quote:Originally posted by Lisa: ----- * The joke is this:
Q: How many Wellesley girls does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It's Wellesley women, and it's not funny!
Reminds me of a joke a buddy told me.
Q: What do you call a black man who makes his living flying planes?
A: A pilot, you racist!
I've always been a fan of that one.
Curse my lack of internet until Thursdsay! And curse that I don't have headphones to use while at school, the only place with internet for me.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
I highly recommend to all parents Consuming Kids: The Hostile Takeover of Childhood, by Susan Linn. I read it before Aerin was born and it has served me in good stead, especially when having to refuse some gifts from well-meaning friends and family and when having to justify the fact that Aerin only watches 15 minutes of commercial-free t.v. per day (Peep and the Big Wide World - I highly recommend it).
I thought the commerical was moderately funny. To me, the message that the people who actually do market like that to little girls are jerks came through loud and clear. They might have done it with a bit more finesse, though, to better make their point.
CT, I'm so sorry for what you're going through and what you've been through. We had a somewhat similar situation with my grandmother (she refused to use her walker despite 3 broken hips, a broken thigh, broken knees, and countless broken toes). Both my mother and my daughter have been critically ill and it was much, much harder for me with Aerin. One of the reasons I'm so compulsive (even more compulsive than usual) with researching every single thing about any condition she has is that I don't feel I can make informed decisions about her care if I don't have and understand all the information. Thank goodness for our patient doctors and surgeons whom I trust and for the internet and for the education that enables me to understand what I read.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
[Thanks for the note, Mrs. M, and all power and grace to you and yours. I've watched you from afar with no shortage of admiration.]
quote:Originally posted by Belle: Edit: Yikes,I didn't realize how much the thread had wandered afield. After CT's serious post, I feel mine is now innapropriate. Sorry.
Egads, no!
That was a side topic. If we had branching threads, it would have branched. Please, no worries -- there isn't a way to separate out the conversations once started within threads, and you must just sort of delicately and kindly look the other way and carry on.
It is my fault for wandering in and having my emotional blubberout all over a simpler topic. I've just been a real mess tonight & this morning, but this helped tremendously.
Belle, as a Lady, surely you recall what to do when another woman inappropriately, hmmm, makes an embarrassing noise at the table? Out of courtesy, you carry on. Please do!
([embarrassed little aside] and I've very done now, than you all very much, really and truly this time, and I'll start another thread if I need to, promise, no further now, all done, thank you, carry on![/embarrassed little aside] )
posted
If you have a neighbor (or even a sibling) you are mad at, give their little girl a Barbie doll - without a wardrobe. Or their little boy ONE only of some Collect-Em-All type toy. Or you could just give them some battery operated toy that makes a lot of noise. (I’m so looking forward to when I’m a grandpa.)
But that is not really what I wanted to mention . . .
“Humor is almost always anger with its makeup on.” (“Bag or Bones” Steven King pp 149)
I grew up with contempt for gender stereotypes.
My parents taught me lots of things like a love for music and art, archery, how to cook, take care of infants and small children, to sew, repair bicycles and cars and generally how to use tools and build things. So I grew up with a pretty wide range of interests.
(That is probably why I can enjoy movies like “An Affair to Remember” “Shall We Dance” and Jane Austen movies and then turn right around and get a big kick out of watching Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis blow things up.)
I also grew up with feelings of hostility toward any person, culture, or tradition that tried to tell me what I OUGHT to be interested in. So, wouldn’t you know it, I ended up attending High School where the attitude of the prevailing sub-culture in town was that, for instance, there are certain musical instruments that boys should not play. Flutes and clarinets were for girls. Better yet boys would be better off not even being in band and choir. They should be playing sports, working on cars, and, in the fall, out in the woods killing things.
I would be hard pressed to point to any overt disdain expressed by the men and their sons I was surrounded by. But the tone was definitely there. Maybe it was that they didn’t seem to take any interest in you unless you were “into” one of the big four activities : sports, sports, hunting and cars. Oh and did I mention - sports? And that seemed to be all they ever wanted to talk about.
At any rate, that is probably why I find funny, in a hostile sort of way, anything that ridicules gender stereotypes and the people who promote gender stereotypes.
