleep, which can be hard to manage with the feedings and meds and the apnea alarm going off (I imagine it's even more difficult if the baby is on oxygen or has a feeding tube).
We did have to "train" Aerin to sleep in her bassinet. It did not involve letting her cry - we would just put her in it at every chance and take her out when she cried. Eventually she got used to it. Otherwise, I had to hold her almost 24 hours a day (at that point, she hated slings and carriers). We also made the decision to go about our business during the day without making an effort to be especially quiet. That has turned out extremely well as Aerin will now sleep through ANYTHING, including Richmond thunderstorms.
Because of our schedule, Aerin slept through the night at 2 months adjusted. Schedules aren't evil and it makes me uncomfortable to hear them vilified (I'm not saying that anyone here is doing that - I've just heard it elsewhere a lot).
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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I'm not baby-ready yet (about to marry, and then we want to wait about three years in... we'll see how that works out...), but I like reading about parenting because it's going to be the most important part of our lives. I find it really comforting when ya'll talk about babies sleeping through the night at 3 months or so. I like my sleep, and one of the (many) scary parts about having a baby is the idea that I'll always be painfully sleep deprived...
how did things turn out for ya'll that kept working? This is something I'm still trying to figure out (because we're trying to plan for a mortgage and how much we'd be able to afford), and I'm afraid handling a full-time career at the same time as being up all night with a baby would be completely beyond me. Does anyone have any insights?
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My insight is that I recommend as strenuously as possible that a parent stay home with the child(ren) if at all conceivably possible, at least until they enter school.
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quote:Originally posted by guinevererobin: I find it really comforting when ya'll talk about babies sleeping through the night at 3 months or so.
Don't count on it, though. Not all babies do, and having that as an expectation is asking for trouble. Also, "sleeping through the night" = 5-6 hour stretches, NOT the 8 or more hours you may be used to.
quote:Originally posted by guinevererobin: I like my sleep, and one of the (many) scary parts about having a baby is the idea that I'll always be painfully sleep deprived...
Never mind "baby." Having kids means you will never again (well, at least for a dozen years or more) get as much sleep as you used to.
quote:Originally posted by Icarus: My insight is that I recommend as strenuously as possible that a parent stay home with the child(ren) if at all conceivably possible, at least until they enter school.
While I agree, I do not believe that knowing this is not possible (or realizing it after the fact) is necessarily a reason not to have kids. Having one parent work part-time, or staggered work schedules, or having relatives who are able to help with childcare are all good alternatives, IMO.
And if child care is a necessity, there are ways to work with that, too.
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Realize that outside child care is likely to take a big chunk of your money, though, so look in to the other alternatives rivka suggested first.
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I have raised six children and I never felt "painfully sleep deprived". There were certainly nights that I didn't get the sleep I needed, more that I didn't get as much as I wanted, but I never went for any appreciable length of time with inadequate sleep.
I've known people who *swore* their kids never slept. I remember one couple I knew back in the late 80's who were always complaining how their kids (they had 3 under 6 IIRC) didn't let them sleep... they talked about all the late night infomercials they watched (I didn't even know there was such a thing until they told me).
I never quite grokked them. Not that I thought they were lying, but I couldn't comprehend letting a 2 or 4 year old stay up all night. By the time my children were 6-8 months old (no longer needing night time feedings... it's been a while, it may have been a bit later), unless they were sick, they went to bed and stayed there until morning. It was never an issue.
Honestly, if I'd ever been "painfully sleep deprived" I never would have had 2 children, let alone the 6 I have. I desire sleep myself far too much for that.
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mb, ability to sleep well is partly genetic. You may just have won the genetic lottery while the people you know were less lucky.
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I'm sure there may be some truth to that, rivka. I know I got "lucky" with my children in other ways, and I don't try to claim I am the reason they're as remarkable as they are.
I just wanted to point out that having children doesn't have to equal never getting enough sleep for years on end.
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Emma and I both have sleep problems that have been present from infancy-- as did my dad, his mom, her mom, her dad...
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For work, a huge amount depends on your job. My husband and I have been having just a wonderful time working out our schedules around baby. Sometimes I work until 2am, sometimes I am supposed to leave for work by 8am (and sometimes I don't make it on time). But I work in a research lab with a boss that is basically retired but has tenure so doesn't actually retire. So, I can come and go as I please. I also bring the baby in one of two times a week. In a few weeks, my friend's husband returns and then free babysitting!!! The greatest most wonderful thing in the universe.
