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» Hatrack River Forum » Archives » Landmark Threads » 11,000 posts and the Bob FAQ (Page 1)

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Author Topic: 11,000 posts and the Bob FAQ
Bob_Scopatz
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11000 and still behind Tom. I don’t know how this could be. I mean, the guy only posts in meaningful threads and almost never more than twice in the same thread. Could there be THAT much non-fluff content at Hatrack?

If so, I’m missing it.

On purpose.

But this is MY 11000 post landmark thread. I would like to use it to provide you all with a BOB FAQ. Here you can get the answers to questions that I think are frequently asked even if that's not true. Also you may never find the answer to the question you have. But if you’d like, you can post a candidate for the FAQ down below and I’ll see what I can do about answering it.

FAQ 1: Is it true that Bob bought a high-speed cable modem and a network just so he could post more on Hatrack?

A: I acknowledge that the only reason I recently put in a network on my computer is that I wanted to be able to run Hatrack on three separate machines simultaneously.

The cable modem was so I could download copyrighted material fast enough to avoid detection.

FAQ 2: Is it true that Hatrack is actually ruining Bob’s life?

A: I will admit that my addiction has gone well beyond anything that could be labeled “harmless” or a “mere eccentricity.” It is much more akin to OCD, as I understand it. I have built up these bizarre rituals involving twirling 3x, stretching my collar, stomping out the drum beat to “Penny Lane” and then licking the keyboard before I can post.

And yet I still have “achieved” 11,000 posts. As you can well imagine, my keyboard stays very clean.

I consider Hatrack a “displacement activity.” These are activities which convey the person from one point in time to another, using up some energy, of course, but also blocking out the “noise” of other activities. This may sound negative, but it is not. When I was working on my dissertation, I developed numerous displacement activities some of which are the reason I’m prone to abdominal hernias today. Most of those activities are now forbidden to my on doctors’ orders.

Short of the potential for carpal tunnel syndrome, or perhaps using up all my limited supply of good or funny ideas, my Hatrack addiction is relatively harmless. It carries me from one necessary activity to another and fills the void for my incessantly restless fingers and my random thought generator that some laughingly refer to as a mind.

You see. My work occurs in fits and starts. There is often a 30 second window at the end of every 5 minute period that just needs to be filled. And that’s where Hatrack comes in.

Or sometimes, I need to reach a certain person who is away from their desk so I can’t finish something until that person returns. This void is also dedicated to Hatrack.

Or, there are just days like today when I am awake, the rest of the house is quiet (except for this silly bird who thinks it’s time to chirp loudly in my ear) and I don’t wan to disturb anyone by banging around in the kitchen or turning on the TV (aka mind vacuum). So I come to Hatrack and post frivolous things, usually.

FAQ 3: Does Bob have aliases that he uses for his more serious or controversial posts?

Some may wonder why I mostly stay in the fluff threads. Do I have an alias that I use when I want to post a serious opinion? No, I don’t. I have only two aliases, Posable_Man and LavaLamp. They are the ones I use when I feel the need to INCREASE the fluff, not decrease it.

FAQ 4: Is the reason that Bob stays away from serious threads that he simply can’t hold his own in an argument.

A: I have been called “malleable” by some of my closest friends. I try to agree with everyone, which of course is impossible when people are arguing. Normally, I end up finding some “common ground” that we can all agree on then I cling to that like a drowning man with a life preserver. Or a clingy person to the object they are clinging to. Here’s the problem, I think everyone has good points and I tend not to argue with them over the less-good points they make. I have learned that now people are so accustomed to this behavior that if I ever do actually state right-out that I disagree with someone, people are shocked and get very upset. I end up feeling guilty and try to appease them. Then we end up with terrorists in Afghanistan and the whole world goes to Hell in a handbasket.

FAQ 5: Is Bob really that funny in person?

A: No. Bob is really a team of writers replying under this one Hatrack log in. The real Bob is sort of soft-spoken and when he tries to be funny in real life, it often comes off as sarcasm. This has cost him many friendships, but he can’t seem to stop it.