And perhaps I have a lot of pent up anger left over and maybe that is why I like satire so much. Who knows?
Posts: 631 | Registered: Oct 1999
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quote:Originally posted by Mrs.M: I highly recommend to all parents Consuming Kids: The Hostile Takeover of Childhood, by Susan Linn. I read it before Aerin was born and it has served me in good stead, especially when having to refuse some gifts from well-meaning friends and family and when having to justify the fact that Aerin only watches 15 minutes of commercial-free t.v. per day (Peep and the Big Wide World - I highly recommend it).
You've piqued my curiosity -- which gifts do you refuse?
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posted
Sometimes I wonder what Magic: The Gathering would be like if the game played exactly the same but was based on My Little Pony (or an equivalent original fantasy world).
Posts: 781 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:At any rate, that is probably why I find funny, in a hostile sort of way, anything that ridicules gender stereotypes and the people who promote gender stereotypes.
You'd find MAD magazine (at least any issue before 2001) hilariously funny in a hostile sort of way. Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Omega M.: Sometimes I wonder what Magic: The Gathering would be like if the game played exactly the same but was based on My Little Pony (or an equivalent original fantasy world).
The girls depicted in the cards would certainly be less buxom.
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quote:Originally posted by Samuel Bush: If you have a neighbor (or even a sibling) you are mad at, give their little girl a Barbie doll - without a wardrobe. Or their little boy ONE only of some Collect-Em-All type toy. Or you could just give them some battery operated toy that makes a lot of noise. (I’m so looking forward to when I’m a grandpa.)
But that is not really what I wanted to mention . . .
“Humor is almost always anger with its makeup on.” (“Bag or Bones” Steven King pp 149)
I grew up with contempt for gender stereotypes.
And yet you use them in your first paragraph.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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quote:You've piqued my curiosity -- which gifts do you refuse?
It hasn't been an issue for a while, since we have an Amazon wish list that we direct people to. But when Aerin was an infant, we had a big problem with people buying us toys that lit up or made electronic sounds/played music (we did allow things like rattles, etc.). I am a firm believer in the adage "Active toys make passive children." More importantly, overstimulation is harmful to preemie development.
Now we rarely allow anything co-branded (we do have a Funshine bear from my childhood and an Elmo bath puppet, but that's it). I will never, ever let a Bratz doll into my house. We still don't allow anything that lights up or beeps, etc. and we are still on the fence about American Girl dolls. We don't have use for books about Jesus or Christmas or Easter (I have Pentecostal family that made this an issue) and we're not doing the Tooth Fairy, so we don't want anything about that.
Plus, Aerin has Sensory Processing Disorder, so some toys will be useless for her.
My biggest problem has been convincing people that I'm not judging their parenting with my rules. They really don't have anything to do with any other family - these rules are what we have decided is best for ours. I don't think people are bad parents if their child watches more t.v. than Aerin or if they have 800 Dora toys, it's just not what's best for us. Our immediate and extended families have been the most difficult - our friends are all fine with our rules and have respected them to the letter.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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quote: quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Originally posted by Samuel Bush: If you have a neighbor (or even a sibling) you are mad at, give their little girl a Barbie doll - without a wardrobe. Or their little boy ONE only of some Collect-Em-All type toy. Or you could just give them some battery operated toy that makes a lot of noise. (I’m so looking forward to when I’m a grandpa.)
But that is not really what I wanted to mention . . .
“Humor is almost always anger with its makeup on.” (“Bag or Bones” Steven King pp 149)
Sometimes I wonder what Magic: The Gathering would be like if the game played exactly the same but was based on My Little Pony (or an equivalent original fantasy world).
The girls depicted in the cards would certainly be less buxom.
I was thinking that all the creatures on the cards would be ponies or other cute animals, or "cute" looking monsters.
Posts: 781 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:You've piqued my curiosity -- which gifts do you refuse?
It hasn't been an issue for a while, since we have an Amazon wish list that we direct people to. But when Aerin was an infant, we had a big problem with people buying us toys that lit up or made electronic sounds/played music (we did allow things like rattles, etc.). I am a firm believer in the adage "Active toys make passive children." More importantly, overstimulation is harmful to preemie development.
