Hatrack River
Home   |   About Orson Scott Card   |   News & Reviews   |   OSC Library   |   Forums   |   Contact   |   Links
Research Area   |   Writing Lessons   |   Writers Workshops   |   OSC at SVU   |   Calendar   |   Store
E-mail this page
Hatrack River Forum Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hatrack River Forum » Archives » Landmark Threads » Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Fat-Free Goat's Milk

   
Author Topic: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Fat-Free Goat's Milk
Frisco
Member
Member # 3765

 - posted      Profile for Frisco           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him;
Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created. And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, and after his image; and called his name Seth.

A lot more people were begotten after this, but I don’t remember names too well.

At some point, these ancestors of ours decided that hermaphrodite cloning (as is clearly depicted above) was SO Genesis and started bumping uglies like civilized human beings.


* Flash forward to 1978 *

In the beginning (of the month of December), a fetus was created. Afterwards, Ed said, “Let there be light.”

Debbe flipped the switch, put on some clothes, and they went out to watch Dallas. And the episode was good.

* Flash forward to September 6, 1979 *

In the hours before their departure to Cape Fear Hospital, when all the final scurrying about had reached a nearly unbearable frenzy, an old crone came to visit the mother-to-be.

“You will name the child Edmund,” said the old woman, as she rested her hand upon the belly of Debbe.

“We decided that 9 months ago, Grandma, so quit being creepy or we’re going to take you back to the nursing home.”

* Flash forward to 10:39pm *

EDDIE: WAAAHHHH! (Translation: Turn the lights off, dude.)

Most of the details of the next eighteen years are rather boring…and more than a little fuzzy. I remember going to school or something. And falling down a lot. At some point, we moved to California. I got a cool hairdo, learned to roller-skate, and some other stuff that, now that I look back on it, served no real purpose other than to kill time. Subsequent moves to Idaho and Kansas yielded similar results.

Years 18-23 are only slightly more interesting.

My 18th birthday is spent at Columbia University with the crew team. This is only important to mention because crew was the only thing I learned my freshman year in college.

My 19th birthday is spent eating beef jerky in the back of a Nissan Sentra in Denver, CO. I dropped out of Columbia and convinced my best friend and cousin to drop out of USC and move to Florida. We meet the devil, and she introduces us to Ender’s Game. We both proceed to fall in love with the devil AND Ender’s Game (the devil, I should add, is Brooke Wells of New Orleans, LA). Other than that, all I remember are surfing and sunburns.

My 20th and 21st were spent with my future ex-fiancée. Shortly after the 21st, she becomes just “ex-fiancée”. Then I moved to Vermont and saw some snow. And some trees covered in snow. For some reason, I’m inspired to move back to Florida, which I do.

My 22nd passes uneventfully. In May of 2002, I packed up and left Florida with no destination in mind. I drove around and ate more beef jerky. Is it just me, or does beef jerky taste best when you’re driving? Anyway, my subconscious, with the help of road signs, led me back to Boise.

So ends my pre-Hatrack life. Any time not accounted for in the above story of my life was spent eating, sleeping, reading, writing, or a combination of any or all of these.

* Flash forward to July 6, 2002 *

I was informed by Luet/Lutya that I must stop lurking around Hatrack and that I need to give others the opportunity to dislike me. My other option, she told me, was to register at the Philotic Web. Seeing as I was still sore at P-web for making me feel stupid in the trivia contest, I chose Hatrack. There’s another reason I chose Hatrack, but that one will remain known only to Sara and Toni.

It’s been a long six months since I became a Jatraquero. In September, I moved back to NYC for the first time since I gave Columbia the proverbial finger. So far, it’s been a good choice. Last month, I got hired to co-author a book called “101 Ways to Find a Great Guy in NYC”, and this week I have an interview for a Social Studies teacher position in Brooklyn.

The downside is that I only got to spend one day with Ralphie and Khavanon in P-land. Actually, since she almost killed us last time, a long-distance relationship may not be such a bad thing. Oh, Toni…give Shon his book back, will ya?

In exchange for the Pacific NW clump, I’ve received the Northeast crowd. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Risuena and Noah (though he was much too busy with his handcart filled with OSC books to remember). I’ve gotten to know the person behind the “HAHAHAHA…ASS” comment, and she’s even funnier in person. You all know whom I’m talking about. Unfortunately, though, there seems to be a Hatrack conspiracy to end my life. People, I don’t care how beautiful or funny she is…ladyday is not one to get into a car with.

Also, thanks to Nathan and Bob for keeping the BTQ thread going strong. A good portion of my posts go towards making these guys laugh.

Last, but not least, I’d like to thank my Parachat and AIM homies. I never would have gotten to 1000 posts if you hadn’t kept me up until 4am every night. Oh, and Leto, I have something to tell you. I am not left-handed.