FAQ 6: Is Bob really an obsessed fan of Orson Scott Card?

A: Well, if you mean “are there any restraining orders against him” the answer is no. But if you mean “has OSC had to take his family into the witness protection program in order to get away from Bob on two separate occasions," then the answer is still no. In fact, Bob just finds OSC to be a great author and wishes, just once, that he would post in a thread that Bob starts. But he realizes that now this particular whine has become pathetic and over the top and now OSC will probably never post in a Bob thread because it’s just too creepy to him and he is worried that Bob might be lying about not being an obsessed fan.

Alternate answer: Does stealing his underwear from the garbage can count?

FAQ 7: How does Bob really feel about God?

A: Figure it out for yourself. No. Really. Bob is just not interested in trying to convince people that his view of God is in any way correct. In fact, Bob starts with the notion that we know so little about God as to make us laughable. And Bob is right up there with the best of our televangelists on his lack of knowledge about God. So, if you’d like to send money to keep this ministry afloat, go right ahead, but realize that we’re just going to tell you to figure it out on your own anyway. Or ask dkw because she doesn’t make any outrageous claims.

FAQ 8: How does Bob feel about the Church of Jesus Christ, Latter Day Saints?

A: Bob judges people infrequently and when he does, it’s on an individual basis. As such, it doesn’t matter to him what a person’s religion is unless the religion is a major defining attribute of that person. It seems true that many LDS members have their faith as a defining attribute. And Bob actually admires that. In many ways he is jealous of the truly faithful and hopes that they turn out to have been right all along. Mainly because the alternative seems to be no afterlife and that would sort be a let down after all the plans he’s made. Of course, he's planning to make it into Heaven on a sponsors exemption or maybe get a pass because of the need for a new court jester "up there."

FAQ 9: Why did Bob change from answering in the first person to answering in the 3rd person?

A: He couldn’t decide which sounded better, so in typical Bob fashion, he used both.

Alternate answer: Because one of his other personalities has taken control.

Alternate alternate answer: Mind your own business, you grammar nazi!

FAQ 10: What does Bob think of me?

A: Who are you again? Oh, yeah. You’ve said some funny and insightful things, sometimes at the same time. Bob would love to meet you in a well-controlled setting with many avenues for escape. Then, if that trial meeting goes well, Bob would consider adding you to his list of “accepted” individuals. You don’t get a button or a t-shirt or anything. But you do get the occasional invite to a Central Florida Clump event and, typically, Bob will thereafter recall who you are when you post on Hatrack.

Well, there you have it.

Ask any other questions you might have.

Bob needs the post count.

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Hobbes
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[Big Grin] [Cool] Bob [Cool] [Big Grin]

I Love it Bob! [Big Grin]

As for a question...can we download your dissertation anywhere?

Hobbes [Smile]

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Bob_Scopatz
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FAQ 11: Can we download your dissertation anywhere?

A: Bob has never tried, but there's a place called "Dissertation Abstracts" which sells copies of dissertations. The original electronic files are probably on a disk somewhere in Bob's house, slowly leaking electrons and magnetism to the ether.

FAQ 12: How often must a question be asked before it can be called a "frequently" asked question?

A: Apparently once is good enough.

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Hobbes
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What's Bob's favorite computer game? Or should I be asking questions as if you were speaking in the first person?

Hobbes [Smile]

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Morbo
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Bob, congrats on the 11,000.
You are a role model to me in humor,and I probably have picked up a lot of style and grace notes from your hilarious posts. You and other HR comedians taught me unwittingly (on both sides) how to write comedy in a few short days. I have always wanted to. I tried long ago and thought it stunk, so I gave it up for verbal humor.

Several people guessed I was you, and I took it as a proud compliment because of your style and humor.

You cannot know (or maybe you can) the sheer, ecstatic joy it is to me to write anything that someone might laugh at.
Thanks so much!
Morbo [Big Grin]

[ July 05, 2003, 08:47 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

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Hobbes
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That wasn't a question.

