posted
ICK! I didn't see this when you first posted it, but I want to join in with everyone else. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It may be small consolation, but I'm glad you found out about this now before wasting any more time on someone who definitely doesn't deserve it. Hopefully you're able to contact his fiance. No more thinking you're paranoid. Heal and be happy!
Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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Is it illegal to pee in someone's gas tank? Not that I'm suggesting that, just wondering what someone could conceivably do and not get in trouble... it's research for a book. Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
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Even if it's not illegal...would that really do much damage...especially with the..ahem, risks involved?
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004
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quote:Originally posted by MightyCow: Is it illegal to pee in someone's gas tank? Not that I'm suggesting that, just wondering what someone could conceivably do and not get in trouble... it's research for a book.
Would you really want to hold that little flap on the filler neck open while you do it? ewww Posts: 369 | Registered: Apr 2007
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I read this earlier and pH, I am sorry that this happened, but this is definitely the kind of thing I prefer would happen (if it must) before, say, a wedding. IMHO, of course.
Posts: 2034 | Registered: Apr 2004
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I read this earlier and pH, I am sorry that this happened, but this is definitely the kind of thing I prefer would happen (if it must) before, say, a wedding. IMHO, of course.
Hmm, I thought the sugar in the tank thing was for diesels.
Posts: 5422 | Registered: Dec 2001
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pH, I don't have anything new to add, I just echo others in saying I'm sorry this happened, but glad it happened before a wedding took place, and that you are vindicated in trusting your own judgment and instincts.
Try to look on this as an opportunity for growth and making you a better person. The guy is out there taht will appreciate and love you for yourself and be willing to be honest with you. I hope you find him soon.
I agree with what's been said about not dwelling on this and moving on. Don't give him any more of your emotional energy and attention. He doesn't deserve it.
posted
I really have to add here that I truly believe nothing vindictive should actually be done to this man, or his possessions.
His bride to be should know he's a skank and that she should maybe be tested for STDs, but you know he's going to weasel out of it all as best he can.
That's fine. If there's anything I've learned from living as long as I have, it's that being a person like that is its own punishment. What goes around WILL come around.
pH doesn't need to do a thing, and neither does anybody else. She's done. Find a way to let the bride to be know in the least confrontational way possible, and turn the page.
Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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Egging the car is so in-your-face. I'd prefer to put the egg in the oil tank (and wiper fluid and transmission fluid...)
Posts: 145 | Registered: Apr 2007
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Windows make loud sounds when broken, and set off car alarms, and are easily fixed, even if it does cost a bit of money, whereas most screw-with-your-car tricks I've heard of revolve around one of several things:
1) Making the ride more unpleasant in a way that cannot be easily detected and/or fixed. 2) Causing a problem that is an inconvenience, but costly to fix, thereby creating a "should I bother to fix it" situation. 3) Causing comparatively high damage to the amount of effort involved. 4) Able to be accomplished stealthily.
It's why keying a car, which can be done quickly and quietly and without setting off an alarm, is more popular than a baseball bat to the windshield.
Posts: 4313 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Right, but I'm talking about stuff that's at least as hard to conceal as, say, fruitlooping a car or trying to pour X into the gas tank or putting a fistful of pennies down the oil cap or whatever. Except maybe without the special access under the hood.
Posts: 15421 | Registered: Aug 2005
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I just want an excuse to pee on someone's car. Heck, I'm just going to to outside and pick some random cars. BRB!
Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:Originally posted by porcelain girl: You do not pee in gas tanks...you pee in the air vents. :::innocent whistle:::
The next door neighbour's cat pees in air vents. Luckily we were warned, so chase said kitty off the car when we can.
Posts: 4393 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion: I don't think there really is one...at least not for this site. >=/
Sonuva...Muther...A....Ba...Ah, no.
Damn, I'm sorry, pH.
I cannot adequately contribute to the ingenious and bloodthirsty (and entirely hypothetical <whistles innocently>) mayhem proposed by others.
But I can say that my mother's first marriage was anulled because her husband was a lying, gambling-debt accruing louse, and that both my sisters have gone through awful boyfriends... And that my mother had been married to my father for some twenty-five years when she died, and that both my sisters found people they wanted to spend their lives with who deserved their trust.
You will find someone you can care about who deserves your trust. I hope it won't be too hard to give them that trust when it comes along.
