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The title pretty much says it all. I noticed that whenever I mentioned anything about video games to my former girlfriend (the one I told you about breaking up with), she adopted this incredibly bored and icy tone of voice with me, which indicated that I should change the subject. Was this fair? It wasn't as if I began every conversation with "Last night on World of Warcraft ..." (which I don't play); I just mentioned occasionally that I bought a game or that I played something the night before if she asked me what I had done that night. I never even referred to any violent games (because I don't like most types of games that typically are violent).
She spent plenty of time telling me what she watched on TV the night before or what inane piece of celebrity news she heard that day, and I always acted interested, because usually I was to a degree.
Posts: 781 | Registered: Apr 2005
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My wife has the same incredibly bored look with glazed eyes when I mention LOTRO....and conversely when she mentions some technical knitting techniques my attention goes away and my eyes glaze over. I don't think it is about fair or unfair but rather things that hold our interest and things that simply don't.
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Perhaps she was not the right dame for you. I like video games, at least the ones that do not make me motion sick.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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That's understandable. There are some pointless hobby activities which people enjoy (which, let's face it, video games fall under) that would be very hard for me to get into or even to not roll my eyes at. Celebrity gossip is one of them.
Of course, from you short description, it sounds like she didn't even try to keep the video games from being a wedge between you, which is much more problematic than her just not liking them.
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My wife plays more video games than I do also. I'm usually too busy writing games to play them.
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You're confident enough in your code to not test it?
Don't pull the wool over my eyes; I've done (and continue to do) a lot of game programming. And if you don't regularly test your stuff, it's a pain to track down a bug if something shows up. And according to my computer programming teacher, testing a game you've made is still playing games.
Posts: 1029 | Registered: Apr 2007
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I introduced my bf to WoW and I play more than him. I raid, he plays casually. I'm pretty sure if I were dating someone who had zero interest in WoW we'd be starting with a serious handicap.
I've seen video games play a part in the difficulties of several relationships. Sometimes it's the guy who plays, sometimes it's the girl.
My bf does play a lot of Castlevania and he'll often tell me about it. We joke around about zoning out when we're talking to each other but it doesn't happen with Castlevania any more than another topic Posts: 1261 | Registered: Apr 2004
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I don't mind that my girlfriend is completely uninterested in computer games (though she does want to get a 360 so that she can play Rock Band). It's not any kind of a handicap for us, though--she isn't actively hostile toward them, and playing computer games is a pretty minor part of how I spend my leisure time these days. I love--love--that she's an avid SF reader, though, and one whose taste in SF is compatible with my own. I wasn't really looking for a serious relationship when we met, but I knew that I wasn't really interested in a serious relationship, period with someone who wasn't a SF reader.
I melted when I texted her at WorldCon last summer telling her that I was watching a gladitorial robot match and she wrote back with "Gladitorial *robots*? I'm so #$%^ing jealous that I think I might hate you!".
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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quote:Originally posted by C3PO the Dragon Slayer: You're confident enough in your code to not test it?
Don't pull the wool over my eyes; I've done (and continue to do) a lot of game programming. And if you don't regularly test your stuff, it's a pain to track down a bug if something shows up. And according to my computer programming teacher, testing a game you've made is still playing games.
There is a bit of a difference between testing code and playing a game for fun.
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I have to admit that for me a video game habit of more than about three hours a week total is definitely an unattractive trait in a guy.
Well, I hope that if you ever turned me down it would be because I didn't have enough to talk to you about or didn't want to do enough things with you that you liked to do, not simply because I played too many video games.
When I think of habits that by themselves would turn off women, I think of things like kicking dogs or having sex with random people met through craigslist. You're not equating playing video games more than three hours a week with those, are you?
Posts: 781 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:Originally posted by katharina: I have to admit that for me a video game habit of more than about three hours a week total is definitely an unattractive trait in a guy.
Serious question: Why? And how'd you come to three hours?
Edit: And I'm not trying to build upon what Omega is saying. He got his post in before I could hit post.
Posts: 368 | Registered: Aug 2007
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My bf and I both play a lot of games, and we talk about them a lot. He tends to stick with computer games(WoW and the like), but since I only have my laptop at school, I play PS2 and NintendoDS games, particularly RPGs. We talk about both kinds of games, especially if something amusing has happened. He knows that if I had the money, I'd join him in playing WoW and Warhammer(he has AMAZING artistic talent), so it doesn't bore me when he talks about them, because I like to learn about that sort of thing.
Actually, an interest in video games is almost a requirement in boyfriends of mine. Even if it's just old SNES games(which I still play- particularly Lufia 2), they're something fun to do and talk about. My best friend and I take turns playing when we only have single player games, and it's a blast.
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I will say, but I want to preface it with this: About personal taste, there can be no disputations. Also, I am fully aware that I don't exactly have the world's greatest love life track record, so, you know, take it for what it is worth.
