So, landmark time, in the grand Papa Mooseian tradition. The fact that this post will be ridiculously long, drawn-out, and obsessive-compulsive should go without saying, to those who know me. <grin> My life hasn’t been particularly exciting, but I’ll give y’all a long, convoluted background spiel and hope it gives some sense of who I am. And it is long. Very long. Really very long. So I won’t hold it against you if you don’t read it.
VERY long!
My name is Jeremy Jose Orbe-Smith. Born in September of 1985 in Wilcox Memorial Hospital on the Hawaiian island of Kauai to Lisa Smith and Jose Orbe. Mom grew up in Chicago, Illinois (I was one of the only people in my school who didn’t pronounce it “ill-e-noise”) with many siblings and both parents. Dad grew up in Quito, Ecuador with many siblings but only one parent. They met in Portland, Oregon (more about the City Of Roses later) while dad was in college (still learning English!) and moved to Hawaii to have kids.
There were many moves around the island before we settled down. The ones I’m listing are the ones I remember, though I think there were one or two more.
Our first “house” on the island was actually a trailer. It was nestled in a grove of trees, and I recall quite vividly black spiders and gigantic cockroaches on the walls at times. My dad was working as a carriage-driver and waiter/maintenance-guy at the Sheraton Hotel, many miles away. I didn’t see him often, and I usually stayed up very late at night to meet him coming home. We went for walks around the surrounding barely-paved roads when he was around.
We moved across the island to a house in Hanapepe. Mom played piano at church, dad was still at the Sheraton. The people next door had a son who used to come over and play with me. He also stole my toys, which I thought was pretty rude. I was known to bump face-first into the screen door, which was very deceptive, and there was many a cane-spider there. We have photos of them.
Next, we moved to a house in Omao, not too far away. It was perched on the edge of a hill. Adam, Boo, and their parents lived upstairs, Uncle Louie lived next door. Mom was still at the Church; dad was still at the hotel. My brother was born around this time, about two and a half years younger than me, and we were friends with everyone. Uncle Louie used to buy us ice cream and cookies. I got in trouble many times for racing my metal Hot Wheels down the hood of his white truck. I did learn to run away before he could catch me, which foreshadowed my eventual interest in Track.
Adam or Boo (can’t remember which one) nearly burnt down the top floor one year, but I can’t recall how. We played hide and go seek until dark in the forest that framed the house.
I went to a Missionary preschool a few minutes away, and I remember liking a girl because she had excellent taste in Gingerbread-man cartoons. I’ve always liked cartoons. And girls, for that matter.
Mom’s friend Michelle bought me a Lego starship for my birthday. I’ve always liked science fiction. And Michelle, who is still a friend to this day.
Around this time, I remember not knowing the correct way to go about relieving myself. There was SOME logic to whole operation with that monstrous toilet, but for my life I couldn’t quite reason it out. I remember hiding in the bathroom with my mom when my dad got angry once. Then he broke down the door.
I remember seeing my mom crying in her room alone one night when she didn’t know I was there. I had no idea what to do to make her feel better, so I didn’t do anything. I have always regretted it.
We moved across the island again, this time to Kilauea, on the north shore. My parents were part of a self-help housing project that basically built the entire neighborhood we lived in. Everyone knew everyone else on the street. I remember my dad swearing at my mom and calling her names from the doorstep while me and my brother watched.
My parents got divorced when I was about five. My brother was about three. A few years later, Gary Heu moved into the house and later married mom. We had known Gary from Church. He had used his truck to help us move to Kilauea. Jennifer and Linnea, his two daughters from a previous marriage, became our stepsisters. I remember playing with them in their house in Ele’ele, climbing over Gary, who was lying on the carpeting. I still remember some of the songs we listened to. Jennifer and Linnea both lived with their mom on the other side of the island, but they came over many weekends.
Dad worked at GTE, a telephone company that eventually became Verizon, as did Gary, though in a different section. I don’t think they interacted there. One rainy day, dad got into an accident in the company car. It was extremely frightening, but he was fine.
Me and Jason were never truly close, though we’ve lived in the same room since he was born until I was seventeen. We played together a bit, but we argued more. I read lots of books, mostly of dinosaurs, cowboys, and animals. “Mr. Fussy” and “I Love You Forever” were particular favorites. Mom read us books before bed, which I plan on doing if I ever have kids. The Chronicles of Narnia are great books that I reread every year.
