posted
Folks, please stop attacking him... Who the heck has answers when they are whatever age he is...?
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Originally posted by erosomniac: I think lots of people think they do.
Lots of people have answers they can work from, even if they're not the best ones.
To me, Blayne's problem seems to be that he doesn't take responsibility for his own life. If you have a certain place you want to be in life, you have to dedicate your entire self to getting there, without assuming you'll get any help from anyone else. That's how you get places. My guess would be that Blayne has never exercised this in his life, which may or may not be his own fault. It may simply be bad parenting or education (which, to me, seems likely). HOWEVER, Blayne must now fight for himself, and take all the blame for his own problems on himself. Until he does this, I don't think he IS an adult...
Posts: 930 | Registered: Dec 2006
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posted
P.S. Blayne, there are many people in this world who face situations much harder than yours, with much less going for them, and they simply put their heads down and deal with their problems without complaint. Just try and see if you can be one of those people.
Posts: 930 | Registered: Dec 2006
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posted
How do you get home from school now? (I tried to read the whole thread, if this was already mentioned someone tell me).
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Again, let me suggest emergency student housing. It'll almost always be on campus, or else near public transportation.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
This is really in your control Blayne - you're blocking yourself with all your negativity. You just need to suck it up and do what's necessary.
There's always cheap housing within decent proximity to university. You're in a better position than I was in Uni - I lived 130kms from my parents, about 16kms from Uni and had to teach singing and work the checkouts at K-Mart to get by as I had no financial support.
The attitude you're showing now won't get you anywhere useful.
Posts: 2245 | Registered: Nov 1998
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quote: If you are so overweight that your dad just randomly calls you fat (sounds like a jerk), then 2-3 hours of riding your bike everyday might be exactly what you need.
Too harsh.
Was it? I didn't mean it that way. Healthy exercise doesn't just help your body, it helps the mind and the spirit. If Blayne is looking for an overall improvement in his life, I would wager that this one thing might do just that.
Posts: 1286 | Registered: Dec 2005
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All kidding aside... Blayne, I think you should look into the emergency housing. I also think getting out there on your own will do you good. Is relationship you have with your parents right now is volatile. Getting out on your own, even with the stress of the full financial burden being on you, has got to be better than the situation you are in now.
posted
Let me add; I was in what appeared to me to be a truly hopeless situation when I was 19, and I went so far as to join the army and took the MOS that offered a nearly immediate training start date so that I didn't have to wait around; I was on a plane to Fort Leonard Wood the next day. Six years later, my lot in life has improved drastically (I did not re-enlist.) However, I could have gotten here by much easier means if I had self-motivation from the beginning. The Army motivates you whether you want it or not, and you get run through the ringer in the meantime. I don't regret it, I'm just saying I learned a lot, and the hard way. Take from that what you may.
Posts: 1286 | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
" Blayne's problem seems to be that he doesn't take responsibility for his own life."
Agreed. If I were his father, I would have kicked him out of the house long ago, for his own good.
Edit: I visited my parents a couple weeks ago and we got into an interesting discussion about the modern way of rearing children causing the eventual downfall of society, because they aren't learning to be productive and independent members of society.
Posts: 2705 | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Negotiating with my friend's parents. Getting a programming job (there are 4 or so availiable part time.) and getting a student loan and burseries.
Okay, this sounds like a set of goals. Now you need a plan of action. What's the first step to get that loan? What's the first step to get that programming job? What's the first step to negotiating with your friend's parents? I'd suggest figuring each of these out (maybe even write them down) and then begin taking each of those first steps - starting tommorrow.
Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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Blayne Bradley
unregistered
posted
Its Canada, we even get a tad bit of snow in the summer and ride polar bears to work and all of us live in igloos.
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posted
I am surprised (again -- one would think I would stop being surprised) that people feel so free to jump on Blayne. Maybe part of it is that I know "kids"* like Blayne -- lots and lots of them. They sleep half the day and play games all night and argue about chores and eat hot pockets and easy mac. You know what? They turn out fine.
Blayne, you are going to be fine. I guarantee you that in 20 years you won't be living in your dad's basement complaining that he wants you to turn the video games down. Look at the advice people are giving. Take the advice that makes sense to you. Don't worry about arguing with the advice that doesn't. It's free -- you don't have to take it, but you don't have to throw it back, either.
Tom's ideas about housing are good. If you don't take them NOW, keep them in mind. Friends' parents can be as "clueless" as your own. I think you have a lot going for you. Look at your strengths. Use them.
*I know you are not a kid, but once a person gets to about 40, everybody seems like a kid.