But the reason is because I don't enjoy dating people who are not socially adept. I like all kinds of people as friends, but, from long experience, I have discovered that I do not like being the socially adept person in a relationship. I'm okay with managing social situations, but I have to work at it, and if I'm dating someone who is even more socially awkward than I am, it means I have to work at it every time we are together. I don't like having to work at it, and it turns into me not enjoying spending every day with that person. Once being with the other person becomes an onerous chore, the whole thing is doomed.
I have also, in my experience, found that a steady, intense, high-investment (of money and time) love of video games has an inverse correlation with social adeptness.
ETA: And, to be perfectly honest, my older brother loves video games, and my definition of the perfect guy is pretty much "the opposite of my older brother in all personality traits and habits."
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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My girlfriend and I are currently working our way through Fallout 3 together, and we play Rock Band with friends all the time. For us, what keeps it from being a problem is that it's a communal, relationshippy activity - like watching a movie together or going to a concert. It's something we do for fun together on evenings when it's too cold or rainy to go outside.
As for 3 hours a week... psh, we can play more than that in a single day.
Edited to add: It shouldn't be necessary to point this out, but a video game habit doesn't equate to an absence of social skills, any more than being a movie buff or sports fan or classical music enthusiast does. Especially these days, when video games have long since hit the mainstream.
Posts: 1321 | Registered: Sep 1999
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quote:You're confident enough in your code to not test it?
It's not a matter of confidence; cardinal rule of software development is never have a programmer test their own product.
Secondly, creating a game is fun. Playing a game with others is fun. TESTING a game is not fun, especially if problems arise.
Posts: 3486 | Registered: Sep 2002
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I completely respect your preference, kat. If a potential partner were intensely into, say, NASCAR, that would be a pretty big (though not necessarily insurmountable) negative for me.
That said, aren't there quite a few people that you know fairly well from sake that play a lot more than 3 hours of video games per week who fail to fit that mold? Raja leaps to mind, as does Liza. I think that I do (I'm not currently playing anything at all, but when I play games I play a lot more than 3 hours a week's worth). I'd say that Ty does. I'm sure that there are a lot more of us, but those are the ones that first leapt to mind.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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The problem with this question "Are video games a deal-breaker with women?", is that it presumes women are a monolithic group. We aren't. Playing video games is likely a deal breaker for some women. It may have been for your ex-girlfriend. Other women love video games.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
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Noemon: It isn't a perfect rule, I admit, so I try not to flat out run the other direction. It's generally usually true, it has seemed like, though, so in my head, if someone DOES have a huge video game habit, then the onus is on them to provide evidence that I won't end up going to sleep on the couch because I just can't face another evening of trying to create a conversation.
For all the people you mentioned in your post, there is ample evidence and has been for years that that would not be the case.
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Edited to add: It shouldn't be necessary to point this out, but a video game habit doesn't equate to an absence of social skills, any more than being a movie buff or sports fan or classical music enthusiast does. Especially these days, when video games have long since hit the mainstream.
That video games have hit the mainstream doesn't necessarily disprove the claim that video games lead to social ineptitude.
On one hand, it's not a dependable scale, and saying that it's true will eventually lead to a ton of people raising their hand and crying "exception", but I'll say that a week where I play games in excess of 10-15 hours by myself are weeks when my responsibilities fall to the wayside and I feel like a self-made shut-in.
Posts: 368 | Registered: Aug 2007
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I have also, in my experience, found that a steady, intense, high-investment (of money and time) love of video games has an inverse correlation with social adeptness.
That's how I was hoping you'd explain it. Sorry if I was rude.
Posts: 781 | Registered: Apr 2005
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This is all based on personal experience, and you can't argue with my personal experience.
EmpSquared is also correct: that video games have become mainstream doesn't disprove my general thesis. It is entirely possible that most of the population is not socially adept. In fact, that wouldn't surprise me at all. I know I'm not, and I know that those who are benefit greatly from it.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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My personal experience is that, when looking at a correlation between video games and social adeptness, it depends a lot on what sort of video game you are talking about. Games like Rock Band, which you tend to play with other people in person, correlate positively with social adeptness. Games where you interact with people online correlate negatievly, probably because it provides an outlet for social interaction for anyone who isn't as into socializing in person, so it would make sense that those games would attract certain types of people more. Games that you play by yourself probably can go either way, but if you spend too much time playing games on your own, I'd guess it limits social life.
And I don't think any generalization about any type of gamer really holds true that consistently.
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I'd argue that the success of the Wii (and to a lesser extent the DS) as opposed to the PS3 and XBox is precisely because it recognizes the limitations of the hardcore gamer demographic and exploits the larger shift of video games to the mainstream. In other words, this difference will eventually be totally eroded.
(And of course even this shift is greatly influenced by the success of titles such as The Sims, which at least a few years ago seemed to occupy five out of ten top ten sales positions on the PC)
Posts: 7593 | Registered: Sep 2006
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I have to admit that since I came to my conclusions about four years ago, I have done my level best to be completely unaware of video games since then. I did play Rock Band and Wii Fit over the Christmas break and greatly enjoyed both of them. Those would be okay.