School was a block away, and I’ve never really fit in. I had a great group of friends in elementary school, most of whom I’m still friends with, though we’re not nearly as close as we used to be. I also had a great group of bullies, who never failed to push me, tease me for reading books, and never let me play foursquare. One of them stole my favorite shirt after a P.E. Class.
I was never really BAD at sports, but I never wanted to put the time in to become good, though I’m sure I could have. I liked to read. Sports seemed to have no point that I could see, and the library was home. My friends never minded that I sometimes preferred books to their company, and I remember many good times with friends both real and fictional. The teachers, however, minded very much when I read my books instead of what they were writing on the chalkboard. Which was usually even more boring than sports.
Partly, though, it was because I couldn’t SEE what was on the chalkboard at times. I got glasses in fifth grade. My art was much improved, and I stopped having headaches all the time.
I’ve been drawing for as long as I can remember. In elementary, Mr. Larson and his wife Kathy read to me a book called “The Rainbow Goblins” (or something similar) which was full of beautiful paintings. I aspired to become someone who could draw pictures like those, but I had to be content with my artistic abilities, which at the time was mostly scribbling. I took those scribbles seriously, though, darnit, and it was frustrating when teachers never considered me or my struggles to be significant. I’ve certainly never felt like a child supposedly feels like, and I have no wish to go back to my “carefree and innocent” wonder-years. It was one reason (of a great many) that Ender’s Game rang true with me, a few years later.
I had two particular “friends” during this time period who helped me hate myself for years to come. One of them told me that it would be fun to smash my toys with a hammer out on the driveway. I wanted him to like me (I’m still rarely able to NOT want people to like me, no matter what kind of person they are), so I said okay. We took a hammer and brought out some of my favorite old toys and proceeded to obliterate them. We did this pretty carefully while my mom was busy, so she didn’t know anything until she heard the noise from out front. She stopped us immediately, of course, and though she asked, I couldn’t really say why I did such a thing. It seems a silly thing to talk about, but this little episode still makes me remarkably ashamed of myself. This “friend” would also tease me and never return my few phone calls. These days, he’s a drunk. I have an inkling that he was sexually abused at home by his father (who was also a drunk), and I still regret not finding some way to help him in his home life, even if he was pretty terrible to me.
The other “friend” was interested in comics. I was getting into them independent of him, and when I found out he had a pile of Spiderman comics that I didn’t, I offered to trade something for them. He came to my house to see if there was anything he’d be willing to trade them for, and he settled on a toy Ninja Turtles van. The problem, however, was that this van in particular belonged to my brother. It was one of the few presents my father gave to him. I tried to convince the “friend” that I’d rather trade something else, but that was the only thing he wanted. So I traded it. I’ve always been so ashamed of this event that I can barely look my brother in the eye sometimes. Heck, I’m tearing up right now. I’ve never apologized for it, and I can’t bear to even bring the subject up with him. I don’t know if he even remembers it, but I sure do. The pure greed and uncaring attitude towards other people I had in that moment makes me ashamed to this day.
Hurricane Iniki hit the island in second grade, and we had no power or hot water for a month. Cold showers in the morning became comfortable, and candles provided a nice atmosphere, really.
Me and Jason spent weekends with dad. Mostly I remember dad yelling. Once, when I didn’t like what he cooked for dinner, he forced me to eat an entire tomato raw until I vomited. He was constantly moving, sometimes living at a girlfriend’s house. There were three girlfriends that I know of, years apart, that became friends with me and my brother.
During the Hurricane, Jason and I went to one of those girlfriends’ house with our father. Mom and Gary were in a tiny concrete building that they had access to through Gary’s job. Dad said that his girlfriend’s house was “like a fortress”, and it really was, stone walls and everything. The roof of this house, however, was not nearly as strong as he supposed. The entire ceiling was broken during the storm, and we were stuck with dad, his girlfriend, and her two daughters in the tiny pantry. During the eye of the storm, we moved to the bathroom, which had more room and a more stable ceiling. During the run to move into the bathroom, I remember seeing a grand piano being impaled by a twenty-foot ceiling support beam. I’ve always been partial to surrealism.