Now we rarely allow anything co-branded (we do have a Funshine bear from my childhood and an Elmo bath puppet, but that's it). I will never, ever let a Bratz doll into my house. We still don't allow anything that lights up or beeps, etc. and we are still on the fence about American Girl dolls. We don't have use for books about Jesus or Christmas or Easter (I have Pentecostal family that made this an issue) and we're not doing the Tooth Fairy, so we don't want anything about that.
Plus, Aerin has Sensory Processing Disorder, so some toys will be useless for her.
My biggest problem has been convincing people that I'm not judging their parenting with my rules. They really don't have anything to do with any other family - these rules are what we have decided is best for ours. I don't think people are bad parents if their child watches more t.v. than Aerin or if they have 800 Dora toys, it's just not what's best for us. Our immediate and extended families have been the most difficult - our friends are all fine with our rules and have respected them to the letter.
Thanks for elaborating. I don't see any problems with your choices at all. I wish I could be as firm as you on the TV. I kind of got sucked in on that one. It started with one sing a-long every so often and then became once a day and then one in the morning and one in the afternoon and then I introduced Shrek, which is an hour and a half...
It's hard to get away from toys that light up and beep, isn't it? They even make BOOKS light up and beat now! My parents got my son the most obnoxious choo choo book that made loud whistle noises as you read. (Every time you turn a page.) I snuck that book down to the basement storage just as soon as they left. I'm hoping they don't ask about it when they come this weekend.
Most of the Little People stuff that we love makes noises, but they're not necessary so we just don't put batteries in.
Anyway, I didn't draw a clear line in the sand like you did but I totally understand and have taken steps to minimize that stuff in my house, too.
We have spread the word that we are not interested in any V-Tech or Leap Frog products. No one seems upset by this.
I never thought much about branded toys. We've started collecting Thomas the Train but basically that's because everyone says it's the highest quality train set you can buy...the stuff you get if you want it to last.
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Sometimes I wonder what Magic: The Gathering would be like if the game played exactly the same but was based on My Little Pony (or an equivalent original fantasy world).
The girls depicted in the cards would certainly be less buxom.
I was thinking that all the creatures on the cards would be ponies or other cute animals, or "cute" looking monsters.
My mom used to play Magic, but her favorite thing to do was make themed decks, especially things like "faeries" or "cute animals". This isn't to say that she didn't make other decks, too, but her favorites were generally atrociously bad and full of adorable or beautiful creatures.
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posted
I'm late in joining the thread, but I must say that I didn't find the mock commercial funny, but not because I found it offensive. I understand the satire, but it just made me uncomfortable.
For the same reason, I don't find a lot of Ben Stiller movies funny. It's all about an uncomfortable reality with no punch line. Being uncomfortable does not equate to humor.
It does remind me of a regular feature of Ms. magazine however. Inside the back cover is a section called "without comment" where they publish ads, without payment (or permission, I gather) just for their readership to ponder without any further prompting. It's an interesting exercise.
Posts: 3735 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
I just got back from chess club earlier tonight, so I found the thread pretty funny. What popped in my head, though, when thinking of a girl's version of chess--was one where instead of plain, boring, dry strategy, there's an aspect of communicating with your opponent in the game. I don't know quite how it would work, but it's those "positive" stereotypes of women being good communicators that I would build my girl's version of chess off of. I know that I've often imagined all the pieces as characters in a story--and they all have their own personalities and dialogues in my head. Maybe a certain pawn is especially brave or shy, and a knight might be very boring, and just sit in a corner. Combine this with the action of battle chess, with awesome fight scenes and some political drama between the queen and king, and you've got my oscar-winning screenplay.
Posts: 1314 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
I remember a few years back (I think it was sophomore year of high school) my school was playing in a League game and then suddenly the symphonic band started practicing outside. The funny thing was that the music began to seem to match my game. When I lifted my hand to move a piece suddenly the tempo of the music changed. My opponent and I started cracking up.
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posted
Given the reactions of some people in this thread, I don't know if that comment will be taken too well
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quote:Originally posted by MEC: I thought it was funny because I've never thought of chess as a boy's game. And making a version tailor made for girls is so ridiculous. I would like to say that if they turned it around and made a boy's version were the pieces smashed each other and stuff I would find it equally entertaining.