All I know is that it is a life goal to never, ever go on a date again that includes a first person shooter game. There is no scenario under which that sounds fun for me.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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I would never subject anyone to that or its equivalent (I'm not a fan of first-person shooters). I don't need to play video games with my girlfriend; I just want to be able to mention them. Or at least say something like, "I saw the funniest YouTube video today! Somebody put Meatwad in a Pokemon game!"
Posts: 781 | Registered: Apr 2005
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In late grade school, I daydreamed about what my perfect date would be. It involved a girl in my class named Nicole, pizza, couple skating, and playing a two player game of Centipede (high fiving each other as we got progressively better scores. Centipede was really the core of the imaginary experience).
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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While I have dated many different guys who were into video games, I have never had a good experience. The worst were when we played first person shooter games and I, naturally, sucked at it beyond belief, and he was patronizing about it. You'd think the one where he just beat me would be worse, but at least with that one I didn't feel bad about wanting to run out.
Any situation where I get set up to fail and then patronized about it is going to suck for me. It's like me planning an evening where we translate Latin together or else play Book of Mormon scripture chase with a non-Mormon. The universal dreadfulness of the evenings was part of what convinced me that loving video games = socially awkward. Honestly.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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I actually dated a girl whose dad is in the military. They're a pretty big gun family. We went to an arcade and she kicked my but at all the first person shooter games...I felt kinda emasculated...
Posts: 1604 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Exactly. There is no scenario where playing a first person shooter game works out for me. Guns are too closely associated with manhood for either of us to enjoy me winning, and since I almost certainly won't, I feel set up to lose, which I also don't enjoy. I'd rather play pool instead. I also usually lose there, but at least I have a fighting chance. And there is geometry involved.
Having said that, the times where we went and shot real guns, either in the mountains or at a gun range, were a whole lot of fun. I enjoyed that.
I suspect there is part of me that doesn't consider skill at video games to be anything to be admired. It isn't real, and it isn't transferable. It isn't like getting good at a craft or an art or sport. It isn't visceral, and it isn't risky. That's all fine for a diversion, but as far as what I find attractive in men, I like talented, adept, clever, and present* men who make me feel comfortable around them, and none of those things seem to go along with an obsession with video games.
*By "present," I mean aware of the world around them, both immediately and globally, possessing an opinion on it, and taking action about it.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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The date I went on two days ago, no joke, was with a girl who had a wicked hot Quake tattoo on her back.
It went well. Date #2 is going to be at the gamer's guild in nobo, where we will try to kick each other's asses in CS.
Posts: 15421 | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:Originally posted by katharina: [QB] While I have dated many different guys who were into video games, I have never had a good experience. The worst were when we played first person shooter games and I, naturally, sucked at it beyond belief, and he was patronizing about it. You'd think the one where he just beat me would be worse, but at least with that one I didn't feel bad about wanting to run out. [qb]
Bleah. What an awful evening. Was that a first date? I honestly don't think I've ever had a date that was that bad.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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quote:Originally posted by katharina: Yes. And it has actually happened more than once.
With the same person?
I take it back about not having had a date that bad. The worst date of my adult life involved my date spending the entire evening completely ignoring me and flirting outrageously with an old friend of hers who was at the same place we were. That wasn't the first date I had with that woman, but it was the last.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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Different people. That's what I can't believe. The only common factor is that they all loved video games. And were male. And about 23. Okay, not the ONLY common factor, but it seems to be the governing one.
And, sadly, I have had many dates that bad. My life in general improved enormously once I started saying no unless I really wanted to go. I don't date nearly as often, but I have cut WAY down on the horror stories.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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I am neither socially ept nor an avid video gamer.
To be totally honest, I used some Christmas money to go and get an NES and a few games for it. It's the only system I've ever owned since...the NES. I'm definitely in the less than 3 hours a week category. My wife wouldn't put up with more than that. Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
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Less than three hours a week is totally fine. Good, even. Diversions are good. That's about the same as, say, crossword puzzles.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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My wife and I love video games, but like anything you have to play it by ear. Sometimes she wants to play sometimes I don't. We don't really have defined limits, but we both have an understanding that the other is well within their limits to say if they feel the other is playing too much.
When I was single they asked the girls in my ward at an activity what they found the most frustrating about dating guys and the number one complaint was that guys want to play video games. I think that more and more girls are being raised playing video games and so that will in part make it less of a problem, but for some people video games are just not their thing. There's nothing wrong with that, but if it's important to you, that's something you need to consider and decide if you can give em up.
On the other hand my littlest sister loves video games, reads Manga in Japanese, and bought me this for Christmas, (I love it by the way). For her I doubt video games are deal breaker, but they could be an obsession, which isn't really an improvement.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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The best couples accept each other for who they are. If you love video games, you'd better find a date who also loves video games, or is mature and secure enough to appreciate that you enjoy them and not get on your case about it.
Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Armoth: We went to an arcade and she kicked my but at all the first person shooter games...I felt kinda emasculated...
See, that wouldn't bother me at all, unless she acted like a jerk about having beaten me.
The date itself was awesome. It was just a funny feeling. Plus, I beat her at the trivia game, and bought her two stuffed animals...good times...
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