Dad was with this girlfriend for years, and we spent a lot of time at her house. They had a pool, too. This girlfriend was very rich, very free-spirited, and believed in an interesting mix of new-age-y philosophy and Hinduism. She and her daughters (from a previous marriage) would often swim in their pool naked, asking me to join along. I always kept my swimsuit on, thank you very much. I hasten to add that though I was still pretty young, I was old enough to know that there wasn’t the slightest amount of sexual abuse even being implied; they just genuinely believed I would have a better time with no clothes. Mostly, from these times, I remember thinking about how beautiful the human form is, especially in nature (as their property extended into a forest). I remember wanting to capture the precise beauty of the particular people I was with, the particular forest I was in, with art.
Dad’s next girlfriend lived farther away, and had a computer (we didn’t have one at home) and large library which included comic strips. I read Shakespeare’s sonnets and “Life In Hell” comic strips side-by-side every weekend. I still like work that manages to cover things as “low” as crude humor and as “high” as sublime poetry in the same piece. Again, I think this led me to gravitate towards OSC’s work. <grin>
Where the bloody heck are we now? I’ve been jumping around these elementary years a bit, as they’re all kinda blurred in my memory.
For seventh grade, they opened a new middle school in Kapa’a to cover the swelling number of sixth, seventh and eighth graders. My class was the first seventh grade class to enter the new school, and we proceeded to make the campus old before its time. I had many good teachers here who I’m still fond of, and many more bullies as well. I remember drawing an Elfquest elf (Cutter) in my notebook the first day, and being surprised when someone knew who it was. I thought I was the only one who read that kind of stuff! I made many more friends, who all agreed that it was rather ironic that there was a fight on campus the first day, even though the school was built partially to provide a safer environment than the High School.
Middle School was also where I entered the advanced Honors program for English and math. I went through English easily, but Math was very hard for me. Technically, I was above the level being taught in the general classes, but below the level being taught in the honors classes, but they had nowhere else to put me. Into the honors program I went, and I eventually needed tutoring. I hated math, at any rate, and rather than studying to develop the few skills I did possess, I instead gravitated to those areas where I started out with an advantage. English and Art became my focus (well, what little focus I had, anyway), and I won several art contests (such as the Mayor’s Student Art fair) during this time.
Around this time, I also started getting very chubby. While I’m sure my non-interest in sports was partially to blame, I think it was also just my body’s natural way to prepare me for the growth spurts to come. I felt ugly and, because of the math classes I barely comprehended, stupid. Thus began my tortured artist period. <grin>
While I longed to capture beauty in my art, I felt so unbeautiful and mentally deficient that I would be “unworthy” to produce such art. So I didn’t. I read books instead, and let my body go to waste. I didn’t participate in anything that required physical effort. I even went through a brief period of vague “intellectualism”, trying to read books that required me to decode heavy-handed symbolism and think “deep thoughts”.
I was not very happy at all. I had stopped reading for the joy of it, and was now trying to decode the books I read to find the grand thoughts that the authors inserted. I didn’t produce nearly as much art as I did before, because I felt unworthy of making beautiful things unless I was beautiful myself. I had many friends, but I felt that they were with me just to be nice. I’m sure I myself was not much of a friend to them during this time, being so ridiculously and narcissistically concerned only with myself.
Then, one day in Honors English, the teacher told us to pick from a list of books and choose three to read and discuss. One of the books I chose was Ender’s Game. A few pages in (the end of the introduction, even!), I knew I was going to read everything that this Orson Scott Card had ever written. There was something in the way he formed his ideas and characters that just rang true with me. (incidentally, I really related to Tresopax’s “Manifesto” landmark, when he was talking about why he began to read Card’s work)
I can’t even really articulate the exact ways that OSC’s books began changing me. What I do understand is that decoding books for the sake of grand meanings became deeply boring to me. That I began thinking about life, the universe, and everything with much more articulation than before. It was a bit like learning how to speak; I had the thoughts before I had the words, but once I learned the words, I was able to conceive and express the thoughts with more clarity.