Posts: 1001 | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:Originally posted by maui babe: I just wanted to point out that having children doesn't have to equal never getting enough sleep for years on end.
Agreed. Moreover, I freely admit that many of my sleep issues are a combinations of bad habits and poor scheduling (of myself, not my kids).
However, Murphy's Law applies. To she whom sleep is most precious will likely be born the Baby Who Never Sleeps. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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My first child actually slept through the night from the very start... my mother-in-law and I were up all night checking on her. We moved from Florida to Idaho when she was not quite 3 months old and that messed up her schedule enough that she started waking up once a night.
I never got so lucky again. Of course, it WOULD be the first child, not the 6th, right?
The thing was, when she was sleeping through the night, she didn't nap during the day, so it was a challenge to get much done during the day (including having to wait for Daddy to come home before I could shower)... it was worth it though, to sleep through the night.
Interestingly, when she was in high school, that child became a major night owl, staying up much later than the rest of the family. She kept quiet, didn't disturb the rest of us, and she never gave me grief about getting up in the morning, so I let her keep her own hours. But not until she was 14-15 or so. She made up the sleep on weekends... at least that's what she claimed. I often wished I could "bank" sleep that way. Wouldn't that be nice?
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I do, too. I can go three to four days without sleep as long as I can sleep for about two days straight thereafter.
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I can no longer pull all all-nighter without serious issues the next day. (Although I used to be able to do it all the time, and once in grad school I went like four days without sleep.)
But I can go pretty much indefinitely on two hours a night.
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quote:I like reading about parenting because it's going to be the most important part of our lives.
I highly recommend that you make your relationship to your spouse the most important part of your lives, and parenting a close second.
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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quote:Originally posted by ClaudiaTherese: Synthesia, I mean this gently, delicately, and as a friend: being obsessed with Ezzo and Pearl is not going to make anyone -- least of all people who would review you as a candidate for adoptive parent -- feel better about having you in charge of kids. It comes across as an unhealthy obsession, and that raises red flags.
I know you don't focus on this deliberately in order to seem more noble or better suited to parenting than other people. I know it honestly concerns you. But currently any conversation that is had about children, child-rearing, or thinking about having children calls forth from you a rant about evil parenting disciplines.
Sweetheart, nobody can carry on a conversation about children with you anymore. You are speaking to points that aren't even made and not paying any attention to what is actually being said, speaking completely apropos of nothing at times. If you have this mindset when being interviewed as a potential adoptive parent, or even just for babysitting, people will think you are obsessed and not quite stable. You don't want that!
If this topic is so overwhelming and mind-consuming that you can't carry on a regular conversation, then (I think) it touches on some serious personal issues which you need to deal with separately. (*warm hug) It might be too much for you to work through on you own, and I can see that it may be impeding your friendships right now, too. Better to deal with it now than later.
---
Edited to add: This is my opinion, and mine alone. Please take it with the due grain of salt.
You make good points, I should avoid reading these people because they are oleander honey but THEY MAKE ME SO MAD I can't help it. I don't know why their point of view has to exist and why it's becoming so mainstream and tainting good things like Christianity and parenthood, but perhaps I should not read about it so much as it's one of the Things that Stress me Out, but it makes me so angry. Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Icarus: I've never tried to go that long; when the weekend comes I sleep.
I never "try" to do it; it just happens. The last time was when I was having contractions every 10-20 minutes while I was pregnant with Emma. I literally did not sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time for 2 weeks. They finally induced me. I was so glad.
When the contractions started with Bridget, I told my doctor and he induced me early. I love my new doctor.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Synesthesia: You make good points, I should avoid reading these people because they are oleander honey but THEY MAKE ME SO MAD I can't help it. I don't know why their point of view has to exist and why it's becoming so mainstream and tainting good things like Christianity and parenthood, but perhaps I should not read about it so much as it's one of the Things that Stress me Out, but it makes me so angry.
I'm so sad for you to see you unhappy. It is obviously very distressing to think about.