* Bows and accepts his “Least likely to get a response from his milestone post” award *


Posts: 5263 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
T_Smith
Member
Member # 3734

 - posted      Profile for T_Smith   Email T_Smith         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Not left handed? Well, that certainly gives me a bad mental image.

WTG Frisco on the 1000th!


Posts: 9752 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Leto II
Member
Member # 2659

 - posted      Profile for Leto II   Email Leto II         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Not left-handed? I don't get it...
Posts: 6907 | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
celia60
Member
Member # 2039

 - posted      Profile for celia60   Email celia60         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
We will win whether or not you double cross us...so don't get any ideas=-O It'll just be easier with you in our corner.

teehee.


Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Frisco
Member
Member # 3765

 - posted      Profile for Frisco           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So I'm not a good bluffer...sue me.

Oh, I'll bet you do get it, John...


Posts: 5263 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Toretha
Member
Member # 2233

 - posted      Profile for Toretha   Email Toretha         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Happy 1000!!!!
Posts: 3493 | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sal
Member
Member # 3758

 - posted      Profile for Sal           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 

Posts: 1045 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Leto II
Member
Member # 2659

 - posted      Profile for Leto II   Email Leto II         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
*finally gets it*

I am not left-handed, either!

Posts: 6907 | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ophelia
Member
Member # 653

 - posted      Profile for Ophelia   Email Ophelia         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Frisco, you're one of the funniest people around here. Congrats on 1000!

Oh, by the way, I don't think I ever apologized for over-reacting a bit during the last mafia game. No sleep + crazy finals = cranky, emotional Ophelia.

Your blood was delicious, though...


Posts: 3801 | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Emperor Palpatine
Member
Member # 3544

 - posted      Profile for Emperor Palpatine   Email Emperor Palpatine         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Happy 1000, dude.

a/s/l?


[This message has been edited by Emperor Palpatine (edited January 10, 2003).]


Posts: 1004 | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BYuCnslr
Member
Member # 1857

 - posted      Profile for BYuCnslr   Email BYuCnslr         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
:: plays "I Left My Leg in Jaglan Beta" ::

go frisco!


Posts: 1986 | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TomDavidson
Member
Member # 124

 - posted      Profile for TomDavidson   Email TomDavidson         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Last month, I got hired to co-author a book called 101 Ways to Find a Great Guy in NYC."

I'm confused. Why did they think you'd know?


Posts: 37208 | Registered: May 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Tammy
Member
Member # 4119

 - posted      Profile for Tammy   Email Tammy         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
I packed up and left Florida with no destination in mind. I drove around and ate more beef jerky. Is it just me, or does beef jerky taste best when you’re driving?

It's not you! It's a fact!

I'm with Ophelia...err..I don't want your blood...I just think you're on the funny side.

[This message has been edited by Tammy (edited January 10, 2003).]


Posts: 3771 | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
celia60
Member
Member # 2039

 - posted      Profile for celia60   Email celia60         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yes, Tom, I think my response was along the lines of "Why did they pick you?"
Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Vána
Member
Member # 3262

 - posted      Profile for Vána   Email Vána         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You've got some guts, don't you? Just hitting the road...I'm amazed.

Thanks for sharing!


Posts: 2661 | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TomDavidson
Member
Member # 124

 - posted      Profile for TomDavidson   Email TomDavidson         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Speaking of hitting the road, Vana, will we be seeing you tomorrow?

Posts: 37208 | Registered: May 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kama
Member
Member # 3022

 - posted      Profile for Kama   Email Kama         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
<--doesn't have anything witty to say, so just puts a lot of smilies


Posts: 5696 | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
porcelain girl
Member
Member # 1080

 - posted      Profile for porcelain girl   Email porcelain girl         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
dearest frisco,
i thought a great deal fewer inappropriate thoughts while visiting hatrack before i met you.
thanks. (ass.)
<3
porce

Posts: 3936 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Slash the Berzerker
Member
Member # 556

 - posted      Profile for Slash the Berzerker   Email Slash the Berzerker         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Oh, sure Frisco. Just when I thought I had a nice dislike all worked up for you, you go and post a killer 1000 thread like that. Stop playing with my emotions!
Posts: 5383 | Registered: Dec 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Frisco
Member
Member # 3765

 - posted      Profile for Frisco           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
John-Have at you! Behold, my trust!

Celia and Tom-Apparently, they'd just like to know how I'D like to be found

Ophelia-Drinking my blood in the heat of the moment is a forgivable offense.

Nathan-Does your mind EVER leave the gutter

Sal-

Toretha-

Emp-15/F/Denmark

B-*raises a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster*

Tammy-For your nice comments, you may have some blood, also.

Kama-

Sara- From AIM Chat:

quote:
that was a great landmark post. you wanna have sex?