So that was a big part of middle school. The final big part, I think, would have been meeting Julie in eighth grade. I had never had a crush on anyone before, and here was this sweet, shy girl sitting next to me in science class. I also saw her write poems and draw swirly designs in her notebooks, and get grades that were better than mine. Using my formidable powers of deduction, I gathered that she barely knew of my existence. Certainly we didn’t truly become friends until the end of that year, probably due to the fact that I was even more shy around her than I was around most people. She did not return my feelings of infatuation, and that was that. But she was my first crush, and my first real friend who was a girl, and though she has many friends who are closer to her than I am, I’ve learned many things from her since then. She’s in Oregon going to college these days, and we’re still in touch.
Mom was a piano teacher throughout these years, Gary was a manager, Jason was a kid brother, and my home life was really pretty great. There was always music in the house, there was always warmth and humor, I was always supported. I couldn’t go to sleep many a night because I was scared that I was going to die one day, and mom and Gary would help me feel better. I always fell asleep in my room listening to them laugh while watching TV or talking.
Almost time for High School. The summer before starting ninth grade, I went on a trip with my father and brother to Ecuador, where his family still lives. I met all of my family from his side, and they’re a bunch of lovely people. My relationship with my father is complicated, but if there is one thing he’s given me, it’s his love of travel. The three of us went from the mountains of Quito to the coasts of Guayaquil and everywhere in between. We also spent time in Costa Rica. It helped me to realize how different a culture my father grew up in, and some of the reasons why he might have made some of the decisions that he did. It helped me to understand him a bit more.
Ecuador also gave me a sense of scale, which shows up again and again in my art and writing: I like the contrast between vast, lonely, majestic landscapes and the minutiae of daily human community life.
High school was not nearly as bad as people told me it was going to be. In ninth grade, I told Kim I liked her, and then ran away. After she caught up with me, she said she liked me back. It was a great two weeks (even if I never did ask her on a formal date <laugh>), but she broke it off in order to move to the neighboring Island of O’ahu and go to a better High School at the end of that year. The remaining year was very awkward, and I never wanted to be hurt again, so I officially Swore Off anything romahhhntic for ever and ever.
I started playing guitar in High School. My brother picked up guitar before me, and he is ten times the player I am, but he made me realize it was possible for a mere mortal to produce beautiful music. My mom has always played piano, and there has always been sublime music in the house, one of the many reasons I’m thankful that that particular woman raised me. I’m hoping to make a demo of the songs I’ve written soon, and I’m half-serious when I say I want to be a multi-million dollar music-making-man.
During ninth grade, I was ridiculously obsessed with death, doom, dying, and destruction and similar cheery thoughts. So much so that I would get sick to my stomach nearly every day. But I got over it. Later, I made some of my best friends in High School, though some of my worst grades. Jarhett, Deidra, Julie, Erin, and Nathan (as well as my home-schooled friend who is also named Jeremy, who I’ve known since preschool) all know more about the person I am than I do. I think the bad grades came about from a combination of simply failing to care about anything on the curriculum and the fact that if someone tells me that I have to do something or else fail at life, I choose not to do it. I’m not sure what my job prospects for the future are looking like, on that note <laugh>. I alternated between crushing on Dee and Jules for most of that time period, but I’m pretty much over them (mostly <grin>). I dated Kim my senior year long-distance, and she broke up with me around this time last year after being “together” about ten months. It was wonderful while it lasted, and I learned much about love and about myself from that time from the mistakes she and I both made with each other.
My self-loathing had gone far enough my senior year for me to get so sick of being sick of myself that I actually got off my butt and did something about it. I had never been seriously overweight, but my perception of myself has always been: “I’m disgustingly fat and ugly.”
So I began taking weight training class and running on the Track and Cross-country teams. I was never really an integral part of the team, and I never won anything really, but my perception of myself has begun to change for the better. I no longer feel unworthy to paint, for one thing. I still don’t like the body I live in, but doing what I can to keep myself healthy has been rewarding (though I haven’t been running lately. Growl.).
This past year, I’ve lived on the mainland, after working for the summer in Alaska at a tour company. My dad and I drove through Canada to Oregon, and I briefly attended the Art Institute of Portland before finding out that school sucks most of the fun out of art. I love the city of Portland, though, and some of my fondest recent memories are from the beauty and energy of that city. I’m currently in Renton, Washington, pretty near Seattle. I’m looking for schools and contemplating moving back to Hawaii. (Or someplace odd like New Zealand, but that’s mostly in my imagination <grin>) I miss my friends and family.