Now that you mention it, I'm kind of sad that they didn't, as that would be pretty funny. Don't forget the part where the king fires a plastic missile through a wall of semi-transparent blocks.
Posts: 2437 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
If you think that sexism is a plight, it's a great loss to be so sensitive to the plight that you can't laugh at mockery of the absurdities of the people who perpetuate it.
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posted
It is ironic at all that I am the one who made this topic and now we are discussing an article in Rhetoric about sexism in rap?
Posts: 2705 | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
I think the whole 70's idea of socialized gender is bunk conceived by people who don't have kids. There are innate differences between the genders, and they tend to gravitate toward one thing or the other(not that there isn't room for alot of leeway in behavior, though). I have a boy and two girls, and my boy naturally gravitated toward the vehicles rather than the dolls (we gave him both, and he played with both, he was just more interested in the trucks and balls. Our girls have been surrounded by dinosaurs, Spiderman and transformers and they still pick the dolls or stuffed animals. Now don't get me wrong, I think girls can (and should) develop their intellect in whatever way they choose. Boys can be booky and less athletic (see OSC) and girls can be mechanically-minded. But that doesn't make us the same, I'm sorry. I did find the SNL skit funny as satire. It always irritated me as a female gamer to see the "girls" games that they put out that all had to do with fashion and unicorns. I just ignored them and stuck with mortal kombat and final fantasy.
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quote:Now that you mention it, I'm kind of sad that they didn't, as that would be pretty funny. Don't forget the part where the king fires a plastic missile through a wall of semi-transparent blocks.
And the knights would have pumps that you can press over and over to build up pressure and race them.
Posts: 2489 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
I'll just recomment (not directed anywhere in particular, more to keep this ball in the court of current play) that it is possible to not find something funny without finding it gallingly offensive, and that some things which might be funny to a person in one circumstance (e.g., the all-too-often-true mother-in-law jokes) might not strike one as funny in a given context (e.g., when one's mother-in-law is likely dying at that moment).
Or not. It is an individual thing. I wouldn't object to others finding this commercial to be hilarious and cutting satire, but I wouldn't say I (or others) lacked in humor / was over-sensitive for being distracted enough by immediate related issues to have a "meh" response to it.
Were I in a mischievous frame of mind, I might offer possible explanations as to why others would find such a "meh" response to be offensive and/or problematic rather than just one of those things, but I won't -- it would be beyond usefulness to make such speculations, I think. But realize that this response is there, potentially, and may be worth reflecting on, too.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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quote:Were I in a mischievous frame of mind, I might offer possible explanations as to why others would find such a "meh" response to be offensive and/or problematic
I don't think anyone was offended or upset by the "meh" responses. The conversation seemed to be around "funny" vs. "offensive".
Posts: 3275 | Registered: May 2007
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posted
Ah, well that certainly sheds some light. Thanks.
I still would wonder about why there was such strong reaction to other people having a strong reaction, if part of the critique was directly about the strength of that reaction?
Maybe it is just the sort of topic about which buttons are very easily pushed. I wouldn't be surprised if the topic of gender-related issues in general just was one of those sorts of topics.
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posted
I know when I find something funny and someone else find it offensive, it's possible to view that as a reflection on myself. Sort of a "they hate it, I like it, so they hate me" sort of thing. It can put me on the defensive.
That wasn't the case this time, though. In this instance I just didn't understand how it could be offensive which is why I asked for some elaboration.
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quote:I still would wonder about why there was such strong reaction to other people having a strong reaction, if part of the critique was directly about the strength of that reaction?
quote:I know when I find something funny and someone else find it offensive, it's possible to view that as a reflection on myself.
Especially when someone actually states that it is a reflection on those who found it funny. That's pretty much the only thing that gave me a "strong reaction" in this thread.
In other words, it had nothing to do with the judgment about the commercial, but rather the judgment about the people who found it funny. Especially given that the comment was based on a faulty underlying assumption.
There was also a disagreement with people who thought the intent of the commercial was sexist, but that wasn't a strong reaction so much as an intellectual disagreement.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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quote:I think the whole 70's idea of socialized gender is bunk conceived by people who don't have kids.
No, it's actually a very true phenomenon documented in excess for decades by people who are very smart and study this sort of thing professionally.
