FacebookTwitter
Hatrack River Forum   
my profile login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Critique my short!

   
Author Topic: Critique my short!
Abyss
Member
Member # 3086

 - posted      Profile for Abyss   Email Abyss         Edit/Delete Post 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4_b5HJNrFo

I used to post here sort of frequently, but I've been away for a long time. Now I'm going to school for film, and I recently participated in a 48 hour film festival. I'm pretty happy with the result, but I was wondering what feedback you all could give me.

And, you know, also this is shameless self-promotion. Part of the contest is based on Youtube hits. [Big Grin]

So you can help me out, watch a quick clip, and have an opinion on it! Everyone wins!

- Abyss

Posts: 280 | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
advice for robots
Member
Member # 2544

 - posted      Profile for advice for robots           Edit/Delete Post 
I thought the camera work and the colors were great. I would say the story could have used a bit more of a twist. By the second episode it was easy to see how each one would go, and it ended with no surprises. Perhaps naming it something more compelling than "Identity" would give it a little more spice? But it was entertaining.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kmbboots
Member
Member # 8576

 - posted      Profile for kmbboots   Email kmbboots         Edit/Delete Post 
Your short what?
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Noemon
Member
Member # 1115

 - posted      Profile for Noemon   Email Noemon         Edit/Delete Post 
Abyss just forgot the final "s", Kate. No reason to be so hard on him (or her?).

In answer to the original question, though, I really don't think that plaid is a good choice for you.

[Edited to add the word "original"]

[ March 03, 2009, 02:04 PM: Message edited by: Noemon ]

Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Teshi
Member
Member # 5024

 - posted      Profile for Teshi   Email Teshi         Edit/Delete Post 
It was good, but I thought it could have been about half as long, especially since it didn't actually change as it went along. I also thought the music was too dominant and sort of just music rather than being part of the story.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Abyss
Member
Member # 3086

 - posted      Profile for Abyss   Email Abyss         Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks a lot, everyone. And it's my short FILM, people.

The colors were definitely part of the design. There was actually supposed to be narration that we didn't have time for -- maybe that would have helped with the music issue.

Also, total side note, I just read OSC's latest column, and apparently he goes to the same movie theater I do... !

Posts: 280 | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dobbie
Member
Member # 3881

 - posted      Profile for Dobbie           Edit/Delete Post 
Was that the guy who played Bubba on "Mama's Family"?
Posts: 1794 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Abyss
Member
Member # 3086

 - posted      Profile for Abyss   Email Abyss         Edit/Delete Post 
Ha, I haven't heard that one yet. I've gotten a lot of people who say that the main actor, Richard McNolty, looks like a young Nathan Fillion, which I totally buy. I've also had people who think the 'stoner' looks like Shia Lebouf, which I don't really see.
Posts: 280 | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Earendil18
Member
Member # 3180

 - posted      Profile for Earendil18   Email Earendil18         Edit/Delete Post 
For 48 hours, it's alright I guess. You had 48 hours for pre-production, production, and post. [Smile] That shiz is hard!

That guy does look like Nathan Fillion, although more boyish and cuter. [Razz]

For feedback:
The editing wasn't the best, there's a weird .25 second shot that just kind of flickers in and out near the beginning when they're sitting in the library. There's areas where he's coughing and all this, and the bouncy music doesn't fit. It may fit better if it didn't drag on dramatically. Keep the momentum, it doesn't take the audience that long to get an idea, that whole coughing fit could be cut to 2 or fewer shots. All depends on how you present it.

The shot composition was kind of hit or miss when it came to supporting thematic ideas, or what the scene was about. The church for example, I got it, but the handheld over the shoulder of them praying didn't really support or enhance the idea.

Lighting was good mostly in the thematic colored shots, but outside of that it was poor.

Sound is hard to get. Rather, GOOD sound is hard to get. I had a Sennheiser M600 and it STILL didn't give me the best sound. You gotta have some decent equipment, some smart sound guys to plan for that, so I'm not going to blather because you don't have hundreds of dollars of equipment. [Razz]

That being said, I think you should've ditched the sound effects completely. You have this nice musical/visual thing going, and whenever the sound comes in from the camera, it's jarring. The church scene/emo smoking scene both had very distracting audio, and you can't really hear the two guys talking anyway.

Acting, hey, it works.

Some good ideas here, and for 48 hours it's alright. Definitely tons of room to improve it though.

What film school are you going to?

Posts: 1236 | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Abyss
Member
Member # 3086

 - posted      Profile for Abyss   Email Abyss         Edit/Delete Post 
It's a little school in NC called Elon University.

Which shot flickers? I've watched it on a couple of different computers and I've never gotten a flicker. Were you watching in high definition?

Posts: 280 | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Earendil18
Member
Member # 3180

 - posted      Profile for Earendil18   Email Earendil18         Edit/Delete Post 
I couldn't watch in HD because it was streaming slowly.

I'm talking about teh shot at 1:10-1:11, which doesn't contribute much and then cuts again.

Posts: 1236 | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Hatrack River Home Page

Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2