My brother and I seem, oddly, to be closer now that we’re not living in the same room. We talk easier and have stopped arguing, and I’m tempted to think he enjoys my company these days, when one of us visits the other. My mom and stepfather are probably the two people I’m closest to, and I’m working on my problems with my father. The impact my family has had on me wasn’t quite fully shown in this post for some reason, but I have learned more from them than any other source.
So, this landmark is rather dragging by now, and I’m sure this post has been much too long-winded to retain any semblance of a sane length (though I didn’t mention a lot! Really!). My life has barely started; I really have no specific goals for myself, beyond raising a really good family with someone I love and producing art that touches people in a positive way.
I’ve learned a lot from Hatrack. In my daily life, I strive to be as thoughtful, intelligent, empathetic, kind, and funny as most of the people here are. There are too many of you to thank individually, but I read most of the threads and consider most of the regular posters to be friends, even though many of you barely know me. I post pretty much exclusively on the Hug-thread and fluff because of my lack of time (though this post implies I have more than I’m letting on <grin>), but I’d like to devote more time to responding to the more serious discussions in the future. I know I’ve ran away from conversations (heck, some that I’ve started!) because of time restraints, but I’m trying to make more time for the ‘rack. I’ve made ridiculously lame jokes and posted dumb threads, but y’all seem to have forgiven me time and time again <laugh>. You’ve encouraged me to think, question my assumptions, consider differing opinions, laugh, and much more. Even when we disagree, it’s for intelligent reasons. I really, really liked what Tresopax said on his landmark:
quote: "Not all discussions are about changing others' minds. Some are about discovering your own mind." –Tresopax (August 28, 2000)
Though a core belief in Christianity forms the basis of my thought system and the way I view the world, my beliefs are constantly changing to fit new information and the experiences I go through every day. Hatrack has been a huge part of my learning, has helped me to become a much better person than I would be without it, and I’d like to thank the Cards for providing us this stable home, as well as OSC himself for his books. I barely worked up the nerve to post something so personal (and bloody LONG!) as this, but in the end, you guys are family, and I’m honored to be a small part of the whole thing.
quote:Truth is natural, like the wind that blows, so follow the direction no matter where it goes. --Stephan Jenkins, in the song “Wake For Young Souls”
I’d now like to give Hatrack an official Zotto! Hug of Approval, thus confirming Ralphie’s suspicions that I am indeed a Teletubby.
(((Hatrack)))
(And thanks to Kylie for reading this and telling me it doesn’t suck!)
Posts: 1583 | Registered: Feb 2003
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Jeremy, I loved that post the first time I read it, what, a month ago now. It means even more to me tonight, what with events since then. You're an awesome person, dude, and I'm honoured to be your friend.
Whether it's staying up all night on AIM, stalking each others LJs or quoting each other in the Ooc thread, you're always fun to be around. I thought you were a cool guy from the first time I saw you post, and I'm so happy that I've had the chance to get to know you better.
You're one of the sweetest, kindest, most compassionate people I know, and it astounds me that you don't see yourself in the same light that others do. I guess you wouldn't be you if you did, though.
You're an amazing guy, Jeremy. I can't wait to meet you IRL. And I will, one day. You'd best believe it, boy.
I love you.
*hugs forever*
Oh, and you're so welcome! It was a pleasure to read.
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Awesome landmark, Zotto! (I also love Ecuador, I had a great experience in Guayaquil, and I've visited Renton as well.) You are the second person I've heard mention the goblin rainbows book as having been important in their life, so I just now found it on Amazon and thought I'd better buy a copy. Its paintings look glorious. I've enjoyed the art you've posted here from time to time. I'd love to hear your music as well. Any plans to make any available online?
Oooh, I didn't know that Hawaii had hurricanes. I may rethink my decision to stow away in your luggage when you go back. My hurricane policy is to evacuate far inland well in advance, which isn't very practical on a mid ocean island chain.
Thanks for sharing that with us. A wonderful glimpse of a talented and thoughtful person!
Posts: 2814 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
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That was a GREAT landmark post, Zotto! I really enjoyed every word of it.