A significant quantity of 'gender-based' behavior is created from gender-based socialization, not genetics. It's almost assuredly the dominant force in determining why gals and guys act the way they do in most regards.
Posts: 15421 | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:Originally posted by ricree101: Now that you mention it, I'm kind of sad that they didn't, as that would be pretty funny. Don't forget the part where the king fires a plastic missile through a wall of semi-transparent blocks.
What, you mean BattleChess? The version for Chinese chess was especially amusing Posts: 7593 | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Lisa: [QUOTE]Originally posted by erosomniac: [qb] I remember once when Tova was about a year and a half old, maybe two. We were at this pizza place, and there was a group of Scouts there. Tova took forever to get hair, so she looked like she had a crewcut. Of course, she was wearing a dress, too, which generally made it clear that she was a girl. But the Scout leader, while waiting for their pizza to come up, was walking around the room. And when he saw Tova, he thought she was a little boy. And he was all, "Hey there, fellow. How's it going?" When we told him she was a girl, he shifted gears almost unconsciously, and started saying, "Oh, aren't you the cutest thing." Now notice, when he thought she was a boy, he asked her questions, trying to elicit answers. When he thought she was a girl, he just said stuff about her appearance.
Um, did you ever think maybe he was just trying to make sure you were offended that he called your daughter a dude? If I were in the same situation, I would probably be thinking, "What can I say so that this mother isn't mad that I called her daughter a boy? Hmm...maybe if I say she's real cute, the mom won't be offended."
Posts: 368 | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
I've had people think bin was a boy and comment on his cuteness before- "you're going to be quite the lady's man" was the actual comment. So talking about appearance isn't gender specific.
Posts: 1001 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
MattP and Dagonee, I can definitely see that. I often have the same reaction myself in similar circumstances. (Probably here, actually, but from the other side! )
My apologies if I contributed to that. I am having difficulties moderately myself from the perspective of The Other lately -- I am working on it feverishly, I assure you.
(My husband misses my "gentleness." I don't know where it went. )
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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posted
I know with 1 1/2 year old girl babies I expect them to sit there being cute and unable to talk, while with 1 1/2 year old boy babies, I want to discuss particle physics and general relativity.
It's really frustrating when I guess wrong, because I already had a great question about gravitons, and I'm stuck commenting on bow fashion. Lame!
Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
It is not uncommon for neutrally-dressed babies identified as girls to receive comments on their aesthetic appearance ("cute," "pretty," "beautiful") more often than the same babies identified as boys, who commonly receive comments on vigor and activity ("strong," "healthy").
There is research on this, although I think the latest research shows the disparity in treatment by adults to infants is markedly less than it used to be (but disturbingly, children treated otherwise gender-neutral-defined-infants identified as boys or girls much more disparately than the most recently-studied adults).
I can look up the research, if it would make a difference to somebody.
---
Edited to add: The trend of disparity has been studied. We as individuals may be very different from the norm, or we may not be fully aware of our own similarities to the norm in this matter. I often catch myself commenting on a baby girl's appearance, much more often than I do a baby boy's. I consciously try to consider this now when making such comments.
quote:Originally posted by scholar: I've had people think bin was a boy and comment on his cuteness before- "you're going to be quite the lady's man" was the actual comment. So talking about appearance isn't gender specific.
scholar, I think the point being made is not that it doesn't ever happen, but that the relative frequency of the different foci of comments significantly differs, based on presumed sex of the infant.
One counterexample wouldn't disprove that point, and neither would several, for that matter. Evidence to the contrary would more accurately be presented as rates of comments on a group of presumed girls as versus a group of presumed boys -- the important part is not the individual data points, but the trend (at least for the issue at hand, I think).
posted
Maybe Bin is just a really attractive kid so it's the first thing people notice? Let's face it, if someone's kid is ugly, you're gonna look for something else to say.
As for the generalities, well, I can't help you there. I went to high school for four years and had most of my classes with the same 30 kids. Our numbers were the same in all our classes: English, math, science, all of it. So it was a surprise in college to suddenly be surrounded by guys in my math classes. Either UF has more men than women in general, or somewhere that gender bias kicked in and the women didn't want to take the classes anymore. (Or never did in the first place, unlike my high school.)