[Razz]

Hobbes [Smile]

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Morbo
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Bob, why is Hobbes so annoying, and what does this mean to you personally?
Are you in fact "Bob", High Epopt and Living Slack Master of the Church of Bob?
Church of Bob (weird radio religion)
You certainly fulfill one precept: you see the universe as one vast morbid sense of humor

All praise Bob!!

*throws a softball to Bob* [Smile]

[ July 05, 2003, 09:05 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

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Hobbes
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There you go. Though I think they're supposed to be about Bob...

Hobbes [Smile]

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Morbo
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Or are you the Anti-Bob?

from Simpsons:
Teacher: He's evil! Run, children! [Big Grin]

[ July 05, 2003, 08:59 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

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Scott R
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Is there any truth to the rumor that you are Bob Dole's lovechild?
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Hobbes
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If so, who is the mother?

Hobbes [Smile]

[ July 05, 2003, 08:57 AM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]

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Bob_Scopatz
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FAQ 13: What's Bob's favorite computer game?

A: Asteroids played on a Z-80 machine, preferably a TRS-80 Model 1. Every time I try to play one of the newer games, I just end up having to reformat my hard drive.

FAQ 14: Or should I be asking questions as if you were speaking in the first person?

A: Whatever floats your boat.

FAQ 15: Bob, why is Hobbes so annoying, and what does this mean to you personally?

A: I find Hobbes to be about as annoying as anyone else I've ever met. In other words, I like him just fine and wish that Calvin and Hobbes were still in the comics page of my local paper. Or any paper for that matter.

FAQ 16: Are you in fact "Bob", High Epopt and Living Slack Master of the Church of Bob?

A: This is not a frequently asked question, but we'll go for it anyway. There is a little bit of Bob in all of us. So, to try to differentiate one "Bob" from all others is just futile.

FAQ 17: Or are you the Anti-Bob?

A: There's an Anti-Bob!!! [Eek!] [Eek!] If Bob and Anti-Bob occupy the same space, the universe would end. Therefor, it is safe to assume that Bob is not also Anti-Bob. Unless the universe has ended and this is what's left.

FAQ 18: Is there any truth to the rumor that you are Bob Dole's lovechild? And if so, who is the mother

A: How much truth would there need to be in order for this to be true? 1%? 10%? Well, I have been known to hold a pen in my weaker hand on occasion. And I wouldn't mind being related to a family that sells canned pineapples for a living. I'm sure that a genetic sample comparison between myself and Bob Dole with come up with a 94% match or greater. Afterall, the human genome is a 94% match to that of chimps, so Bob Dole and I must be at least that related, no?

But Elizabeth (Liddy) Dole has disavowed any knowledge of my existence, despite the fact that she and her Bob know my mentor and have had dinner with him on more than one occasion.

I think the jury's still out on this one.

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Hobbes
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When Bob writes his name now, does he sometimes but an underscore between his first and last names? [EDIT: I haven't slept in Bob knows how many hours, should that be names or name? Also, does Bob know how many hours?]

What type of mouse does Bob use?

How do we know your really Bob?

Ohh, and I approve of the computer game! [Big Grin]

Hobbes [Smile]

[ July 05, 2003, 09:37 AM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]

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Bob_Scopatz
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FAQ 19: When Bob writes his name now, does he sometimes but an underscore between his first and last names?

A:Well, truth be told, Bob has added an underscore between his first and last names on all correspondence. It's just easier that way.

FAQ 20: What type of mouse does Bob use?

A: This is one of our favorite questions. Bob has used the Kensington Expert Mouse (giant Trackball) for several years now. He has three of them and even plugs one into his laptop when he is on the road. Bob has become expert at cleaning debris (including bird seed) out the track ball's rotation sensors to maintain optimal performance.

FAQ 21: How do we know your really Bob?

A: Bob who? No, I see your point. This is an anonymous BB and someone claiming to be Bob might have simply started this screen name and used it despite the fact that she's really a 97-year-old spinster living on canned dogfood in a one room walkup outside of Detroit. Well, you can always tell if a post is genuinely from Bob by certain subtle markers: These are:

1. Bob has a hard time with knowing when to use "its" and "it's" and if he isn't careful he will unknowingly type the wrong one and not catch it before Adding his post.