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
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I think it's finally starting to get to me. Really, really get to me. I just keep thinking about the way he used to look at me, the things he said to me....mostly just the way he would look at me, the way he would hold me...and I wonder, how could that not have been real? And if that wasn't real...how will I ever know if it's real with anyone? I was so sure of him. So completely and utterly sure. How can anyone ever really know anyone else? I thought I knew him...I was so sure of his love for me. I was so sure that we could have a life together. And yet...it was a lie. Or was it? How much of it was a lie? He was the one person that finally got me to really...think about the future and be okay with that. And to not freak out about the idea of sharing my life with someone.
But I was his midlife crisis. I was his red Lamborghini. I really don't see any other way to explain it. A 40-year-old man with a 36-year-old fiancee gets a 22-year-old, skinny blonde girlfriend. Why couldn't he just have bought himself an impractical car and spared my heart?
posted
*hugs pH* I'm so sorry. I agree with everything. It doesn't make any sense.
As for explanation, what follows is NOT an excuse for him. It doesn't make it okay at all. It is an attempt at an explanation of how what he said could still be real amidst all the facts.
I think people, and often men, compartmentalize in both space and time. If Michael had a Work Life and Parents Life and a Fiance Life and they are all separate from each other, then maybe he had a PH Life as well, and within that PH Life he did meant everything he said. It was possible because he compartmentalized it away from everything else.
I swear, I think this explains the popularity of the "Nobody puts Baby in the corner." line - that it does happen that people are pushed into just a corner of their SO's life, and that is unacceptable.
*hugs* A good man will not compartmentalize y'all's relationship. Michael isn't/wasn't that, but it doesn't mean that everything he said was a lie.
quote:He was the one person that finally got me to really...think about the future and be okay with that. And to not freak out about the idea of sharing my life with someone.
I could have written that. I broke up with Matt recently, and it was the same thing - first person that didn't make me want to run the other direction. I actually even resent it a little, because now I want that and I didn't before.
On the upside (for both of us), wanting that makes it more likely to get it, and maybe the next guy will be evaluated in part for the likelihood of that happening.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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I think it's also possible that Michael's a sociopath, and therefore believed all the lies as he said them.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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What katharina is saying makes alot of sense. I could easily see him as falling into that niche. I think him crying on the phone while confessing it all could possibly be him partially coming to terms with the reality of his situation. He had been in denial up until then. Doesn't excuse him from anything he has done, it just makes it apparent and comprehendable.
pH: This shock may last for a long time, but speaking from experience it's important you learn to trust again. Human beings are not all scum, you will find one who is worth believing in if you want to. It's too soon to see it now, but when you think you are up to it, move on. Don't wallow in this depression and fear.
Its horrible that you have to go through this, but you are smarter and wiser now because of it, use that knowledge to your advantage down the road. Know what to look for in a man, know what a red flag is, know what a green light is. The only thing that could make Michael's gross infidelity worse is that it damages you permanently. Why let him ruin your life, you've worked damn hard at it for over 20 years? Who is he to cancel on your party permanently?
Of course your feelings for him are/were real, they are as real as anything you are going to experience, but the situation has changed, you have to respond to it. Any more emotion you invest in him you will see no return on. Invest in you and pick yourself up again. Change the things in your life you need so that this stage of your life can fall behind you. When you think you can, forgive him, and calmly erase him from your life; open yourself to your friends and family. Get back on a normal routine and be productive.
This is all general advice but it's what I had to do when I had my own crisis of a similar nature to deal with. It's very hard for me to even touch on this subject and I was tempted to post this anonymously, but I wanted to be just alittle brave, as you have demonstrated ALOT of courage. I honestly want you to get through this with as few bruises as possible.
Best of luck, BlackBlade.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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I do think that to a certain extent, this experience has taught me about how wonderful people can be, despite how horrible he has been. I just can't believe how supportive people have been, even people who have never met me in person or who don't live anywhere nearby...calling to check up on me, trying to help me out any way they can...it's a weird dichotomy, emotionally.
posted
I'm so glad you are taking it that way. I think in the end this shows you're a strong and mature person and will come out on top despite some really bad experiences you've had along the way. I'm really proud to be your friend. I'm proud to know you.
Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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Wow, pH that's... terrifying. I didn't think crap like that actually happened... you know, outside of the TV shows I tend to avoid. ((((((((pH))))))) *echos what everyone else has said*
Posts: 3295 | Registered: Jun 2004
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Well, according to the wedding registries we found, the wedding was supposed to be tomorrow. Er, today, since it's after midnight.
