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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » God is bald

   
Author Topic: God is bald
Darth_Mauve
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The logic struck me follows:

Hair, as can be tested with any simple microscope, is made of dead cells.

God, being immortal, can not have any dead cells.

So there is a problem with all those images of God with long white hair and a long white beard.

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Samprimary
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is this where you start going all pseudospiritual on us and come up with mathematical proofs of god or something
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Samprimary
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Zeta Quoron = 1.6180339887, established as the Hair Ratio

Step 1: 1/Slpoobox + 1/Phi^2 = 1
Step 2: Timecube = 1.6180339887
Step 3: 1/Phi^2 = 0.38196601

Conclusion:
0.38196601 = Dooblefrooble, or the Smurgnoz Ratio

Second Conclusion:
I am God, and the greatest Prophet on Mirror-Earth that you are actually on.

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Dogbreath
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And so begins Sam's slow but inevitable slide into the dark depths of megalomaniacal madness.
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Dogbreath
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FWIW, if I was secretly God, I'm not sure I would use Hatrack as my venue to announce my presence in this world. YMMV.
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dkw
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quote:
Originally posted by Darth_Mauve:
So there is a problem with all those images of God with long white hair and a long white beard.

This part I agree with.
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BlackBlade
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You are assuming hair *must* be made of dead skin cells. I'd be completely unsurprised if there was an animal we know about, that has hair composed of entirely living cells.

Even if there wasn't, it doesn't even sound like a particularly hard thing to genetically engineer.

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advice for robots
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Does he also not have fingernails?
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TomDavidson
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As with His hair, God's fingernails are fully alive -- pulsing, throbbing, writhing.
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Samprimary
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quote:
Originally posted by Dogbreath:
And so begins Sam's slow but inevitable slide into the dark depths of megalomaniacal madness.

begins?
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Marek
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maybe God has long hair and beard like in the pictures, and that's why our dead cells turn into hair, they are becoming more like god's cells
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Stephan
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If God made man in his image, wouldn't God look like this?

First Mammals

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Samprimary
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quote:
Originally posted by Marek:
maybe God has long hair and beard like in the pictures, and that's why our dead cells turn into hair, they are becoming more like god's cells

this post needs a [10]
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Herblay
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Two hypotheses:
- An immortal being CAN experience cell death of specialized cells, such as hair and nails. These cells are designed to die.
- God can appear in any form he wants, being omnipotent. He doesn't actually have dead cells, you are just glimpsing a perception of an immortal being in a form your puny human brain can understand. He actually looks like this: http://southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com/images/shows/south-park/clip-thumbnails/season-3/0316/south-park-s03e16c12-god-shows-himself-16x9.jpg

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Dogbreath
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quote:
Originally posted by Samprimary:
quote:
Originally posted by Dogbreath:
And so continues Sam's slow but inevitable slide into the dark depths of megalomaniacal madness.

begins?
Ok, ok, I fixed it for you.
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advice for robots
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quote:
Originally posted by Dogbreath:
quote:
Originally posted by Samprimary:
quote:
Originally posted by Dogbreath:
And so continues Sam's slow but inevitable slide into the dark depths of megalomaniacal madness.

begins?
Ok, ok, I fixed it for you.
I think the word you're looking for is "culminates."
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Dogbreath
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Well, in that case it's a pretty half-assed climax. I want my money back.
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advice for robots
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You always knew it was going to end badly.
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Darth_Mauve
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quote:
Two hypotheses:
- An immortal being CAN experience cell death of specialized cells, such as hair and nails. These cells are designed to die.
- God can appear in any form he wants, being omnipotent. He doesn't actually have dead cells, you are just glimpsing a perception of an immortal being in a form your puny human brain can understand.

Two problems--An immortal CAN experience cell death, God, however, is more than immortal. God is perfect, according to all the experts. Dead cells are imperfect. God can't have imperfect cells.

Second, while God can appear any way God wishes, the Bible says Man was made in God's image. Implying that God chose to look like like mostly hairless ape, and created men to look like that image, then that means our image is not really divine.

Yeah, my next step was going to go all mystical and spiritual. I was going to tie Hair as a representation of our fallen nature, animal nature, and mortal natures into a great universal religious theory. Obviously, the less hair one has the more divine you are. So the Buddhist Monks are more divine than say ancient Egyptian Priests (who wore hair only in their pony tails) who were more divine than Franciscan Monks with their weird semi-bald Moe hair cuts. This would ultimately lead to the least divine/hairiest groups such as certain Rabbi's, Russian Orthodox Patriarchs and Taliban Mulahs.

But then I thought gee, that would be silly.

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Wingracer
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Who says a dead cell is imperfect? If a dead cell fulfills its role better than a live one, what's the problem?
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Samprimary
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quote:
Originally posted by advice for robots:
quote:
Originally posted by Dogbreath:
quote:
Originally posted by Samprimary:
quote:
Originally posted by Dogbreath:
And so continues Sam's slow but inevitable slide into the dark depths of megalomaniacal madness.

begins?
Ok, ok, I fixed it for you.
I think the word you're looking for is "culminates."
THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM
- every anime badguy, ever

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