Going from living in Hawaii to the summer project in Alaska -- was that quite a hard adaptation for you? I think of those two areas as being so opposite....
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Dude, I loved reading this, but I kept needing to stop and shake my head. Of all people to have a bad self-image, at no matter what point in your life...
I don't know you with the, heh, intimacy some others do, nor are we as close friends as I'd wish. But what little I do know amazes me. I know so few people with the honesty, the compassion, the empathy for other people you refuse to boast. Not to mention your absolutely ridiculous amounts of charm and good looks -- that you haven't seen these in yourself, where they seem to have been all your life, astonishes me.
There are remarkably few people in this world whose company I enjoy, whose intellect and personality I don't tire of within a short amount of time. Needless to say, you're one of them. I'm not writing the usual bullshit people feel obligated to write in a landmark -- you really are a ****ing amazing person, and damn, what a life you've lived. It's much like mine, only more interesting and with a far superior protagonist.
If only there were more Jeremies. Goddamn. With a hefty dose of vitamin Z, the world would become a place where people are anxious to live, not the reluctant settlement it so often seems today. I will meet you someday, dude. Get your ass out to NYC soon -- or hell, if my dock dreams hold true, I may yet be working higher on the West Coast; which means, yes, we'll give Kylie all sorts of reasons to be jealous. And we won't even need a starlit Costa Rican beach to do it with.
Heh. Do it.
Trust me, the world thanks god on a daily basis that you're you, with the powerful moral backbone and sweetly compassionate eyes such an accusation implies. If I were gifted with any small measure of your talents or looks or intelligence or charms, I couldn't keep myself from using those powers for evil. Stay the man we've come to know and love, guy. And not just because you're riding Frodo for first place on the when-I-turn-gay list (Heh. Riding Frodo.), but because the world's gifted with so few heroes, so few knights in shining armor, so few paradigms of truth and virtue and love. You rightfully number among the best of the best, ser.
Keep up the good fight, Z. You have our love.
Posts: 3293 | Registered: Jul 2002
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Zotto! I have read up to 7th grade so far, and I just want you to know that if you ever want to come to Salt Lake and destroy a bunch of old toys, that would be awesome! My kids have so much clutter. Of course, your conspirator probably had a special sense for those few toys that, while relatively old to you, represented some especial sacrifice on the part of your mom to give you a special birthday or Christmas.
Posts: 11001 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Well, this was long... o_O But it's not like you didn't warn us, so...
Man, you must have had one heck of a childhood ! I mean, most of my life I lived in the same small town with nothing to do/nowhere to go. And since we didn't have much money, I wasn't much of a traveler either. Wishing all would have been different doesn't help now, but seeing posts like yours about other people's experiences does. So thanks for your looooong post, and to many thousands more !
Posts: 4255 | Registered: Sep 2003
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Hey! I haven't actually finished reading it yet, but I saw that your Dad worked (works?) for GTE, now Verizon. My Dad has always worked for that company, retiring just last year. Anyway, I guess I'll go continue reading now.
Edit: Finished reading it I relate to your desire to capture beauty in art. Ever since I can remember I would see something that appealed to me and I immediately wanted pencil and paper in my hand so, mere mortal that I am, I could at least make a mocking attempt to capture it. Thanks for the opportunity to know you better. You had already won my respect, and it is good to see more of what makes you who you are.
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Jeremy, how lovely. We've never really met (I think), but once again Hatrack has surprised me by bringing a totally unexpected new friend into my life.
You, sir, are living the examined life, and that is very, very cool.
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Wait...you're in RENTON?! I'm here right now! (and will be till next saturday). Thanks for the wonderful landmark, I'm very glad you're around. Satyagraha
Posts: 1986 | Registered: Apr 2001
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Wow, dude. That was like reading an outline of a really involving novel.
You need to be online at times other than 3 a.m. I feel like I know you pretty well, but Ive only talked to you maybe 5 times.
Posts: 38 | Registered: Nov 2003
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Thanks for sharing your life with us, and I don't think you will need to work all that hard to become that "thoughtful, intelligent, empathetic, kind, and funny" person you say you want to be. I think you're already there. Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002
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quote:I started playing guitar in High School. My brother picked up guitar before me, and he is ten times the player I am, but he made me realize it was possible for a mere mortal to produce beautiful music.