2. Bob is terrible with fractions. So just ask him a math question involving fractions and if he gets it right, he's probably an imposter.

3. Bob has a tendency leave out words.

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Kama
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Is your wife jealous of your Hatrack life?
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Hobbes
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What college did Bob go to?

What is 147/233 + 21/17?

Does Bob have any questions that he can think of that he wants especially to answer?

On that same topic, how many posts does Bob currently have.

Ohh, and I slipped some extra questions in my last post via. the edit button. [Smile]

Hobbes [Smile]

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Morbo
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FAQ 13:A trash-80!! Boy does that bring back the memories...

*loads ordinary audio cassette in boom box/data input device*
*waits forever for lamest possible game to load to TRS-80*
*commits inevitable command line error*
*repeats again and again and again until you give up with out playing*
*throws TRS-80 from a great height*

Thank God for Macs and Windows...and hard discs!

Yes, there is an "Anti-Bob"--never speak his name aloud...

[ July 05, 2003, 09:50 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

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Bob_Scopatz
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FAQ 22: Is your wife jealous of your Hatrack life?

A: I used to not think so, but Hatrack has become a source of discord between us of late. In part this is due to the fact that I have spent over 2 years (going on 3) developing a series of online friendships which she doesn't really understand. But she has met some of my Hatrack friends and has enjoyed them all immensely, so I think the residual antipathy on her part is that she feels I should be with her doing whatever she is doing. Since this includes sometimes wanting me to lie in bed while she catches up on lost sleep that I haven't lost because I can actually sleep at night, I find this particular attitude somewhat frustrating at times.

But, in an effort at conciliation, I have restricted my Hatrack use to normal daytime hours and times when she goes out and I'm not there with her. Or, like now when she is fast asleep and my presence in bed would be more of an irritant than a welcome bout of cuddling.

FAQ 23: What college did Bob go to?

Bob did his undergraduate work at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles where he earned a B.S. in Psychobiology. His Ph.D. is in Experimental Psychology from Columbia University, unless they've finally found a legal way to rescind it.

FAQ 24: What is 147/233 + 21/17?

I had a calculator around here a minute ago. Hang on. I'll get back to you on that.

FAQ 25: Does Bob have any questions that he can think of that he wants especially to answer?

Yes.

FAQ 26: On that same topic, how many posts does Bob currently have.

A: On some level, all posts are Bob's. But if you want his individual post count, you can look at the bottom of this message where the current tally is given, and updated every time this thread is posted to by anyone. When pressed on this issue, Bob usually replies "too many" and leaves it at that.

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Hobbes
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quote:
FAQ 25: Does Bob have any questions that he can think of that he wants especially to answer?

Yes.

OK, fair enough. What questions does Bob want to be asked?

Does Bob ever shout into a pillow?

Does Bob ever shout into anything?

If Bob was going to change how is name is spelled, how would he spell it?

Does Bob have a converter for European outlets?

And you missed by questions that I put in my previous post via. editing.

Hobbes [Smile]

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Theca
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Could you tell us more specifics about your bird/birds?
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mackillian
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What makes Bob never turn on his AIM?
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Ayelar
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quote:
A: I find Hobbes to be about as annoying as anyone else I've ever met. In other words, I like him just fine and wish that Calvin and Hobbes were still in the comics page of my local paper. Or any paper for that matter.
Should I add Bob to the list of people my computer emails comics to every morning?

Inquiring minds want to know!

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Ayelar
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And has Bob considered getting da wife hooked on online card games, thus enabling him to post on Hatrack whilst the other dominates the Hearts community?

Heehee... Mark starts a Pitch tournament tonight! [Smile]

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Bob_Scopatz
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FAQ 27:OK, fair enough. What questions does Bob want to be asked?

A: Any question you want answered. But Bob's personal favorites are:
- Why are we here?
- What is the meaning of life?
- Who is responsible?
- Where are my pills?