Apparently he dropped my things off at JT's house when JT wasn't there. He didn't even have the guts to look me in the eye again. And he obviously didn't want to face one of my friends, either. What a wuss.
I'm pretty sure he's a sociopath. I realized that last night, thinking over the conversation we had a few days ago. That made me cry. Because it makes me sad to think that nothing I can do will ever make him feel the tiniest bit of guilt over what he's done. I really wish I knew there was some shred of humanity in him.
posted
pH, that's a horrible thing to have to go through. I can relate to the frustration of knowing that nothing you say will penetrate a consciousless persons thick hide. I've got to say, coming to the realization that it really didnt matter whether I was able to affect them, that the only important thing was that they not affect ME anymore was a very liberating moment for me. It's still new and raw for you, but I hope you can come to that realization faster than I did. He's not worth your time, your thoughts, your heart, your pimples, the crap on the bottom of your shoe... He's just not worth it.
I read this book called "The Sociopath Next Door", by Martha Stout, that helped me to realize that I was by far not the only person to be taken in by someone like that. It also helped me actually feel some pity for someone who genuinely isnt capable of feeling what I needed them to feel. Only a little pity, mostly surrounded by anger and disgust, but it still helped to put things in perspective.
Anyways, I wish you good luck in moving past the black spot this person inflicted on your life.
Posts: 499 | Registered: Mar 2004
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In addition to well-wishes that you continue to get through this as unscathed as possible, let me just throw a good word in there for the rest of the rocket scientist population. Honestly, we're not all bad, and could use more good romantic opportunities so don't hate us on principle.
Posts: 1038 | Registered: Feb 2006
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I'm new to the forum so don't really know you much. But I still feel the need to say that people can be really bad and if you haven't yet you should definitely try to reach his new wife and inform her before to much happens. Kids or the like.
For the sake of the person he cheated on. It is the right thing to do and might make you feel a bit better too. Having helped someone else from his grasp and having dealt a blow and show him that there are repercussions to doing what he did.
But remember that life goes on and don't let this horrible experience ruin life for you.
Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by miamiandy: ...if you haven't yet you should definitely try to reach his new wife and inform her before to much happens. Kids or the like.
For the sake of the person he cheated on. It is the right thing to do and might make you feel a bit better too. Having helped someone else from his grasp and having dealt a blow and show him that there are repercussions to doing what he did.
posted
I have a question...because I've never had a relationship last this long before...but also...the way that it ended isn't really typical of the ending of most long-term relationships. Or at least, I hope it isn't.
If I get a crush on someone, how do I know if I really like them, or if it's a "rebound?" I honestly don't know how to tell the difference. I don't really think I understand what a rebound is, either.
posted
Basically, after a LTR ends, you'll be (understandably) lonely and desperate for closeness, affection, and physical contact. This means that you'll tend to look faster and less closely at anyone who might offer you those things. The only real way to tell the difference between a rebound relationship and a "real" relationship is this: a "real" relationship lasts once you get over the heartbreak of the old one. Since that's not very useful, I recommend a rule: stay single -- without dating -- for twice the time you were in your last relationship, up to a maximum of one year.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: only real way to tell the difference between a rebound relationship and a "real" relationship is this: a "real" relationship lasts once you get over the heartbreak of the old one. Since that's not very useful, I recommend a rule: stay single -- without dating -- for twice the time you were in your last relationship, up to a maximum of one year.
This is a very, very good rule to follow, in my experience.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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quote:Originally posted by erosomniac: A very, very good, very, very difficult rule to follow.
Yeah....I really can't see myself doing that....
Although I will say that I don't think I'm heartbroken over this so much as...well, pissed off, of course. And paranoid.
And I have to go get tested for everything under the sun now, and that makes me really scared. To be honest, that is the one thing that DOES make me really upset/heartbroken...because I trusted him enough to be intimate with him, and he knowingly put me at all kinds of risk. So I'm terrified of going, but I know that I need to go. He said that he is putting a check in the mail today to pay for me to get tested, but I'm going to make the appointment and worry about whether or not he actually sent a check later. Because that is more important.
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I didn't see this when you first posted it, but I want to join in with everyone else. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It may be small consolation, but I'm glad you found out about this now before wasting any more time on someone who definitely doesn't deserve it. Hopefully you're able to contact his fiance. No more thinking you're paranoid. ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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