Well, I've heard you play and you're, like, good. So could you get me your brother's autograph?
quote:I’d now like to give Hatrack an official Zotto! Hug of Approval, thus confirming Ralphie’s suspicions that I am indeed a Teletubby.
Yeah, like anyone who ever met you would think you're a Teletubby! You're the cool, artist guy only without all the brooding self-destruction tendencies. Kinda like Angel (from the Buffyverse) only without vampirism, brooding, and his own TV show. Angel was pretty good at drawing pictures. I miss the Buffyverse.
Good landmark. Send me an email if you get bored and I'll drive down there and we can go find some hell to raise.
Posts: 1416 | Registered: Sep 2003
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Thanks for sharing - I enjoyed learning a little about you - please don't let feelings of inadequacy or self dislike stop you from using your god-given talents. He wants you to use them to bless the lives of others and more importantly yourself. I use the fluff threads more for similar reasons.
Can't wait till you're rich and famous and I can say I knew (of) you way back when. Posts: 394 | Registered: Feb 2004
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I just want to say that ummmm... It's amazing how many people have terrible self-images. I feel all kindred-y with you now Zot. Even more than before. (sigh) Go depression.
Although I share your experience of finally getting off my butt and doing something, but instead of getting a healthier (or at least less overweight) body out of it, I got a black belt. (sigh) I don't know which I'd rather have.
But anyway. You were one of my first Hatrack pals, newbied around with me, and you will never. Ever. EVER catch up to my post count.
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Zotto, for the longest time you have interested me, and I've always wanted more Zotto around hatrack, and also for a LONG LONG time I've been wanting to read your landmark (in fact, I remember asking you to do one early). You're one of those people that other should get to know. You're a like-able dude, and it shows.
And seriously, you got the looks, and I'm comfortable enough in my sexuality to say that.
Posts: 9750 | Registered: Jul 2002
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And I'm a girl, so I can say that you're HAWT. Seriously.
Jeremy, I hope you know that I love you to pieces. You're so honest and sensitive and your art and deep thoughts are some of the most beautiful things in existence. I'm so glad that you trust us enough to let us read about your life and see into your heart. It's a good heart, the BEST kind of heart, and don't ever become a wisened old cynical 'unfeeling' person. Ever.
Thank you for this landmark. You're beautiful. Posts: 6414 | Registered: Jul 2000
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Great post. Thanks for letting us learn a little more about you. Much of what you said sounded very familiar. Except that I was an ultra-popular sports hero in my school. (ha ha ahahahahahahah)
No, seriously, it was a great post. You and your brother sound like my brother and me. We're great friends now, though separated by 2000 miles. Growing up changed everything, really.
I have never been to Ecuador, but I've been to Peru and I have many South American friends and some of the cultural things are common across the region. And some of the things in that culture don't mix well with typical US culture. Especially not when the male is from S.A. and the woman from here in the US. But that's not to say that the people aren't wonderful and big hearted. Great heritage to have, I think.
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Thanks for sharing with us. You seem to have grown out of your self-loathing, and I'm so glad that you have. You seem to be a warm, intelligent person who has a bright future ahead.
Ak: I’d like to record some demos of some songs soon, but nothing is official yet. Alas. And about hurricanes: they only come every decade or so, so I’ll save space in my luggage for you in case you’ll be coming with me. *grin*
Farmgirl: Actually, there was hardly any adaptation at all. As I said, I’ve traveled a fair bit, and I was in Alaska in the summer, when it actually got HOT. *grin* Even this past year living on the mainland hasn’t been much of an adaptation for me. I loved Portland, and Seattle’s pretty cool too.
Eds: Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll start arguing when I get into the serious threads in the future. *laugh* Seriously, though, your post meant a lot to me, dude. Thanks.
Myr: You’re welcome!
Pooka: Yeah, your interpretation is pretty much spot-on.
Corwin: Thanks!