Tell me about something else: what do you want to do for a favorite weekend when you have a child? What do you dream about? Do you dream about seeing movies together and giggling over popcorn, or is it playing pitch-and-catch in the park, or flying kites?
I never had any real kites as a kid (only ones I made from newspaper, and they never flew), but my sweetie just got me the most glorious big, pink bird kite. It went so high!
I think I'd love to fly kites with a child. Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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CT, flying kites with kids is awesome. When I worked at the Y, I wanted to get the more sedentary kids outside, but I didn't want to push sports on them. So I wheedled money from our program director and got a couple dozen kites and big, foam airplanes. I let the kids put them together and decorate them. They were a huge hit! It was like magic - they worked together to figure out the best way to get them off the ground and keep them up and, later, to fix them. And I earned the respect of the middle school boys when I ghetto-rigged (as they called it) the airplanes back together with toothpicks and paste.
You know, I feel like I missed most of Aerin's infancy. The first few months were about keeping her alive and out of the hospital and she was just such a difficult baby that I was too exhausted and drained to realize that time was passing. Thank goodness for the blog and pictures.
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My husband had his math class mke kites and then they spent a class period flying them. It was the best day ever. Posts: 1001 | Registered: Mar 2006
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I did a lesson with my preschool art class on weather; we read a book about the weather, then painted a mural of the outside sky together, then made lunch bag kites (a favorite when I was a kid.)
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Synesthesia: You make good points, I should avoid reading these people because they are oleander honey but THEY MAKE ME SO MAD I can't help it. I don't know why their point of view has to exist and why it's becoming so mainstream and tainting good things like Christianity and parenthood, but perhaps I should not read about it so much as it's one of the Things that Stress me Out, but it makes me so angry.
I'm so sad for you to see you unhappy. It is obviously very distressing to think about.
Tell me about something else: what do you want to do for a favorite weekend when you have a child? What do you dream about? Do you dream about seeing movies together and giggling over popcorn, or is it playing pitch-and-catch in the park, or flying kites?
I never had any real kites as a kid (only ones I made from newspaper, and they never flew), but my sweetie just got me the most glorious big, pink bird kite. It went so high!
I think I'd love to fly kites with a child.
That would be cool, especially if they were neat Asian kites.. Or mechanical airplanes, reading to them, or whatever they're interested in, even if it's baseball games which bore me a lot.
i wonder how old kids have to be before you can take them to awesome cool concerts
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Your kids are unlikely to be genuinely interested in "cool" concerts for some time, depending on your definition of "cool." Sophie, for example, is easily overwhelmed by any crowd of more than 8 adults.
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Not to mention that it won't be long before their idea of cool, by definition, will exclude yours.
But wait, that came out really negative. By all means, think about the stuff that you would enjoy doing with your kids!
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I am looking forward to arts and crafts with my little girl. I went to Ikea and was looking at their easel and art toys and was wishing monster was big enough to use them. But then, she makes a developmental milestone and I am like, nooo, my baby is growing up too fast. She can stand on her own for a few seconds now and can take a few steps along the coffee table. I don't want her to walk yet...So, yeah, conflicting emotions.
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I want to make (barely edible) crackers by putting a flour/water/butter/seeds paste in the sunshine on a jar lid. And sun tea.
And make mudpies, and draw the leaves we find, and tie an old bandana on the end of a stick to play hobos.
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The lovely thing about being an aunt is that you can do the fun stuff - you're supposed to do the fun stuff - and you rarely have to do the boring stuff.
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I will hopefully be an aunt soon (my sister in law is like a week overdue). The problem is, I am a mom already, so not just the fun stuff. Depending on the school district, I think my nephew and my daughter will be same year in school, so hopefully they'll be friends. But not as lucky as my sister who is just an aunt and loves it. Also, nice for me cause everytime I see my sister, I come home with a bag of very nice clothes for the baby.
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I believe that you can, but not while you keep telling yourself that you cannot.
it's so hard not to because they are twisting things and making people turn off their natural instincts and become indifferent to their childrne and see them as the enemy and not helpless young creatures who really aren't trying to annoy their parents with their typical child ways.
I want to finger paint on the walls with my future kids. That would be so much fun, or drawing on the sidewalk, or making sandcastles and teaching them about insects and poisonous plants, and giant moths because giant moths are cool.
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