Posts: 628 | Registered: Nov 1999
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posted
"Blayne, you are going to be fine. I guarantee you that in 20 years you won't be living in your dad's basement complaining that he wants you to turn the video games down."
My uncle is 47 and lives with my grandparents... evidently it is possible.
Posts: 2705 | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
...and for the record, I've lived places cold enough - and north enough - that I've experienced snow in every single month of the year. And some of the biggest downfalls of the year were in May, breaking off a huge amount of trees all over the city (Edmonton - although that was not the furthest north I lived). So, yeah, snow throughout the year, yeah.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
There sure seems to be a lot of bile being spewed at Blayne in this thread. I take it this is part of a long-running saga?
Posts: 781 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
*shrug* Not bile so much as exasperation. It's routine for Blayne to complain bitterly about his life situation, and then do nothing about it.
Posts: 17164 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
John Abbott CEGEP from his website. Are you a Quebec resident?
Residence is between $290 (shared room) to $331 (single). Renting a room is about $350-400. Dude that's -completely- doable even without student loans. You should be eligible for are the Quebec Student Loans and Bursaries program, or the Canada Student Loans. Apparently "Annie Proulx" in room H-151 is the person to contact about financial aid (a.proulx AT johnabbott.qc.ca). My suggestion is to send an email off to her and make an appointment. Go with -all- your information (SIN, taxes info, parent's info, etc.) and see what is available for you. Next apply to residence. The cost is very little and you'll live on campus. Next talk to your parents. Tell them that you're looking into options, show proof and tell them that you'll probably have a residence room by January. Perhaps they'll let you stay until the residence room opens up for you. If not, talk to your friends parents. You -can't- live at your friend's for an extended time. That's just silly to think it a possibility. I can pretty much promise you that that won't work out. And you might loose a friend to boot. Or your friend's parents might decide both of you should get out. Bad idea.
Assuming you are a Quebec resident that means you don't have the bonus of not having to pay tuition. So for a year that's ~$2000-4000 for rent, ~$1800-2500 for food, $200-800 for transportation (bus/subway) and $500 random personal stuff. So that's $4500-7800 to live. Minimum wage is $8.00 in Quebec and as a student taxes are next to nothing. If you lived on the cheap you could make enough by working ~16 hours a week being paid minimum wage. Saturday and two nights. That is very doable.
Oh and contact your student employment services people. If you're honestly having a problem finding an English speaking job in Montreal, you obviously don't know how to look for a job and/or apply for one. I know many people who have (and still do) work in Montreal that only speak English and have had no problems getting jobs. If you're too proud to apply for some jobs, you should get over it quickly. Being "too good" for something is sometimes not an option
I'd also start looking out at what universities you wish to apply to (assuming you want to continue on).
posted
When you are a young adult that has been living in a dysfunctional family environment, it can be extremely difficult to find the resources to help yourself become more independent and secure.
Tom and Jaiden have both given extremely helpful advice, and I really hope you take it. Sometimes when you haven't done it on your own before the problems seem much more insurmountable, but you will get the hang of it.
I would also like to echo that living long term (over two weeks) with a friend's family is not really a healthy option, though leaving your own home might help you to function better in order to tackle the road ahead.
Don't be afraid to seek out those resources available to you, and to work hard and some crappy jobs. Working a less than thrilling job when you are 20-23 is way better than putting it off and then having to start from the beginning when you are 25 and less likely to get cut some slack.
I came from some pretty tough family and financial situations, and often played the "what I would do if I were rich" game. It was really hard for me to find my path because I had so many friends and acquaintances that were more privileged. It's a useless game to play, and with determination you can achieve independence despite your origins.
Seek out counseling at school if possible, to help you understand all your options, and also to help you if you are struggling with depression that is making even the smaller problems seem huge.
It may take some time and a lot of work, but you can do it Posts: 3936 | Registered: Jul 2000
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quote:I require internet access always for my homework, you have no right to say otherwise it is not you who is doing my work.
Why?
You've explained that you'd rather do your work from home than at at school, but you haven't given any reason why you "require internet access always" for your homework.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
I can understand that if he has computer-based homework, internet might be required. (Heck, I'm an engineering student, and I'd say internet is 'required' for my homework because I need access to information, but it's not computer programming or anything like that) In which case, on-campus computer labs should be fine.
Posts: 96 | Registered: Oct 2007
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posted
What about local Wi-Fi hotspots? Blayne, do you live within walking/biking distances of an internet-providing coffee house? What about a neighborhood library?
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: Oh sure, I'm sure that internet access is required.
The question is whether having internet access at home is really a requirement.
But... he FEELS that it is. So why do we have to argue with him about it? He will find that it is or it isn't, won't he?