Beverly: Yeah, both my father and stepfather have worked at GTE. Small world, dudette. And yeah, about the art, that’s exactly how I feel. Very frustrating, no? But very much worth at least TRYING to get some bit of the world down on paper! *grin*
CT: Nice to meet you! Though I have to say, I’ve been a drooling fanboy of you and your classiness for quite awhile. *laugh*
ByuCnslr: You’re in Renton? Where? I’m a few minutes away from the Fred Meyer/Walgreens/Safeway intersection... *laugh*
Zev: Hey, thanks, man. That’s what I like about Hatrack, too. Now get cracking on your landmark, boy! *thwaps whip*
Emp: You are correct in your assessment of my AIM habits. ::shame:: I’m always a bit amazed that we haven’t really talked much, as I also think I know you pretty well, and totally consider you to be a friend.
Dragon: *blush* Thanks. LJ rawks! *nodnod*
Johnny: Oh, believe me, my brother kicks my butt at guitar. There’s no comparison. And we absolutely should go find some hell to raise when we’re not busy. Maybe with Shan. *grin*
Cochick: Thanks!
Kat: I’ll just take this opportunity to say that I’ve always had enormous respect for you, and I don’t think your humor and intelligence gets nearly enuff luvin’ around here. So thanks.
Ryu: I WILL catch up, you devious scoundrel. Someday. Yes. ::glare::
Riv: *hugs* Thank you, Hug-Master! *grin*
Nate: Same to you, man. I’ve really enjoyed your landmarks in the past, and the time we hung out together in Portland was much too short *misses everyone from that get-together*
Cec: *laugh* Thank you. I’ll remember to bring paper towels next time we hang out to wipe up all the drooling. Miss ya, Portland Shmaltz-bud.
Bob: Yeah, I’m in the process of “growing up” (hopefully) and it really is changing things for the better in almost every way I can think of. You and your brother give me hope that it can be done well. You’re also quite right about the cultural differences between here and SA.
Space Opera: Thanks!
Shan: You’re welcome! Let’s get together with Johnny and listen to more Jimi while screaming down the freeway again!
Nick: Same to you, dude. Thanks.
Thank you all for the replies. Meant a lot. Posts: 1583 | Registered: Feb 2003
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Zotto, that really was a great post. Although I don't know anybody who's lived your exact life, I can't think of a single person that has not lived part of it. As I read it, many of my own memories were tugged out from under the sand my brain buried them under, some good, some bad, but all welcome.
You really are one of the members I respect the most, even though your posts I read are few and far between. If for no other reason, I'm impressed that you can go entire conversations with Kylie without mentioning the phrase "you suck" at all.
Posts: 2284 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Hi Zotto! It's a pleasure to know you and your work. I hope you continue making art, and I'd love to hear your music sometime.
I totally relate to your brotherly situation, though I suppose it's a little different since I'm my brother's sister. We used to fight a lot too, but we don't now. I consider my brother to be my best friend. I can talk to him about anything. I feel like I talk a lot more than he does though, o well.
Well enough about me (sorry), happy thousandth post!
Did you know that 'zot' is what the UC Irvine anteater mascot says?
Posts: 1056 | Registered: Mar 2002
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While most of this post is a totally shameless bump for narcissistic purposes, a really large part of it is also to say thanks to Damien and esl for reading it, because I missed 'em the first time.
Edit: And I, for one, did not know that Mascot-anteaters said "Zot!". How ginchy.
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The anteater on BC (the comic strip) says "Zot!" when it accidentally smacks itself on the rump. I never much cared for BC, but that written sound effect used to make me giggle idiotically.
Great post, Zotto! I appreciate the view into your family life and your growing up! Congratulations!
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Can you beleive I still haven't finished reading this thread? What can I say man, I have issues with hatrack sometimes, but still it is an awsome landmark, and worth the effort to read the whole thing. And this line:
quote: I remember seeing a grand piano being impaled by a twenty-foot ceiling support beam. I’ve always been partial to surrealism.
That was just so cool, so very cool. Anyways Zotto!, if you didn't know I am glad you are part of hatrack, or that I'm glad to know you, then you must not have been paying attention. It is an awsome landmark dude, and you are one of my favorite people on the forum, and some one I regret not getting to know better, but after reading all that, I think maybe I know you just a little better now. And how could I post on your landmark without doing this (((((((((Zot))))))))).
Also on a pretty much unrelated note, just wanted to state how excellent your art work is, I wish I could draw half that well. Posts: 733 | Registered: Sep 2003
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