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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Something I Wrote A Few Years Ago

   
Author Topic: Something I Wrote A Few Years Ago
Yebor1
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Me


Part one

I’m tired.
I’m tired of being alone:
But I can be.
I’m tired of laughing alone:
But I do anyway
I’m tired of not having someone I can share my fears, hopes, and dreams with:
I’m tired of not having someone there to hold me when I need it:
I’m tired of not having someone to hold and just by holding them make it all better:
But I deal with it.
I’m tired of no one trusting me as completely as I trust them:
But I still trust.
I’m tired of seeing the potential in people they can’t see in themselves:
But I still see potential.
I’m tired of being burned time and time again:
But I will be.
I’m tired of understanding:
But I will not stop.
I’m tired of being second best:
I’m tired of failing:
But I will never stop trying.


Part Two
I don’t know if I will ever stop failing.
I have to believe I won’t.
If I didn’t, what would be the point in trying?
In relationships; time and time again I have tried and failed because I was the one who wasn’t patient enough to wait that last minute it would have taken for them to believe in themselves as much as I did believed in them. I have failed because I knew what was needed and in the end didn’t have the strength to put up with any more heartache on a chance of achieving happiness for both of us. In the end I was the weak one because I understood what was wrong and I was not willing to endure one more minute of sorrow for the sake of that person.
I understood.
I understood even when they didn’t.




I understand the human condition so well, I know what makes us who we are and I know why we do what we do to each other and ourselves.
It is my curse.


Our life experiences make us who we are.
Everything we do.
Everything we think.
Everything we say.
It is all a result from our experiences of the past.
How we got along with our families.
How our relationships turned out.
How we treated people.
How we reacted to different circumstances.
It is all a result of how we dealt with pain.
It is all a result of how we dealt with heartache.
It is all a result of how we dealt with hardship.
It is all a result of how we dealt with happiness.




Most people build a wall to protect themselves from the pain. Being human we have a need for companionship so we try to let others in but the wall is still there getting in the way. Not only do we have to deal with our own walls we have to deal with the walls others have built up. How can we hope to be truly known for ourselves if that wall is protecting us? So once again misunderstandings occur and the wall is raised higher until nothing can penetrate it.
I have my own wall.
Sometimes it is so high even my own family can’t get in.
Many times I have let this wall down for another only to have them hurt me because they were prisoners of their own walls.
I just build mine up again and resolve to never let it down.
I love the human race too much to keep the wall up for long.
I believe in the human spirit and goodness that I can’t keep from hoping and trying.
Sometimes I have let the wrong people into my walls. I knew they were not good for me. I knew they would hurt me. I wanted to be hurt. I wanted to be punished. It choose to let the bad ones in at first believing in them and then later I would keep them there as a punishment to myself for not being strong enough to help them believe in themselves. I thought I deserved the lies, the abuse, and the hurt. It was my own penance for not always being the best human being.


I understand the human condition so well, I know what makes us who we are and I know why we do what we do to each other and ourselves.
It is my curse.

Part Three


I believe.
I believe in the inherent goodness of the human heart and spirit.
It is my curse.
It is my salvation.

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Yebor1
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On a personal note i have been with the same woman for over a year now.
We are very happy.
She makes me laugh. She makes me smile. She sometimes makes me want to pull out my hair.
I Make her laugh. I make her smile. I sometimes make her want to pull out her hair.


She compltes me.

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Jake
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Glad to hear that life has taken a turn for the better since the last time you were active here, Yebor.
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Yebor1
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tanks jake
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Dan_Frank
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quote:
Originally posted by Yebor1:
...
She compltes me.

Was this intentional? It struck my funny bone, so kudos if it was. If not, that's okay too. [Smile]
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Armoth
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Thanks for sharing that. A lot of it resonated.
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Sean Monahan
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quote:
Originally posted by Dan_Frank:
quote:
Originally posted by Yebor1:
...
She compltes me.

Was this intentional? It struck my funny bone, so kudos if it was. If not, that's okay too. [Smile]
My inner geek awoke at this. I read "She compiles me."
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