Vana-Thanks for referring to it as "guts". I usually get "Are you retarded?".

Ty-*points at Slash* "Ha! You still like Rush!?" (there...now you can dislike me again )


Posts: 5263 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Slash the Berzerker
Member
Member # 556

 - posted      Profile for Slash the Berzerker   Email Slash the Berzerker         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
*points at Slash* "Ha! You still like Rush!?"

No, that's more likely to just generate pity and head shaking.


Posts: 5383 | Registered: Dec 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Frisco
Member
Member # 3765

 - posted      Profile for Frisco           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Oh, yeah...well...what if I start picking on your sister?!
Posts: 5263 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Slash the Berzerker
Member
Member # 556

 - posted      Profile for Slash the Berzerker   Email Slash the Berzerker         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
More than I do?

*ponders*

Is that possible?


Posts: 5383 | Registered: Dec 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Frisco
Member
Member # 3765

 - posted      Profile for Frisco           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well...if you're not going to work with me, you can just go ahead and keep liking me! See if I care!
Posts: 5263 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Leonide
Member
Member # 4157

 - posted      Profile for Leonide   Email Leonide         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
If I had known this was your landmark thread I would've read it sooner...as it is, I proclaim myself as being -- not unobservant -- but fashionably late.

Kudos on your milestone, and on the dropping-out-of-school-and-traveling-the-country-nomadically. Sounds insane in a good way You're a ruthless and cunning adversary -- I wouldn't want to meet up with you in a dark mafioso-infested alley. Unless I had good old Uncle Carmine with me. He'd take care of ya...*smirks in an evil manner*

Congrats!


Posts: 3516 | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Leto II
Member
Member # 2659

 - posted      Profile for Leto II   Email Leto II         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I hold Frisco's trust in my hand...
Posts: 6907 | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Frisco
Member
Member # 3765

 - posted      Profile for Frisco           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
But that doesn't make us gay, right John?

Kira - Thanks for all but telling me that you don't read my threads Update me on college life if you ever find a free moment while you're fighting off men with a stick.


Posts: 5263 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
T_Smith
Member
Member # 3734

 - posted      Profile for T_Smith   Email T_Smith         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Does my mind ever leave the gutter.

Sure, when it goes into the sewer and out into the ocean.


Posts: 9752 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ClaudiaTherese
Member
Member # 923

 - posted      Profile for ClaudiaTherese           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Lovely!
Posts: 13871 | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Frisco
Member
Member # 3765

 - posted      Profile for Frisco           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thank you, CT.

Nathan-Eh...what can I expect from an 18 year old sexually repressed Mormon boy?


Posts: 5263 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dragon
Member
Member # 3670

 - posted      Profile for Dragon   Email Dragon         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Congrats on 1000 Frisco!
Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
T_Smith
Member
Member # 3734

 - posted      Profile for T_Smith   Email T_Smith         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks for the age bump. I guess I am close enough to being 18.

In the meantime, I'll live a happy little sexually repressed life till I'm married.


Posts: 9752 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kate Emily
Member
Member # 3409

 - posted      Profile for Kate Emily   Email Kate Emily         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
That was beastly of you, Frisco. I am a fan of n-th post threads, but who could guess it is one?!
Congrats!

Posts: 174 | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Frisco
Member
Member # 3765

 - posted      Profile for Frisco           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Kate-I figured that information on Fat-Free Goat's Milk would draw more readers than my 1000th.

Maybe I'll start a REAL thread on goats and see if I was right.


Posts: 5263 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MyrddinFyre
Member
Member # 2576

 - posted      Profile for MyrddinFyre           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The gutter is not such a bad place to be.
Posts: 3634 | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
porcelain girl
Member
Member # 1080

 - posted      Profile for porcelain girl   Email porcelain girl         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
and least we're looking up at the stars...or was that up at women's panties??
Posts: 3936 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Yo-Yo
Member
Member # 3775

 - posted      Profile for Yo-Yo   Email Yo-Yo         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Very detailed post, Frisco

I'm a little offended that I'm not mentioned in there.

Just see if I put your name in my 1000th post.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Designated Bumper
Member
Member # 4487

 - posted      Profile for Designated Bumper           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
::bump::
Posts: 36 | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ladyday
Member
Member # 1069

 - posted      Profile for ladyday   Email ladyday         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey, Frisco, I've got something in my pocket for you, hold on, let me get it out...
Posts: 1674 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Frisco
Member
Member # 3765

 - posted      Profile for Frisco           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Keep your hands on the wheel!!!!
Posts: 5263 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Peter
Member
Member # 4373

 - posted      Profile for Peter   Email Peter         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
mmmmmmmmmmmmm................goats milk. yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmm.....................
Posts: 283 | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Hatrack River Home Page

Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2