FAQ 28: Does Bob ever shout into a pillow?

A: Bob actually carries a pillow with him for just this purpose.

FAQ 29: Does Bob ever shout into anything?

A: Bob has been known to shout into the wind. He took this up one day after peeing into the wind.

FAQ 30: If Bob was going to change how is name is spelled, how would he spell it?

A: Backwards has been working for Bob for years now. But he also had to reverse the capitalization as well.

FAQ 31: Does Bob have a converter for European outlets?

A: Why, are you going on a trip? If so, then you could use Bob's directions to make your own and save big money. All you need is some string, two paperclips and roll of heavy-duty aluminum foil (save the tube as a handy way to house your converter).

FAQ 32: I haven't slept in Bob knows how many hours, should that be names or name? Also, does Bob know how many hours?

A: One's name is composed of several "names." Either usage is technically correct, but most English speakers would just say "name."

Bob does not know how many hours you haven't slept. Or rather, he chooses not to divulge that information as it would give away details of his intel-gathering capabilities and potentially jeopardize some on-the-ground assets.

FAQ 33: Could you tell us more specifics about your bird/birds?

A: I only have one bird. A male (we think) love bird whose mate died about a year ago. We haven't gotten him (?) another mate because we think his overagressiveness may have caused the demise of the other bird. Feather plucking, etc. He's not a very tame bird. I got him from a kid whose family decided they didn't want the bird anymore and the kid wasn't taking care of him.

Not that I take all that much care of him either. He kind of hangs out in the cage and waits until I'm on the phone to make noise.

He's bright green with peach cheeks and we call him "Forest."

FAQ 34: What makes Bob never turn on his AIM?

A: Bob has a maid.

FAQ 35: Should I add Bob to the list of people my computer emails comics to every morning?

A: Bob already receives Calvin and Hobbes via e-mail every day. But Bob thanks you for the offer.

FAQ 36: And has Bob considered getting da wife hooked on online card games, thus enabling him to post on Hatrack whilst the other dominates the Hearts community?

A: Bob does not broach the subject of "playing games" with his wife. Card games, board games, RPG, etc. If you were wise, you would not do so either. You have been warned.

[Razz]

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Ayelar
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[Big Grin] Fair 'nuff!
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Bob the Lawyer
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After reading through this thread I have to wonder when Hobbes became so Bob-obsessed.
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littlemissattitude
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[Big Grin]

That is to say, congrats, Bob on post 11,000. And also that you make me smile.

[Big Grin]

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T_Smith
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Besides 42, what is the meaning of life?

If you could create one flavor of ice cream, what flavor would it be?

If you were to start singing a song in the shower, what song would you be singing?

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Dan_raven
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Bob==Many happy returns, atleast another 11000.

I like the Q&A format.

I will give up one Bob-secret. One thing that got me addicted to this forum was Bob. It wasn't his sense of humor, or his fast wit. It was his generosity of character. When I'd say something worth while, he'd let me know he appreciated it. That is what kept me coming back, and I hope I've followed in the master's footsteps and spread the joy.

Now my Q: Why Florida?

PS> Ayelar, the wife on the card games is a great idea. My wife is the Spades queen, so she doesn't even notice when I am on.

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filetted
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re: "there's a little bit of bob in all of us"

How do I locate my little bit of Bob?

When I find it, what do I do with it?

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ClaudiaTherese
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Bob, how can the Hatrack community make your life even more bobalicious? That is, how can we put the she-bang into your bob-te-bob, give your rootie-tooter a whizz-bang-aloo, and prevent you from leaving us in a mid-Hatrack crisis for some younger forum, you dirty rotten scoundrel?

(*we loves a scoundrel, my precious)

[ July 05, 2003, 10:13 PM: Message edited by: ClaudiaTherese ]

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Icarus
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[Big Grin]

Congratulations!

Bob ain't kidding about the game thing . . . [Eek!] [Razz] [Wink]

So, um, lessee, question . . . why do some turds float while others sink?