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quote:My play with Barbies was a little bit...unorthodox
I took the head off one of my sister's barbies, strung it on monofilament, and ran it over a nail in the door jamb to our family room. Then I made the head dance while I sang (from behind the door) "I... ain't got no body!"
I had one Barbie, much against my Mum's wishes. (I was given it as a birthday present).
Within 6 months of having it, I had sheared it's hair, decapitated it, and buried it's head in a separate position to it's body. (What? It was a war. Barbie lost.)
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Sometimes I wonder what Magic: The Gathering would be like if the game played exactly the same but was based on My Little Pony (or an equivalent original fantasy world).
The girls depicted in the cards would certainly be less buxom.
I was thinking that all the creatures on the cards would be ponies or other cute animals, or "cute" looking monsters.
My mom used to play Magic, but her favorite thing to do was make themed decks, especially things like "faeries" or "cute animals". This isn't to say that she didn't make other decks, too, but her favorites were generally atrociously bad and full of adorable or beautiful creatures.
I gotta say, that comment made my day, your mom is officially awesome.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
I had the experience, too, of giving the kind of toys I love best (building toys, trains, hot wheels, tonka trucks, skates, bikes, trikes, rockets, electronics, computers) to my nieces with mixed results. Katie gave her barbies hayrides in the tonka truck. They built a puppet theater out of their no-ends, usually, or a house, not a fort from which to carry out war strategies.
But then Mary LOVED computers from the time she was less than 2 and couldn't even sit by herself in the chair without help. She adored it and learned her alphabet at age 2 from a Mickey Mouse game. But her mom discouraged it strenuously. Mary was really into science but her mom discouraged that too. I tried to give her science toys but her mom found a way to prevent her from doing them. She put the computer in a dark corner of the basement away from the life of the family. She didn't allow us to move the encyclopedia downstairs (this was pre-wikipedia) to make playing Carmen Sandiego possible. Every way I tried to encourage the interests Mary had in the things I liked, she squashed.
Things like that really are powerful influences. Her mom talked her into taking the easier math in high school, and now she's talked her out of being a doctor, saying it would be too hard for her. Mary's smart and she makes all As at a really challenging school, so I don't get that.
As a female in engineering, I attest that it takes two qualities to be successful. First you have to have the engineering ability, and enjoy doing it. Secondly, though, and more importantly, you have to be able to ignore all the people who try to steer you out of it. Even when you get hired, you have to resist your boss's and everyone else's tendency to push you into a soft job, one where you don't get dirty, or very involved in what's going on. One that keeps you far away from the bread and butter of the company's business. In other words, a girl job.
What I hope to accomplish in my career is to make it possible for girls with only the first of those two qualities to be successful in engineering. I want the idea of a female engineer, one who fully participates in all aspects of the engineering work going forward, to seem normal and right to those I work with.
Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I'm probably part of the problem, but I'm better than the previous generation and I'm trying. From the day I could put real clothes on Aerin, I've dressed her very femininely. I put her in headbands until she had enough hair for ribbons. She has very blue eyes, but I didn't put her in anything blue until her hair was long enough for blue bows. No one has ever mistaken her for a boy and I would have been upset if they had. She has a wardrobe that even I'm embarassed by, which includes 4 tutus.
However, I'm pretty sure she's going to be a scientist and I couldn't be more thrilled. I call her my little engineer - she approaches her toys as things to be figured out. She's doing 4-year-old puzzles. Her play is very focused. I can't imagine ever discouraging her from being a doctor, if that's what she wants. I've also gotten her Legos and toy cars (albeit girlie ones).
I do have to mention that no one actively discouraged me from going into science or from choosing to have a career, but there was a very strong message sent about what was considered successful by my family and the community in which I grew up. I had a friend my freshman year of high school who was very bright, but unmotivated. She dropped all of her Honors classes and her parents didn't say a word. She struggled with her weight and her mother was all over her, to the point where we stopped being friends because her mother was always comparing her appearance to mine. My engagement to Andrew got more praise than any academic achievement ever did. People oohed and aahed over my ring, but no one cared about my senior thesis. I grew up being told not to worry my pretty head about things. Literally.
BTW, I love chess and was secure and popular enough my junior year of high school to get the entire school on a chess craze and beat all the boys.
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![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
)
