posted
Right, because it makes them more able to take gut punches and keep on fighting? Sheesh.
If you had seen some of the thing's Trevor's oldest brother, Kyle, did to Trevor and the youngest two, and, for heaven's sake, even to me, you'd laugh at that. All I learned from Kyle was to stay out of his way. Now, looking back, I see that Kyle really was a psycho, and at this point, Kyle claims not to remember a lot of that stuff. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's lying to create deniability. He was crazy. Trevor and I remember, though. There was no reasoning with Kyle, and I stress "NO" reasoning. He was crazy. Be ready for a random punch to the face, out of nowhere, for no reason. That's what I learned from Kyle, and he wasn't even as brutal to me as to Trevor. Girl, get it straight.
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Speaking to the larger point, sure, I admit that having siblings teaches you how to work things out. I also realize that sometimes, particularly during the teenage and young adult years, it's better to tell your peers to shove their pot and booze, and go off on your own and get some work done.
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"Rather than overindulge only children, parents may tend to push them to high achievement and have elevated expectations,” says Falbo. “These children tend to score slightly higher in verbal ability, go farther in school and have a little bit higher self-esteem, and a lot of this just has to do with more parent involvement and uninterrupted time with adults. High hopes can rest on that one child—you’ve got your only chance for a musical math genius who also knows ballet and how to speak six foreign languages."
I read a report a few years ago that China is having significant social problem which is a result of having an entire society in which virtually every child is an only child, precisely because of the dynamic your study describes.
I can understand why someone would be defensive about what they see as an accusation leveled at only children, but it's important to note that this isn't a matter of blame, it's a matter of circumstance.
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"In China, couples are encouraged to have only one child in order to help curb population growth. These children, or "little emperors," as they have been called, are generally seen as spoiled monsters. However, research conducted by Falbo (Brophy, 1989), a psychologist known for work in the area of birth order, indicates otherwise. Falbo found that Chinese only children fared no worse in personality or achievement than their counterparts with siblings. However, only children are also often seen as high-achieving, motivated, and successful (Brophy, 1989, p.56)."
That's a direct quote from the article I linked above.
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From what I've heard of the school structure in China, blaming social problems on "only childism" seems like a rather naive conclusion for a research to make. Stuff like Chinese kids study, study, study, study seem like better explanations.
Posts: 1327 | Registered: Aug 2007
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quote:I was quite interested in stereotypes, and the stereotype of the only child is a very powerful one,” says Falbo, an only child herself and the mother of an only child.
Nope, no problem with objectivity there.
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We can go there, if you want to start that stuff. I may be an only child, but I have lots of friends, relatives, exes, etc. who are not only children. Very few of them (OK, none of them, and probably none of you, either)have as many only children in their lives as I (or any other only child) have people who are NOT only children in my life. In other words, onlies have more awareness of what it's like to have siblings than people with siblings have awareness of what it's like to be an only. And, in my esteemed judgement as an only, you are blowing smoke. I mean, good Lord. Who asked any of you? I sure don't give much of a damn what any of you think about onlies. I am one, I know what it's like, and I don't give a fig for your BS theorizing.
Posts: 3354 | Registered: May 2005
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quote:but it's important to note that this isn't a matter of blame, it's a matter of circumstance.
Rabbit didn't single you out. You singled yourself out by reacting to her reference to a study (just one out of many). You argue that you are in a position to provide valid anecdotal evidence that controverts the established stereotype of only children. Guess what? Some of the only children I've known have lamented their state of onlihood precisely because they fit the dominant stereotype, and they didn't like it.
In any case, what we're dealing with is generalities. And then, we're NOT dealing with generalities that are considered major character flaws. Some people are better at conflict resolution than others. Some children from large families are WORSE at conflict resolution than some only-children. But overall, there is a body of evidence that only children are (on average) not as good at conflict resolution as children with siblings. Big Deal.
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Of note, anecdotal evidence can be worth absolutely nothing, as sometimes there are more relevant factors influencing anecdotal situations. If you met my brother and assumed that because he's the only son and youngest of four all children with that birth order position were like him, you'd probably make a decree that all women who have three girls and then a boy are legally required to either have more children or kill the boy. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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I think I'd probably rather spend more time and energy on projects I care about versus conflict resolution. I think I serve myself just as well in the long run that way. Posts: 3354 | Registered: May 2005
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quote:Originally posted by steven: I think I'd probably rather spend more time and energy on projects I care about versus conflict resolution. I think I serve myself just as well in the long run that way.
Typical only child attitude. Posts: 2223 | Registered: Mar 2008
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quote:I think I'd probably rather spend more time and energy on projects I care about versus conflict resolution. I think I serve myself just as well in the long run that way.
I guess whether that argument makes any sense or not depends on what kind of projects you care about. The "project" I care most about in the world is my relationship with my husband and conflict resolution is an inseparable part of that. In fact, every project in my life that I care deeply about involves working with human beings and so dealing with and resolving conflicts is part of everything I care about.
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quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen: My kids regularly play with other kids who do things they are not allowed to. They realize that not everyone has the same "rules" we do. I think this is a decent foundation for learning to deal with others who are different (at their current ages.) We also have regular discussions about what we believe and that not everyone believes that . . .
KQ, Its sounds like you a doing a great job with your children.
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posted
Davis makes a valid point in the that we are willing to put our all into trivial things, when children are being shot up all over the southside of Chicago. She does get a little more passionate than she should, but Sherman is and always will be an opportunist, and a jerk. No one here is required to pray during that moment of silence.
What is next, preschool kids refusing to go down for nap time? The moment is not specifically for prayer. It is there for recollection. The same pseudo liberal "open minded" jerk that would automatically associate it with religous doctrine, is the same whack job that does underwater meditation yoga, and screams at kids around the pool for interrupting his Chakra flow and moment of silence.
Sigh. This place. But not to play devils advocate, but we have more important bills to pass that ursup the moment of silence act. Like the Federal Reserve Abolishion Act!
posted
Care to explain? Is it the meditation, the yoga, the being underwater, or the combination that concerns you?
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Originally posted by rivka: Care to explain? Is it the meditation, the yoga, the being underwater, or the combination that concerns you?
I can't tell if you are being serious about your query, or prompting me to give you the necessary resources to launch a debate on how meditation in public, is completely different from a moment of silence in a public school system. Either way, I have ramen to eat.
Posts: 8 | Registered: Apr 2008
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Without semantics, please explain to me the differentiating factors between governmentally mandated naptime, and governmentally appointed teachers who can make you shut your pie hole without a law? OMG!! PIE!!! BRB!!
Posts: 8 | Registered: Apr 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Broncey: Without semantics, please explain to me the differentiating factors between governmentally mandated naptime, and governmentally appointed teachers who can make you shut your pie hole without a law? OMG!! PIE!!! BRB!!
Stopping or altering one involves a discussion with the teacher. Stopping or altering the other involves legislation.
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