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T_Smith
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Fiber. You see all the fiber clumps up into a fiber optic. A fiber optic is very very light and less dense than the water making it rise up.
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LadyDove
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I will also add my congratulations and say that Bob is one the most important reasons I love Hatrack.

My questions:
-What is your favorite ice-cream?
-Favorite movie?
-If you could be any "Bob" that has existed, who would you be?

Again, thanks for making the Hatrack world so special [Smile]

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Ethics Gradient
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'Grats, mate! [Smile]
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Beren One Hand
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quote:
why do some turds float while others sink?
This is a hilarious question coming from someone named "Icarus". [Razz]
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Bob_Scopatz
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FAQ 37: Besides 42, what is the meaning of life?

A: The meaning of life is to leave the world a better place than you found it, enrich the lives of those around you, enjoy and nurture the gifts you have been blessed with, and have fun with it.

FAQ 38: If you could create one flavor of ice cream, what flavor would it be?

It would begin with a base of Godiva chocolate and rich dark Espresso or cafe Cubano. There would be small soft pieces of brownie mixed in, and pecan chunks. It would be topped with Ghiradelli hot fudge, heavy whipped cream, a cherry and minced walnuts. And it would be freakin' huge!!!

FAQ 39: If you were to start singing a song in the shower, what song would you be singing?

A: What do you mean "if?" I sing in the shower all the time. I sing just about anything except opera. Lately, I've been trying out Hey Jude because some of the notes resonate perfectly in my shower stall. I tend to hold those notes for as long as my breath lasts -- somes up to a minute if I didn't smoke too much the day before.

FAQ 40: Why Florida?

A: When we lived in New York City, my wife and I would come down to Disney 3-4 times a year. This was back in the days of Peoples Express and the $49 one way fare. We fell in love with the place and, at the time, we were making very good money and so we bought a house here and rented it out. About a year later, NYC elected David Dinkins as mayor and he pissed away 6 months waiting to appoint a leader for our agency, then picked the wrong guy. It was not worth staying after that. So we moved to Florida.

We did it without having jobs. I don't recommend this method of moving anywhere, but if you are looking to move to Florida, especially, check first to make sure they even know what your job is. The "infrastructure" here is unlike most of the NorthEast, Midwest or the West in this Country. And they are proud of it.

Well, anyway, we survived. We both work for companies NOT domiciled in Florida and thus have the best of both worlds.

FAQ 41: How do I locate my little bit of Bob?

A: Try listening for a "still, small voice." That may be God, or your conscience, but sometimes it might be Bob. You have to ask it some questions. If it gets them mostly wrong, or lapses into bad puns instead of actually providing answers, then you know you've hit upon your inner Bob. Locating it is not too big a problem, though. Your inner Bob will crave attention, so you could also just sit still and let it come to you.

FAQ 42: When I find it, what do I do with it?

A: Anything it tells you to, within reason. Your inner Bob is not an excuse for shooting yourself or anyone else, for example. But if it tells you to go get some ice cream, or inject a little levity at the funeral of a close relative, I'd say give in.

FAQ 43: Bob, how can the Hatrack community make your life even more bobalicious? That is, how can we put the she-bang into your bob-te-bob, give your rootie-tooter a whizz-bang-aloo, and prevent you from leaving us in a mid-Hatrack crisis for some younger forum, you dirty rotten scoundrel?

A: Scoundrel? I like the sound of that. But as to your question, you have all already done so much for me. I can't begin to tell you all the ways (large and small) that you have made my life more bob-a-licious. Mainly, because I can't remember. But have no fear of me leaving (except when I go away on trips like the one coming up in about a week). The truth is that my computer's filters are set such that the only websites I can get are Hatrack, the Merriam-Webster dictionary site, e-bay and Google. Of those, only e-bay and Hatrack give me the positive feedback I crave. And with e-bay, you have to buy something from someone and wait for them to leave feedback, and I'm not very good with delayed gratification. So, Hatrack is pretty much the only game in town where I can feed my need for constant attention.