Speaking for myself, I would HATE to be unable to do homework in my own home. Could I if necessary? Sure. But it would be up to me to decide that the situation called for it.
The rest is NOT in response to the quoted bit :
I was a person who was trapped (I felt) in a bad situation. The solution was for me to: walk away. Easy, right? It took me years to actually do so, and I was a college graduate, a mother, a person who looked like I had it all together. It is VERY HARD to extricate one's self from some kinds of situations, and Blayne hasn't been an adult for long.
Let me tell you the kinds of things that helped me. People saying "you can do this, you are strong, you have what it takes." What does NOT help a person who feels helpless is someone telling them they have no ability to make decisions, that they have no ability to follow through, etc etc. It pushes them further into the mire.
And it's actually kind of sucky.
Posts: 628 | Registered: Nov 1999
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posted
You should really take the time to read some of Blayne's threads/posts before you chime in with bad advice.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:But... he FEELS that it is. So why do we have to argue with him about it? He will find that it is or it isn't, won't he?
Speaking for myself, I would HATE to be unable to do homework in my own home. Could I if necessary? Sure. But it would be up to me to decide that the situation called for it.
But in a situation like Blayne's where finances are tight, it would be irresponsible to just assume you need internet access at home and that sacrifices in that department could not be made. Doing all my homework at school would be very inconvenient, but if my finances did not allow me to pay for internet, I'd bite the bullet and do my homework at school.
Where I in Blayne's position, I would secure a student loan or pel grant for my tuition payments, work at least 5 hours a day in addition to attending classes. I know that I could make it here in Utah if I did those things, but I am not sure what rent, utilities, tuition are where Blayne goes to school. Nor what his work load is, only Blayne really knows.
I know that in my younger years however the idea of not having high speed internet was very bad in my mind, and I would have done almost anything to avoid that situation. Does not mean I was right to think it was so important.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by El JT de Spang: You should really take the time to read some of Blayne's threads/posts before you chime in with bad advice.
I totally get the exasperation with Blayne's repeated ignoring of advice. At the same time, though, I really think it's worth pointing out that a lot of the advice has gotten ludicrous, a lot of the comments are just plain offensive, and even if Blayne wanted to take a stab at it, at this point it's pretty difficult to sort out the useful advice from the posts in this thread that are just angry rehashings of what probably started as useful advice when it was first offered. Bike 2-3 hours each way in the snow, plus hold a part time job to pay for all his expenses while going to school full time, all starting from a basis of (presumably) no savings, but move out immediately? At this point, the "advice" genuinely starts looking insurmountable, even ludicrous.
It's also important to remember that just because something is theoretically possible doesn't make it possible for everyone. Blayne has, in the past, demonstrated practically zero responsibility and good judgement when it comes to his time management and other decisions. Many of you--perhaps even most of you--could follow this advice and succeed. For some of you--and I think this includes Blayne--it'd be a sink or swim situation, where "sink" means "dying slowly in the snowy gutters."
Posts: 4313 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Blayne Bradley
unregistered
posted
I am also monolingual so that limits available jobs.
However Matrox wants to hire me for my Stage come January so there's good news.
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Blayne Bradley
unregistered
posted
Okay catching up on alot of posts:
I do not qualify for the oncampus residence because supposedly I live to close, spots are reserved for people living as far away as Shubugimo (northern quebec).
I am applying for a student loan, and I am making my cv ready for a job. There 'might' be a flat in town, but ild rather live with someone i know for 4 years transitionally then jump into a flat on my own without any experience.
Asf ro why I cant do my work at school, isn't it obvious? School is for school work and lectures, home is for homework, I have 6 courses a week mondays to thursdays 8:30-5:30 and theres no way to get home past 6 if I stay at school to work what am i gonna do sleep in the labs until the security guard finds me and tosses me into the street?
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Have you ever weighed the idea of working at the front of the house at a restaurant? I mean, there are tons of these threads so this may have already been suggested to you, but it's actually surprisingly easy feat to accomplish if you apply at a lower-end restaurant as a busser or a server.
Try somewhere like Applebee's, or Chili's, or a popular mexican food restaurant. Busy places with lower menu prices don't tend to be as choosy when it comes to experience and hiring, and some places might even be able to accommodate that school schedule of yours. It seems that if, say, you worked both weekend days and about two night shifts you could still go to school and make enough money to support yourself.
Of course, I don't know where you're at, so it might not be as feasible as an option. I just remember being in a situation like yours (but not nearly as dire), and a restaurant job really bailed me out when I needed to leave home quickly, but support myself at the same time.
Posts: 368 | Registered: Aug 2007
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