Actually, he left last Thursday, but I've been in panic/adjustment mode, and really, really not wanting to talk about it.
I've over-thought every single decision about almost everything, including things I would not have thought twice about when he was here. It's amazing. I mean, I've always been on top of the kids' school stuff. I write out all the bills and handle the finances even when he's home. We share simple cleaning tasks (loading or unloading the dishwasher, sweeping, laundry) even though he does most of the heavy lifting.
But he does at least 80% of the meal planning, food shopping and cooking. I've totally forgotten to eat lunch on three of the five days he's been gone (I remember to eat when I have to keep the kids fed).
I think I'm past the panic of change (I generally LOVE change, but not when it means being separated from my Beloved of 19 years) and have moved into the empowered Supermom stage. I have had SO MUCH fun with the kids doing things maybe their daddy wouldn't be quite so into doing ("camping" in the family room, etc.) Not having that sacred just-us-grown-ups time has opened some interesting choices for non-school nights (I let them stay up for the Naruto Marathon).
Plus, my boys are both very sweet to me, because they know I miss him as much as they do. Big Boy has not complained about his chores or going to martial arts, or ANYTHING, really. Wee Boy has been extra cuddly and included me in his play time more. Also, he piling more and more stuffed animals (usually his favorites) onto my bed to keep me company.
So far there haven't even been any unusual sleep disturbances. Wee Boy had one nightmare, but no sleepwalking.
I can DO this!
My only trouble now is how badly I want to go to Africa now. Before my Beloved was there, it was easier to be open to uncertainty. But now he calls me on Skype and tells me of all he's doing and seeing, and I really want to go there and take the boys. If the long-term contracts don't pan out, I shall be sorely disappointed.
So, um, thank you guys for entertaining and distracting me! He should be back from this first trip in early September. I figure I'll be all about the fluff threads and movie recommendations until then! Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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You've been together 19 years? But... But... But... Aren't you, like, way way way younger than me?
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quid- I'm 38. We've been a couple since college, but only married for 15 of those 19 years. The first two we dated, the two after that were engaged but not living in the same city most of the time. To me it still counts, because he had me at, "Are you okay?" (I had just run around a corner in the library smack into his broad chest. Nearly stunned myself in a couple different ways...)
Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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Olivet, you'll be fine, it will just take some getting used to. Granted, my hubby is not gone all the time so my situation is not comparable to yours but I know what it's like to be the one who has to handle everything and keep it all running. With my hubby's schedule, he cannot be the person who does all the organizing, that has to be me because of his shift work, I can't even rely on him being home on holidays.
but you'll make it, you're one of the strongest women I know. If you ever need to chat, I'm usually available in the evenings, after the kiddos are in bed so if you're up late, call me.
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Livvy, I'm so glad to see you writing here again, and that it is writing about being strong and efficacious. Beautiful woman! Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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I'm sure you'll do fine. But please do remember that when you forget to eat everything gets harder, so make it a priority (I know this from experience both myself and with you!) And if meal planning is overwhelming to you I've got some resources you might be interested in. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Yeah, I did do it on purpose, but I was thinking 'eye-grabbing title,' not 'scare my friends.' That was not intentional.
I really don't find it hard to do when I think about it. Like, I always do it when people are coming over, or when I have a new recipe I want to try (usually something designed to trick the hubby into eating vegetables...) But I start writing and suddenly it's time to pick up William and I'm OMG Starving!!11One!!
I hyperfocus, so doing one thing at a time is best for me. Keeping all the proverbial balls in the air is challenging. Today was trash day. Oops. At least the trash can isn't even halfway full yet.
Today my brother in law and his lady friend treated me to lunch. Mmmmm. But I have a nice bunch of Romaine lettuce and some lovely cherry tomatoes (thanks to the lovely Uprooted ) and I think I'm set for this week's lunches. I'm trying to make lunch dates for myself next week so that should help.
*big hug* Thanks for caring. I still think of you making me that lovely omelet just when my brain stopped working...
Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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Well, if you ever get to the point where you get sick of shopping, planning, and deciding, Menus 4 Moms is happy to send you an e-mail with a grocery list and recipes for 5 nights of dinners a week.
If you don't need it completely taken over, but want some organizational tools, Recipezaar offers not only gazillions of recipes but organizational tools such as "menu planner" and "shopping list" (and of course "cookbook") to help you keep your head on straight. The forums there can also be very helpful and there's even a menu forum where you can get ideas from others on what to make.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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it can be tough when your spouse is away. I remember when my dad had to go away for some business training a couple of years ago. They said it was the first time in the 27 years that they had been married that they were apart for more than a night. They used up quite a bit of cell phone minutes that week. Posts: 1901 | Registered: May 2004
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kq- I like the idea of that website, but working full time, it seems a bit harder than I would like. I just glanced at a sample menu, so maybe my impression is wrong. How time consuming are those menus?
Posts: 1001 | Registered: Mar 2006
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I like Recipezaar, though I mostly skim it looking for recipes. My thing is that I've always been complete crap at multitasking because I'm much more comfortable focusing on one thing at a time.
If I don't actually list different tasks, I can miss one. Like the trash.I ran the same load of dishes twice. But I'm getting the hang of it. My dear hubby has always been great about picking up my slack, I just never realized how much slack there was...
quid- Our first meeting was like something out of those RomComs I often mentally mock when I see them advertised. I think my disinterest in the genre may be directly linked to the fact that I live in one.*shrug*
Curriculum Night went well. Must make cookies for the Neighbor who let Wee Boy stay there while I went. (They said it was a No Children thing.)
Funny thing is, the better I get at doing it all, the more I miss him. Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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I also have a tendency to forget about eating when I get busy. (I finally got around to lunch yesterday at about 6 . . . which is better than the days I forget about it entirely, I guess.) One thing that helps is to have something that I smell cooking. Crockpots put up first thing in the morning are very useful that way (on high if it's for lunch; on low if it's for supper).
quote:Originally posted by scholar: kq- I like the idea of that website, but working full time, it seems a bit harder than I would like. I just glanced at a sample menu, so maybe my impression is wrong. How time consuming are those menus?
The idea is that most of them take 30 minutes-ish to prepare. The first few may involve a bit more prep work but then the ingredients will be used all week to make more meals. At least that's the idea. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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