FAQ 44: why do some turds float while others sink?

A: I keep telling you, that wasn't mine! Anyway, it all depends on what you were thinking when you ate the food that eventually became that turd. Deep thoughts...heavy turd. Light, fluffy thoughts...light fluffy turd. People who suffer from chronic constipation are among the deepest thinkers we have. Conversely...well, you get the picture.

FAQ 45: -What is your favorite ice-cream?

A: Well, since the one I would "create" doesn't really exist, I'd have to say that my favorite would be a double dip hot fudge sundae from Baskin Robbins-- one scoop chocolate peanut butter and one scoop chocolate brownie.

[b]FAQ 46: Favorite movie?


A: I'd have to say my all time favorite is Casablanca but then follow that up with the favorites of my other personalities:
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Marx Brothers Cocoanuts
and
Amelie

FAQ 47: -If you could be any "Bob" that has existed, who would you be?

A: What do you mean "if?" You all seem to be missing the essence of Bob-ness. We are all one big Bob. And I'm talking BIG here people. But anyway, the Bob I most admire is Abraham Lincoln. Or Ghandi. But since they are part of me and I of them, I'm actually happiest being the Bob I am. I strive to be the best Bob that I can be.

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Ayelar
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Bob, why does it sound like the people upstairs are moving furniture around in steel-toed workboots every Sunday at 8am?
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Bob_Scopatz
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FAQ 48: Bob, why does it sound like the people upstairs are moving furniture around in steel-toed workboots every Sunday at 8am?

A: There are explanations too numerous to mention. Parsimony might dictate that the simplest answer is that there are, in fact, people upstairs moving furniture around in steel-toed workboots every Sunday at 8 am. But the simplest explanation that fits all the facts is only a good jumping off point. With a little work, you can come to the realization that your upstairs neighbors are members of a doomsday cult and they just happen to hold their weekly meetings at 8 am on Sundays. They are moving the furniture out of the way so that they can lie on the floor and drink poisoned soda. Of course, they're a rather weak-minded cult and the person who was supposed to poison it chickens out, week after week, but no-one ever discovers this lapse in faith because they are all too busy NOT drinking the soda anyway. The reason you can hear the sound of steel-toed boots is that they all then head off to their bleak suburban existences, scraping their toes across the floor as they shuffle sheepishly out the front door.

Of course, there are other even more sinister explanations, especially if you live on the top floor or have no upstairs neighbors. In these cases, the most likely explanation is either squirrels or you have moved in just below a gate to Hell. Most likely a gate to Hell as squirrels are notorious for not ever helping to move furniture.

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Morbo
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Dude, this
quote:
The meaning of life is to leave the world a better place than you found it, enrich the lives of those around you, enjoy and nurture the gifts you have been blessed with, and have fun with it. Bob is the man
is getting stiched on a pillow as we speak.
proppy kudos
Do I owe you royalties?

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Bob_Scopatz
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FAQ 49: Do I owe you royalties?

A: People ask Bob this all the time, as they politely quote him without attribution. What's required isn't money, but credit. That's the way that Bobness spreads, by crediting Bob for what is Bob's and helping others to find the Bob within them. But, it's all good. Bob understands that sometimes we all want to feel like we are the Bob and taking the time and energy to give proper credit is sort of a buzz kill. No matter. People will know intuitively when they are hearing a Bob-like utterance and, in their hearts, they will understand.

So, my advice is to simply use what you can. Make it yours and pass it along.

But if you use it to make money, you owe me big time!

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Morbo
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That's the way that Bobness spreads
you are one gloriously goofy guy, and I would come here just to read your posts

Any thoughts on the '04 elections?

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Bob_Scopatz
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FAQ 50: Any thoughts on the '04 elections?

A: Bob predicts that the apparent lesser of two evils will be elected by a slim margin, but that his (or her) power will be eroded by a splitting of control in two houses of Congress, or outright control of both houses by the opposing party. Hard to say which right now.

Bob also predicts record spending and infamous abuses of "soft money."

Oh, and Florida will have some sort of voting screw up and it will be blamed on the Democrats.

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Jaiden
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Dear Bob,

Although I have never heard of Godiva Chocolate Ice Cream with rich dark Espresso or cafe Cubano and little small soft pieces of brownie mixed in and pecan chunks, I do know Godiva chocolate ice cream can be bought.

Godiva Chocolate Ice Cream

May I suggest you try one of those? Put a brownie or so on the bottom of the plate (you could get brownies with pecans in them [Smile] ). Put Godiva Chocolate Ice Cream on top and add Ghiradelli hot fudge, heavy whipped cream, a cherry and minced walnuts.

Although not quite the same, perhaps that will satiate your ice cream palate for a time [Smile] .

May I suggest you tell Godiva Chocolate's your idea? They have both a Godiva Ultra-Premium Ice Cream Question form (their name for it, not mine) and an email address: letters@godiva.com.

Yours truly,
Jaiden

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Bob_Scopatz
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FAQ 51: May I suggest you try one of those?

A: Yes you may. In fact, I have tried Godiva chocolate ice creams and they are amazingly good.

FAQ 52: May I suggest you tell Godiva Chocolate's your idea?

A: You may do that as well. In fact...

<goes away>
<and comes back>

I have taken your suggestion and sent them my idea for a flavor. Think they'll name it after me?

[Big Grin]

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Jaiden
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[Big Grin]
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Jaiden
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If Bob is ever feeling the need to make messes in his kitchen…

GODIVA CHOCOLATE SYRUP:

4 bars (1.5 ounces each) Godiva Dark Chocolate, finely chopped
2/3 cup heavy cream
1 tablespoon light corn syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon Tia Maria or other coffee-flavored liqueur

Place chocolate in medium bowl. Heat cream and corn syrup in small saucepan over medium heat to gentle boil. Pour hot cream mixture over chocolate and let stand for 30 seconds to melt chocolate. Whisk until smooth. Whisk in vanilla and coffee-flavored liqueur. Let sauce cool until tepid. If not serving sauce immediately, store in an airtight jar in refrigerator.

CHOCOLATE ESPRESSO ICE CREAM

2 cups heavy cream, whipped stiff
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cups chocolate syrup
1 whole fresh egg, slightly beaten
1 serving of instant coffee powder, your choice of international flavor (mocha, vienna, etc)

Add the salt and egg to the whipped cream. Beat until well blended.
Add, folding gently, but thoroughly, the chocolate syrup and instant
coffee. Freeze as is for 3 hours.

Although I have made these recipes separately, I've never used the Godiva Chocolate Syrup to make ice cream. . .
Nor have I added brownie pieces to this particular recipe. . .

*looks impish*

I'm terribly sorry for breaking the "rules" of this thread, I don't really have a question. I was flipping through recipes for something to make for supper and saw these in my binder [Wink]

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Morbo
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I take my coffee like I take my women--cold and bitter.

That first recipe sounds great, but I bet the 2nd would taste even better with some brewed coffee or espresso in it.

Oooh man, am I jonesing for coffee ice cream now!
Curse you, Jaiden!*laughs*. Have you tried Starbucks Ice cream,or you Bob? It rocks.

[ July 06, 2003, 02:34 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

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Bob_Scopatz
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Wow, that ice cream recipe is actually Atkins-friendly if you leave out the chocolate syrup or substitute some low carb version...

[Big Grin]

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Jaiden
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I'm not sure how well it'd work with substitutions, but feel free to try [Wink]

Corn syrup, light or dark substitute:
For 1 cup = 1 1/4 cups granulated or packed brown sugar plus 1/4 cup liquid (use whatever liquid the recipe calls for)

I've never made chocolate syrup substituting corn syrup with sugar, much less other sweeteners, so perhaps the first batch should be tried with cheaper chocolate...

Splenda, as far as I know, is the best sweetener for heating *shrugs*

*wonders how the ice cream would work with so many substitutions and is tempted to try*

[ July 06, 2003, 03:34 PM: Message edited by: Jaiden ]

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